samantha14

Well I made it through an impromptu cocktail hour with my boss and some other colleagues. I always panic before things like this and they seem to turn out okay...don't want to let my guard down though.

My conference is in Toronto. We leave early tomorrow morning and get back late Friday. The dinner at the end of the day tomorrow will be the clincher....three parts of our company coming together from different parts of the province and there's sure to be some pretty free flowing bottles. The upside is that I have helped set-up/organize a 7am morning run for everyone (in the name of employee wellness) on Friday....don't want to do that hungover.

So enough blabbering...on my way home and looking forward to some dinner and maybe a walk....it is beautiful outside.

Caramel

I read this today:
"...There was a time when where you are now may not have even seemed possible. But it is. You are here. And it is going to get so much better."

beerbgone

Sam sounds like you're gonna' be in a real "trial by fire". Just remember that alcohol doesn't improve anything!!!

Make a plan and stick to it.

PhoenixJ

Just found the perfect agenda logo for KRAP meetings- but it will not upload. Probably copy right.

Gollum from LOTR, peering suspiciously up the top of a rock, squatting behind it with a roll of toilet paper.

Another counselling session. Another govt dept called- have to go for another assessment of burns- from a gov. doc. Apparently world leading specialists are not good enough.
Same with housing- from 'I will look into that for you', to 'I spoke with this person' to 'you should be getting this and that. We do not understand. EVERYONE gets such and such. Who did you speak to? Did you fill out this form? We have no copy of that form, you need to send that form again'.
All of a sudden anxiety has knocked. I feel sick.
Time for breathing crap. Do the mindful crap. Let the crap AND KRAP just roll over and pass.

I like chooks.

clearlyheaded

Hang in there PJ. You'll get through this

PhoenixJ

chooks are friendly- and tasty.

PhoenixJ

oh goody, goody. Kong seems to be in a frenetic mood today.

samantha14

PJ - you have already been through so much and you're still here and still beating this pretty formitable enemy. You. Are. Awesome. I wish I could give you a big hug...but will have to settle for a virtual one instead. Also - I love your new avatar. ❤❤

Dee74

If the worse case scenario is you try and fail...so what? People do that here everyday..I did it myself for 15 years...

It's not like people are gonna get an angry mob together and ride out to Chez 13th with flaming torches.

Your addiction may come back with something like 'you don't know how much failure upsets me'...but you seem pretty upset, beaten down and demoralised as it is, 13th so why not strike out and go for it?

If you try and yet drink again, what you do is you try again, you add things, you force yourself to reach out when needed, and eventually you get the right mix.

Acknowledging the issue but not doing anything about it seems like another way your addiction has you screwed down tight to do basically nothing?

That to me is *far* scarier than trying and 'failing'

D

samantha14

Night friends - don't know where I would be without you...thank you!!

Thirteenth

And there's the logic again. Why do you have to be so good at this? Oh right, because it's helped thousands, perhaps many thousands, of people. I sincerely appreciate your willingness to stick with me on this and try to talk some sense into me - as I appreciate it for all here who continue to put up with me. I am improving even though the results aren't visible yet. I need to work harder, put in more effort, try new approaches, change my life, make another new plan. It feels overwhelming at times but one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, I do feel like I'm making some progress.

Besides, there's the imminent threat of torches at Chez 13th. Motivation in and of itself.

No full post from me tonight. I hope all are doing well.

Thirteenth

Kiki, I wrote a long post this morning regarding your worries about your kids but opted to not post it as I'm not a parent. However, as a child who sometimes resented my parents, I can tell you that we have a very good relationship now. I don't hold any grudges over disagreements we had when I was young even in the rare circumstances that I was actually right (there were two, maybe three). One parent has an alcohol problem but I don't blame my outcome on that. I became my own person, my own adult and, yes, my own alcoholic. My parents didn't have any direct hand in that after a certain age. They realistically weren't involved in that at all. I don't know if this is of any comfort or help or use to you, but I wanted to say something as my childhood had lots of bumps yet I don't look back and blame my parents for anything.

I know you have had issues with your mom, but I doubt your children have those issues with you.

Bobbieka

Night class.

beerbgone

Nitey night everybody. Cable box is out in my bedroom. Can't fall asleep watching TV tonight!!! Shucks 'n be darned.

Upstairs

G'night class!

immri

thirteenth for what its worth, as someone who has tried and failed about a dozen times so far, I've never regretted trying in the first place. This last time I drank for a week with zero enjoyment after nearly a year sober, which obviously sucks but even that isn't as hard as when I was stuck drinking constantly without even trying to change things. I have so much more respect for myself now that I'm really trying to change my life, even when I screw up, than I did when I was just drinking and making excuses. You might find the same.

Sam that sounds like a really tough situation but you sound good, and the 7am run is a great idea. Just don't drink, it's not worth it.

Phoenix government departments are hell to deal with I feel for you there, ugh I get frustrated even thinking about it. I hope it works out for you soon, you sure deserve some good news.

KiKi I love what you said about buying food for the man you met, it was really kind of you. How people treat animals, kids and those in need are always good signs of a persons character in my opinion. You're the sort of person I'd love to know, thats for sure. I hope you feel a bit better soon, I've been anxious and depressed too lately and I'm not sure why either, but just wanted to let you know I understand how frustrating it is to not be able to 'snap out of it' so to speak. Zip lining sounds so much fun though! I hope you all enjoy it.

samantha14

Good morning!! Well it has reverted back to cold temperatures here today...even a call for some snow early in the day...blech. Slept okay last night but I took some NyQuil before bed for a sore throats and cold that seems to be starting, so I'm sure that helped....whatever though...I will take it.

Well I am off to shower and get ready to leave. It's day 95 today...not going to forget that and I'm sure as hell not going to throw it away.

❤❤

Purplrks3647

Kiki when I read your story, I thought of you as a guardian angel to that man. I'm sure he feels the same way. Kudos! You're doing great!

Hugs across the oceans, Phoenix ~ sending good vibes for this to work out in your favor!

At the risk of sounding sappy, you're all my guardian angels .....Let's all have a kickass day!!!

<<<--- Now where's the startin' fluid?!?!

PhoenixJ

Hello Samananantha (feeling better now- so suffer the wrath of my weird humour, feeble humans!). Good reminder about colds/flu- my doc suggested I get the fluvax. Going to be interesting- our old Royal Adelaide Hospital has a new site- new buildings- so transfer of everything- after delays, budget blowouts (in the billions- most exp hospital in S/hemisphere some say) including patients may be delayed because of the flu season. May impact where my next slice 'n dice may be. Apparently it even has beds AND at least one tree. All the patient meals are delivered by automatic ve-hiclar drones. (I am waiting....)

KK- us who realise we too live in a fragile glass house do - I think have more empathy and compassion for those who suffer. I do.
Except for those who purposely hurt others.

Well Kong- is a guy. He sounded high today- singing in a Sting 'Roxanne' voice- loud and high and too fast. He also was not held back by inhibitions, noise pollution laws, ability, timing, singing on key or talent. BUT luckily Godzilla- according to the news on the tele is one his way- with the help of the Dad from Malcolm in the middle, god he is talented.?

Purp- weezeall guardians here- you too. Strength in unity.

beerbgone

Good mornin' Marchers. Gettin' my day started a little late this morning.

Good for you Sam. Hang in there. We all have to learn to deal with what life gives us without alcohol!!!

Got my startin' fluid Purp. It's my mornin' ritual. LOL

PJ I'm so glad I'm kongless!!!

Have a great day everyone.