Meshelly

Day 10 check in.
I noticed yesterday that my AV was a little active, so this morning I started a list of why I have decided to stop drinking. How it effects my life negatively and how staying stopped effects it positively. I’m going to keep it by my daily journal for a little refresher each morning and add to it when I notice more positive changes. How quickly we forget the whys!
Have a great sober day all.
One day at a time.

Freemeplease

Today is day one for me and I am scared. I have been calling in sick so much at work my boss just texted me and told me to call her later.

My husband is furious with me for always staying out all night drinking, drugging, and gambling. I had to beg him today to pay my rapid cash loan. I have maxed out all the credit cards and have absolutely no money.

I can't believe I have done this to myself and him. I am so depressed and scared.

Msco

Hi freeme!

Making a post here was a great idea, we can support each other! I'm not an expert in any way, but there is an abundance of information on this forum (and other places) that can help you. Day one is a great start, keep it up!

JackDsMissus

oh boy having a huge trigger, not feeling the best (flu) went out into the murky evening to pick up my daughter from school, sat there 15 minutes when my phone rings, she's gone to her friends and can she stay there overnight... Ok fine, she wants me to come home and pack her an overnight bag and take it to the friends house. I'm socially awkward as it is but now I have to go knock on this friends door and her mum is the chatty type, no doubt trying to usher me inside for coffee :x I feel like poo and also im driving an old battered little car since mine is in the garage. Her friends family are really quite high class and I already feel like they look down on us. Sorry if I sound shallow :/ Thats not the trigger though, the trigger is being alone on a goddamn friday night! Being a single mum,I have not had an alone night in years. AV is pretty full on wrestling me to the ground right now to make the most of this child free evening. It'll just be a bottle of wine. No one has to know. I was handling wine at weekends for months, I can do it again. It'll help me sleep. All the usual crap. My palms are sweaty. Really wish I didn't have to go back out into the night to take this over night bag but she keeps texting me to hurry. I don't know if I can trust myself this early on into recovery to not stop at the shop. Whyyyy whyyyy whyyyy couldn't she have just come home like usual and we had pizza and watched a friends marathon

Anna

JackDsMissus, when your kids become teenagers, things can change quickly. It seems like you can go from reading bedtime stories together to becoming the chauffeur overnight. If you are invited in to your daughter's friends, you can truthfully tell them you have the flu and are going home to rest. As for being alone, that was the biggest trigger for me, too. So, I planned, and planned and made sure I had things that would occupy me in a positive way. You can do this!

JackDsMissus

Yes Anna! She's nearly 12 and definitely starting to act like a teen. I think it just threw me, as this has never happened before (I guess I should get used to it like you say, things change fast with them!) I've calmed down a bit. That's a good honest excuse in regards to saying I have flu. I've text my teatotal friend to ask if I can pop in on the way back for half a hour to kill a bit more time this evening. I need a better weekend plan, was kind of relying on chilling with daughter in the evenings. I am also going to leave my wallet at home. It's just this is the first "fight" I've had with my AV in this whole 6 days. I don't like these internal battles because I've lost so many times in the past. I'm going to do my best though. Thank you for responding so fast. x

Sparkos

Hi Class.
Was writing a long blog on my tablet with individual comments to you when it crashed and I lost everything.
Nothing for it, but it's obviously a sign and I'm going to buy a bottle of vodka............................................. ...........

Or so my AV is suggesting I do. Pfff nonsense; You'll have to do better than that AV!

I've been here many times before and I know many of my relapse warning signs. I'm sure my AV has new ones planned for me, but I'm ready for battle. (mainly by knowing him for what he is)
I'm also aware of the tools and strategies which have helped me before. The main was honestly sharing, learning and being supportive here on SR and especially in my Class.

I'm glad so many of you are sharing and supporting each other.

For myself, AVRT works well for me. AA might suit others, but, I think, the important thing is to find whatever helps. Our goal is the same, our paths there may differ.

I do think having a plan is essential. I like the idea of a journal Meshelly. I'll start that immediately.
Forewarned is forearmed. I know there will be trying times ahead, but i SHALL USE ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING to get me through. I want it so badly.
I rather like sober Sparkos, but Sparkos in active addiction is a Monster.
We WILL do this.
My very best wishes to you all.

doggoluvr87

JackDsMissus, I think leaving your wallet at home is a good idea. I know in these first few days/weeks/whatever if I didn't have my husband and stepdaughter at home with me every evening the struggle would be WAY harder. I'm a planner, and a list-maker. Are you? Maybe you could plot out to the T how your time will be spent this evening? And maybe you could think of another little splurge for yourself to enjoy in place of the wine? (Maybe a nice latte or chai tea from Starbucks or whatever equivalent is in your area? Or a cheesecake? =) ). BEST of luck to you, I'm sure this may not be easy especially on a Friday, and especially alone, but try to ride it out! I'd focus on the fact that the cravings won't last longer than 30 minutes. Just make it through 30 minutes!

Meshelly, I also like the idea of a journal! Wonderful.

Day 4 for me here. I'm less groggy today and am excited to get home for family time with my husband and stepdaughter. She has recently become completely obsessed with the game Uno (a welcome change of pace from her constant video game loving, I have no problem with video games but they're hard for me to play if it's not one I know well). So, think we'll play some Uno tonight. Mentioned elsewhere I'm planning on taking a nice bath this evening. Hope you all have wonderful, sober, and fulfilling Friday evenings!

Pinky1

I'm on 100mg. Didn't think they were doing much good but forgot to take them for a week in November and anxiety through the roof so must be doing something

Grateful09

Freeme, when I first started moving toward sobriety, I too had to face debt. Lots of us do, from what I've read. Addiction is expensive. It also caused me to be lax on things like budgeting. BUT, over time I got out of debt. And I got in the habit of budgeting (another thing to do with the free time I had, not drinking!)

More recently, I got in the habit of problem drinking again. Again I began to see my budget go down the tubes. This time I said, "enough!" before it got too far. I will be on day 14 tomorrow.

All of this to say, many of us have been where you are. Things can get better. Much better. Just keep logging in here and talking to people who are a bit further down the road. That's what I am doing, in order to plan for how not to go back this time around. But I see that even with everything, I HAVE made progress and will keep doing so. And you can too! Keep coming here!

Grateful09

OK, checking in on (almost) day 14, class! I am moving into the weekend with a plan for staying sober. Will keep checking in. Thank you to you all.

whitehorses

Feeling ok..getting chocolate cravings at night..had a packet of tiny chocolate buttons out of a selection box, plus a small cadbury chocolate bar..and 2 choc biscuits,,this is at 12.30 pm..watching a DVD.
This is after my calorie allowance for the day..not too bothered though..not having wine calories..so have to listen to my body.
Sleeping better too..nice to check in here..good luck to you all..

bluedog97

Good day everyone, day 5 for me. Physically and mentally feeling much better. Although all the problems Ive created are hitting like a ton of bricks.

Freeme, I too have a lot of debt. Mostly hostpital bills. It is overwhelming. I have a hard time even dealing with it. Id like to have someone to talk to about it, but Im also very ashamed about it. Its been so easy to drink and just try to forget about it. But it doesn't go away. The only way to dig out of the hole is to stop drinking.

Ive also wrecked my career. I also live in a town that I hate. The list goes on and on it feels like. I go to AA meetings and don't feel I fit in, partly because of my past, part because Im just not like them. They sense it too, Im sure. Its frustrating.

Anyway, just needed to vent. All this stuff makes me want to get drunk, and I know where that road leads. Ive done it a hundred times. Im staying sober today. Have a good day everyone.

HaylingIslander

This is a very good day. It is the evening of day 6 and it is Friday and I have not weakened to alcohol. I thank my Lord for this miracle.

Enemdio

Half-past nine and time for bed - day 6 complete - camomile tea and a read before bed. Sleep tight all.

SoulShine8

bluedog, I can sympathize about a lot of what you said.
Can you negotiate a smaller payment with the hospital? I have two small payments that I will probably be paying on for the next 3 years, but at least hospital bills don't add interest like credit cards do. And geesh, really understand about being in a crap town. But I'm such an introvert, I have got to the point of just staying away from it all. I don't think isolation is such a bad thing for me except the way I have taken it to an extreme. This year I am going to keep my eyes out for people that can be my "tribe" and gather a few of those to get out and do something every once in a while. Hang in there!
General - I'm gonna do the chamomile and reading thing this evening too

Stiltskin

Had my first addiction counselling session tonight. It was a bit weird and she was talking to me like I was a 6 yr old for a while. Anyway, to say I've been must be considered progress.

Night night. Stay strong tonight everyone. Remember that thoughts are transient- so occupy your mind.

enfinthechange

I need a tribe too..... I think we all do, when u loose your drinking tribe u need to find a new one! Good luck ....it will be fun getting there !!

JackDsMissus

@doggoluvr87 I hadn't realized that being alone at night could be a trigger! So I guess at least I learned something today. Yes I love lists too. I think plotting the evening out to the T is a great idea thank you

Well, I didn't drink! And, now feel a bit embarrassed about the mini meltdown but also happy that I didn't succumb. Tomorrow will be easier since daughter will be home and I have a run planned for Sunday which I don't want to miss. I should be home dry then till next weekend.

Outonthetiles

You can beat any craving or AV with the tools you'll find here. I'm living proof of that.