Purplrks3647

Hey guys! I might turn in early this evening.....I'm gonna need to stick close by for the next few days.....I can already hear my AV revving up its engine for tomorrow after work since I don't have to be up early on Thursday. NO, dammit! It's time to change the course!

PhoenixJ

Tell your AV that your SV (Sober-v?) kicks bottoms.

samantha14

Evening!! Sitting here with a cuppa Sleepytime Tea and wondering....where the heck is everyone!?!

I've got a weird schedule this week....work Wednesday and Thursday and then off again Friday and Saturday...and then a seven day stretch...blah....just going to focus on only being at work two days this week for now...lol

Night Purplrks!! Sweet dreams!! Stick close - we are stronger together

PJ - SV I love it!! I'm working on making my SV louder and stronger than my AV!!

Well I am off - grateful to be sober and to be here with all of you.....love you!!

PhoenixJ

S14- my SV is weird. At least I used to half believe the lie my AV made sense when I was drunk. I have been sober for more than 3 nanoseconds and my brain thinks it can think (so I have 2 voices and a separate brain ) where does that leave me (4th personality).? Sometimes deconstructing a big thing into smaller stuff helps, me thinks.

PhoenixJ

my 5th personality now feels left out. Told them, all not to drink and am ordering a me intervention session with me. I am not sure if I am prepared to talk to him, but they seem to be onside. I guess it is up to us to have those ones talk to them while we talk about us. I'm sorry- that's me.

Thirteenth

Hi all, just a quick check in. Still flailing but keeping away while trying to sort it out - yes, being a bit of a martyr but it is what it is. Not giving up; that's the one thing I have in my favor in this battle.

I do want to say that you're all doing a wonderful job as you work through your sobriety. Someday, hopefully soon, you'll have another adherent.

samantha14

Morning everyone. Happy Hump Day! Off to work early today...going to do thirty minutes in the gym there before truly starting the day...it's a nice work perk that I need to take advantage of more.

Thirteenth - don't stay away....isolation is what your AV wants and we miss you here. Also flailing is still swimming - just needs more practice, as we all do. Love you!! ❤️❤️

PJ - don't ever apologize for being you....,you're one of a kind and I'm so glad you joined our class. Somedays I feel like I have many personalities as well....but getting them all together and on the same page is a great idea!!

Well off to find some startin' fluid.....

PhoenixJ

Tonight I have decided that tonight I am sick of always being sore. Sore sucks. Better off dealt with sober, but.

Purplrks3647

Me again! Thought I'd get more sleep by going to bed early.....but no, I just woke up that much earlier.....but without a hangover!

Sam have a good day at work! I need to go to the gym as well....there's a core class later on that I plan on going to....AV better back off!!!

Don't go too far, Thirteenth.....we need you just as much as you need us!

Phoenix I talk to my "selves" all the time! Probably because I don't trust anyone else to confide in without my issues being blasted all over stupid Facebook!

Hope everyone else is doing ok! Will check back in a little later on.....at least I anticipate the AV to creep in so I'd better keep my guard up

HUGS!

Pelagic263

Good morning Marchers!

Stay close Purplrks, Thirteenth, PJ, and all.

"flailing is still swimming - just needs more practice." I like that, Sam. It has felt that way at times.

The strange calm continues for me. I'm not even sure where it's coming from, but I think (I hope) I might have broken my AV once and for all. Sobriety is sinking in. All the reading, all the pondering, all the efforts and failures seem to have taken effect. I'm going to nourish it.

Have a peaceful sober day everyone.

Bobbieka

Good morning everyone! Have a busy few days ahead of me, but you are all in my thoughts.

Hope everyone has a safe and sober holiday.

Phoenix - I wish you didn't hurt. I'm glad you're sober.

Thirteenth - agree with the others - you should be around. You are missed when you're not here.

Purplrks- Good freaking morning!

Samantha - Have a great day!

Pelagic - I'm so happy for you, my friend. You sound so at peace. That's exciting.

Love you all!

PhoenixJ

B- I am a bearded one thus dost to whit and hence.........nah I got nothing

Thirteenth

I will work to be more present and engaged. I must admit that I frequently don't feel worthy of the support given my awful track record. Of course, it is always appreciated.

And, I also have your support. How could i so foolishly forget that. I very clearly have two things in my favor.

KiKi0615

Good morning friends. Sorry I've been absent. I've been trying to get my life together. I had another nasty drinking episode over the weekend and decided that I what I am doing is not enough so I am starting out-patient treatment today. It will be good for me to get a solid foundation. It also includes individual therapy and I will be continuing AA for extra support. I tried it over the summer but I wasn't ready. NOW I am ready

I just really need this help. My life is a disaster. I'm powerless over that stuff in a bottle. It's insane that a LIQUID could have the power to kill me but it does!

Anyway...I'm sticking with you guys. I won't be checking into the November 2016 class anymore because YOU are my family and you have all supported me from the beginning.

Love you! Never give up! We can't!

PhoenixJ

Kiki- what a very good, positive step forward. Firstly- do not apologise to us- although I think you are really apologising to yourself. That is positive too. You did not berate yourself - 'I am so stupid!' type comments. Apology means you are also willing- or have forgiven yourself. Guilt can be turned around to positive action. Shame basically sucks- enabling at worst. You then said with simple honesty what you did- you did not crucify yourself or lapse into self pity. Then in the same sentence you tell us that not only have you decided what you have been doing isn't enough for recovery, that you have thought about what to do- but you got off your chair and did something about it. By this time I was so tired by excited energy I could hardly wait for the next sentence (no sarcasm- positive) Solid foundation- an anchor point- a place of strength- to grow, learn and evolve your recovery. Using therapy and AA and SR- that is what I do. I do not put all my eggs in 1 basket. Diversity also keeps me actively interested in being proactive. Walk the walk.. Tried it before- did not reach success. You just say simply- wasn't ready, I am now- time to get on with it. Simple, honest and no nonsense. That is surely a sign of growth and maturity in recovery. Interesting your next sentence could be a story from the AA big book- powerless, help, insane.
Using SR- I check in and read anything that I find interesting (who does not love a good feel story?), that I can learn from, give encouragement with or share a smile. I remind myself recovery is not a race or a competition as to who has the most 'days up' - we all strive to be sober, at peace and happy. To clean up our mess- hopefully (in my case, sniff- SELF PITY!) get to make amends with family and be a productive part of our community. SR is one part of that community for me. I use threads and share if appropriate. Whatever we feel comfortable doing. So Kiki: thankyou and so good. PJ

PhoenixJ

13TH- you are putting in the work. If at first, try,try.. Being in the moment- I think of my 'still point'- actually get there about 4 seconds of every day. This time last year I owed time. So yes- a good thought. Why remind anyone of your 'track record'? It is not a parole hearing- it is not a punishment. Of course it is nice to be appreciated. Thing is- do you appreciate yourself? If we do, so can you- for you and us. So keep soldiering on, my friend- we all tread the same path. Yours in sobriety, PJ.

Dee74

I really found it useful to think of my AV as a toddler Kiki. You've had small children - you know they don't rule you it's the other way around.

Let the AV have its tantrum...It will tire itself out eventually. always.

Whatever you're drinking for, anger stress fear boredom etc etc =- there is a non alcoholic solution. You just have to have the willingness to look for it, and be a little uncomfortable while you look.

I'm wishing you the same willingness to look for other solutions 13th

It's time to take booze off the table for good.

I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving.

D

Purplrks3647

Hey guys! Just got home ~ the woman in front of me at Target was a sure trigger! UGH.....I hope I never have to work in customer service ever again. That poor cashier. Made it out without drinking, tho. Gonna get something to eat & find a movie but will catch up with you all in a little while

PhoenixJ

What movie Purp? Good stuff in Target (if a snob- pronounced of course 'tar-zhhhey'. I see every annoyance, minor social inconvenience as sure fire reminders of the fact it is ME that is hassled by the situation. If I feel (strangely do not act out my self justified indignation- just always made me feel bad) all hissy fit, girl whiney man over stuff- time to find my still point. PJ

Autumnlover19

Hi there,
I'm sorry for your struggles, Kiki and Thirteenth, and anyone else who is struggling today. We have all been there. The AV can be relentless, but like Dee said, will quiet down sooner or later, hopefully sooner.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I have a lot to be thankful for but am feeling pretty sad for a family friend whose family member has gone missing. This is not related to addiction. It is truly a mystery and there is a search party involved but no signs yet. It is not looking good though as it has been cold here The family is looking more for closure at this point I believe. So sad

I am still sober. I really don't want to drink. I will admit that I want an escape sometimes, but I know alcohol is not the answer. I need to find the answer though.

Love to you all! Stay safe and sober.