kevlarsjal

I'm very sorry for your loss! Sending you some extra strength for tomorrow. Do you think you can spend some time with a good friend or a loved one tomorrow?

Also sorry for assuming it was the drinking, it is for me, so maybe that's why. But well done for not taking any pills today

In week 1 I had to take it hour by hour too, sometimes even minute by minute. I thought I was going insane. But it'll pass. If we make it our first priority to not give in into your addiction, we can make it, even in the hardest times.

For me it was the hardest to admit my problem to myself and for the first weeks after I did, I still refused to refer to myself as an addict or alcoholic. Now I accepted it.
But we're all here for the same reasons and there's so much support, honesty and understanding here. It can be such a relief to open up to people who know first hand what you're going through.

Dee74

welcome james and multimaggs

anyone struggling please do post - you're not alone and we will get you through.

Before you drink commit to posting here - and to reading this link:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

D

Ruby13

I'm sorry for turning this thread sad. But I have seen first hand what happens when we lose control and let alcohol or drugs take over. I'm more ashamed of letting this go so long. I want to be a better me. Take care and you have gone 13 days! That's amazing.

kevlarsjal

I had a problem with my kidney followed by 2 surgeries this summer which disabled me to do anything for almost 3 months. I couldn't drink during that time and thought I was never gonna make it, I felt suicidal most days. The only good thing about it was, that it made me realise how much I struggle with not drinking, even though I thought the withdrawal symptoms were side effects of my medication. Sadly I went straight back to drinking as soon as I didn't have to take the meds any longer.

I tried to think that my body feels already bad enough and needs all my love and care to heal and not to be damaged even more by drinking.

It can be super scary to be left alone with your thoughts and no distraction. I have a lot of traumatic memories that haunted me all summer long. But it will pass. It always does. Your knee will heal. There's better times ahead. If you start drinking again, it'll only push the better times further away from you. Then you won't just have to wait until your knee is better again but also struggle with detoxing and all that **** Health is such an important factor to happiness, you are experiencing it now, so don't ruin it by drinking again.

I also found it helpful to accept that I can't expect life to always treat me well and that it can't always be like I want it to. Sometimes there's bad things happening to me, but then there's good things happening too. Fight your way through the hard times, you'll not only grow as a person and become stronger but also it enables you to really and truly enjoy the good times.

And there's not one thing in the world that another drink won't make worse.


Sorry for rambling so much, I just want to help and maybe there's something useful to you in my post.

James90

Thanks kevlarsjal, you were right in everything you just posted , only thing I'm finding difficult this time that I hadn't before is like you I'm just stuck with these thoughts all day and night I can't even get up to distract me or take my mind of it , it's just a constant cycle of triggers and AV going on in my head all day . Also had nostalgic thoughts and sad memories of things I guess I've bottled up and because I've got literally nothing to do these have all caught up with me to. Not ashamed to admit it on here I did have a few tears in my eye earlier on , don't know what eve made it happen it was just reminiscing about old times and old friends, happy and sad memories of times I used to drink and in my own little way hugely miss and no will never happen again purely because I can't due to me being an alcoholic . Don't know if any of that makes sense , I guess I'm rambling to now !

kevlarsjal

It does make sense to me. I felt the same during the 3 months. It's so easy to just feel sorry for yourself and think of all bad and sad things that ever happened to you when you already feel miserable and have no distraction. I cried a lot too and didn't see any point in continuing, I thought life was treating me unfair and was cruel and I had no hope. I didn't see the reason why it should be worth fighting for.

Now, I'm so happy I didn't give up. And you will be, too! It definitely made me stronger and maybe now I'm strong enough to quit drinking forever and finally deal with my past.

I still miss drinking a lot and romanticise it a bit but when I notice that I do that, I try to also remember all the situations that made me realise how much of a problem it is. I might miss some fun parts of it, like sitting in a bar having some drinks with friends. But to be honest, lately I couldn't even do that any longer. I was so ashamed of my drinking that felt so guilty when I drank in front of my friends so I just drank when I was alone. Which led me to spend most of my time home alone. I don't miss that. I don't miss either how I desperately argued if I could get pissed the night before getting my surgery done and if it would be dangerous to lie to the doctors about it. I don't miss lying about it to my incredibly helpful boyfriend. I don't miss carrying booze in my handbag to feel "safe". And that's the real face of my drinking. Not the fake mask of nostalgia I want to cover it with when I miss it.

It's like when old people say they miss the past cause everything was better. In most cases it wasn't. It's just our brains fooling us. And the alcoholic brain has mastered that technique.



One more thing: even though you're slightly handicapped, try to think of things you still can do. I don't know what you enjoy (maybe it's even worth trying someting new?) but if your hands and eyes still work fine, which I assume cause you're posting here, you could read, draw, play video games, watch the telly, write a journal to get all your thoughts out, Skype with a friend, learn something new (maybe a new language with a free app or teach yourself how to use a new software). That could maybe distract you a bit and keep your brain busy. Maybe even give you a rewarding feeling. Or work actively on your recovery plan, make plans for the time when you feel better. Plan a holiday (I can get very geeky about stuff like that and read everything I can find about it and plan every detail), try to keep your thoughts positive by thinking about the benefits about sobriety, focus on what's going well in life right now.

I know it's hard to find the motivation to do these things when you feel anything like I did this summer. But give it a try, you're worth the effort If you don't find the energy today, maybe just try to sleep and hopefully tomorrow will be better.

And I promise you that you CAN get through it without booze. You don't need it, you're strong enough! In fact you're stronger without it

Purplrks3647

Hello, Friends! My longest stretch of sobriety is 4 months ~ and not just since joining in March, I'm talking, since 20 years ago. (Being part of this site and all the awesome people here are what made it possible.) Currently I'm on day 5 ~ my stupid brain still thinks I can moderate, even though I know it's my AV lying to me. But I'm sober another day & I'll be glad tomorrow! Thanks so much everyone for being here

mandosca

Hi everyone! Just wanted to pop in and say hello! I didn't technically quit in November but would like to join this class anyways. I'm really hoping that some late nighters like myself will join.. I was in another class and would come on around 10pm (Eastern USA) and nobody ever seemed to be up... :-)

kevlarsjal

Hi mandosca! I didn't quit in November either, but in late October. When did you quit? I'm definitely a late nighter myself, it's currently 3am in my time zone (ooops!)

csaw1112

Hey everyone. I joined yesterday but am off to a bad start (you know what that means) well better luck tomorrow for me but wishing you all a good and sober night and congrats for all the sober days so far.

Chris

nectar

Hello, I would like to join this class. 11 days sober, using AVRT just joined up to the site, didn't want to join October class because they were pretty established by the time I gave up and made the Big Plan.

mandosca

Hi Kevslar. To be technical, the last drink I had was late October but I really started cutting WAY back in August. Like I've drank maybe 2 or 3 nights a month since. I know that moderation is probably really frowned upon here but it has been working somewhat. BUT I also know how easy it is to end up right back where I started so I try not to drink everyday and my goal is not to pick up another drink ever! :-)

Wow! You are a late nighter! I use to stay up that late a lot too.. I never realized bow much alcohol was disrupting my sleep. Now I'm ready to lay down by 10, look at SR for a while and read. Do you have a hard time sleeping or just like staying up late?

mandosca

Welcome Nectar! What does AVRT stand for?

mandosca

Wow! I've always used the app for SR and never realized how much more you can do on the desktop version!

nectar

Hi mandosca, it stands for Addictive Voice Recognition Techinque. They have posts about it on Secular forums here. I read them for a long time as a guest before joining tonight, and took the plunge with the Rational Recovery book 11 days ago

least

To everyone joining this class: keep at it, don't give up. Sober is such a good way to live.

I am a member of the class of December 09. Next month I'll have seven years sober. There was a time I could barely get seven days...

Come here and post often. Post before you drink, so we can talk you out of it.

emme99

Hi everyone~
Thanks for the welcome Dee

Welcome to everyone joining.

I was kind of stressed today because I talked to my aunt last night and she was supposed to be moving into another apartment but it wasn't ready and my mom told me today that she thought my aunt was going to ask to stay with me for a few days. It's not really a big deal but she tends to look through things and not that I have a lot to hide, but I kind of do in regards to my drinking and therapy, etc. I have medicine here related to drinking, receipts that need to be shredded that mostly all have alcohol purchases on them, AA, SMART and other recovery books, and a lot more that I am probably not even remembering right now. I was worrying all day that she would find something and ask me about it. She hasn't called me and I talked to my mom again tonight and someone else offered to let her stay at their house and my mom thinks she is going to stay there so I am feeling a little less stressed now. I know I sound like a word I am not going to say here, and I don't mean to, but I don't want anyone to find out about my alcohol use right now.

Other than that, the day was ok.

Happy Wednesday everyone

kevlarsjal

I think it's a bit of both. Since getting sober I had problems sleeping, I'd wake up a lot and wasnt able to fall back asleep. So my day night routine is a bit disturbed. But I also enjoy being up late (not that late maybe) cause I suffer from sensory overload a lot and I like the quiet and darkness of the night

I tried to moderate too. I drank nearly everyday for almost a year. Not much, I rarely got drunk but I started in the morning, so throughout the day it would add up to maybe 0,5-1 bottles of wine or 2 dl of vodka (hard to say cause I drank all kinds of booze and didn't know much about units) which is quote a lot for a petite female when consumed daily.

In summer I had to stop drinking abruptly because of a health condition, which made me realise how much I was relying on booze. As soon as my life went back to normal I started drinking daily again, that was in late September. After 10 days of that I told my boyfriend about it and decided to cut back. I didn't think I'd have to give up drinking. I lasted a couple of days cause I took some medicine that helped with withdrawal symptoms, therefore thought I didn't have a problem and drank again. Quit again, took the meds, felt too comfortable, drank again. That was on the 19th October. I had some drinks throughout the day, told my boyfriend as I promised him to be absolutely honest about my drinking (he's a recovering alcoholic himself and was so disappointed that I lied about it earlier). I went to see him that night and took a small bottle of wine with me that was intended for cooking (that's how I justified it, I knew there was a good chance I'd end up drinking it). I made it somehow through the evening and hoped I could sleep without drinking more. But I couldn't. I had the worst cravings and felt anxious and couldn't stop thinking about the wine. After laying in bed awake for 3 hours I got up and drank the wine in a second. I felt a bit better although it wasn't enough and I worried about the next morning cause I knew I'd need more then but I didn't have more with me. My poor boyfriend had to notice all of that and I felt so cruel doing that to him. That was when I realised I couldn't continue like this.

The next day I spoke to two therapists and both said I had to stop drinking and told me I was an alcoholic. They suggested a detox in a hospital, I didn't believe them and thought it was way over the top.

Initially I wanted to buy a bottle of vodka on my way home from the therapists but I wanted to proof myself that I'm not an alcoholic and so I didn't. As soon as I was back home my anxiety became much much worse, my hands were shaking and I felt absolutely rubbish. I told my boyfriend I wasn't sure I'd make it through the day without drinking but he suggested to wait until he comes home before I do anything. I didn't end up drinking that day and accepted the fact that I have a problem with it and the only way out is to quit. The following night was absolute horror, i didn't take any meds that time cause I thought it was important for me to see how bad it is.

Sorry I'm a bit overly chatty today. What I wanted to say is, I tried to moderate for two weeks and failed. I thought I could cut down to a glass or two on the weekend nights. I didn't even make it through a whole week.

OnlyTheLonely

It's been some time since I last posted on this site. I've been away for a while and during this time I have moved to an apartment. I thought it would be a great move for my wife and I. Closer to friends, shopping malls, more things to do, activities, walks, etc.

The issue I faced is although it's in a great location, I immediately started having a problem going directly home after work. I would end up in the bars most nights and quickly became a well known face to call if someone wanted a drink, night out or day out at the weekend.

I have been a staying at home binge drinker for years now but the above has been my story for the last 6 months and I need to stop. Hence, I arrive here today determined to do something about it. To save me, my marriage, my life and my career.

This is day 3 and I won't drink today.

Dee74

Welcome back OTL

D