Briar

Can we help, V? Maybe just to vent?

venuscat

Thank you ♥

This is a huge heavy weight of sadness, compounded by a very bad week.

I am sober. I didn't think I would be at this time yesterday.
I still need to get through the rest of the day, and tonight.
Without drinking that is...I would be lying if I said I didn't want to.

The consecration is tomorrow morning, 11.30am. So I just need to get through.

Briar

I'm so sorry V.

Can you distract yourself? Maybe a movie?

Briar

I started training my replacement today. Now I'm nervous. I tried to go easy on her, but several times she uttered the phrases "oh my god" and "okay, they didn't tell me about that." Her voice cracked a little when I showed her the smaller of the two spreadsheets I maintain. Apparently she asked my division's admin (who helps me out from time to time) if it's as bad as it looks, and the admin just laughed at her. I was like dude! don't scare her! We can't let her quit!

On the other side of things, I'm pretty much all trained up on my new job, and I'm shocked by how profoundly unfair it is that my new job pays the same as my old one, but it's not even half the work.

I'm also dealing with some weird feelings of grief, and the more I train her, the more I feel kind of territorial. I've been the reigning expert on this particular area of law for so many years, it kind of breaks my heart to give all that up to go fax records requests all day. I know it's the right choice, I need a break, I can't handle getting yelled at, and I was headed for another crash with all the stress, but it's very hard. A big part of my identity is wrapped up in that job.

venuscat

Of course it is love....but you will have time and space for you now. There are so many things you have talked about that you wanted to move forward with, but would never have the time, or the energy with your job being so ridiculously full-on.

This is Briar ~ the next phase. And I am with Conquest: I see mandalas in your cubicle. And I see a chance for you to pursue more of your artistic pursuits. I see you being happy.

Mark1014

V, I hope you'll rest well (almost bedtime for you right?) and that tomorrow will go well and be a nice honor for your dad's memory.

SoberLeigh

What Venus said!!!!!!!

This is your opportunity - your time - Briar o'clock.

venuscat

Oh Mark, thank you love ~ and yes, bed now.

So much love to all of you.

SoberLeigh

Huge hugs to you, venus.

I wish that I could be there to lend support.

It's been decades since my Dad died - he was so young - it was so painful and raw in the early years. That raw pain will blend, in time, dearest venuscat, with the blessing and goodness of your Dad's presence in your life , with those precious times and moments you shared - and you will find peace.

Mark1014

Good night V. And I remembered the world clock tool on this iPad and have added Melbourne so that I can better keep up with you. I hope you'll have nice weather for the (presumably) outside service.

SoberLeigh

Goodnight, dear v.

Good morning, dear Mark.

Mark1014

Good morning Leigh.

Two weeks from today I get to explore some places up your way in the northeast. It'll be nice to escape the 107 heat index around here!

Speaking of that, I found a nice beacon hill/downtown area apartment and dumped the hotel for what I hope is a more walkable location. We'll rent a car for that one Saturday and the plan is to drive down by maybe Plymouth and then Newport and maybe as far as Mystic, CT. (Never been to RI or CT). We'll be up early and have all day and a goal is to see Atlantic views as much as possible.....especially for lunch. I'll take any suggestions from you New England folk. I hope lobstah will be on all the menus. I tend to underestimate the traffic congestion for the northeast and that's a bummer for me. Phoebe, is that a reasonable day trip?

Gym time!

Briar

Good idea on the world clock! I added Melbourne to mine too.

Also handy because I'm taking care of my friend's house while she's in Japan. How convenient to have Tokyo on there! It's only an hour off from Melbourne.

Briar

I hope everything goes well today V. It's an opportunity to honor him and also to accept his passing. It's a very hard process, but you've come such a long way in the past year.

I lost my dad when I was 21, and still when that time of year comes around I think of him and talk to him a little. I don't have any religion, but I believe his soul lives on somewhere, and I'm grateful that he's in a safe place now. This world just didn't work for him. He was a fragile person with a very difficult life. He suffered terribly. We were all kind of relieved when he went to where we believe he's safe. I miss him though, I wish he could have met my daughter.

Mark1014

This is my oldest daughter and what may be the last time she climbed into my lap a number of years ago. I clearly remember as I stroked her hand that she was growing up fast and cherishing the moment. Adapting to my role as parent of older kids is a bumpy ride at times but I'm doing my best. I fall short at times but know I'm a better dad sober.

Happy Father's day Arbor. Your lads are lucky boys indeed.

Conquest

I hope you were able to rest and that the day brings peace, Venus. Stay close to us. We'll be with you every step of the way.

Mark1014

Good morning V. I know it's only 3hours or so before the service. Thinking of you on your Sunday morning..

venuscat

Mark ~ that picture made my heart sing.

Thank you guys for being so good to me...really. You are wonderful.
I am not so great. Kind of pissed about being an orphan, yeah, I know, get over it.

I need to summon my mum's strength today....deep breath.

Mark1014

That's not necessarily something we just get over. It's a huge life change. A difficult part of the journey for the vast majority to navigate. You're justified to have a burden but I know you'll get through in a way that honors the memory of a dad that like all us dads was not perfect yet I know you loved and loved you.

Arbor

Awe, thanks Mark. Same to you as well! I'm a lucky man and you are too.

Be back later. Bath time for the little one...