Fallow

Ive convinced myself im not an alcoholic many times. Im not convinced now honestly. All that is is a word though. A label.

I can call it whatever I want but when I drink im always back to the same place eventually. Not enjoying life, hating myself, being full of regrets and out of control. Its an inside job.

I may not be an alcoholic but im still not drinking.

Fabela

I have an alcohol problem. That's all I need to know about myself. And act accordingly.

Eagle108

I think sometimes our logical mind strives to organize things in our life and put labels on everything. To me the term alcoholic is one of these and I discussed that with my Sponsor. Whatever you want to call me, it was clear that I was powerless over alcohol, my life had become unmanageable, and mentally I no longer had a desire to ever again be controlled my alcohol.

My problem was that I had convinced myself I could manage it. I only drank on weekends and out of 100 separate drinking experiences, 50 times I could have one to two beers and stop, 40 times I would drink 5-6 beers and be fine with no major incidents, and the other 10 times would get blackout drunk (mostly at home) and annoy my wife, among other things. That went on for about 10 years until my latest DWI on a weekend out of town by myself (had two DWI's in college, latest 15 years ago).

So in my situation, I could drink and often times it was fine. But the disease is progressive so who knows where I would have ended up. But in my case, I have children (a 13 month old and a 2.5 year old) and had to come to the realization that drinking was severely impacting my life in a negative manner and I needed to quit. In my heart of hearts I knew that for the last few years and should have made the change before the latest DWI, but could not and would not.

Now I'm under no illusions...so whatever you want to label me, I'm fine with but keep going back to I'm powerless over alcohol (even if 1-10 times per 100 too many based on the consequences), so I need to give it up for good and concentrate on living a SOBER life.

KiKi0615

Thx Fab. My craving will NOT go away!!! I'm trying to sleep and my AV keeps screaming in my ear! (((deep breaths)))

I'm sorry you are sad & lonely. :-(

Simplicity4114

Been there...I've never had any physical withdraw symptoms, so for the past couple of years I convinced myself that I didn't really have a problem....all the while ignoring that small quiet voice in the back of my mind that was telling me, I did. I've tried moderation and for a time I was fairly successful, but I always end back at the same tired place.....work, home, drink in hand from the moment I hit the door till the time I pass out, wake up with a hangover, and repeat. Truly not living. Worthless.

Simplicity4114

Welcome to all who are new! Hang in there KIKI! We'll ride it out with you!

ben83

Sounds very familiar. The only physical symptoms I had were insomnia sweating and I felt very agitated to the point where I was biting skin off my hands till they bled. Looking back I guess that was pretty tough. It's good to be reminded of those first few days. Day 15 tomorrow. to everyone for letting me moan on here. It's a nice outlet for my feelings I'm too embarrassed to say these things to people I know in the real world.

joandmelandhan

Problem is there's no medical test. We need to find out for ourselves and even then the AV tries it's best to convince us otherwise. I have no problem with the word alcoholic. I am one. I just can't get out of the trap long enough to enjoy recovery. Sobriety at the minute is a long, tedious, stessful living nightmare but I know it's got to be done or I'm in deep trouble......fed up tonight 😥

purplepeopleeat

Thank you! I can't believe it's already day 16. I'm am so happy I made this decision

ben83

Hang in there jo let's wake up tomorrow sober my mrs has bought a bottle of cider but I have no intention of drinking any of it. Just a few more hours till bed time.

Lonelywombat67

Well I got out and about today. I managed to climb up and down a steep flight of stairs. I was at an AlAnon meeting with a friend. Talked with my ex on the phone about my daughter who is doing well. Went out for lunch. I ate a giant bowl of Pho, a spring roll, and a coconut pineapple bubble drink. Now I'm binge watching 30 degrees in February on Netflix. A very good Swedish series.

What does a normal person's alcohol use look like? I'm really curious. Does anyone know?

ben83

Well done purple I'm catching you up 😊

Fabela

LW, my husband loves beer, and he often buys two or three different bottles for Friday night and then he drinks them sooooo slowly. He enjoys the taste, while I drink as much as I can as fast as I can. These past months he hasn't had anything to drink, to support me. What a guy...

ben83

What is a normal person? Round where we live normal is 5 pints a night. Drinking is part of our culture. But I guess normal would be going out for a meal and having a glass of wine instead of 2 bottles. Or popping to the pub for 1 and it being 1. Or not having to think about not drinking. If you have to make an effort I guess it's not normal

ben83

sounds like a good guy. I wish my Mrs wouldn't sit there enjoying her cider when she can see the effort I'm making. To be fair to her I didn't stop drinking when she was pregnant twice. And she did

JL2014

I guess there are "normal" drinkers out there. I know I've read that some believe alcoholism may run in families, but I know a lot of people who drink very little. Also, the older I get the more people I come across who closet drink, or you'd never know they drank but they did.
The industry speaks for itself.
A legal, taxable, addictive, highly advertised, poisonous drug, that generates billions of dollars a year, collectively.
Equating alcohol to poison in my mind, helps me curve the urges. It's still hard being addicted to something. We all know.

Eagle108

My wife used to drink more but after the 2 pregnancies (where she did not drink at all) she cut it down quite a bit. She'll have two glasses of wine on each of the weekend nights after the kids go to bed. Sometimes Thursday or Sunday night as well but not usually.

Not sure what the definition of normal is but most likely not what we liked to consume to end up here.

Lonelywombat67

No one in my family was ever a "normal" drinker. I learned that when people were in pain they turned to alcohol. Deaths, alcohol fueled arguments, social awkwardness, stress, psychic or physical pain. That's when I saw people drink. Growing up in the fifties and sixties it was a pretty much accepted part of life.

Simplicity4114

Hope everyone is hanging in there and had another sober day!

Jo-Glad your back and continue to post!

I'm normally super busy on weekends and I've been really looking forward to this weekend because I literally have nothing to do. The reality is far less glamorous than the thought of it. I'm bored....can't wait for my old interests and my personality to rebound. Had a brief craving while doing yard work with the mr. It was manageable and passed fairly quickly so that's something hopeful And that being said...Day 16 comes to an uneventful end. Night All

Jan1755

I'm in day 2 again. I had company this past week and no time to get on SR or do anything else in my normal routine. Company was nice but it really threw me off. Company is gone and I was thinking of drinking again tonight until I read on SR it has really helped get me back on track. I don't know what a normal drinker is. I would drink four or five beers about twice a week but my sisters don't drink at all so I would say I wasn't normal compared to them.