1stepup

Hi all, hard to know what to say, its tough to see people struggle and suffer on here- shows how recovery isn't all pink clouds and sweet smelling flowers- its tough....

But I guess all of us are aiming to get to the top of the mountain to the point in which the compulsion to drink leaves us and climbing it step by step, day by day, through thick and thin, through wind and rain, the good days, the bad days, the heartaches and heartbreaks, the 'grateful to be sober days' to the f~#k it days, when we make it to that place of serenity and inner-peace the view from the top of that mountain will be fantastic and FAR better and more rewarding than if we'd flown up to the top of a pleasure seeking/fake alcohol/drug induced, quick fix, high in the sky- where we hit the ground hard on the comedown.....

1stepup

Sorry went off on one then....past midnight here so day 5 done and dusted, had a fantastic day teaching my eldest daughter to ride her bike whilst my youngest yelled support from behind on her bike with stabilizers! And through a LOT of patience and determination she did it! She rode the bike totally un assisted and I was so proud. We had made a start last summer when I bought it her for her birthday but we never got beyond the riding in a straight line- steering phase so wasn't expecting her to have got the hang of it so quick today.

When I walked back with them from the park- I looked up to the sky and thanked God for being sober....

Have a good time at the AA meeting/dinner Casey.

CaseyW

That sounds like an awesome day for you and your girls, 1stepup. Glad you were all the way there for them today.

Dee74

Congratultions Bobbieka and Casey on your milestones.

Fabela and Kiki - I really don't think SR is the problem in either case, but like the rest of the guys here I agree you have to do what you think is best.

I hope you have some kind of recovery plan structure in place

Fabela - as far as your last post goes - I'm mandated to take suicide threats seriously as part of my job...so if you don't mean it, please don't post it.

If you do mean it, pls don't turn on those people who are worried about you and trying to help.

Dee
Moderator
SR

samantha14

Wow - there has been so much pain, suffering and heartache here today....I am sorry for that

All I can say to Kiki and Fabela echos what everyone else has said - do what you need to do for you.... The terms recovery and the phrase "one day at a time" does not only relate to alcoholics.....there is no one way to do this and part of the journey I think is figuring out what path will lead to your own personal healing. Be gentle with yourselves, stay sober....and come back whenever you want

1stepup - your day sounds like a little slice of heaven I try to find tiny moments like that throughout the day when I can just remind myself that I would not be experiencing them if I were drunk or drinking....

Purplrks, Bobbie and Casey - Congrats!!

Forabetterlife and Applekat - vacation sounds amazing!! I hope you both enjoy!! When my kids were little and we were a week or two away from holidays we would make a paper chain with the number of links representing the number of days and each night we would tear one off....maybe I should make one and instead add a link for every day I am sober....lol

Immri - so glad you're starting to feel better!

My day was completely uneventful and uninteresting (which doesn't happen very often) - I found this computer game called Stardew Valley and I am completely loving it....lol So, I ate and drank poorly (meaning ice cream and pop) and I played this game....ALL DAY!! Lol I should also say that I don't eat a ton of ice cream but this one DH brought home and it was called Superdelicious (yes that was really the name of it) - strawberry, banana and blueberry - AMAZING!! I ate two bowls!

Tomorrow I may try going to church - I am not really a believer but I am looking for something to believe in so.....who knows.....

Well I may linger here for a bit - feeling a little triggered by some of the discussion so I could use the company (no one's fault but I am glad I am recognizing it)....sorry for being so long-winded

Autumnlover19

FABL and Applekat,
I may have to join you on your vacations! I mean not join you literally, but join in anticipation for a nice sober vacation.

I have taken May 11-16th off of work and have no plans as of yet. Originally, my ex and I were going to go to a marriage bootcamp, but have since decided against it for various reasons, which I won't get into here.

Regardless, I still have my time off of work coming up! I'd like to go somewhere with my one year old son, but where?? I live in Michigan and may visit my brother and some friends further south.

I'm being logical and trying to plan a trip where I will be with healthy sober people but my options are limited. I have few friends who don't drink. And of course I want to go somewhere that would be fun for my baby.

Thoughts? Where are you two going? I missed that part of the thread. But I'm here to give and receive support for sober vacations

Xoxox

forabetterlife

Jemma, my daughters and I are going back to my home state, hometown actually. It just happens to be a big beach area so
I rented a beach cottage for 2 weeks. This is NOT a trip where I will be with non drinkers. I have a ton of friends and family as well as a semi high school reunion. I want to go into my vacation 6 weeks sober to give myself the strength to make this my first sober vacation back home ever. I know it's hard having that time off, maybe you could take your little one to some kind of attraction he/she would like? Whatever you do, even if you don't go away, try to overplan so you don't have too much time on your hands.
Glad you got to get off work early Casey
Samantha, glad you are here

Ugh! I hate Posting on my iPhone because I can't go back and see who or what I missed responding to. I know I missed a bunch but names are escaping me .

Anyway, glad to see more people checking in. I had a few rough spots today where I really really just wanted to drink. My usually unsettled 'I have. A ton of things I could and should be doing but don't feel like doing anything' feeling that puts my mind right into drinking mode. Close call.
Going to bed early, my girls are home and safe and my dogs are snoring

Keets

I'm sorry to hear there are people in here struggling right now.
I don't really have anything to add to what has already been said. Keeping everyone in my thoughts.

Thirteenth

I’m so sorry to read about all the struggling.

Fabela and Kiki, I would echo what others have said. You have to do what’s best for you at this time. If that means taking a leave, so be it. It would be wonderful for you each to stay and help us and let us help you.

Additionally, Fabela, I want to reach out to you here. As a survivor of suicide I can only say it’s rough on those left behind. You don’t intend to do it, that’s good. But please remember your sig: YOU ARE WORTH IT! That same fleeting thought crosses my mind from time to time. Sometimes it’s more than fleeting. Sometimes it’s prolonged and I wonder what is the point of living. Then I remember that there are people that care about me. Please don’t lose sight of the fact that there are people that care about you. When you feel the worst, that’s the time you really need to reach out and take someone else’s hand.



Casey: congrats on 7 weeks and thank you for being there for the class.

Applekat: Congrats on two months. Awesome.

Bobbie: Also two months, also awesome.


immri. Mish, fabl, Lofty, rah, MITA, ladyboo, Jemma, Lillian, 1stepup and all others I might have missed, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I’m not good at the individual replies, but I’m trying because you’re all dear to me even if you don’t really know it.

Thirteenth

And samantha and Keets, you also.

Dee, you need not my prayers given your awesomeness, but you have them anyway.

Keets

I'm so tire today I wasn't ready to get up but had too. Had a doc appt than went and hung out with some amazing birds. Got to see a bald eagle, really neat owl and a turkey vulture and of,course the parrots. Just too much for me today. I'm still healing and get tired very easy and sore if I over do it and can feel it now. I'm going to take it easy tonight and see if im can get to bed early since I was up till 1 am last night/morning. I'm ending day 34 now and am feeling like AV is trying to convince me that I can enjoy just one drink. Not going to give in though I have come too far to throw that away. I'm glad to,be raising my kids without booze in the house. It already makes me sad my 12 year old girl knows what pot is already. I grew up with an alcoholic mom and so did my husband so we need to set an example for our own kids.

samantha14

Goon night all - going to try for some sleep....sweet, sober dream to all

CaseyW

Home from the meeting. So glad I went. Like I said, it was a birthday meeting. For those of you not familiar with AA, that means that anyone celebrating a year or multiples of years sober in April were celebrated tonight. They were each introduced by someone that they chose and then they talked themselves for a few minutes about how they got sober or what the last year had been like in recovery. There were at least a hundred people at this meeting tonight and sobriety birthdays ranging from 1 year to 29 years were celebrated. It was what I needed tonight--some good examples of people just living a normal, happy, sober life.

I didn't go to the dinner beforehand but did stop at the grocery store and buy a little thing of ice cream that I ate at my dad's house on the way to the meeting. It was some kind of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream. Pretty good, but I wish it had been more chocolate-y instead of the peanut butter being emphasized.

I think building a sobriety chain is a wonderful idea, samantha14. Heck, even if it's just a paper clip chain that you keep in your desk drawer. I haven't played Stardew Valley but I saw someone else playing it and I can see where it'd be a perfect game for alcoholics in early sobriety--it had a very soothing vibe to it for the most part. Lot of little accomplishments to keep you busy. Sleep well!

Do you have any sane family members that you haven't visited in a while, Jemma44? I don't know your family story, but that's why I use the 'sane' qualifier as much of my family wouldn't meet that criteria. A marriage boot camp with an ex sounds like a horrific vacation, by the way. Not that you asked me.

Glad you didn't drink today, forabetterlife. Remember we're here when those thoughts hit.

Hope you had a nice Saturday, Keets. Seeing all those birds sounds awesome. There's one little spot on the highway I usually take to Austin where you can pull over and see this bald eagle nest way in the distant at the other edge of this valley. It's pretty inspiring. Don't take that first drink. It will only lead to two or ten more. Keep on doing what you're doing!

Thanks for checking in, Thirteenth, and for all the kind words to others. I hope you are also being kind to yourself this weekend.

Going to write in my daily journal and then watch some dumb television of some kind. I'm sure I'll check back in before bed but just in case I don't, thanks to all of you for keeping me sober one more day.

If you're struggling right now, get in here and talk about it, or post an SOS thread on the Newcomers forum. You really don't have to take that first drink tonight no matter what. Drinking only hurts, it never helps addicts like us.

Mish

Checking in on Day 7. Cleaned the oven this morning and about to head outside to create a new veggie garden. Have a great day/night everyone xxx

Missy7

Looks like a busy day on the march list. I'm sorry so many have struggled--and I hope K and F find their way.

I'm still reeling from my escape from a plush inpatient program. I'm embarrassed and sad. BUT I think I made a good decision for myself doing it. I have a better sense of conviction now...maybe that awful night was my bottom. I hope so.

Hubby and I are at odds over it--I could go on and on.

Not drinking tonight. I'll take a sleeping pill if I must.

Take care.

LillianGish

Hi everyone!
Tomorrow will be 30 days sober for me and I have to say....I could not be happier with my decision. I took charge of my life...no one and nothing else is to blame for my drinking. My finger points at no one except Lillian in the mirror. She's the gal that lifts the glass to my lips.

And it's funny but when I accepted that responsibility....everything became clear to me.

Dee was so right - as long as I looked at drinking as something to miss, I would not make it.

I don't miss the hangovers, the lack of sleep, the embarrassing drunken behavior, driving under the influence, not eating well, forgetting entire conversations, spending hundreds of dollars on my addiction, the guilt of drinking in front of my daughters, etc. I used to share a bottle of wine with my husband and it usually ended up in a drunken argument or I just plumb forgot what we talked about before I passed out.

I was slowly killing myself and now...I feel free. Every day is getting better and better. I really hope this feeling lasts.

Here endeth Lillian's State of the Union address. Sorry for the rant.

CaseyW

Congrats on one week today, Mish! Enjoy your gardening. What are you going to plant?

That night can most certainly be your bottom, Missy7. Glad you're not going to drink tonight. Sorry your husband and you are at odds. Keep doing the next right thing and I'm sure those wounds will heal with time.

Sounding darn good today, LillianGish. This really is a better way of life, isn't it? I'm right with you in acceptance being the key for things being different for me this time.

I just watched an episode of Big Bang Theory in honor of our missing comrade beerbgone, who I hope checks in soon. I had never seen this episode before, it was one where Howard is going to go fishing with his father-in-law and Sheldon is taking care of a flu-stricken Amy. It made me laugh a few times but ended on a very strange image of Sheldon spanking Amy over his knee for lying to him.

Just popped some popcorn in my new popcorn popper. Going to watch something else to get that last image out of my head before bed.

Mish

Just veggies. Maybe some potatoes or tomatoes.....maybe I need to make a plan hey? I was just going to measure out the plot today and get the soil ready. I went outside to start but it's far too hot and humid so back inside again til it cools down. :-)

LillianGish

Mish and immri, I really loved hearing about Australia! Feeling thankful there are no crocodiles on my beach here in San Diego though....just very white tourists in bathing suits. They seem scary at first, but you get used to it.

Samantha, I'm not much of a church goer, but have to say that when I do go, it gives me comfort. Hope you have that feeling tomorrow.

Applekat and Bobbieka - congrats on 60 days! Wow! And CaseyW at 7 weeks! That must feel great to hit those markers.

FABL - thank you for your posts. I always appreciate what you say.

CaseyW

Planning is overrated, Mish. Maybe your seeds will cross pollinate and you'll end up with some rare tomato/potato hybrid that makes you rich.

I want an herb garden. Unfortunately I have no yard and very limited sun exposure in my apartment.