One Year and Under Club Part 51
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Hey guys! I'm in the departure's lounge at Seville airport on route to a family reunion in Amsterdam. A bit random as we're from London but it's a surprise treat for my Mum to get her out of town. She lives alone in a house that's far too big for her since we all moved away years ago, so a change of scenery and getting all of her kids together (never happens) will do her good.
We used to get together at Christmas every 2 years but then my sister married a guy who "doesn't do" that festivity so they tend to take an exotic holiday instead. Lucky for some, but it will be very exciting to get everyone together.
When we were growing up my sister and I were so close that we were almost the same person (She'd start singing the song I was thinking and all that kind of stuff), but we started seeing less of each other when I moved to Spain in the 90's and then, after I had kids (which very sadly she can't), she started avoiding us. Guess she finds it too hard. Now since she doesn't do Christmas we never see her. Last year I saw her for one London lunch and museum trip in July. Always on my own. I miss her but I need to put my wife and kids first. It is a shame because she used to get on really well with my wife. I think she's missing out on her neices and nephew too but I guess it's the best she can do.
Anyway, she initiated this trip so that's good news. For a long time I have felt excluded by her. When I was drinking I'd go in for the self pity thing but now I understand that life is what it is. You can only change what is in your hand to change. So, I'm flying to Amsterdam.
I hope I won't feel any urges to drink. Everything has been going very well in that regard since Christmas but I have to be wary. I haven't been to Amsterdam for many years. Back then it was a place where travelling types would go to party and as you can imagine, I did that big style!!! I'm actually looking forward to experiencing the place sober!!! My past memories of the Dam are distinctly blurry!!
Wish me luck, guys and have a great weekend!!'
We used to get together at Christmas every 2 years but then my sister married a guy who "doesn't do" that festivity so they tend to take an exotic holiday instead. Lucky for some, but it will be very exciting to get everyone together.
When we were growing up my sister and I were so close that we were almost the same person (She'd start singing the song I was thinking and all that kind of stuff), but we started seeing less of each other when I moved to Spain in the 90's and then, after I had kids (which very sadly she can't), she started avoiding us. Guess she finds it too hard. Now since she doesn't do Christmas we never see her. Last year I saw her for one London lunch and museum trip in July. Always on my own. I miss her but I need to put my wife and kids first. It is a shame because she used to get on really well with my wife. I think she's missing out on her neices and nephew too but I guess it's the best she can do.
Anyway, she initiated this trip so that's good news. For a long time I have felt excluded by her. When I was drinking I'd go in for the self pity thing but now I understand that life is what it is. You can only change what is in your hand to change. So, I'm flying to Amsterdam.
I hope I won't feel any urges to drink. Everything has been going very well in that regard since Christmas but I have to be wary. I haven't been to Amsterdam for many years. Back then it was a place where travelling types would go to party and as you can imagine, I did that big style!!! I'm actually looking forward to experiencing the place sober!!! My past memories of the Dam are distinctly blurry!!
Wish me luck, guys and have a great weekend!!'
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Amp, I'll be thinking of you and am sending sober wishes and hugs. So sad that your sister has needed to resort to avoidance but I do understand the difficult emotions associated with the inability to have children when one wants them.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
In a few weeks I'll hit my 1.5 year soberversary and have had few if any cravings in recent months. Then yesterday, seemingly out of the blue, a strong craving hit while I was driving home. The odd thing I noticed after is that although it was as strong as cravings I used to have, what changed was my perception of it and my reaction to it. Instead of feeling an urgent need to relieve the craving, I recognized it and relaxed into it and it was quickly gone. I'm feeling relieved that this evolution is happening. I feel that it only strengthens my resolve to stay sober :-)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 1,501
Originally Posted by gleefan 
You caught that! 
KIR - For me when cravings hit there's usually an underlying stress or irritability that I'm not addressing. Sometimes I can change it, and other times I can't. That's where acceptance comes into play.
Concurrent to that you can move a muscle, change a thought. Get yourself immersed in something else - Saskia's advice to immerse yourself in recovery is good. Keeping my compass pointed towards a joyous, happy and free life helps me.
KIR - For me when cravings hit there's usually an underlying stress or irritability that I'm not addressing. Sometimes I can change it, and other times I can't. That's where acceptance comes into play.
Concurrent to that you can move a muscle, change a thought. Get yourself immersed in something else - Saskia's advice to immerse yourself in recovery is good. Keeping my compass pointed towards a joyous, happy and free life helps me.
This definitely rings true with me. For the most part it has been stress at work. I realized that I used alcohol to de-stress and forget about things and my brain is still programmed with these thoughts when stress happens. As you know I have de-stressed work a lot lately and my cravings have gone down immensely but I know that they still happen.
Your advice to KIR and everybody else is spot on! Thanks! It is a good reminder for me too.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Southern California
Posts: 690
Originally Posted by waywardson8260
This definitely rings true with me. For the most part it has been stress at work. I realized that I used alcohol to de-stress and forget about things and my brain is still programmed with these thoughts when stress happens. As you know I have de-stressed work a lot lately and my cravings have gone down immensely but I know that they still happen.
Your advice to KIR and everybody else is spot on! Thanks! It is a good reminder for me too.
Your advice to KIR and everybody else is spot on! Thanks! It is a good reminder for me too.
I guess I'll take the time and try to figure out what underlying issue might be there. (It was probably my dad and step-mom coming to stay...
)I can't wait to put these daily cravings behind me again!
Anyway, great job with your craving Sas! Enjoy your trip Amp! Hi Babs and Thump!
Everybody have a great day!!!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,181
Safe travels Amp! Good to see everyone else doing well!
I posted earlier in my monthly thread that I am expecting a whopper of a snowstorm to blow in over the weekend. My first thought was always to stock up on booze. The thought of being out of booze during a storm was unthinkable. Food was a secondary consideration. I'm glad that part of my storm prep is no longer needed!
I posted earlier in my monthly thread that I am expecting a whopper of a snowstorm to blow in over the weekend. My first thought was always to stock up on booze. The thought of being out of booze during a storm was unthinkable. Food was a secondary consideration. I'm glad that part of my storm prep is no longer needed!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4,672
hi everyone--Stargazer--right on----getting booze was my first priority when I knew there was a storm coming. Just get home from work and tip up the bottle. to me it seems just like yesterday.
Amp==have a safe and fun trip. It might be hard going back to a place that you use to party a lot at but, you can do it. hugs to you.
Wayward, Keep---like Kir and Sass---cravings I don't think will ever go away at least they sure don't now at this time of my life. But, just like you guys said we have to figure out how come we are getting these cravings. I really appreciate your advice on this as I can relate. thanks
hi Thump and everyone else I forgot to mention.
Hugs
Babs-----
Amp==have a safe and fun trip. It might be hard going back to a place that you use to party a lot at but, you can do it. hugs to you.
Wayward, Keep---like Kir and Sass---cravings I don't think will ever go away at least they sure don't now at this time of my life. But, just like you guys said we have to figure out how come we are getting these cravings. I really appreciate your advice on this as I can relate. thanks
hi Thump and everyone else I forgot to mention.
Hugs
Babs-----
The Long and Winding Road....
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Brisbane QLD
Posts: 897
hey there you guys n gals
yes please be careful in the snow.......
no chance of that here in qld.......hot steamy and rainy......
my return to sobriety has been relatively recent and not with out issues however I am committed to trudging the road nonetheless and rebuilding my life.......
over the years I have had both extended periods of sobriety and relapses so I am in a good position to understand that recovery does work if it is applied and wanted badly enough, and that relapse is devastating and often really difficult to overcome, however it can be also with a definite structured approach,,,,,,
my father is dying of cancer and supporting him during this time isn't easy.....he is very ill, in and out of hospital and having aggressive chemo......he is a good man and never judged me for my alcoholism......was only deeply saddened when I shunted off to rehab numerous times to sober up and have a go at recovery......since the age of 26 I have had 7 2 and 1 years sober....so I guess that 10 sober years out of the 14 I have had since coming into recovery have been a blessing......however the 4 years of relapsing and subsequent rampant alcoholism have repeatedly jarred my life and played havoc with it....
I owe it both to myself and my dear old dad to be sober and functional so as I can continue to be reliable and accountable in regards to his care and my own wellbeing.......don't know if this is on topic or relevant and I know its a bit of s stream of consciousness share but I though id add to the mix in the hope of some support, insight, etc.
peace and goodwill
v
yes please be careful in the snow.......
no chance of that here in qld.......hot steamy and rainy......
my return to sobriety has been relatively recent and not with out issues however I am committed to trudging the road nonetheless and rebuilding my life.......
over the years I have had both extended periods of sobriety and relapses so I am in a good position to understand that recovery does work if it is applied and wanted badly enough, and that relapse is devastating and often really difficult to overcome, however it can be also with a definite structured approach,,,,,,
my father is dying of cancer and supporting him during this time isn't easy.....he is very ill, in and out of hospital and having aggressive chemo......he is a good man and never judged me for my alcoholism......was only deeply saddened when I shunted off to rehab numerous times to sober up and have a go at recovery......since the age of 26 I have had 7 2 and 1 years sober....so I guess that 10 sober years out of the 14 I have had since coming into recovery have been a blessing......however the 4 years of relapsing and subsequent rampant alcoholism have repeatedly jarred my life and played havoc with it....
I owe it both to myself and my dear old dad to be sober and functional so as I can continue to be reliable and accountable in regards to his care and my own wellbeing.......don't know if this is on topic or relevant and I know its a bit of s stream of consciousness share but I though id add to the mix in the hope of some support, insight, etc.
peace and goodwill
v
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
(((Van))), so sorry about your dad! I think that what you said is very relevant. We all hope that once we have been sober for awhile that it's permanent. The reality is that it's a chronic disease (IMHO) that can return. Reshaping our thinking and a healthy awareness of the risks are critical to maintaining sobriety. In my experience, learning to treat it as a medical condition rather than a moral failing can help to focus my energies on recovery instead of all on the misery. Posting here with whatever helps us is so important.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,169
Van, I feel for you but I also know you will do what you need to to remain sober and present for your father.
Amp, I too struggled with being around babies and children, especially when it was women who were drinking to the detriment of their children -and I knew a few- I cursed the gods, I cursed the fates, I wasn't meant to give birth. When I met the current Mr T he came encumbered with an 18 year old 'princess' and a 17 yo son. I resented them for a long time before I realise that this was the fates roundabout way of giving me the family I deserved, and 'princess' the mother she needed. My daughter is now my pride and joy, but I am lying if I don't still weep for the barrenness inside.
Some women chose not to have children and that is fine by me. But to want a child of your own more than your next breath and to be denied, is one of the hardest things a woman has to deal with. You mums out there, how long does it take when you get with other moms, before you start talking kids, pregnancy, childbirth? Those of us who can't join in feel excluded from a huge club, it hurts again.
So Amp, if you get chance, talk to your sister. Regardless of her pain, she needs you, she just has to find a way to move forward. X
Amp, I too struggled with being around babies and children, especially when it was women who were drinking to the detriment of their children -and I knew a few- I cursed the gods, I cursed the fates, I wasn't meant to give birth. When I met the current Mr T he came encumbered with an 18 year old 'princess' and a 17 yo son. I resented them for a long time before I realise that this was the fates roundabout way of giving me the family I deserved, and 'princess' the mother she needed. My daughter is now my pride and joy, but I am lying if I don't still weep for the barrenness inside.
Some women chose not to have children and that is fine by me. But to want a child of your own more than your next breath and to be denied, is one of the hardest things a woman has to deal with. You mums out there, how long does it take when you get with other moms, before you start talking kids, pregnancy, childbirth? Those of us who can't join in feel excluded from a huge club, it hurts again.
So Amp, if you get chance, talk to your sister. Regardless of her pain, she needs you, she just has to find a way to move forward. X
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Well said, Toots! I was very fortunate in finally having a child after 8 years and 20 miscarriages. I had nearly given up. All of my friends had at least two by that time and it was immensely painful to be around.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 1,501
Originally Posted by stargazer016
Safe travels Amp! Good to see everyone else doing well!
I posted earlier in my monthly thread that I am expecting a whopper of a snowstorm to blow in over the weekend. My first thought was always to stock up on booze. The thought of being out of booze during a storm was unthinkable. Food was a secondary consideration. I'm glad that part of my storm prep is no longer needed!
I posted earlier in my monthly thread that I am expecting a whopper of a snowstorm to blow in over the weekend. My first thought was always to stock up on booze. The thought of being out of booze during a storm was unthinkable. Food was a secondary consideration. I'm glad that part of my storm prep is no longer needed!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
I'm among those getting snow today. I live in New England, where we get a lot of snow. When I first got sober 23 months ago, I was ticked off when I had to clear the snow. I had always capped a day of shoveling and snow removal with cocktails, and I honestly and truly didn't know how I was going to plow and shovel without the reward to look toward to of getting drunk.
The first time it snowed after I stopped drinking I sort of had a temper tantrum in the driveway, where I just yelled and complained that I had to help, and was practically in tears. I went inside and sulked. I was so mad I didn't have drunk anymore.
I am incredibly grateful that I knew that I couldn't go back to getting drunk, and made it through that difficult storm. Every storm afterwards for the rest of that winter were hard as well. I kept coming back to AA and SR for support.
If you're newly sober and feel content without booze as part of your storm prep, be grateful! I'm finally there. Today I'm looking forward to kicking back after snow removal with a crackling fire, a warm mug of tea, and a couple of snacks.
Van - I think recovery encompasses everything in life. Anything you want to discuss is welcome here! Im proud of you for being able to be present for your dad.
Whether you're sweltering hot or shoveling white stuff, have a great day undies!
The first time it snowed after I stopped drinking I sort of had a temper tantrum in the driveway, where I just yelled and complained that I had to help, and was practically in tears. I went inside and sulked. I was so mad I didn't have drunk anymore.
I am incredibly grateful that I knew that I couldn't go back to getting drunk, and made it through that difficult storm. Every storm afterwards for the rest of that winter were hard as well. I kept coming back to AA and SR for support.
If you're newly sober and feel content without booze as part of your storm prep, be grateful!
I'm finally there. Today I'm looking forward to kicking back after snow removal with a crackling fire, a warm mug of tea, and a couple of snacks.Van - I think recovery encompasses everything in life. Anything you want to discuss is welcome here! Im proud of you for being able to be present for your dad.
Whether you're sweltering hot or shoveling white stuff, have a great day undies!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Southern California
Posts: 690
Toots-❤️❤️❤️❤️ Big hug. I'm glad you have your beautiful daughter and hurt for the years that you felt empty. Many of us childbirth for granted, but not being able to have a child that is badly wanted is devastating.
Amp-I'm glad your sister initiated this family get together and hope you two have a chance to really reconnect. I'm sure pulling away from you and your children is her defense mechanism and she really misses her "family."
Amp-I'm glad your sister initiated this family get together and hope you two have a chance to really reconnect. I'm sure pulling away from you and your children is her defense mechanism and she really misses her "family."
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Definitely reading the replies to my sometimes outrageous posts stuck in my head too. The ones who have been around a long time (hate to say old timers, someone may not be "old" or consider themselves "old"...I know in my Middle Ages what unused to think was old is young now!) the folks who have more wisdom than myself would say the things that needed to be said and man did it ever strike home and stick for me! Thanks to everyone for the wishes on my 6 months..I'm shocked, pleased, relieved, and ecstatic about that milestone! I remember reading about Amp getting there himself and now he's 9 months! Woohoo! Go dude! I really relate to your posts cause I think "hmmm maybe that'll be me at 9 months"!
I have started back singing. I have picked up playing my guitar again and it's going really well! I enjoy playing, really helps me. Things are slowly changing just like I would read on Amp that things began to click in some form or another. I'm just glad things are finally feeling a lot better. Just checking in before church in a bit. Have a great Sunday!
((Hug))!!
I have started back singing. I have picked up playing my guitar again and it's going really well! I enjoy playing, really helps me. Things are slowly changing just like I would read on Amp that things began to click in some form or another. I'm just glad things are finally feeling a lot better. Just checking in before church in a bit. Have a great Sunday!
((Hug))!!
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