tokidoki

Hi All,

Thanks letitgo, it feels good to be at four months. I do believe you're at four months too right about now. Congrats!

Toadie- You too.!Thanks for checking in. Uber *and* Lyft? Now you're a super-driver.

fantail- I wish I had better advice too, but have to agree with Shabby. I would probably just try to have a good time, be friendly, and maybe throw in the word "friend" a couple of times... Not much, but it's all I got... Have fun anyway.

Shabby- I agree with fantail. Very impressed about how you keep moving forward!

tokidoki

I'm leaving for a conference after work tomorrow. Have my sober plan in place. I look forward to checking in later in the weekend.

Take care, everyone.

Upwardspiral

Tooshabby, I'm glad you're still with us. I'm sorry about the Julyers who have disappeared. I hope you'll keep polishing your plan and gracing us with your warmth and humor, whether you have a slip or no.

Fantail, it's really funny because I'm in the same boat with regards to the girl I went to the climbing gym with the other day. I guess bouldering is a good ambiguous date activity?
I'm totally unavailable right now, I'm probably 10 years older than her, and I historically haven't dated women (although I think maybe I've seen enough of men so I might be open to it...once I get my life sorted a little!)

I can't bear awkward, unacknowledged situations, so I'm thinking of just laying everything on the table the next time we hang.

I think if you acknowledge that you could be off base and making an assumption, he'll understand. If he actually just wants to be friends too, then it's a win-win.

If he does want a GF, then whether he accepts your rejection of his expectations is out of your control. You're doing it with good intentions, for his sanity and yours.

fantail

Ha Upwards, yes, we had mirror maybe dates! It *is* a pretty good ambiguous date activity. Next time I want to ask someone out, I might do that. Less intimidating than a normal date.

I second your laying it out there plan. Toki & TS, my back up plan was just to drop hints, but my goal was to be direct and I'm proud of myself that I managed it.

After climbing we were doing the get-to-know you stuff and he gave me his whole dating history. So I said, as no-bid-deal-friendly as possible "This may be unnecessary, but I should let you know just in case that I'm not dating right now." And he was cool with it! It's out in the open so I don't have to worry that there's a misunderstanding in place. We talked about being single, etc. And unexpected bonus is he's Muslim, so he doesn't drink. So now I have a sober climbing buddy who knows that I'm not interested in dating. Whoot!

Normally I'd just be sitting here stressing out and dissecting the whole thing to figure out if I'd behaved appropriately, etc. And I'd probably avoid him because of the whole dating history thing. Now I can just relax and have a new friend.

letitgo

ROFL I am so disorganized so I guess I would be perfect.
4 months wooohoo. Crazy blood, sweat and tears. Glad your doing well ubertoadie and tokidoki.
Glad to hear your back on track Tooshabby!!

So climbing walls must be a fun trend. Upward and fantail doing it.
I wish i could give ya some dating advice but have been married for so long. When I travel home its puppy love all over which i enjoy. It great to have someone and i really appreciate my wife.

Yes still out in the Philly area Holds. It will be great to get outta of here. I am not of a fan of this place at all. Dealing with traffic and some shady ass people. This drives me crazy..Serenity now.
I need to give it all up to a higher power. Way to much stress and anxiety. I can only do so much.

Looking foward to the holdays and getting some rest in.
Stay strong all.

Tooshabby

'Ubertoadie' - Love it!!!!

Fantail, you cracked me up with your "my back up plan was to drop hints." Well done for being direct!! Honesty eh? How about that? Clears things up and everything! I must say though....Muslim sounds kind of sexy. It's just my hormones talking :-)

Upwards, you sound good. 10 years is nothing. Your higher power might have different ideas about whether it's time or not(?) We will see :-)

Love to all! Yes, I'm going to keep hanging around like a bad smell, no matter what. The whole "Oh, to hell with it response" is no longer a part of my AV vocabulary, which is a good thing. Thanks guys :-)

KeyofC

Hey guys (hug)! Been around just reading. Coming back out of depression and trying to catch up, think I'm realizing I'm not taking care of myself that good and probably why I fell into depression to begin with. Working on that do I should see some improvement. Have a quiet evening!

Dee74

Welcome back Key

D

Upwardspiral

BTW, congrats to you 4 monthers!

Fantail, glad things worked out with your new sober climbing buddy!

Key, glad you're back. I've noticed it takes no time at all to feel terrible about my life if I don't stay on top of working my program and caring for my health. Feel better!

fantail

Key, I fall into it easily too. What kind of things help you bounce back?

letitgo

Thank you all for being part ouf this process. I look foward to catching up and reading you posts.

KeyofC

A big component is stopping any negativity in its tracks. Even if it's something bad, I have to turn it into something constructive, not dwell on it. It is what it is. I have to make sure I'm not giving out too much of me that I have nothing left for me at the end of the day. I have to drink enough water and eat properly. All of which I have let fall to the wayside.

Holds1325

Hi all,

Tooshabs - So how are you doing now? I get that alot, like drinking might help my anxiety or sometimes drinking might just enhance the night. Perhaps I can learn from your experience though because I had the temptation happen several times. The thoughts were fleeting but still I can't help but think that perhaps a beer or 2 will take the edge off. I know its the AV but it really is true about how we get that feeling that we can probably handle our addiction and go back to drinking moderately, I have to keep reminding myself of the negatives with drinking and there are too many to count. However I sort of get scared that eventually my mind will forget all of the negatives and I will eventually go back to it. Do you ever get this way?

Fantail - glad you got that resolved, mustve been awkward!

Letitgo - So how long do you have to stay in that area? I live in a small town, when I drank I used to always think about living in a big city and thought it would be fun, now going to the city every once in awhile drives me crazy and the traffic makes me wanna relapse! I just can't handle the stress, I'm glad you're handling it though, least thats something right?

Toki I hope you're doing okay at your conference or if its already over I hope it went well

KeyofC - I'm sorry that you were in a depressed state. I think its okay for us to focus on trying and making ourselves feel better for awhile at least until we get out of that state. Staying positive really helps, and putting that mental "stop sign" I guess helps me too, nope not going to even ponder upon that. So how are you doing now?

Well the big catastrophe at work subsided I think, no heads rolled though, mostly just alot of meetings and questioning happened and then ways we can avoid mistakes like this in the future. Fortunately I was able to come up with a fix very quickly so it didn't linger on. I guess my superiors are sort of looking at it like, well at least its fixed now and we can move forward.

I honestly don't think my mind would have been that sharp to come up with that fix if I was still deep in my addiction. Not to mention I can be very confident when I'm well rested and that tends to almost be the norm these days. A couple of people were joking about going home and drinking about this when we first discovered the mess. They laughed it off but I noticed the look of dread on their faces shortly after. I then chimed in saying, well lets not do that, we can fix it. I only hope it provided some relief, but I know I would have easily been in that mindset without saying anything, straight home or to the store for some alcohol and time to forget it all until the next morning.

Oh well, weekend is coming up, staying sober, doing some weekend shopping and maybe buying a new exercise bike as I need to continue getting healthier.

Anyone else got anything exciting this weekend?

KeyofC

I am doing better Holds. I swear a lot of my problem is my own toxic thinking. It's terrible. A lot of it is not even true. When I kick it to the curb I am fine. If I give in to a second of it I am doomed. Then it's just one thing after another. I am emotionally needy too and that can just kill people. I would honestly love them to death. You can't live on one person alone for your everything or to be your everything. I know this and how unfair of me to give someone that responsibility. I am puling out though. I just have to keep telling myself it's not real. stop thinking that way, everything is fine and I have to stay on top of taking care of myself. I'll be fine. Just need to learn better coping mechanisms on how to not even go here. (Hug) Today is definitely better.

Tooshabby

Yes, it's always our thinking that gets us into trouble. I had something small happen yesterday. It really wasn't a big deal but I let it get to me. Today I can see how silly it was that I let it get me down. I want to cultivate this kind of "it doesn't matter" attitude about the small things. Getting negative can be just a bad habit for me. Sometimes things are big and it's only natural they will upset you, but often things happen that are insignificant and not worth worrying about. I need to remember that if I make some kind of mistake it doesn't mean I'm a 'bad person' - only that I'm human and, luckily, that's okay :-)

Holds - I would be lying if I said I wasn't still holding out a bit of hope that I can drink normally. What I am concentrating on to combat that is the fact that I have realised I don't actually like the feeling of being drunk - not even a little bit. Plus even 2 or 3 drinks (if I *could* limit it to that) makes me feel physically tired the next day and interferes with my sleep. It's not worth it any way I look at it. I feel so much happier not drinking.

letitgo

Great stuff holds. The thought of relapse for me hasnt been too strong. I have been out with the guys designated driver. On my stressfull days i would like to get some beer but its just an urge. I stopped drinking twice last year. I wasnt an around the clock drinker but an everyday binge drinker. AA has taught me that some of us break our rules and fall faster the others. Everyones drinking career is unique.
I have too much to lose and i recognize that. I also hate being a slave to uncontrollably wanting to smoke and drink all night. My anxiety was much worse from drinking. These thoughts stay in my mind. The good and bad come and go. I am leaving this week. Happy to get back to the family.

I flipped out on someone the other day. Heat, stress and traffic got the better of me. I appologized to them. Trust me way far frim ever being a saint. Still learning to live like a sober/normal person. It is a challenge in itself one day at at time. I just want to learn how to cope with stress and anxiety to better handle situations in life. Damn lizard brain.
Take care all and happy weekend all!! Work and lots of football

fantail

Key, I'm glad you're feeling better, and you too, TS. Holds, I'm glad no one was fired over the error at work... it sounds like an honest mistake that shouldn't be taken as indicative of the team's performance overall (even if it was extremely costly).

I love cities and I don't mind the scuzziness or traffic much (although I do notice that I hate traffic when I drive. When I'm on transit, the busyness doesn't bug me). But I can very much understand the flip side of the experience. I think for me, it's like this window into everyone's lives, and the whole city is this fascinating system that I love watching.

Anyway, I'm doing well, except I'm still dealing with a lot of physical fatigue. Unfortunately can't see my doctor until early December, so until then I guess I just have to live with it. My sister and father both have varying degrees of hypothyroidism, so it's possible that something like that is kicking in. Hope not. But whatever it is I want it fixed because my body is not keeping up with my brain!!

Bellamiaa

Hey guys! Just checking in. Still sober Some days are great and some days are rough. But I guess that's just life. Alcohol or not. Stress has been really getting to me. I have never stressed like this! The alcohol made it to where I didn't worry about anything. I recently went back to school and these tests have made me a mess lol

Congrats to everyone still here. You are all amazing!! I will catch up with everyone's stories tonight xo

Dee74

Hope everyone has a good weekend

D

Upwardspiral

Hi all, just checking in. Key glad you're hanging in there.
Holds glad things got sorted out at your office.

I've had a few moments this week that would've been an excuse to drink in the past, but they seemed much more manageable now.
I am having some ups and downs but nothing major. I have noticed the past couple times I've been in a grocery store near my apartment that I've caught myself staring at six packs of beer stacked up right next to the cash register.
Now that I'm a recovering addict, I'm kind of offended that stores are putting controlled substances right by the place that all shoppers have to wait in line, a place that has long been used to push "impulse buys". Why can't they keep that s*** in the back of the store?