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Class of July 2015 Part 8

Old 10-31-2015, 07:19 AM
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This work week was another one to just file in the cabinet. Way back there. There were a couple of upsetting conferences (eg. Thinking 'It's amazing this kiddo does as well as he does", etc.)

Yesterday after work I put on a winter coat (in the house) and collapsed on the sofa. Yup, am officially under the weather. My Halloween costume for tonight will be bedraggled-invalid-wrapped-in-blacket.

Take care, everyone.
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Old 10-31-2015, 07:34 AM
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Heh heh...good one, toki :-) We had lollies ready for "the little parasites" as Mr TS referred to them (in jest). We went to the movies to see 99 homes and left a bowl of lollies on the front door mat, and returned to find about 20 of them left which we promptly gobbled up before bed.

I bet you are a great teacher. It's obvious how much you care :-)
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Old 10-31-2015, 06:57 PM
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Happy Halloween! Just got back from a meeting I found. It was a rehab meeting in a treatment center. I thought it was an AA meeting. Theses darn schedules I was given are outdated or the websites are wrong. I wondered why i was the only one without a bracelet on my wrist lol. They didnt read any aa things. Figured i might as well stay.
I learned a few things and i didnt get arrested so it was a success. Take care
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Old 10-31-2015, 09:55 PM
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That's funny Let. Take what you like and leave the rest, I guess?

I'm wired and up late, drank so much coffee today and just ate a bag of skittles...gross.

Just last minute under the wire submitted an application for a scholarship to go to a two week course at United Bicycle Institute. Had to compose answers to 4 open ended questions on my smartphone, and yet here I am pecking out a long post..must be the Skittles. There's actually a lot of stuff on my mind I could post about, but suffice it to say it was a good day and my first sober Halloween in a long long time.
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Old 11-01-2015, 02:20 PM
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Hope everyone is doing well. Still thinking of you, cbf.

Love to all xxx
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Old 11-01-2015, 03:55 PM
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Hi All,

Whoa, I'm done for the count with some bug, but just wanted to log on to wish you all well.

Let's get a strong start to November.
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Old 11-01-2015, 06:45 PM
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Happy November!

Sorry I've been MIA a lot... still super busy.

I went to a Halloween party last night which was the first time in any of my sobriety stretches that people kind of commented on my not drinking. Nothing aggressive, it just kept coming up... people offering beer, then they were playing beer pong, then everyone was playing flip cup... I kept having to explain that I would play, but someone would need to drink for me. I do think they thought I was a bit odd. These are all very successful people with families and stuff who just like to party like they're in college sometimes, it seems.

I did have a stronger temptation than I've had so far, but it passed so quickly. They were playing music and we were out on this partially enclosed roof deck, and a song came on with this really loud driving bass. That sound, for whatever reason, was what set off my three panic attacks where I was convinced that something terrible was coming for me. I still get little twinges of fear when I hear deep bass sometimes, because I associate it with those events. So yeah, that was enough to wipe that desire away immediately. Also, I never really felt like I actually might do it... it was more like that feeling when you're standing on a cliff and you scare yourself by thinking how easy it would be to step off, you know? Even as I was thinking about hey-maybe-I-could-have-a-drink I was frightened of it. And then I stopped thinking about it all together.

Just got back from an AA meeting, just to make sure no little craving birds are building a nest in the back of my head. It wasn't that good but it reminded me who I don't want to be.

Hope you're all well. CBF, hugs especially to you.
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Old 11-02-2015, 02:58 PM
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That's great, fantail. Have missed you being around :-) I know what you mean about that deep, loud bass sound. It almost sounds 'evil' and it's so kind of visceral in its effects on the body. Sounds like a roaring success re not drinking amidst potentially strong triggers :-)
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Old 11-02-2015, 08:08 PM
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Good job Fantail, I know the feeling associated with that bass as well, reminds me of being totally overwhelmed, crawling out of my skin or about to pass out.

I laid low on Halloween. A friend I hadn't seen in years was in town. She invited me to visit with her at the house where she was staying with a friend.
I was expecting to arrive at a raucous Halloween party, but instead it was just her and her friend watching the World Series and drinking water! They offered me a fizzy water and I spent two hours genuinely enjoying catching up and not thinking about drinking. It was pretty amazing.

I went to the climbing gym with a new friend tonight and had a great time. It seems like I'm starting to feel like a human again
Happy sober November all!
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Old 11-03-2015, 02:48 AM
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Hey everybody! Just stopping by to say "hey"! I'm doing good. Working on recovery, digging deeper, looking closer. Sometimes it dugs up more. Ok, bring it on. I can't get better if I don't know.
Still praying for everyone here, you're in my thoughts. Seems everyone's holding on to sobriety! Good deal, keep pushing on! (Me too)
(Hug)!
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Old 11-03-2015, 08:41 AM
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Hi all

letitgo - sorry if I'm not updated on your situation, so I take it you travel quite a bit right, for work I assume?

Upwards - Whats wrong with skittles? I eat em alot now (lol) my favorite are the wild berry type! How are you doing?

Toki - I hope you get better, that happened to me a few weeks ago, it was awful, plenty of rest and fluids should clear it up!

Fantail - I'd call that a victory anyway, even though the panic attacks hit. I swear all of you are indeed stronger than I am, if I was in any situation involving any alcohol where it was socially acceptable for the moment I'd probably give in! Im sorry about the panic attacks though I hate those they're absolutely dreadful.

Shabs - hey shabs, how are you doing now?

KeyofC - still encouraging and positive as usual, hows everything going with you?

The work week is still beginning and its bound to get going crazy. I'm not sure on your situation upwards where you had that mishap at work but I can totally sort of relate. This mishap which happened wasn't necessarily my fault though more like my entire department. We found an error in the software we pay for, that had been going on for months that potentially has cost us hundreds of thousands of dollars in revenue. Fortunately my boss found it, and then my skills was able to single out the error and get it fixed.

We pay a company to run this software for us so its partially still their fault, but to let this go unnoticed for months is not good at all, sort of worried about my future somewhat. Then again its not necessarily my fault either, its up in the air at this moment but someones going down for this I just know it!

Oh well I really have lost interest in my job since sobering up so if it goes down worst case scenario maybe I can finally get outta here or perhaps I'll keep my job and some major change will occur.

See this goes along with anything can happen at work and ur job could be on the line when you think its secure, thats why I think its best to just let things be and do ur best.

Staying sober through it all is key though, and I'm glad you all are still here with me.

Hope to hear from some of the others though its been awhile.
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Old 11-03-2015, 02:54 PM
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Hi All,

Glad to see you checking in!

Shabby- Too funny; those "little parasites" (or 'rugrats'). Gotta love 'em

letitgo- Must admit I laughed a little when I heard about your unintentional rehab visit... Good for you for getting whatever you could out of it

fantail- Wow, it's a great thing you are highly self-aware. Well done on the Halloween party.

Upwards- Isn't it wonderful how Possibilities seem to pop up once we become sober? I'm happy that you are getting out and socializing!

Key- Thanks for the prayers. We're with you all the way too.

Holds- I'm glad you checked in. Hope you are feeling less anxious. As above, we're with you on this journey.
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Old 11-03-2015, 03:00 PM
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I see what I wrote above; "I'm down for the count with some bug". I know what I meant to say, but it sounds like I was in a boxing ring with some freakin' cockroach.
So I had a virus that has kept me down for a few days. Followed the old sleep & water regimen. It has worked very well and am almost back (80% ?). Come to think of it, I've always used the same simple regimen when I get these seasonal viruses, but it hasn't worked so well the last few years. I don't think I ever gave myself time enough to get hydrated before going back to the wine.

Sheesh.

Water's a good thing.

Take care, everyone
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Old 11-03-2015, 03:13 PM
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Lol toki. Got the image of you in a boxing ring with a cockroach now :-)

Holds - I'm doing okay, but I mucked up again one week ago. I was avoiding doing something and got quite stressed about it, and thought some alcohol would help. The stupid thing was I wasn't even craving it, and didn't want to drink it. Needless to say it didn't help, and I felt awful for 3 days afterwards. One thing I learned though was there is nothing 'there' for me anymore. Like I said, I didn't really want it and didn't enjoy it. I know I've said it before, but it's like on some subconscious level I feel like I have to prove that I'm not encumbered by silly rules or something? If that makes any sense whatsoever. Some kind of exercise of personal power gone sadly astray. But yeah, I do feel the delusion is over. It was kind of just going through the motions. It didn't leave me frightened I was still attracted to booze - quite the opposite. So I guess that's a good thing.
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Old 11-04-2015, 02:20 AM
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Congrats to angd78, tokidoki, and toadie!! I think your all at 4 months. I think i forgot somone also. Well congrats well done !!!!
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Old 11-04-2015, 08:18 AM
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Congrats to the 4-monthers! And thanks letitgo for remembering. Class president!

Holds -- Oh, no I didn't get panic attacks. I just remembered having them during withdrawal. They were so strong I had to call an ambulance; I was seizing and actually thought I was dying. The bass reminded me how drinking lead there, and killed the craving.

Sounds like you're taking a good approach to this situation at work. A good instance for the serenity prayer Hopefully it doesn't end up affecting your job security though, sounds like it really wasn't your fault.

Toki - Glad you're feeling better. I had the same experience a couple of months ago... I got a cold and was amazed at how quickly I felt better! Water, yes.

TS & Upwards -- Oh wow, it's amazing to hear that you both understand the bass thing. I love bass for dancing, never had a problem with it before... but now it still holds a bit of that ominous feeling from the panic attacks. It's almost like being in a horror movie and the soundtrack changes so you know something bad is about to happen. Luckily now it's just a hint of it, it doesn't progress to full-on fear.

TS - Sorry to hear about your slip. But I'm impressed at how you keep moving forwards despite some wavering. For me it's either 100% sober or 100% relapsed. Good for you coming back. Sounds like this is part of your progress.

Upwards - It's great that you're feeling more comfortable socially!
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Old 11-04-2015, 08:27 AM
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This morning I woke up fully dressed, belt and all; computer open next to me on the bed, phone on the bed... from working so much. Weeiiird way to wake up. After panicking I was relieved to realize that I hadn't done anything wrong. And I actually felt great. I can feel myself getting stronger physically, so hopefully soon I won't be so exhausted. But it feels pretty good to work hard and then sleep deeply. Haven't known that feeling in a long time.

I could use some advice. I'm going to the climbing gym tonight with a guy that I met a few weeks ago at an event. Which I'm happy about. But I don't really know how to navigate the situation... I can tell he's Interested-interested. I just want to be friends. This is one of those "if I'd been sober I'd have learned how to deal with this years ago" kinds of things. My MO in the past has just been to feign obliviousness and act like everyone's on the friend level until the guy either gets sad and goes away or decides that he's cool with just being friends. I know that's not great. But what's the mature way to deal? Do I have to say something? Or do I just not hang out with him again, which seems like a shame? He's a nice guy and outdoorsy, and I could see us being friends. But... it's pretty clear that what he's looking for is a girlfriend. Help?
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Old 11-04-2015, 11:58 AM
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Hey everyone!

I'm still out here, going strong.

Uber & Lyft ridesharing have me jumping...still not seeing the profit in it but I love doing it.

Know I hit 4 months I think on the 1st or 2nd, so stay strong Julyers!
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Old 11-04-2015, 01:06 PM
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Oh gosh, I hate those situations. I tend to do what you do (act oblivious) which isn't a great MO, I agree. It's difficult because even though you 'know', you don't want to assume. To be honest, fantail, I'm a bit stumped. If you would really like to be his friend, it's a shame to throw that away. You can't really know at this stage either if he's the sort of person who would be happy remaining your friend even though he wanted something more. You could go out with him and be really mindful of any opportunities to talk about how you are not wanting to get into a romantic relationship at this point in you life? That's probably the chicken thing I would do, but it may not be the best idea. Sorry, I can't be much help - I'm useless in situations like this!
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Old 11-04-2015, 02:52 PM
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Thanks for trying though TS! I know, I really don't want to be presumptuous. But I also have resolved with myself (and speaking to a few others) that if no obvious moment offers itself (e.g. him offering to pay or something of that sort) I will end the night by a very casual "tons of fun but hoping to be friends" thing. Like an adult.

But I feel like such a teenager. As a drinker I'd just be like, Oh well, a few awkward hours, he'll either get the picture or he won't. Now I actually have some of my awareness back and don't want to be a jerk. But that's not really something I've practiced!
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