Conquest

Thanks so much, yall! I've missed you too. Funny how we sometimes run away from the people that help us most when we're down, huh? And by down, I mean embarrassed. Slips suck. Luckily, it wasn't huge. and nothing dramatic happened. I just don't feel great anymore, like I did for so long when I was doing what I know is right for me. Put it in the books as another lesson learned.
It's going to take me some time to catch up on everyone's September adventures. But I wish you all could see my smiling face when I read "gym time", "superhero geek status", "all you can do is your best", "tea back in da house", "Onward!", "Venuscat is back!", and so many more encouraging words that made me remember how amazing this group is. Big hugs all around.

Mark1014

Big hugs back at you Conquest.

venuscat

Thank you for explaining all of that Briar. I'm so glad all of your family and the animals are alright. And I also think you are doing a wonderful job with A.

Awesome phoebe ~ it's going to feel so good to be fitter and healthier, and I am right there with you. Health kick to the max, although you won't EVER hear me saying "gym time".

I'm so glad you aren't hiding anymore Conquest love. And I'm glad you're OK...you will get that good feeling back again. When you feel like it, we can talk about what happened if you want to. ♥

Just over two weeks away from all of you was a powerful reminder for me of just how much I need, love and care for you all. I was so lonely, and so out of the loop. We do this together, all of it, and I am so grateful for that.

So whatever you need Conquest love ~ we are here.

Love and good morning to all of you.

phoebe64

So happy both of you are here and posting again, V and Conquest.

BrighterDayz

Welcome back Conquest! You were missed hun.

Arbor

I'll second that Phoebe. So, so, sooooo great to have Conquest and V back!!!

So sorry you slipped up Conquest. Unfortunately I can relate. Had a rough couple months there this summer myself. I really doubted sobriety after the baby was born in June. I have a couple theories as to why this happened. I now know I absolutely need to reach out if some sort of mind shift happens. Traumatic event or not I need to stay on top of this. Anyways, the good news is that I'm sure it won't take you long to start feeling good again. The benefits show up pretty quick as I'm sure you know. We'll always be there if you wanna vent.

Conquest

It feels cliche to say...but celebrating started the "celebrating". Like I had this beat... Not so much, I guess. One thing's for sure. I'm smarter and stronger with every step forward.

AND in the car today, this song popped into my head and made me laugh. Any other fans of musicals? It's a funny jab at the AV. Sometimes you just gotta laugh at life.
I Can't Say No from Oklahoma
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=A18kYnP4Pec

And on a more spiritual note...This one truly lifts me. Sometimes you just gotta give thanks.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=y1RQciil7B0

Mark1014

That Hillsong tune is a great way to end the day. We have a family friend that has been with the Hillsong organization for years, mostly in Sydney I think. Good stuff.

Wishing all a restful evening.

Briar

Phoebe - sounds like you have a good system going, and I like that you have a support group for accountability. I find that strategy helpful too.

As to getting everything done with two full time working parents...well, not everything gets done all the time. Especially now that I'm committed to walking as many days of the week as I can, I lose an hour a night, so sometimes dinner is cereal or quesadillas. Laundry needs to happen tomorrow or bust because my daughter is wearing her last pair of clean undies. There are always a few dishes in the sink. I went through a tough phase a couple years ago where I had to let go of the delusion that I could get it all done, and that if I didn't I would tragically fail at wifery and motherhood. Now I'm like, everyone's alive, fed, dressed, and appear reasonably emotionally stable...we're good!

Conquest - what matters is that you're back and ready to stand up to this beast again. I always think back to the polar bear analogy. You can get as strong as humanly possible, but you still can't beat the polar bear. I'm so glad you're back on track and here with the crew!

Thanks V for the support. This fire situation has been an experience like no other for me. Just so devastating. But I'm kind of amazed at myself because throughout this whole terrible mess, not once have I wanted to drink. In fact, I've felt actively grateful for my sobriety without even having to adjust my thinking. Recovery is feeling natural even as I am being challenged, and it's pretty awesome. I'm glad I've been able to support my family, because I know that if I were drinking, I would be self absorbed and self pitying, and I would internalize this trauma in an unhealthy way. And I actually have the clarity to see that, which is pretty amazing.

Best to everyone, and I'm so glad we're all back together!

venuscat

People keep telling me how strong I have been to stay sober through this year. Because although there was no fire, it was a devastating time for me for many months. But the truth is exactly what you just said Briar. I have actively felt grateful for my sobriety, and been keenly aware of how I would/wouldn't be handling things if I were drinking.

Who said the other day (Arbor maybe, could have been in a PM) ~ life happens. And being sober helps us to grow the tools we need to handle what comes up, both the good and the bad stuff.

Conquest honey, it was a blip and you got passed it real fast. It all makes us stronger on our journey, as has been said. I love the polar bear analogy. That's why I never get frustrated about 'never being able to drink again'...it's a frikkin polar bear, and I have no hope of beating it ever. Why would I want to keep trying?

If any of you are familiar with the big Book (Briar I think you are), my favourite analogy is in there...the story about the jay walker...

"Our behavior is as absurd and incomprehensible with respect to the first drink as that of an individual with a passion, say, for jay-walking. He gets a thrill out of skipping in front of fast-moving vehicles. He enjoys himself for a few years in spite of friendly warnings. Up to this point you would label him as a foolish chap having queer ideas of fun. Luck then deserts him and he is slightly injured several times in succession. You would expect him, if he were normal, to cut it out. Presently he is hit again and this time has a fractured skull. Within a week after leaving the hospital a fast-moving trolley car breaks his arm. He tells you he has decided to stop jay-walking for good, but in a few weeks he breaks both legs."

"On through the years this conduct continues, accompanied by his continual promises to be careful or to keep off the streets altogether. Finally, he can no longer work, his wife gets a divorce and he is held up to ridicule. He tries every known means to get the jaywalking idea out of his head. He shuts himself up in an asylum, hoping to mend his ways. But the day he comes out he races in front of a fire engine, which breaks his back. Such a man would be crazy, wouldn't he?"

"You may think our illustration is too ridiculous. But is it? We, who have been through the wringer, have to admit if we substituted alcoholism or any addiction for jay-walking, the illustration would fit exactly. However intelligent we may have been in other respects, where alcohol has been involved, we have been strangely insane. It's strong language but isn't it true?"

Alcohol is always going to be my poison. Anytime I decide to ignore that fact, I am getting closer to getting my back broken by that fire engine. Or the polar bear...

Dee74

I'm really glad to see you back on deck Venus

Briar - s'ok, June Cleaver was not real - I think if she was, and she worked...the Beav might have been down to his last pair of jox and sox too.

D

Mark1014

That's a nice analogy from the book V. At times I have to try to find the humor in the ridiculous nature of this thing. Of late I don't have the intense cravings, just scattered pangs. Then last week I'm minding my own business and a cooking program is on tv and they are using prosecco. ..something I generally drank only during holiday season mixed with cranberry etc.....so I realized that I had stopped what I was doing and was transfixed to the images of opening the bottle, the sound, the pouring. I was a beer guy, but it took me two days to shake the notion that only at holidays I would enjoy a sophisticated, festive and therefore 'harmless' glass of bubbly. Talk about random, out of the blue! Yep, any intelligence I may have melts away as I think of my relationship with alcohol in the past. And I have to remind myself how quickly I would be jaywalking again if I ever take that first drink.

BrighterDayz

Mark, that brings up a question. Do you have a problem cooking with alcohol? My bolognese recipe calls for wine, and I'm OK with that-it cooks off, but I was never a big wine drinker and I sure never drank cooking wine, LOL. Yes, I know, goods chefs don't advocate using cooking wine but I'm fine with it.

Conquest

Hey BD! I've substituted stock in place of wine before and didn't miss it. If I use a cup of wine, I know where the rest is going. Lol

Phoebe, I'm excited for your new fitness journey! I started a new workout, too. It's a mix of body weight exercises and cardio, easy to do at home. And I'm trying to get my diet back on point. It just hasn't been a priority. And it's catching up to me on the scale. I hit the grocery store last night and loaded up on veggies. I've got chicken in the crockpot. I should be all set. Looking forward to swapping some recipes, especially kid-friendly ones. Jr. Is a bit picky and prefers the standard chicken nugget/Mac n cheese diet.

(((briar))) wow! Your post gave me goose bumps. You have grabbed an especially stressful situation by the horns. Atta girl!

And I loved the jaywalker analogy, Venus. It makes total sense. Thank you for posting the story. What a visual!

Keep swinging away, friends!

Mark1014

Good morning BD,

Until last week, I likely would have answered you by saying it wasn't a problem for me. The thoughts of that prosecco really were tenacious though and it's strange because I see beer ads all the time. I guess it was my AV trying to reframe this whole thing in my mind. So at this point I wouldn't want to have wine of any sort in the house to cook with. I always liked wine sauce etc., but for now I figure why go there? A few months back I had a restaurant meal and come to find out the filets were supposedly cooked with some wine sauce, I didn't detect it at all....so I'm just not sure about eating out and knowingly ordering something prepared with wine. My grandmother used to prepare a chicken in white wine that was a favorite, but it was distinctly 'winey' in flavor, so I would be hesitant (with so many other good options) to have that right now. The unexpected trigger last week has me playing it safe.

Dee74

Sorry but this is one of my bugbears.

The alcohol cooks off much less than generally thought.


Everyone has to make their own mind up, but I don't use alcohol in cooking. There's no point. I enjoy the other flavours more now. I don't miss alcohol.

D

phoebe64

I have never cooked with wine at home, other than the occasional Marsala chicken. I would get cooking wine if I were going to make that. I would not be tempted to drink that. Funny, we have a bottle of vodka in the house. Never opened. It has been my husband's and he does not drink hard stuff, typically. It was a gift with a flask when he was in a wedding party. It has got to be 25 years old. Never tempts me. Maybe because it is so old, and because he has saved it, and maybe it has some sentimental significance to him, as an object, not as a drink. But I never have wanted to drink it. It is not good vodka, either, lol. Now, if there were a nice, dry red around. It would not make it a day, well, maybe a day or two, but it would not last here.

Conquest, I wish the kids would eat the variety of veggies and proteins that I do, but I do cook some things just for myself, or for me and hubby, and give the kids something more simple. Or, make a plain grilled protein, and put mine on salad, and they have pasta and boring steamed broccoli or green beans. I like more seasoning, soups, salads. My daughter has the same Sunbutter sandwich on white bread for lunch, every.sinlge.day. Usually accompanied by an apple, crunch snack, like pretzels, and a K-bar or fancy nut free granola bar, when I order them. Every day!

Going to get to my Lower Body Fix today. Have not done this one yet. But, overall, I am waking with more energy just a few days into this. I have been more attentive to taking my vitamins and fish oil, and to drinking loads of water.

I know the weekend will come and I will feel like I have been so good, just a little wine tonight... and if I drink, the three or 4 pounds I lose all week, will be right back on there by Monday morning. Deprivation does trigger me, so I need to frame it as giving myself good health, and really believe it! Hopefully I can do that. Fake it till you make it, right? Keep repeating it until it sticks!

Mark1014

Thanks Dee.....that's interesting info.

Phoebe, I hope you do well with today's workout. Legs day for me too and I'll admit it's not my favorite.

Arbor

Interesting chart Dee. There's no source mentioned, so I'm not sure how factual it is. I have no problem using "cooking wine" although there's technically alcohol in them. It's all about the flava for me. I'm not sure why there even needs to be alcohol in them really. I'm sure you could find alcohol free Marsala cooking wine if you looked hard enough. I totally understand why someone wouldn't want to chance it though. Can't say I've ever gotten buzzed off a dish.

Arbor

Today is my one year mark since my initial commitment towards sobriety. 9/30/14 was my original sobriety date. The next day I joined this class. Best thing I ever did.

I'll never forget how awful of a day I had one year ago. I managed to get into work after days upon days of drinking. I was so exhausted I bought a coffee to wake me up. What followed was some of the scariest withdrawals I ever had. I literally felt like I was going to die on someone's property. To be found hours later by some client. I never want to let this happen again. Despite my greatest efforts possible last year I still let the beast back in. But not any longer. I am free now.

This last year was the most sober I've been since high school. I consider it a great achievement and progress towards my goal of living a happy and healthy sober life. I thank you all and couldn't have done it without you guys. I hope we can all stay close as the years move on.

Peace and love to you all. Thank you for listening!