Kevin78

I hope you are doing good Ready.

Are there many folks still here from giving up last Feb?

ReadyOrNot123

Thanks Kevin. Today has been good - in fact I feel pretty much back on track, which is very comforting.

It's a small group but we've been helpful to each other.

ReadyOrNot123

Fortunately, here I am on day 10 and I feel back to "normal". No cravings, and a lot of the shame feelings are gone. I went to dinner with a couple of friends last night - they had cocktails and wine and I was not tempted. I'm very pleased to be back on the wagon.

I'm also very pleased that it's Friday evening. I'm flat out exhausted - I'm not sleeping all that well and had a very busy week. I'm going to watch some of the baseball game and go to bed early.

DrunkenDonuts

Hi all. Just saying hi. My mental strength is very low. Not thinking about drinking. Just bemoaning my existence.

Hope everyone else is doing okay.

ReadyOrNot123

Hi DD - stay strong. Existential crises - ugh. I hope you feel better.

You presumably know that drinking won't help. If you aren't questioning your existence before you drink, you sure will afterwards.

Speaking of, I'm feeling quite a bit better and back on track.

Mets, hope your trip was great!!

ReadyOrNot123

Good morning, checking to mention that I was looking at the calendar, realizing it's new day 17 and yesterday I was back to no urges, and not even a thought about drinking or my recent relapse. It really is much easier to climb aboard the horse sooner rather than later, while the sober muscles still have plenty of memory. The first week is still quite difficult, but after that, old habits kick in, and fortunately my old habits don't have liquor in them.

I have a nice day coming up with a friend, we are having a spa day tomorrow. I could use it. I'm also spending time in the craft room for the first time in months (other than buying things for said crafts). It's been great getting back into it.

TGIF everyone!

August252015

That sounds great! Similarly, I am getting a hair cut today by my great stylist. IT's also an Aveda salon so I might just get a little something pretty. You have fun!!

I have been so productive lately (I am at 116 days and feeling good) and making daily to-do lists for the three hrs each morning I "work" before work - and getting stuff done! But I am also listening to myself and reminding myself I am still fragile and do get tired; today, I only listed five items and one is a recovery thing (My daily read of pgs 85-88 and HALT inquiry) and another is "Enjoy my morning!"

Happy folks from Feb are still going and going.

Have a great weekend, all!

Dee74

hi gang

D

ReadyOrNot123

Hi Dee! Great seeing you!

nymets86

Ready, sorry to hear about your relapse. Happy to see you are OK though.

DD, I hope you had an alright weekend.

Well, my trip was awesome, but since I've gotten back, I've been a wreck. One of my coworkers had fallen ill before my trip, but it appeared nothing serious. I got back last Sunday and got to work pretty jet lagged on Monday only to hear her prognosis had taken an awful turn and she had been given less than 2 months to live.

A combination of my loneliness, come down from the high of the trip, and sadness for my coworker led me to drink Monday, Wednesday and Friday nights. All drinking was on my own and I made it to work on time, so that's not the huge embarrassment. But I'm feeling rudderless and in shambles right now. I've texted my therapist about getting an appointment tomorrow as I know I need to do that.

Summers are slower than the rest of the year for me at work and I am strongly considering a week or two off to get some real alcohol treatment. As a binger and not an every day drinker I feel as though it's all too easy to push it off, but I really know I can't be on this darn hamster wheel any longer.

ReadyOrNot123

Oh Mets, I'm sorry to hear about your coworker and your drinking. My friend who died in her sleep was a kick in the teeth for me too. It's very hard to wrap your head around those situations. Stay close and let us know what your therapist recommends. The first few days after stopping again are not easy, so get plenty of rest, drink plenty of water, and take it easy on yourself for a few days.

Yeah it's been about 3 weeks for me now, and I am just taking it one day at a time. I feel pretty much back on track but if history has shown me one thing, it's that I eventually fail, even though I know full well and good what will happen. Insanity!

August - my spa day was great! A massage, a sugar scrub, followed by lunch, then a nap when I eventually got home. Hope you like your hair cut.

Thinking of you Mets.

ReadyOrNot123

Happy Hump Day.

I've been so busy at work that I haven't had time to think about drinking which is good. It's also tiring, not so good. Overall though, things seem back on track, for which I am grateful.

Mets, check in and let us know about your appointment and how things are going - even if you haven't been able to get fully sober yet. Believe me, I understand.

Dee74

Any ideas on what you might do to help yourself stop drinking mets?
I'm really sorry about your co-worker but trying to drink the shock and pain away never works.

Thanks for the welcome back Ready

D

ReadyOrNot123

Mets, please check in, we are concerned.

nymets86

Dee/Ready, on Day 9 here.

Last week was just painful at work. Since this co-worker has many of the same clients as me, and I'm good with technology, I took on the role of setting an out of office and putting up a voicemail reply, basically with just an open ended "out of the office whith no access to email or voicemail," but no reference to a return date. I had to have the difficult discussion with about 10 people that got those replies and were concerned that a different voice recorded the voicemail and. I return date was listed. I basically told them all what I know and that's that the prognosis is very dire. Lots of them were devastated, but it was cathartic to have discussions with these people about what a tremendous person my co-worker was and what an amazing job they'd done over the years providing top-notch customer service.

I visited my physiatrist and broke down there for the first time since last February. I also visited my GP as it has been years since I went. My weight was higher than I wanted, but given recent dieting success, was lower than feared. I had all blood work done and am still waiting on that, which has me a nervous wreck (cholesterol being my main worry given my diet). I came clean to my GP that I was drinking heavily up until Feb 2015 and have had multiple relapses since then. As such, my liver function was tested and I'm awaiting those results too.

Sorry for not checking in. I've not been drinking, I've just been dealing with all kinds of stress and been busy. I have been jogging, I have been keeping up with my book club book and I have been getting lots done at work, which does mean I am covering basically two desks now. I've still been watching the Mets on TV, but honestly, that just tends to add to the stress. They won 1-0 in 11 innings last night and I was pacing all over my apartment. Likely that's a welcome distraction, but given how low I feel overall right now, it's not brining me much joy to watch baseball right now (same went for the USMNT, NBA Finals and NBA Draft, which I also usually love, but just found blah this year).

This upcoming week should be easier at work. I believe all clients that were unaware of my co-worker's circumstances are now aware, so I won't be breaking the news to people. It's a normal length week, but with the Fourth coming up, lots of clients will be on vacation and that should make work less busy.

I'll be with my parents for the Fourth, which was planned way in advance. That's worked out well as I'm not anywhere close to confident in my ability to stay sober if I were to be staying at my apartment in New York City by myself. Will be all sober activities while with my parents and that's been the safest place for me over this journey of trying to get sober.

ReadyOrNot123

Thanks for checking in Mets, and for the update. I'm very sorry about your coworker. We spend so much time at work that it's almost like a second family. I had a coworker who was given a prognosis of 3 months and lived for 2 years - was in work off and on during that time. So you never really know - miracles do happen.

Ambivalence around things that you ordinarily love is pretty normal I think. Give it time. And have fun with your parents over the weekend. It sounds like it's exactly where you need to be right now.

All is well here, I'm feeling good re: drinking. Got to get back on the diet, I've gained a ton of weight and there are feelings of shame and depression there too, only difference is you don't black out and wonder what you did yesterday with too much cake. Given the choice, I'll take overeating, but I really want it to be neither, so much work to do on that score.

Have a good relaxing Sunday.

Dee74

Hope both you guys have a great week

D

nymets86

Just checking in.

Still feeling pretty depressed and then anxious since I'm waiting for results from the bloodwork I had done.

As expected, the workload has been very light this week, so I've been able to calm down a bit while at work.

No real desire to drink or cravings. Those might pop up as the long-weekend approaches, but I'll be heading out of town, which I'm very much in need of doing.

ReadyOrNot123

Good to hear Mets, I think that some anxiety about what we have done to ourselves is normal. Given you level of fitness and age, I wouldn't worry too much. The body is quite resilient.

I'm stressed to the max here due to an overload of work and that feeling of not doing anything well. I'm about a month into abstinence and grateful for that otherwise I'd be completely overwhelmed, as opposed to partially.

I'm quite ready for the long weekend too. Let's hope it's relaxing and stree free for both of us.

nymets86

.....she passed away.

I don't know what to type.

She meant a lot to me. She was such a good person. Cancer sucks.

I'm sober. But I don't really know how to compose myself for this funeral.

This reinforces my desire to leave New York. I'll always have a footprint in this city, but I don't really need all the negatives that come with it.