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Class of February 2015 Part 4

Old 04-01-2016, 07:43 AM
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Things are going well. Was a busy few days with lots of school obligations, but through all that now and don't have any school assignments due for awhile.

This weekend, I plan to make a dent in my book club book, spend time with my family, watch NCAA games and then Mets opening day!!!!
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Old 04-01-2016, 03:09 PM
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That sounds like a great weekend Mets, enjoy.

HOLY CRAP what an awful day. Working in operations is such a thankless job, nothing you do is ever enough. And today nothing was enough for an awful lot of people and I have had enough. And then my husband keeps yapping at me that I get too stressed out. He's been out of work for how many years, I'm the breadwinner, run a department of 20 in an industry that lays off people constantly, that never has enough resources, that wants to offshore everything to save money, that has clients who take needy to new levels, colleagues who pass the buck constantly, bosses who oversimplify everything in order to justify lack of staff or technology, who talk in circles and then call you a whiner when you try to illustrate the obstacles, meetings that are never ending and unnecessary if only the people who call them could summarize what they want and how they want it. It's a miracle that I'm fairly calm ever! Usually I might speak through gritted teeth when I get frustrated or angry but I try to rein it in. Today I lost that battle 3 times and although I'm not proud of it, I am also not beating myself up about it. Am I WAY behind on my own work? Yes. Am I logging off now and taking a couple of advil? Yes. Am I going to the store and picking up some ice cream? YES!!!
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Old 04-01-2016, 04:51 PM
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Almost two hours later and I'm still working, never did get that ice cream. Maybe now. Or maybe I go to bed.

Tomorrow is another day.

Oh but I am so excited for opening day on Monday!!
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Old 04-03-2016, 11:12 AM
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The weekend has been a nice rest from last week's craziness. I had to log on for a while Saturday a.m. because of some issue that resulted in people emailing me at 11 p.m. asking if I was online - seriously? Uh, no. And I never will be.

I had a restful day yesterday and so far today. It has been snowing, which irritates the hell out of me - I went out in my robe and galoshes to free the daffodils from the snow weighing them down - but by god I am not going to let a freak snowstorm kill the best sign of spring.

So I'm doing chores today, trying to stay mellow and get into a good headspace for the upcoming week.

Mets hope you had a good weekend.
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Old 04-03-2016, 03:12 PM
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I hope the weekend stayed peaceful Ready. You have my sympathy on the work things

D
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Old 04-03-2016, 05:01 PM
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Weekend has been good. I'm not one to dislike the cold, so actually enjoyed the rough weather. Just got back to my apartment and am getting ready to watch the Mets opener. Not a huge fan of the Sunday night game rather than the standard Monday Openig Day, but whatever, it's baseball season!
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Old 04-04-2016, 05:09 PM
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Our Sox opener got postponed! Unreal. This snowstorm is so unexpected, it's been snowing all day and has completely blown away the original forecast. I just got home, the roads were ok and my new car has 4 wheel drive so no issues. I think I'll watch the NCAA game tonight, even though I don't have a rooting interest in either team.
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Old 04-05-2016, 05:10 AM
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Yeah, this weather is wild. Crazy the temperature swings day to day.

So my plan to go to that meeting last night I again skipped, this time since I got asked last minute to join a fantasy league.

So, I drafted that team, then watched the UNC/Nova game, which wow, was a classic.

I'm disappointed in myself for not going to that meeting and taking another step toward full sobriety, but I am now on Day 17 following my relapse and overall, feel pretty good mentally and with my sobriety. My gym usage is way down, and I'm going to make it a priority to fix that in the coming months along with getting myself to meetings.
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Old 04-05-2016, 06:33 AM
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I didn't stay up for the end but saw the buzzer beater this morning. You know that kid has been preparing himself for that shot since he was a little kid. Good for him.

I feel very blah and anxious for no reason these last few days. I don't understand it, maybe it's the weather. Whatever it is, I really want it to pass, because it's not a pleasant feeling.
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Old 04-05-2016, 01:48 PM
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Go Sox - Win #1 in the books and Papi had a home run. It's baseball season, despite the snow on the ground. As long as it melts by Saturday when I go to see the PawSox with Dad, I can live with it!
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Old 04-06-2016, 05:19 AM
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Ready, sorry to hear you are feeling that way. I'm sure the weather doesn't help, but I know for me and bouts of depression/anxiety, there's no real rhyme or reason.

Everything is OK with me. I feel as though I'm making some progress post-relapse on the drinking end and just like last year when I first got sober, I'm eating way too much. It's almost like the relapse triggered a craving of junk food and lack of desire to exersize all over again.

I'm back up to my weight where I'd been before losing a lot for the wedding, which is frustrating, but I'm trying not to let it impact me emotionally and I'm also using that as added reason not to drink. I'm now tying drinking to not only horrific blackouts and massive embarrassment, but also to increased appetite and reduced desire to work out.

Dee, I believe you check in here as well, which is hugely appreciated. I saw on another thread that you are 9 years sober! That's an amazing feat. Congratulations! Your support on SR is incredibly meaningful.
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Old 04-06-2016, 05:16 PM
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Dee, that's amazing - congratulations!!! I too value your support. You do walk the walk, that's for sure.

I dropped a ton of weight over the past 4 years or so, and within the last 6 months have ballooned. I too can't dwell on it, I seem to be back on track now (right in time for vacation but what can you do).

Glad you're making progress on not drinking. As I say all the time at work, Rome wasn't built in a day, we'll get there.

On the depression/anxiety front, I'm still feeling that way but to a lesser extent. I'm overwhelmed at work and can't seem to get unburied - but tomorrow is another day. We're packing up our offices to move to the suburbs over the weekend so we're heading out after work tomorrow to celebrate the end of the Boston era (I've been going into work in Boston for over 30 years - it'll be so weird to no longer do that). My new AVP started this week and boy is he talkative. So basically it's a confluence of stuff that's bringing me down. I'll manage.

Time to go check and see how Buchholz is doing. He's so slow, and when he's slow and bad too, it's not entertaining. Up until the time I got out of the car, he was slow and bad.

Have a good night.
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Old 04-06-2016, 06:52 PM
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Thank you both

D
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Old 04-08-2016, 09:29 AM
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I went out after work with the team - we're leaving the city for the 'burbs this weekend. It was good, good turnout, nice people. I must not go out much because I actually did get some odd looks and comments tied to drinking a club soda. I don't really get it - everyone needs to get in a car at the end of the night. At any rate, I have a pretty forceful personality at work and squashed it quick, but it did give me pause. And the beer these days comes with an orange slice in it - the old me would have loved to give that a try. But that's just a tangent, the night was fun and I had a good time.

I'm glad it's Friday. They postponed the opening game of the PawSox due to rain last night and it's rescheduled to tomorrow - so Dad and I will get an early start and get in plenty of baseball now that it's a doubleheader. Would be nice if it were supposed to be warm, but we've frozen in baseball stands before - and even eaten ice cream out of little baseball caps with gloves on - no doubt we can do it again. Esp the ice cream....
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Old 04-08-2016, 04:49 PM
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TGIF!

Ready, yeah, the odd looks from Club Soda are kinda bizarre. My seasonal allergies are starting, so I'll be back to using that excuse when it comes up.

The Mets home opener was fun today. Nice to be back at baseball games, and I didn't really mind the cold weather. This weekend looks to be some brutal weather. I've been procrastinating on my taxes, so I'll take care of those and my book club book and make a weekend indoors mostly.
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Old 04-09-2016, 07:51 PM
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Good to see this thread is relatively active. Looks like nymets86 and ReadyOrNot123 are availing themselves of the site more than other Feb2015 people.

I'm just stopping in to say hi and share a bit of my experiences lately.

Still haven't had a drink since Jan 26 2015.

Lately have been pretty depressed. Still have my job and still living with parents and building a business so I can work for myself and buy my own house.

Am very lonely. I don't have any friends outside work and I keep to myself. I'm thinking I'm too lazy to have friends because I just want the companionship part of it but on my terms. So selfish as well. And this blocks me trying to make friends.

Why would I want to inflict myself on someone else?

Anyway, my dog is a source of comfort and he doesn't ask questions and is a nice huggable creature. So I have that going for me.

With regard to drinking - It's gotten to the point now where when I'm feeling down and contemplate drinking I remember how bad it felt and that it just doesn't help. So that "solution" to my poor mood isn't there any more.

I hate this one foot after another crap. Where is the happiness? Grrr.
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Old 04-09-2016, 07:54 PM
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Hey DD

Yeah I had to do more than just know drink to be happy. I was a fairly messed up unit....

Maybe things will be better when you move out and find some sober mates?

D
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Old 04-10-2016, 07:55 AM
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DD, good to hear from you, but sorry you're feeling depressed.

A few observations:
1. You say you have no friends outside of work. That implies you have friends at work. I personally feel like for a decent social life, you don't need a hundred friends (as Facebook would lead you to believe). All of my friends are through work or from college, then just offshoots of friends those people already have. I think you should just start with your existing work friends and make an effort to chat with other of their friends in social settings to see if you can find some sober friends.

2. Your comment on inflicting yourself on someone else. When it comes to relationship, my depression leads me to think that all the time. It's oretty destructive thinking however. There are people out there for everyone. I'm a rather quirky person, but am doing my best to find a soul mate. Unless you are a violent person/serial killer, you don't need to be thinking that you are inflicting yourself on others.

3. You are correct, the answer certainly isn't at the bottom of a bottle. I had a relapse in March and the few days afterwards were horrific. On top of the standard anxiety/depression I deal with, I was riddled with guilt/shame/embarrassment over my actions when I drank.

Well, this weekend for me has been productive. I caught up on my class work, caught up on some items at work, read over 100 pages of my book club book and am about to file my taxes now. Socially, I've been a bit of a shut-in this weekend, but have two social activities lined up this week. I'm going to the Mets game Tuesday night with a friend of mine who doesn't drink, then around lunchtime next Saturday have the book club meeting. I've been told I have to nominate the next book, so I'm hoping to get this current book finished and then find one to nominate. All the books I've read recently are about baseball or non-fiction finance books (Michael Lewis and similar stuff). So yeah, don't want to nominate those, will find something else I've been meaning to read that has good reviews.
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Old 04-10-2016, 12:58 PM
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Hi DD - sorry you are feeling down and lonely. I feel like that at times too, in fact I have been feeling like that quite a bit lately. I think both Mets and I rely on our families for support (even if they aren't aware they're providing it) - maybe it's different when you're living with them. I'm glad to hear you're still sober and hanging in, and realizing that drinking is no answer.

I just got home from some shopping and lunch with a friend, and am watching some Masters before I start packing for the Dublin trip. It's coming fast.
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Old 04-10-2016, 04:10 PM
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Thanks nymets86 and ReadyOrNot123. I appreciate the time you've taken to respond to my post.

It's about 20 min before I need to leave for work and I need to check in on my Amazon and Ebay sales so this may be short.

When I've had friends in the past I've always had one very good friend and some other people I feel comfortable hanging out with. Sort of how I imagine a marriage. Sounds weird to me now.

Those days are gone now that everyone is finding their mates and pairing off. I don't have much of an interest in doing that.

Anyway.. Thanks for responding to me and your kind words. I'll be trying to stick around here to talk with people.

Have a great day!
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