Class of May 2015 (Part 4)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,374
Wow. My allergies are going berserk today. I've got hives on my neck and I am totally out of Benadryl. I just remembered I have some anti-itch cream so after I washed off the area, I applied some of that. It feels a bit better. I am prone to hives but it's been a long time, and although I have allergies to pollen and stuff, I don't have to take something very often.
Sandy, ((((HUGS)))) Don't beat yourself up. You're always welcome over here. I don't like the idea of banishing people for one slip anyway. It doesn't undo all the good that was done before it. Ya know?
Sandy, ((((HUGS)))) Don't beat yourself up. You're always welcome over here. I don't like the idea of banishing people for one slip anyway. It doesn't undo all the good that was done before it. Ya know?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Having hard time. Horrible day today after again screwing up. I didn't even sleep last night! I have no clue how I'm out. I'm in a store taking care of something waiting for customer service.
Say some prayers to whoever ya got! Be here later.
Say some prayers to whoever ya got! Be here later.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,914
Hang in there Johnny. We all have rough days, but once they're over we have even better good sober days! You can do it.
AK- nice job on the therapist appointment! I need to start looking in to that as well. I wanted to get a little time under my belt before I really started digging in to issues. I'm thinking maybe after 30 days...
Sandy, let us know how it's going, even after you join June. Can't have too much support!
Casey, glad your vaca is going well. I'm slightly sun burned, which very rarely happens to me! I don't mind though.
It's going better with my family than I thought. Still early into this trip, and I've been offered a few drinks, but thankfully no cravings so far. I thought i would have a hard time in the hot humidity and at the beach, but so far so good!
Congrats to everyone who is hanging in there!
It's hard to respond to everyone on my phone since I can't scroll up and see who posted what!
AK- nice job on the therapist appointment! I need to start looking in to that as well. I wanted to get a little time under my belt before I really started digging in to issues. I'm thinking maybe after 30 days...
Sandy, let us know how it's going, even after you join June. Can't have too much support!
Casey, glad your vaca is going well. I'm slightly sun burned, which very rarely happens to me! I don't mind though.
It's going better with my family than I thought. Still early into this trip, and I've been offered a few drinks, but thankfully no cravings so far. I thought i would have a hard time in the hot humidity and at the beach, but so far so good!
Congrats to everyone who is hanging in there!
It's hard to respond to everyone on my phone since I can't scroll up and see who posted what!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 884
Originally Posted by AllieKat 
Thanks for asking Copper. I feel a little bit better. Still anxious though. How are you today?
I did a lot of thinking while I was running today. Everything from romancing the drink, to beating myself up for allowing myself to fantasize about alcohol, berating myself for my past, and ending with a firm and desperate plea with myself to once and for all put all this behind me.
For so long, I have held a silver screen before my eyes repeatedly playing a reel highlighting my biggest fears and failures. I have long since been held hostage by these images preventing myself from seeing what lies before me. Every once in a while, the reel stops and I have these explosive, short-lived moments of clarity, self-love, and hope. I have to find some way to harness this positive energy into a new long-lived mindset. At the very least, I need to use this to set fire to the reel. Burn every bit of it. Never to forget but never to live there again either.
I'm ready to rise up from the ashes. To become the person I want to be. I know this won't happen over night. I don't know who I am much less what I believe or stand for. So, for now, if I can just take a small part (sobriety) and change my mindset about that, taking one action every day to reinforce the truth about alcohol, the truth about living sober, then in time I will do some soul-searching to figure myself out.
Anyways, that's my reflective share for the day.
Johnny, keep for chin up and don't ever stop trying. Push through and things will get better.
Site, keep up the good work. Do you have a plan in place for when/if cravings do hit and more opportunities to drink present themselves?
Cissy, sorry about the hives! That sounds awful. Keep your tush indoors today and hide out from that nasty pollen!
Last edited by Copper442; 06-03-2015 at 12:08 PM. Reason: Dangit! Missed Cissy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,914
Copper I totally agree. I have seen some small changes now that the cravings aren't as often and I'm not as irritable. I feel more patient and like I'm becoming less selfish. It's definitely slow going, but so worth it.
I got all my recovery books on my phone and copied all my AA phone lists, and I'm checking in with a few people from my meetings every couple of days just to be safe. If any cravings hit that meditation won't help I will call them right away to get through it and come on here as well. I've never been good at relying on other people, but this whole process has really shown me I can't do it alone and no one minds me leaning o them when I need to. So thank you all for that!
I got all my recovery books on my phone and copied all my AA phone lists, and I'm checking in with a few people from my meetings every couple of days just to be safe. If any cravings hit that meditation won't help I will call them right away to get through it and come on here as well. I've never been good at relying on other people, but this whole process has really shown me I can't do it alone and no one minds me leaning o them when I need to. So thank you all for that!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: STL
Posts: 388
Copper my thoughts exactly. I have a vision of who I want to be but I have no idea how to get there. I don't know how to let go of the addiction. I don't want it but it stays anyway. I guess more time is the answer but I'm getting tired of built up stress and anxiety. Hopefully my therapist can help if I make it that far without giving in. My brain is telling me that once is ok this weekend because I need it to relieve the stress. Ugh!
Right now I am struggling just to stay at work. I don't want to be here! 2 hours to go...
Right now I am struggling just to stay at work. I don't want to be here! 2 hours to go...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 884
Allie, what kind of activities do you do to relieve stress and anxiety? Do you exercise at all? That really is the rub for me. Having all these unpleasant feelings and sensations and not knowing how to get rid of them without drinking. I'm still wet behind the ears when it comes to all this.
Your true side knows that giving in won't relieve the stress. It may for a very brief moment but it all will come back tenfold as alcohol only brings more chaos into our lives. You absolutely CAN make it sober until you meet with your therapist.
Try to take some deep breaths and consciously work to relax the tension in your body. The majority of your work day is behind you. Keep your chin up. We are here for you.
Your true side knows that giving in won't relieve the stress. It may for a very brief moment but it all will come back tenfold as alcohol only brings more chaos into our lives. You absolutely CAN make it sober until you meet with your therapist.
Try to take some deep breaths and consciously work to relax the tension in your body. The majority of your work day is behind you. Keep your chin up. We are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: STL
Posts: 388
I definitely know that drinking will not fix anything. It's the addiction talking. I actually made plans to go to the gym with my daughter tomorrow evening in an effort to change things up a bit. We used to go twice a week but haven't been in a few months. It would be nice to get into a regular gym routine.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Hang in there AllieK. You've got your addiction scared with your progress so it's fighting back in the only way it knows how. Lying to you about relieving stress when you know it'll only cause more stress in reality.
You've got this. Keep asking for help. Think the drink thru to all the reasons you don't want to live in the bottom of a bottle anymore. And don't take that first drink no matter what. Thinking of you...
You've got this. Keep asking for help. Think the drink thru to all the reasons you don't want to live in the bottom of a bottle anymore. And don't take that first drink no matter what. Thinking of you...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
I'm at the grocery. I'm getting some greasy pepperoni pizza. Tons of coconut water and some good stuff for dinner. Talk later. Thanks for understanding and the support. I'm not thinking 'oh crap happens, whatever.' I need to get well!
I am sorry that I have been absent from this thread - I am still learning to navigate this site. My sober date is 5/26/2015 and I want to be part of the Class of May thread
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 884
Originally Posted by AllieKat
I definitely know that drinking will not fix anything. It's the addiction talking. I actually made plans to go to the gym with my daughter tomorrow evening in an effort to change things up a bit. We used to go twice a week but haven't been in a few months. It would be nice to get into a regular gym routine.
Going to the gym with your daughter sounds lovely.
Johnny, I wholeheartedly agree with Casey. Pepperoni pizza is the best. Enjoy!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Pizza was absurdly delicious. I had Whole Foods heat it and I ate it on the car ride home with and ice cold coconut water. I could feel my cells absorbing that water.
Anyway I'm home with my friend and I'll be ok.
Anyway I'm home with my friend and I'll be ok.
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