Magellan

Excellent stuff, I'm jealous it was right around a Thanksgiving I was doing pretty good then the Holiday AV got me and I took the wrong fork in the road, it has taken bait to get back, but I am
Congratulations!

Magellan

Thanks Kenso, I did just that! It was a bit tough but on the way home I did a lot of thinking about what happened this week and how ill prepared I am and that alcohol was a contributing factor to malaise and it shut the AV up. So here I am on day 6.
Erratic are you still with me

ubntubnt

Phoebe, please keep working it. Progress isn't a straight line. Sometimes we need to grind away without the recognition. It's not wasted, it all builds your foundations as a person and the dividends will come. There will be many moments of joy in time.

I remember seeing an interview with Michael Phelps. He was saying that dragging himself out of bed really early, training by himself many days, usually not wanting to but driving himself towards the goal and staying the course are what made him the athlete that he is/was. The competition and medals were just the last 1%.

For the past 10 weeks my wife was refusing to agree that I an alcoholic, she teased me on occasion about AA. I know the problem that I have so I have grinded it out as you know. Last night I was teasing her and said that I was going out for a few beers and she said "no, no, no, no don't do that. You are almost the perfect husband now". I suppose almost is better than totally crap. It is being noticed phoebe, everything is noticed. keep sticking to it, but do it for yourself. The rest will all fall into place.

ubntubnt

Wow day 6 Magellan, only seems like yesterday since we got you back...they build fast. You learned a lot over these past few weeks. Time for you to kick some ass.

Magellan

Hi Stars,
Erratic, Ubntub & Kensho seem to have hit it on the head, my little experience with going alittle over 2 weeks in Oct and telling myself I could have a glass of wine led me to a deeper struggle with trying to get those days back and then hardly being sober through the Holidays and struggling to get my footing back. I think my sober self liked it and the AV stepped up its game to keep me from feeling the great way I did sober. As much as I would tell myself that nothing good would come from alcohol and alcohol doesn't make anything better (it really doesn't) I was pulled/lulled right back into the same old pattern. Thank you for your post as it does solidify some of my thinking that I can't just go 100 days or 3 months, 5 months that this is forever and that is actually a good thing, I have put it off for to long. I know I will have struggles but I will try hard to get to where you and hopefully the farther I get away from alcohol, the more I replace the old with the new.
Erratic, to your point I am an alcoholic and I know I can't drink in moderation even though my logical self says I can, once I have one drink the logically self goes away and all bets are off.
Today is a new day and I am beginning it well and serenely...and will not waste a moment on yesterday's. that is my Emerson...hahaha
Happy Sober Saturday everyone.
Stay strong.

Erratic

Sry if my post was a bit much I have a tendency to rant and not able to put my point properly across hope it didn't offend anyone .

Well day 6 and good going mag

I'm not going to make promises I can't keep bit I've been thinking about going to Sunday's AA meeting in the evening so will see how I get on tomorrow first and then see what the evening brings.

Have a good day all xx

angd1978

Hello All,

Man I have had some struggles this week since I hit my 60 day mark. I had been doing so great, not getting stressed out by my job. Then Wednesday hits and I have the worse day I have had all year teaching. I have one kid in my class that has major behavioral issues and learning disabilities. I know that he blows up and end up tip-toeing around him just so he doesn't blow up. He ended up pushing another one of my students to the ground and when I told him that he can't come back to my classroom until he calms down, he screamed that he hates me and a bunch of other stuff. I spent all yesterday talking with administration about how I am worried that he will injure another kid or myself the next time( as this isn't the first incident). My principal was supportive but too bad that the asst. prinicpal is in charge of discipline and does really nothing about behavior. Our school has kids running down the halls screaming, ripping stuff off of the wall. ect. All she wants to tell me is that I am doing such a good job... he is so much better than last year.... blah blah blah. Point blank... I CAN'T stand her and the principal is new and worthless. I can't afford to quit my job and I don't want to start all over at a new school next year again for the 3rd year in a row. (I will be moving after the 2015-2016 school year anyways when my son graduates. It is so frustrating to not be supported and I don't know if I can make it the 10 years of teaching to have my loans forgiven. It is such a time consuming, thankless, demeaning job. I have found myself wanting a drink the last two days but haven't gone to get anything. I just sit here angry now.... waiting for the whole cycle to start over next week and will probably be depressed all Sunday because it is just another extension of the work week. I guess one good thing is that I didn't drink because I probably would have been loaded for three days by now after this incident and the pressures at work. UGHHHHHH... thanks for letting me vent. I am happy that I didn't drink and was able to quickly put the thought of it out of my head but things were going along so well. I hope I can get back to not caring about what my principal, or anyone else thinks and just doing what is best for the kids.... but right now I am pretty damn angry at the profession I thought I was so passionate about. I had a massage on Thursday, which didn't calm me down and now I am going to the chiropractor and another 30 min massage after today for my lower back. I just keep trying to take care of myself through exercise, therapy, and massages once a month. Praying for sanity and peace this weekend.

11Stars

Thanks for all the food for thought ubn, mags, kenso and erratic.

workforit

Quoting you, Erratic, to let you know that what you say is important and true and meaningful (and not at all a rant, my friend). That sentence above puts it perfectly -- there is no way I want to end up back where I was. Where I was, was alone and lost. Where I am now, there is hope.

Angd -- what a terrible week! Sending hugs your way. I often think that being without the alcohol forces you feel everything much more vividly, including the stressful stuff, but it also gives you a much better shot at dealing with it the right way. This too shall pass.

Phoebe -- although we're all floating around cyberspace and not in your real life, hopefully you know that we all support you and also are supported by your kind thoughts and words. For real.

Magellan - great job on resisting the urge!

Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

gypsytears

Checking in... Emotionally drained. Reading along... Sending positive vibrations.

Dee74

You're very fair from being a piece of crap Erratic

for me what now was about moving away from the not drinking focus to 'what else do I need to do to fix my life up and find happiness'

It turns out that part was an even bigger task than not drinking

D

Soberella66

Quick check-in. Feeling much better than yesterday. Sending positive vibes back to you Gypsy! Phoebe I understand the 'invisible' feeling. As someone without very much 'tangible evidence' of my drinking problem and 'collateral damage' as a result of drinking, as well as being surrounded by active alcoholics and non-alcoholics who didn't think I had a problem, I've mostly been trudging this road all by myself. Hang in there and remember you are not alone!

Deleteda

Hi class looks like there are a lot of us feeling down and a bit blue just now I'm struggling big time with cravings and my AV is doing a non stop all singing and dancing one woman show which is no fun! I've had a bit too much time on my hands recently along with family illness and stopping smoking so I'm not surprised I'm struggling. Also coming up to the three month point which can be a hard milestone. Going to get through it sober though! Peace X

Magellan

[QUOTE=angd1978;
but right now I am pretty damn angry at the profession I thought I was so passionate about. I had a massage on Thursday, which didn't calm me down and now I am going to the chiropractor and another 30 min massage after today for my lower back. I just keep trying to take care of myself through exercise, therapy, and massages once a month. Praying for sanity and peace this weekend.[/QUOTE]

Hi Angd, I feel for you! This could have been written by my wife. She taught K & 1st grade and had much of the same thing. A few years she had kids they were "mainstreaming" and it was awful. One night she was driving home and was pulled over for speeding, the police officer let her off because she was crying the officer felt really bad
She never could leave because she loved the kids and she worked in an area where parents didn't attend to their kids that much and the kids really loved her.
The best I can do is give you a big ((((hug)))) and let you know I'll pray for you to have a better week and hopefully get to your 10 years sober and debt free!!!
Slept late this morning, felt great, I missed church though
Happy sober Sunday everyone!

angd1978

Thanks, Mag! Your wife and I definitely have a lot in common, only I teach 3rd graders. Thanks for the support and ((hugs)). Not many people understand the stress that teachers go through and that our work never takes a break really. I feel like I have zero life for myself anymore and the administration is sucking any joy that I get out of trying to make a difference. I guess I will continue to pray about it and let it go for now. God will lead me through it or guide me to where I am supposed to be next.

I hope everyone has a great Sober Sunday!!!!!

11Stars

Feeling better. My consideration of drinking was triggered by hubs saying he'd start again in February. Last night I let him know I was happier when he didn't drink because I liked his sober self, it was easier to have fun with him and because it was healthier for us overall and I am not triggered by it.
xoxo
11Stars

Magellan

I'm drained, I'm hoping that I get a recommendation for an AA meeting close by (doggonecarl ) but whatever...I had wine tonight, sorry erratic. I'm losing touch with many, TEC, Josharon, TX, mm, applekat - hope peanut is okay.
I need the November class and we are all kind of going away

GroundhogDay

I'm still here. I feel like enough sober time has passed now that I am developing new habits. However, I still have lingering brain effects. I guess that will last for a few more months. I don't have any news to report.

Magellan, I'm sorry to hear that you succumbed to the wine tonight, and I am glad doggonecarl is helping you find an AA group. He has many words of wisdom on this forum.

There is an AA meeting near me, but I haven't been. I will go if I think that is what it takes.

Dee74

Still lots of folks here Magellan. You could post in the January thread too though - if you want?

D

11Stars

I'm here Magellan! It has been quiet for sure. Th January group certainly is lively I have noticed that. There's also the one year and under group. I read a lot but post not so much. Good luck to you! What was your trigger tonight? Anything in particular?