One Year and Under Club Part 41
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
Glandon, nice job working through the feelings. I wish I had more tangible advice to offer but want to congratulate you on your continued success.
Glimer, sounds like you had a great thanksgiving and handled the situation with your Dad really well- great work!
Glimer, sounds like you had a great thanksgiving and handled the situation with your Dad really well- great work!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Hi Undies
Today's dispatch is from a youth hockey tournament, where day drinking is not just acceptable, it's encouraged. I took Toots' suggestion tonight to find a meeting tonight for a break from the onslaught of drinking.
Glandon - Alcoholism isn't fully understood, but when you get a lot of people together who are trying to stop drinking, one theme that comes up repeatedly is the sneaky nature of the desire to drink. Nine months ago I drank after I had vowed to stop. I didn't know I was going to drink when I woke up that morning. I had cravings bed or that I was able to stop. But the day that I drank I wasn't able to hold off. The morning after, when I woke up (more like came to) I was overwhelmed with sickness and misery and defeat. I realized that I was powerlessness I had over my cravings, and I was willing to do whatever it took to get healthy. I wound up on the doorstep of AA because I didn't know where else to go. My husband drinks and there is alcohol in my house and AA was a safe place to go for an hour, where I knew there'd be no alcohol, and no pretenses. Over time, I found that the little life lessons that I heard there, when applied to the situations in my life, made my life run simpler, happier, and more peacefully. I've come to realize that my emotional sobriety is directly correlated to my physical sobriety. For me it's practicing gratitude and acceptance, making realistic goals and having realistic expectations. These tools allow me to know, deep inside myself, that life will be pretty good today no matter what happens.
Today's dispatch is from a youth hockey tournament, where day drinking is not just acceptable, it's encouraged. I took Toots' suggestion tonight to find a meeting tonight for a break from the onslaught of drinking.
Glandon - Alcoholism isn't fully understood, but when you get a lot of people together who are trying to stop drinking, one theme that comes up repeatedly is the sneaky nature of the desire to drink. Nine months ago I drank after I had vowed to stop. I didn't know I was going to drink when I woke up that morning. I had cravings bed or that I was able to stop. But the day that I drank I wasn't able to hold off. The morning after, when I woke up (more like came to) I was overwhelmed with sickness and misery and defeat. I realized that I was powerlessness I had over my cravings, and I was willing to do whatever it took to get healthy. I wound up on the doorstep of AA because I didn't know where else to go. My husband drinks and there is alcohol in my house and AA was a safe place to go for an hour, where I knew there'd be no alcohol, and no pretenses. Over time, I found that the little life lessons that I heard there, when applied to the situations in my life, made my life run simpler, happier, and more peacefully. I've come to realize that my emotional sobriety is directly correlated to my physical sobriety. For me it's practicing gratitude and acceptance, making realistic goals and having realistic expectations. These tools allow me to know, deep inside myself, that life will be pretty good today no matter what happens.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Sorry for the typos and autocorrects above. I'm posting from my phone and it's hard to see what I've written.
I slipped out of the hockey party scene to go to a local AA meeting. Gilmer, there was a Curves gym on my way there. I had no idea those there still around.
Anyway, tonight's meeting was the group's annual gratitude meeting. There were 50+ people in attendance, and they just went around the room talking about gratitude. It put me in just the right frame of mind. I came back to the hotel, am snugged up in the room, with my kids tucked safely into bed, the three of us reading, with some cheesy tv show on in the background. It's cozy and comfortable and so different from the way I've capped their nights at hockey tournaments in the past.
Tonight I'm grateful for AA, SR and sobriety for giving me the chance for my kids to count on me.
I slipped out of the hockey party scene to go to a local AA meeting. Gilmer, there was a Curves gym on my way there. I had no idea those there still around.
Anyway, tonight's meeting was the group's annual gratitude meeting. There were 50+ people in attendance, and they just went around the room talking about gratitude. It put me in just the right frame of mind. I came back to the hotel, am snugged up in the room, with my kids tucked safely into bed, the three of us reading, with some cheesy tv show on in the background. It's cozy and comfortable and so different from the way I've capped their nights at hockey tournaments in the past. Tonight I'm grateful for AA, SR and sobriety for giving me the chance for my kids to count on me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Gilmer hope your dad is ok. How neat to have your friend over for the holiday!
GF sounds like a good meeting! How are the hockey games going!?
Glandon good job not drinking! Playing the tape thru always works well for me and coming on here posting.
Womp went well. My dog had 2 tiny masses removed couple dys ago and the results came back benign which I'm thankful for. Boxers are so prone to cancer and mast cell rumors so I'm constantly checking her for any growths! And I bought her a new toy to celebrate!
Well off to bed before more womping tomorrow
GF sounds like a good meeting! How are the hockey games going!?
Glandon good job not drinking! Playing the tape thru always works well for me and coming on here posting.
Womp went well. My dog had 2 tiny masses removed couple dys ago and the results came back benign which I'm thankful for. Boxers are so prone to cancer and mast cell rumors so I'm constantly checking her for any growths! And I bought her a new toy to celebrate!
Well off to bed before more womping tomorrow
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,171
BeFree that must have been worrying you about your girl. On top of everything else happening recently, I am glad her results are good.
GF what a lovely night you had. And no hangover tomorrow!
Glandon AV will work in whatever way it thinks will get through to you. The physical need passes quickly, but the psychological and chemical urges go on. In your instance I would ask myself why I wanted to smell the booze? Would it benefit me in any way to know what the booze smelled or tasted like when I had no intention of drinking it?
Gilmer, you are a true friend in need, your singing friend is fortunate indeed to have you in your life. I hope your dad picks up soon and is able to return home. Even in the midst of it all, you find cause for gratitude. Your cup isn't half full my dear friend, it is overflowing.
Dottie good to see you here.
Well in Scotland two stores had to close for the Black Friday mayhem. I hate the blatant commercialism of shops that has brought this across from America, but who are the idiots who feel the need to charge into stores at midnight for 'bargains' most of them neither need or want! It depresses me to see. I went for a run with Molly instead, healthier, cheaper, and more life enhancing!!
GF what a lovely night you had. And no hangover tomorrow!
Glandon AV will work in whatever way it thinks will get through to you. The physical need passes quickly, but the psychological and chemical urges go on. In your instance I would ask myself why I wanted to smell the booze? Would it benefit me in any way to know what the booze smelled or tasted like when I had no intention of drinking it?
Gilmer, you are a true friend in need, your singing friend is fortunate indeed to have you in your life. I hope your dad picks up soon and is able to return home. Even in the midst of it all, you find cause for gratitude. Your cup isn't half full my dear friend, it is overflowing.
Dottie good to see you here.
Well in Scotland two stores had to close for the Black Friday mayhem. I hate the blatant commercialism of shops that has brought this across from America, but who are the idiots who feel the need to charge into stores at midnight for 'bargains' most of them neither need or want! It depresses me to see. I went for a run with Molly instead, healthier, cheaper, and more life enhancing!!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I hereby apologize on behalf of all Americans for the scourge that is Black Friday!
Thanks, you guys. I will be going to see my dad in about an hour.
Dottie! What's up with you? How is work?
BFree, I'm relieved that your dog's tumors were benign.
Thanks, you guys. I will be going to see my dad in about an hour.
Dottie! What's up with you? How is work?
BFree, I'm relieved that your dog's tumors were benign.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,183
Hi Undies,
Hey, was that a Dotti Pepper pop in? Nice to see you, DP. Hope all is well and reasonably warm both weather and dude wise!
BF, what wonderful news about your dog...Mazel Tov!
Glee, what an amazing contrast that sooo illustrates the peace and serenity, joy, happiness and FREEDOM that emotional and spiritual sobriety has offered in your life in just 9 months. If only we could have read that story about your last drunk on a hockey hotel stay-over first. Toots, what a great 'Wow, I could have had a V-8' suggestion about going to a mtg!
((Gilmer)), my best to your Dad as he continues to recover. Glad that you were able to enjoy a nice dinner with your friend too.
Sask, I'm glad that you were able to find a meeting that was able to lift your spirits.
Glandon, I try to not get all deep in the psychology of what was the reason for a trigger. Someone, I think Toots said that AV comes from all angles. The fact that alcohol has been cunning, baffling, powerful and patient in my past is all I need to know. I am NO MATCH. I need help when I trigger. My goal is a simple one for when it happens... What tools do I have in my toolbox to stop/arrest this feeling so that I SIMPLY DO NOT DRINK. I an now thoroughly convinced that it's a war that I will eventually loose. Heck, I may battle those feelings and win the first 112 times...but it might be #113 that has me finally take that sip.
Up to that point, that second, I control weather I take a drink or not. However, once I take that sip, AV wins and to quote my ex in a text from just last week, "We had a great life but alcohol turned it into ruin."
Sober almost 18 months now...had three serious triggers. I define a trigger as a desire to drink that lasts a minute or longer. Most come and go in seconds.
(1) Just found out by registered mail that my Ambien stop would not be reckless driving, but, considered a DUI. I was 6 weeks sober at that point and going to an AA meeting every day. Mail man delivers the bad news, I say f it and head for the door and my keys to go get blasted. Keys in hand, at the door, life in ruin a little voice says, "You really don't want to do this"...I think for a second and all of a sudden all of the emotions of decades of ruin overwhelm me. Without any forethought, no connection with any God or HP of my choosing I hit my knees and simply say, "I surrender - you win, please don't make me go drinking now!' Calmly, but crying I head over to the phone and call the dude I referenced just a few days ago. He's there, we talk, I accept my fate and the crisis is averted.
TOOLS USED: Finally surrendering my will after decades of running the show and knowing what that meant. The split second version of playing the tape to my final drink of a run...not the first one. The belief that my new friend, who I barely knew would have dropped everything to come and hold my hand through this (so powerful). His, and others phone numbers handy.
(2) Haha, I need to speed this up. After closing a deal, 'that good vibe wanting to get a buzz.' Simple one...called a different friend that I knew lived close by. Met him at this nice Italian restaurant and celebrated with good food and companionship with my paesano, Sal. Then we hit a meeting.
(3) Following a very stressful family visit (my biggest trigger by far), I'm driving home and soon will be passing the bar where I have drowned that sorrow about 100 times in the past. I think to call someone, then just look down at my cell, all of a sudden I realize I have over 30 names and numbers of people in that phone that I didn't even know 6 months prior that would do anything to help me not drink. Just the knowledge that they were there if I needed them was enough to dissipate that trigger and I didn't need to call anyone. I did head to a meeting though. Even crazier was that seconds after the obsession left me, I needed to turn completely around while driving as I merged...there it was, behind me...one of the most beautiful rainbows I've ever seen. Drink on my mind, I never see that rainbow.
There is a common denominator in all of these. Not why, but what I need to do.
Gotts to dash. Enjoy the day, Undies.
Carlos
Hey, was that a Dotti Pepper pop in? Nice to see you, DP. Hope all is well and reasonably warm both weather and dude wise!
BF, what wonderful news about your dog...Mazel Tov!
Glee, what an amazing contrast that sooo illustrates the peace and serenity, joy, happiness and FREEDOM that emotional and spiritual sobriety has offered in your life in just 9 months. If only we could have read that story about your last drunk on a hockey hotel stay-over first. Toots, what a great 'Wow, I could have had a V-8' suggestion about going to a mtg!
((Gilmer)), my best to your Dad as he continues to recover. Glad that you were able to enjoy a nice dinner with your friend too.
Sask, I'm glad that you were able to find a meeting that was able to lift your spirits.
Glandon, I try to not get all deep in the psychology of what was the reason for a trigger. Someone, I think Toots said that AV comes from all angles. The fact that alcohol has been cunning, baffling, powerful and patient in my past is all I need to know. I am NO MATCH. I need help when I trigger. My goal is a simple one for when it happens... What tools do I have in my toolbox to stop/arrest this feeling so that I SIMPLY DO NOT DRINK. I an now thoroughly convinced that it's a war that I will eventually loose. Heck, I may battle those feelings and win the first 112 times...but it might be #113 that has me finally take that sip.
Up to that point, that second, I control weather I take a drink or not. However, once I take that sip, AV wins and to quote my ex in a text from just last week, "We had a great life but alcohol turned it into ruin."
Sober almost 18 months now...had three serious triggers. I define a trigger as a desire to drink that lasts a minute or longer. Most come and go in seconds.
(1) Just found out by registered mail that my Ambien stop would not be reckless driving, but, considered a DUI. I was 6 weeks sober at that point and going to an AA meeting every day. Mail man delivers the bad news, I say f it and head for the door and my keys to go get blasted. Keys in hand, at the door, life in ruin a little voice says, "You really don't want to do this"...I think for a second and all of a sudden all of the emotions of decades of ruin overwhelm me. Without any forethought, no connection with any God or HP of my choosing I hit my knees and simply say, "I surrender - you win, please don't make me go drinking now!' Calmly, but crying I head over to the phone and call the dude I referenced just a few days ago. He's there, we talk, I accept my fate and the crisis is averted.
TOOLS USED: Finally surrendering my will after decades of running the show and knowing what that meant. The split second version of playing the tape to my final drink of a run...not the first one. The belief that my new friend, who I barely knew would have dropped everything to come and hold my hand through this (so powerful). His, and others phone numbers handy.
(2) Haha, I need to speed this up. After closing a deal, 'that good vibe wanting to get a buzz.' Simple one...called a different friend that I knew lived close by. Met him at this nice Italian restaurant and celebrated with good food and companionship with my paesano, Sal. Then we hit a meeting.
(3) Following a very stressful family visit (my biggest trigger by far), I'm driving home and soon will be passing the bar where I have drowned that sorrow about 100 times in the past. I think to call someone, then just look down at my cell, all of a sudden I realize I have over 30 names and numbers of people in that phone that I didn't even know 6 months prior that would do anything to help me not drink. Just the knowledge that they were there if I needed them was enough to dissipate that trigger and I didn't need to call anyone. I did head to a meeting though. Even crazier was that seconds after the obsession left me, I needed to turn completely around while driving as I merged...there it was, behind me...one of the most beautiful rainbows I've ever seen. Drink on my mind, I never see that rainbow
.There is a common denominator in all of these. Not why, but what I need to do.
Gotts to dash. Enjoy the day, Undies.
Carlos
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 118
Thanks to Saskia, ultra, Glee, Boozefree, Toots andIWL for all your thoughtful and helpful comments, regarding my temptation the other night. Many excellent points were made and when added together comprise a good lesson in what could have been (or still lurks) as a potentially disastrous judgement error on my part. As I thought about it more, I would throw in a couple more: I may have gotten a bit cocky, arrogant and somewhat complacent. All VERY dangerous traits in early recovery.
In doing some look-back research here in SR, there is (not surprisingly) a wealth of data and posts that corroborate what you all have stated. Man, I love this place! What a great resource.
Thanks
In doing some look-back research here in SR, there is (not surprisingly) a wealth of data and posts that corroborate what you all have stated. Man, I love this place! What a great resource.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 1,491
Glandon, I can relate 100% to your "intellectual" vs. "physical craving" !!
My physical cravings have been zero 99.9% of the time the past month or two (except when blood sugar was extremely low once or twice which a quick meal resolved immediately). The "intellectual" battle is easier on the surface because you can talk yourself out of it without physical withdrawals, but it is also something that can sneak up on us and convince us (using logic and/or seduction) that it is okay to have some drinks since we now are confident and have "proven we can do it". Danger danger danger!!!! All lies!
I am so grateful you shared this experience (I have had it too) !!
Day 109 here and so extremely thankful for that I do not want to start at day zero again with all the misery it brings (including the "physical" withdrawal phase).
Great job Glandon treat yourself to something very special you are doing amazingly well and posting about your vulnerability shows your determination to stay sober for life!
My physical cravings have been zero 99.9% of the time the past month or two (except when blood sugar was extremely low once or twice which a quick meal resolved immediately). The "intellectual" battle is easier on the surface because you can talk yourself out of it without physical withdrawals, but it is also something that can sneak up on us and convince us (using logic and/or seduction) that it is okay to have some drinks since we now are confident and have "proven we can do it". Danger danger danger!!!! All lies!
I am so grateful you shared this experience (I have had it too) !!
Day 109 here and so extremely thankful for that I do not want to start at day zero again with all the misery it brings (including the "physical" withdrawal phase).
Great job Glandon treat yourself to something very special you are doing amazingly well and posting about your vulnerability shows your determination to stay sober for life!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
Hi all, nothing much to report as of late which is always a good thing! Been given a few more responsibilities at work which is a good thing (One of them includes writing an article for the local paper! Eep!) any cravings I have are swiftly put down, firmly and irrevocably.
Never got a chance to say happy Thanksgiving to all my friends accross the pond, not really sure what the holiday is about but it sounds like a lot of fun
Hope all are well out there today
Peace and strength!
Never got a chance to say happy Thanksgiving to all my friends accross the pond, not really sure what the holiday is about but it sounds like a lot of fun
Hope all are well out there today
Peace and strength!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,183
Originally Posted by tootsl1 
Black Friday mayhem. I hate the blatant commercialism of shops that has brought this across from America
Sadly, with my rigorous honesty in tact, I must confess that I bought a Samsung Smart phone and 7' RCA tablet for under 60 beanareano's....and still made my second TG dinner with my AA gang with time to spare and help set up. However, I promise you that my Gratitude share that evening had NOTHING to do with materialism!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,183
Oh my, almost forgot...our good friend and Undie post grad, DG, is celebrating 600 days alcohol free today. WooHoo!! Congrats, drummer girl! You have been such an amazing role model and inspiration to so many of us on this journey!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Hi Undies, I am home safe and sound and sober from the hockey tournament. The kids had a lot of fun. Most of the adults stayed up late last night to party. I didn't, and I was happy to turn in early with the kids. This is so different from the way I used to be. When active in my addiction, I couldn't bear to miss out on anything. Whether or not I was drinking, I needed to be where the action was, preferably right in the center of it.
Last night I was having a pretty good time when I decided to go to the AA meeting. I felt solid in my sober skin, and didn't feel any temptation to drink. But I went anyway because I knew it would keep me feeling strong and centered.
When I got back I wasn't just OK with staying behind in the room with the kids; it felt cozy and right to be with them, and so liberating to be free of the obsession that I was missing out. It's been a significant transformation in these nine months of recovery. I've never been much of a home-body. I've always spent my time thinking about what's next. It feels different to be content being home while others are having fun.
I suppose that's because drinking isn't fun to me anymore?
Last night I was having a pretty good time when I decided to go to the AA meeting. I felt solid in my sober skin, and didn't feel any temptation to drink. But I went anyway because I knew it would keep me feeling strong and centered.
When I got back I wasn't just OK with staying behind in the room with the kids; it felt cozy and right to be with them, and so liberating to be free of the obsession that I was missing out. It's been a significant transformation in these nine months of recovery. I've never been much of a home-body. I've always spent my time thinking about what's next. It feels different to be content being home while others are having fun.
I suppose that's because drinking isn't fun to me anymore?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Glee, that sounds great! I think it's so very positive when each of us discovers things that are so much better sober. I know I need to remember those moments to help me get through the tougher ones. I haven't had huge urges to drink, but I'm very aware of how thin that line can be at times. You are moving along in your sober journey. What I wish for you and all of us is many more of such mindful aha moments.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North. Where it snows.
Posts: 702
Carlos !!!! I like your Dottie Pepper expression.
I was with a friend yesterday who has 6 years sober and I talked about you and your 11 years and that fateful evening. Just so we could both understand the reach of AV and that dreadful "one drink can't harm that much".
Congratulations DG on 600 days. And Drake too for being where you are. I hope you feel better now.
Toots, you have all my admiration to go jogging so often. Molly must be in shape too. ha ha.
I wish everyone else a good evening,
DP
xo
I was with a friend yesterday who has 6 years sober and I talked about you and your 11 years and that fateful evening. Just so we could both understand the reach of AV and that dreadful "one drink can't harm that much".
Congratulations DG on 600 days. And Drake too for being where you are. I hope you feel better now.
Toots, you have all my admiration to go jogging so often. Molly must be in shape too. ha ha.
I wish everyone else a good evening,
DP
xo
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
DG woohoo 600 days is awesome!
Dottie how have you been?
GF glad you had a nice time at the tournament!
Carlos it's very inspiring to read the how you tackle the obstacles that have been thrown your way.
Babs and soberjim where are you!?
Womp was pretty mellow probably due to the holiday I'm guessing. It was nice to have a slower day.
Tomorrow I'm getting together with my dad and his wife for lunch, I havnt seen him in a few months. He always says how he's proud of me and everything I've accomplished lately with my career and finishing school compared to when I was sitting around drinking all the time. I havnt lived with him for about 11 yrs so he doesn't know the full extent of my drinking but he saw enough of it thru highschool to see it was a problem.
Supposed to get a little rain here next week which will be a nice change from this 80 degree weather!
Dottie how have you been?
GF glad you had a nice time at the tournament!
Carlos it's very inspiring to read the how you tackle the obstacles that have been thrown your way.
Babs and soberjim where are you!?
Womp was pretty mellow probably due to the holiday I'm guessing. It was nice to have a slower day.
Tomorrow I'm getting together with my dad and his wife for lunch, I havnt seen him in a few months. He always says how he's proud of me and everything I've accomplished lately with my career and finishing school compared to when I was sitting around drinking all the time. I havnt lived with him for about 11 yrs so he doesn't know the full extent of my drinking but he saw enough of it thru highschool to see it was a problem.
Supposed to get a little rain here next week which will be a nice change from this 80 degree weather!
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