tiredofme

Findingtheway 49 days awesome

Briar

Sparkos - you heard the sober voice. It's hard to hear sometimes. The AV drowns it out. I heard the SV so loud once it sent me scurrying up the stairs, actually scared me. It's always there, you just have to listen. Great job walking away from that situation! Win!

Rico1983

Thank you tiredofme. I have a long way to go but all I will think about is today

Sparkos the AV is soo tempting right? "Oh it's just 1" Often for me it speaks thru other people too

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

venuscat

I read. I love you all. I'm proud of us big time.
I have to go to work.
In a mad rush because I have been texting my boss and trying to calm down.
I DIDN'T GET PAID AT ALL THIS WEEK.

I am getting in the shower before I lose it.

V xx

Sparkos

Thanks all.
I know I made it sound a bit melodramatic, but honestly, when I got home I felt as if I'd survived a near death car (automobile) accident.

Reply to everybody tomorrow.

I'm off to bed

Nos da.

Dee74

congrats rico amd findingtheway

Congrats to you too Sparkos - you definitely listened to the right voice

D

Conquest

Happy dancing for Rico, Findingtheway, and Sparkos!
:

phoebe64

7:26. In my pjs. Not going out to buy wine. That would mean having to get dressed, put a bra on, all that ordeal. so, decaf coffee or tea it will be.

Conquest

I just finished watching 22 Jump Street, super funny but you'll need earmuffs for the kiddos if they're around. Plus, Channing Tatum. 'Nuff said

Thinking of you all and hoping you're doing well. It's hard to believe we've got another weekend here already. Stay strong, SR peeps!

Dee74

I liked the cameos

D

countrygirl2014

Wow sparkos, that was pretty intense. I'm glad you listened to the right voice

Jennifer

ChickChick

Just popping in to say good night. It's been a long day. Good, but long. See you all tomorrow!

venuscat

A really big congratulations on your milestones all ♥

My new sobriety tool for when I get really upset is jump in the shower.
It really helped this morning...

I'm sorry though, (to you guys), I didn't mean to be selfish.

Love V xx

Briar

I was in a bad way tonight. I made it through with a lot of help on the newcomers board, but it was terrible. It settled on me as I was driving home. I just started to feel like I was pulling out of the world I've been living in, separating from it. It wasn't even about drinking, just about becoming separate. When I got home I started thinking about drinking. It wasn't a conversation, though, I felt like I was hypnotized or possessed. I wasn't hearing it, I WAS it. I had dinner on the stove and my daughter was watching a show. I walked around the house. Everything felt eerie and surreal, like it was the same stuff, same house, but it seemed unfamiliar. I wasn't even thinking about how drinking would make me feel. I don't think I was really even thinking about drinking. I don't remember. I was just gone. Then I went to the kitchen and turned off the burners. I went to the living room and turned off the TV. I told my daughter to get in the car. Usually she gets excited to go to the store and bounds into the garage, but this time she looked at me like she knew something was wrong. I got my keys and stood there by the door and looked around the house. I had a thought I used to have a lot when I was drinking, but hadn't had since until now. That if I keep drinking, I am going to die in this house. I am going to waste myself and die here, like my grandma died, like my dad died. I was with my dad in my childhood home when he died from complications of alcoholism. I looked at my little girl and thought I can't ruin her home. I can't ruin her. That's when I put down the keys, turned on another show, and made a quick post asking people to pull me out of that mess. It helped to hear from people, it brought me back into reality. But this thing scared me. I don't know what the hell that was. I don't trust myself.

Briar

Thank you, Dee, for sticking with me on that thread.

venuscat

Oh Briar...how awful for you sweetheart.

But what you did? Putting down those keys, putting your daughter first, and asking for help..that was simply wonderful. I am so sorry that you are feeling this way though. It must be so scary.

Is there any chance the doctor you have seen in the past is available?
It might really be helpful I think.

I wish you could feel this huge hug in person ~ love you so much.

V xx

Dee74

Anytime Briar.
I used to call that my fugue state, and yes it is scary.

The really sad thing is I used to accept it as normal.

I also had that same premonition type feeling I even looked down on myself once and idly wondered f I was dead.

Thankfully that is one 'premonition' that will never come true

I really believe we can change our destiey - I've done it - you can too Briar...all youg uys can L)

Dee74

Anytime Briar.
I used to call that my fugue state, and yes it is scary.

The really sad thing is I used to accept it as normal.

I also had that same premonition type feeling I even looked down on myself once and idly wondered f I was dead.

Thankfully that is one 'premonition' that will never come true

I really believe we can change our destiny - I've done it - you can too Briar...all you guys can

JL2014

Well I should've got on here a nd posted like I said I would. My wife disappeared for a fed hrs yesterday, and no one could find her. I was at home with the boys, not being able to locate her. Parents calling, friends
Calling. Freaking me the ---- out. Thought she'd crashed and got hurt or that something had happend to her. It was so awful !!!!
Turns out she just had to work late on someone else's screwup at the hospital she works at and her cellphone was dead. She called from the different office she was in to let me know she was leaving and I just fell apart. So scary. I guess it's just been stressful withy the crappy job being bad to me cause I'm going to a good job, the expectation of the good job, plus this just broke me. I slammed 3 beers then quit, but the amounts not the issue for me. I just got overpowered and gave in. Anyway, I've called in for the day at the now crappy PARTtime job, and will start working out today, and trying to fix some plumbing issues that were just not gonna get dealt with.
I feel like I should apologize to y'all for giving in even if I didn't get drunk, but the person I need to apologize to is me, for letting myself down, hangover or not.
Gotta get stronger about this. Can't let my family down. I've come so so far with this in a yr, but still have a ways to go it appears.

Dee74

I used to think the worst too JL, cos that made drinking seem a reasonable response.
Now I think of the most likely reason first...and it's more often than not exactly that.

Don't underestimate how sneaky your addiction can be, man.

D