tornrealization

NT I used to think that way too, it seemed easy for me to hit 30 or 40 days but then unravel. I'm glad you are proud of it and have been posting about it because it is motivation for me. I mean - I'm in like limbo but I'm so happy to see your success. All the soul searching I'm going on likes to see when one has had some success. 30 or 40 days is something to be proud of and the day I get there again, I won't beam myself up that it's not 65 like I have in the past.

Neverthought

I'm really glad that was your take-away from this TR. It really is what we accomplish in present time (must keep telling myself this ). I've always tried to mentally catapult myself into the future of where I thought I should be, or where I wanted be, whether it be financially, maturity or even when I thought I would gain people's respect in my daily activities.

Taking it a day a time is great advice, but for someone as impatient as me, it sometimes has a negative effect.

You don't now how many times I've thought about leaving SR and coming back a year later and saying "hey everyone, I made it year". It's that mentality that leads people in a direction where they wake up one day and have no one around. That could easily be me, but I'm changing. I'm good at expressing myself but apparently my agenda has been really warped. It's how survived and how I grew up.

While the "big picture" is an arduous learning process for me, I'm progressing and learning to say "it's ok", and "that's not important".

I've always used people's success as a bench-mark for my motivation in life. But this is different and I needed to separate that mind-set because it's actually self-destructing for me under these particular circumstances.

So, that is why I wanted to emphasize that for me or anyone with this similar mindset.

I'm getting better at thinking things through while avoiding the self-destruction.

Please join in TR...... :^)

SoberLeigh

^^^^^ Love this post, NT.

gleefan

Great posts.

NT - Predicting the future has been so stifling for my personal development. I have coerced myself into choices that I thought looked right, even though they felt wrong. I've compared myself to others. In recovery, I've found it helpful to accept and appreciate my circumstances. My life is an intensely personal journey, and somewhat impossible to compare to another person's.

For all my philosophical musings, I've been struggling lately. I'm not happy with the status quo, as I've shared ad nauseum over the past several months, but I'm finding myself becoming more focused on predicting the outcome of my journey than with actually having experiences on my journey. I'm thankful like crazy to recovery for illuminating these underlying patterns.

I'm off to experience eating some popcorn while hanging out with my little guys. Have a good one, Febbies!

tornrealization

Yes day at a time is a whole new thinking for some people. That person is me. I keep thinking about the endgame. This isn't class or a work project, this is a forever thing - so just hitting a daily goal is much easier than the "I was sober 20 years" goal.

I recently in an impulse tried to leave SR. I remember PatMan's quote about that being a mistake he made. I am resistant to help but recognize that this is possibly the ONLY thing that keeps sobriety on my mind. Active or not, I wouldn't even try without these boards keeping me invested.

I want to join and I think I will be soon. This soul-searching keeps leading me to the same spot, drinking is not working. I guess I'm insane for recognizing my problem and allowing it to go on.

I have a new respect for folks with any kind of addiction. It's unexplainable.

So for happy stuff - going hiking in the lovely Midwest colors this weekend. My boss wanted an accomplishments meeting and I think she's trying to get me promoted or a raise cause what I do, I'm making a ton less than my peers and I'm a flight risk haha. I still love my cats. I'm still wanting to find spirituality and I think of ((dSober ))all the time when I'm processing those thoughts.

NT- you seemed to have come a long way and again thanks for posting.
Glee- I'm so sorry to see your sober pain. I've been watching and I worry. I think you love being sober but it has exposed things about your marriage you didn't know. I really hope I'm not out of line, I just see you evaluate it a lot and you seem empowered about this. I still think you are the glue for many of sober people on the boards.

SL- Thankyou as well for all your support and kind words. I really think twice about what I'm doing with your messages.

LS-I have enjoyed your words as well and your encouragement, thankyou.

Lulu- So happy to have a Nu Lulu possibly on the way. I hope you never ever mistakenly call someone Torn. They'd be like , what? Did you just say Thor? Then you can be like, yes, Thor, that hottie in Avengers.

Casinva - thanks for reminding me that sometimes getting sober for us takes more than skipping a stone in water. I remember you telling me about how long you've been on the boards during one of my freakouts, oyyy!

Dee - your words of wisdom, and well knowledge and experience with people like myself on the boards is just super. I've told you this before but I'm really glad about what you're doing - you are saving lives. I'm glad you take breaks when you need them proving you are indeed human.

DiggingIn- I'm really glad to hear how well you've done with all that hardship you did since I met you on the boards. Thankyou for your support and continuing to be inspiring.

I really am glad I didn't go through with turning off my account, because I really have big hugs for the Febbies. even those we are missing. I hope they are ok.

Time for bed, I did my homework and hooray Friday is coming.

gleefan

Torn - What a beautiful message. You are so sweet and kind.

Far from glue, I'm more like tape stuck to the bottom of a shoe. Just when you think you've gotten me loose, you find I'm on another part of your shoe. Lol. I've had a lot of time on my hands to spend on the boards with not working this summer and having reduced work hours this Fall. One person's perseverance is another person's aggravation. I'm glad that my presence is the former to you.

I wanted to add that sobriety, to me, is not a badge of consecutive days sober. It's the content that counts. There are people with years without drinking who don't have a sober thought in their heads, and others with a short time who really understand recovery. It doesn't matter if someone has 8 hours, 8 days, 8 months, 8 years or 80 years sober. It's whether that person has peace, serenity, joy, acceptance, and happiness. It's what we make of our sober time that matters. I feel fortunate to be getting sober in the age of the internet where I can access SR any time of the day or night when I need to supplement my recovery. I'm glad to have a place to work through my thoughts and connect with others looking to do the same.

And Torn you're not out of line at all for mentioning the issues that have surfaced in my sobriety. Honestly, I appreciate the concern! Going forward I wish live life and do the next right thing, and have faith that it will lead me to where I need to be, instead of worrying where that's going to lead.

Have a great day Febbies!

LonelyShadow

That was an amazing message Torn keep at it

So glad you're still here with us

Today I am grateful I have had a sober birthday and continue to be sober now, I am still recovering from a throat infection but it's much better. I treated myself to all kinds of new things related to training for my birthday, not sure if this is a healthy way of thinking but I basically looked at how much I would of spent if i'd relapsed and spent it on gym gear/callisthenics bar, protein supplement etc. Can't wait for it to arrive!

I'm still looking for a new place but unfortunately can't quite afford to live on my own until I get full-time hours. I have a permanent position as a Gym Instructor and Receptionist at the gym so I'm basically just carrying on saving some money until something comes along. I read a really good phrase on the boards the other day;

"Progress not perfection"

It's been with me ever since, it's a very calming message.

Hope all are well out there!
Stay strong

SoberLeigh

Torn; great post. I am very grateful that you did not close your account; you will do this - I have no doubt; the "moment" will come and everything will fall into place.

LS, so glad you are feeling better.

And, glee; you must be two-sided tape; you bring so much "good" with you; no desire to pull the tape from my shoe.

Dee74

have a wonderful weekend guys

D

dSober

Cool new signature Dee.

gleefan

LS, I'm glad you had a nice sober birthday and treated yourself to some fitness goodies.

I accepted a new job. It's a career change for me and I'll be starting in two weeks.

I know that the rule of thumb is no life changes within the first year of sobriety, but my current job is stifling personally and professionally; staying wouldn't contribute to my sobriety, either.

I'm happy for the opportunity, but I'm proud to say that my optimism is tempered by realistic expectations. This job could be great, or a launching point, or it might not work out well at all. I'm willing to accept the outcome, what ever it may be. Knowing that a new job isn't going to solve all my problems is a sign that I am proceeding cautiously and with sobriety.

Dee74

Good movie too DS...I recommend it

congrats again Glee!

D

DiggingIn

Glee, I've been in the the position that I've had no choice but live with major life changes. You can do it.

dSober

Didn't know it was a movie; downloading it now. Gratzi!

Been kinda busy with career stuff lately myself Glee. Got laid off (expected) last week. Was 5 months into new career (IT sales vs. IT development) but hope to exploit the 7K+ LinkedIn connections I now have vs. the 10 I had 5 months ago. Now that I've survived (barely) my mid life crisis, time for my late life coming out party (sober, of course ).

casinva

Great posts lately! Us Febbies are an insightful bunch, aren't we?

Dee - Not a good movie - a GREAT movie!

Glee - Congrats on the new job! I'm slowly getting to the point of venturing out into the workforce again. I've been a stay at home Mom for over 18 years now and finally WANT to get out there again. Or I might go back to school. But I just don't know what I want to be when I grow up......

I have to say that Saturday mornings have become a favorite for me. It was on a Saturday morning that I decided to quit drinking once and for all. I cherish every morning waking up sober, but Saturday mornings are just a little more special.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend, what's left of it depending on where you are.

SoberLife2014

Hi everyone,

Glee- Congratulations on the new job! I hope you are able to find happiness in it.

LS- Happy sober birthday!!! I'm glad you're feeling better, too. I also like the saying "progress not perfection". That's a good one. I'll need to think of it more often.

Torn- I hope you are doing well. I loved the post

Hello to dSober, casinva, Digging In, SL, and everyone else

I finally get a little chance to check in. It has been a whirlwind trip so far! Fortunately baby has been such a good sport. He did well on the plane and everything.

Last night was tough. It felt like the longest rehearsal dinner EVER. It didn't help that we had been sight seeing all day. But seriously, the dinner lasted FOUR HOURS. Four hours at a rehearsal dinner with a 1 yr old feels more like 8 hours. At the very beginning of it my father in law spilled his jack daniels right in front of where I was sitting. It didn't bother me too much, however... I don't know about you guys, but I can smell alcohol from a mile away. That smell brought back a lot of memories of drinking my husband's JD when I ran out of beer or wine. By the end of the dinner I could still freaking smell it and I was sitting there in a very crowded, loud, hot dining room with a squirmy little 1 year old who is about ready to come unglued and I could still smell that stinkin JD and I thought "Only an alcoholic would be able to smell that and I have this kind of disgusted reaction to it". In fact, none of the alcohol bothered me in that I wanted to drink it, it actually made me a little queazy and disgusted. Has anyone else felt like that? At one point I thought that maybe I'd enjoy this whole event a little more if I were able to have a glass or two like everyone around me. But I knew I wouldn't. I'd be sitting there trying to drink like a "normal" drinker but I'd never get enough and if I did get enough I'd wake up the next day and realize that I had too much. Then I'd be worrying about what I said or didn't say. I'd be worrying about whether or not anyone noticed how MUCH I was able to drink. Plus, I'd have a hangover. I've come to realize that there are just no happy endings for this 'love story' me and alcohol have. In every scenario I play out in my mind it will never end well if we get back together again. Sometimes I feel a twinge of frustration about that, but I just have to think about how wonderful my life is without the booze. These are truly happy days for Lulu.

Take care everyone, I'll check in the next time I get a chance

LonelyShadow

I've felt that too Lulu, sometimes when I get a whiff of alcohol I feel a bit sick, after all it is poisonous! If only the cravings brought a similar feeling of nausea!

DiggingIn

Me too Lulu, the smell of alcohol can sometimes make my stomach turn. I'm just almost never around it anymore, but when it happens I'm grateful for the ill feeling.

LonelyShadow

Quick question that i'm sure someone will know the answer too, I was hit by a really strong physical craving yesterday that I don't usually get anymore, it got me thinking about what had been different recently to cause such a strong urge and I realised i'd been taking a lot of medication while i've been ill, the two that have me wondering are throat lozenges with Dichlorobenzyl Alcohol in them and a pill that contains codeine.

Are these likely to trigger cravings?!

Dee74

I've never been triggered by either but codeine is a narcotic so it may very likely play on the same centres of the brain.

as for Dichlorobenzyl alcohol..like in Strepsils etc...when I'm in doubt I check to see if it's halal (I'm not Muslim but the laws a great guide if you're unsure)

It's not ethanol so I'd consider that a unlikely cause.

D