Class Of February 2014 Part 10
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Casinva - What a nice story. I've been struggling with anxiety a lot lately, and have felt uncomfortable more than not. I can appreciate how nice the "little things" are when they are not wracked with panic, sweat, blurry vision or lightheadedness. What do you attribute your increased functioning to?
I've been "nervous" - that's what I call the state of anxiety attacks, fidgetiness, blurred vision, and lightheadedness - ever since cutting back an already really small dose of klonopin. I've taken it off and on for 20 years. I've never abused it, overused it, or mixed it with booze. I don't know why I resist taking it, but I don't like being reliant on it. I started taking it after a major nervous breakdown, and it, alongside an SSRI, turned my life from a nervous puddle to something to embrace.
Yesterday I was waiting in a line at a store, in a nervous state, reminiscing about when waiting at a store was a joy because I wasn't nervous. And it hit me that I need to accept that my body is such that it needs meds to function in society.
I'm open to others' thoughts on this.
I've been "nervous" - that's what I call the state of anxiety attacks, fidgetiness, blurred vision, and lightheadedness - ever since cutting back an already really small dose of klonopin. I've taken it off and on for 20 years. I've never abused it, overused it, or mixed it with booze. I don't know why I resist taking it, but I don't like being reliant on it. I started taking it after a major nervous breakdown, and it, alongside an SSRI, turned my life from a nervous puddle to something to embrace.
Yesterday I was waiting in a line at a store, in a nervous state, reminiscing about when waiting at a store was a joy because I wasn't nervous. And it hit me that I need to accept that my body is such that it needs meds to function in society.
I'm open to others' thoughts on this.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 436
Don't get me wrong - I don't think I'm "cured" of my anxiety by any means. I'm just having a good run at things right now. For me, I find I'm taking much better care of myself and drinking lots and lots and lots of water. I'm also taking Vitamin B12 as I was deficient and also an Iron supplement twice a day for my anemia. I find it so funny that I used to balk at people taking vitamins - but I swear the B12 has helped my anxiety tremendously.
As far as meds are concerned, I was on an SSRI for a number of years and it was a life saver to me. I was able to drive, go places, do things again. This lasted 7 years until I decided I didn't need it anymore and I slowly weaned myself off of it. Then the drinking picked up big time and for the next 7 or so years I drank heavily. I had been drinking prior to that (yes, I drank while on Paxil) but it really increased as I came off of it. Not the anxiety, but the drinking. The anxiety came back later down the road.
The way it was described to me years ago before I went on an SSRI is this - my brain chemistry is off and I needed something to regulate it. My doctor at the time told me to think of it as my "Vitamin P" - just take it and forget it. Believe me, I fought going on anything tooth and nail until I finally realized I just couldn't do it anymore. And my life was so much better because of it.
So have an open and frank discussion with your doctor, Glee. Come up with a game plan that will work well for you. There's no shame in seeking help or taking a med if necessary.
As far as meds are concerned, I was on an SSRI for a number of years and it was a life saver to me. I was able to drive, go places, do things again. This lasted 7 years until I decided I didn't need it anymore and I slowly weaned myself off of it. Then the drinking picked up big time and for the next 7 or so years I drank heavily. I had been drinking prior to that (yes, I drank while on Paxil) but it really increased as I came off of it. Not the anxiety, but the drinking. The anxiety came back later down the road.
The way it was described to me years ago before I went on an SSRI is this - my brain chemistry is off and I needed something to regulate it. My doctor at the time told me to think of it as my "Vitamin P" - just take it and forget it. Believe me, I fought going on anything tooth and nail until I finally realized I just couldn't do it anymore. And my life was so much better because of it.
So have an open and frank discussion with your doctor, Glee. Come up with a game plan that will work well for you. There's no shame in seeking help or taking a med if necessary.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Cas, thank you so much.
I feel like this conversation is an example of "thy will be done" - one of those amazing coincidences of having a conversation that I needed when I needed it.
I was prescribed Paxil 20 years ago, too. My doctor said the same thing.
I've been feeling upset about "needing" my meds, wondering if it's my addict voice undermining real sobriety and freedom. So
I've cut back, but just the klonopin. Yesterday in line at the store, remembering how I used to be able to do this comfortably like a normal person, it occurred to me that I need my meds.
I am so, so appreciative of you for having this frank discussion with me. Like the serenity prayer says, this conversation is giving me the courage to change what I can - make my life liveable by taking meds.
I feel like this conversation is an example of "thy will be done" - one of those amazing coincidences of having a conversation that I needed when I needed it.
I was prescribed Paxil 20 years ago, too. My doctor said the same thing.
I've been feeling upset about "needing" my meds, wondering if it's my addict voice undermining real sobriety and freedom. So
I've cut back, but just the klonopin. Yesterday in line at the store, remembering how I used to be able to do this comfortably like a normal person, it occurred to me that I need my meds.
I am so, so appreciative of you for having this frank discussion with me. Like the serenity prayer says, this conversation is giving me the courage to change what I can - make my life liveable by taking meds.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
I never did 90 in 90. I did meetings every night for a while, years ago, but never got to 90 consecutive, or even 60. I was going almost entirely to open speaker meetings and got bored with them. I kept relapsing.
I had to get good and sick of it. I had to really want to get better. I realized I was hung up on turning over my will, and my life... on giving up the fight. When I finally resolved to simply always do the next Right thing, one thing at a time, it was as if a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I didn't have to decide anymore, it was no longer about ME. Shortly after, I worked the steps, thoroughly, per pg. 58. It was the next Right thing to do.
I go, usually, to 2 mtgs. a week now. Both are discussion mtgs. One is a CODA (co-dependents anonymous) mtg. I find each discussion mtg. is a little different so I don't get bored. I don't believe I'm co-dependent but I go to that one because someone there that is, needs a ride and I also believe I may be able to help others there with more focus on the steps which I believe is key to true, lasting recovery. SR is also real important to me. I look at it as a big, wide, 24/7 discussion mtg.
I had to get good and sick of it. I had to really want to get better. I realized I was hung up on turning over my will, and my life... on giving up the fight. When I finally resolved to simply always do the next Right thing, one thing at a time, it was as if a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I didn't have to decide anymore, it was no longer about ME. Shortly after, I worked the steps, thoroughly, per pg. 58. It was the next Right thing to do.
I go, usually, to 2 mtgs. a week now. Both are discussion mtgs. One is a CODA (co-dependents anonymous) mtg. I find each discussion mtg. is a little different so I don't get bored. I don't believe I'm co-dependent but I go to that one because someone there that is, needs a ride and I also believe I may be able to help others there with more focus on the steps which I believe is key to true, lasting recovery. SR is also real important to me. I look at it as a big, wide, 24/7 discussion mtg.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
SL - Glad you're back. Do tell us all about your trip!
Gazza - I didn't like the introductions at first either, as I struggle philosophically with labeling people. I still don't "like" it, but it's such a small part of the meeting. Keep trying different meetings. Not every meeting follows that convention. What keeps me going back are the face to face connections, the conversations, and the wisdom in AA's message.
Last night I was bone tired. I'd had a long day at work, an emotionally exhausting week at home, and I have a cold. My intellect told me to stay home and rest up. My intuition told me to go to a meeting.
I went there and saw a ton of people from the various meetings that I go to, plus other faces I hadn't met yet. I got a six month chip. There was an interesting discussion about finding a higher power. There was coffee and cookies. It felt empowering to be in a room full of people who want to live better lives.
I came home to my husband, who was drinking, and felt that I made the right decision to listen to my intuition. I carried the peace in my heard from going to the meeting til I went to bed at night. I was able to go about the business of taking care of myself while he drank.
I guess that's the long way of saying take what works and leave what doesn't!
Gazza - I didn't like the introductions at first either, as I struggle philosophically with labeling people. I still don't "like" it, but it's such a small part of the meeting. Keep trying different meetings. Not every meeting follows that convention. What keeps me going back are the face to face connections, the conversations, and the wisdom in AA's message.
Last night I was bone tired. I'd had a long day at work, an emotionally exhausting week at home, and I have a cold. My intellect told me to stay home and rest up. My intuition told me to go to a meeting.
I went there and saw a ton of people from the various meetings that I go to, plus other faces I hadn't met yet. I got a six month chip. There was an interesting discussion about finding a higher power. There was coffee and cookies. It felt empowering to be in a room full of people who want to live better lives.
I came home to my husband, who was drinking, and felt that I made the right decision to listen to my intuition. I carried the peace in my heard from going to the meeting til I went to bed at night. I was able to go about the business of taking care of myself while he drank.
I guess that's the long way of saying take what works and leave what doesn't!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,886
Glee - congrats on your 6 month chip; so proud of you.!!!! Glad that the meeting went well and that you were able to carry the peace home with you. I can only imagine how hard it must be to fight for recovery while your spouse drinks heavily. Mine is a consummate "normie" but I did have to begin recovery with alcohol in the house.
Our trip was amazing; the UK was wonderful; experienced sunny and warmish days with one very brief period of rain - very pleasant surprise. Despite the wonderful Underground/Tube, we walked our feet to the bone (about 8-10 miles a day). We toured London itself for four days and used London as our base to travel by train for daytrips to Stratford-On-Avon to see Two Gentlemen from Verona, Oxford, Windsor Castle, Bath, Stonehenge and Canterbury. We spent three days in Keswick in the Lake District (traveled via the UK's amazing train and bus system) where we took about a 7 mile hike around the lakes, meadows, hills - simply beautiful (and where we ran into people from home - go figure; we hadn't seen them in years while living only a few miles from each other). We then traveled by train to Edinburgh where you couldn't help but get caught up in the Secession YES/NO referendum activities; the YES campaigners were literally everywhere; beautiful city rich in history. After a few days there, we traveled again, again by train, to Inverness where we took a bus coach tour to the Isle of Skye; we had a nutty, funky driver/guide who had us not only visiting castles but feeding bulls along the roadside and learning a Scottish circle dance on the beach - a real hoot.
We even experienced some up and personal real-life when, while waiting for a train in Stratford (a very small, rural type station) to return to London, a dear, sweet 84 year old woman experienced some sort of a seizure; we called 999 and waited with her for the paramedics to arrive. I'll never forget her; when she came to and realized the paramedics were on their way, she pleaded with them on the phone to take care of someone else who may need them more; she was concerned about us missing our train. We told her there was no way we were leaving her until the paramedics arrived; she proceeded to tell us that she had come to Stratford as it was the favorite spot for her and her husband and as it was such a beautiful day she wanted to experience its charm one more time. I will never forget her grace, charm and dignity; I cried as we left her in the hands of two very competent and kind paramedics and our train pulled away.
So it was a trip for the memory books!!!!
Our trip was amazing; the UK was wonderful; experienced sunny and warmish days with one very brief period of rain - very pleasant surprise. Despite the wonderful Underground/Tube, we walked our feet to the bone (about 8-10 miles a day). We toured London itself for four days and used London as our base to travel by train for daytrips to Stratford-On-Avon to see Two Gentlemen from Verona, Oxford, Windsor Castle, Bath, Stonehenge and Canterbury. We spent three days in Keswick in the Lake District (traveled via the UK's amazing train and bus system) where we took about a 7 mile hike around the lakes, meadows, hills - simply beautiful (and where we ran into people from home - go figure; we hadn't seen them in years while living only a few miles from each other). We then traveled by train to Edinburgh where you couldn't help but get caught up in the Secession YES/NO referendum activities; the YES campaigners were literally everywhere; beautiful city rich in history. After a few days there, we traveled again, again by train, to Inverness where we took a bus coach tour to the Isle of Skye; we had a nutty, funky driver/guide who had us not only visiting castles but feeding bulls along the roadside and learning a Scottish circle dance on the beach - a real hoot.
We even experienced some up and personal real-life when, while waiting for a train in Stratford (a very small, rural type station) to return to London, a dear, sweet 84 year old woman experienced some sort of a seizure; we called 999 and waited with her for the paramedics to arrive. I'll never forget her; when she came to and realized the paramedics were on their way, she pleaded with them on the phone to take care of someone else who may need them more; she was concerned about us missing our train. We told her there was no way we were leaving her until the paramedics arrived; she proceeded to tell us that she had come to Stratford as it was the favorite spot for her and her husband and as it was such a beautiful day she wanted to experience its charm one more time. I will never forget her grace, charm and dignity; I cried as we left her in the hands of two very competent and kind paramedics and our train pulled away.
So it was a trip for the memory books!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
SoberLeigh - Wow, what a great trip. It's neat that you were there during a significant time politically. I have a neighbor who emigrated from Ukraine 15 years ago. She's been interesting to talk to this summer. I was thinking of you last week.
Casinva - Yesterday I felt inspired to "accept the things that cannot change" - the physical nature of my anxiety disorder. Acceptance has been a huge part of my recovery.
I also found "the courage to change the things I can" and take the therapeutic dose of my anxiety medication.
The result was immediate because it's a fast acting med. I calmly made it through a day at work feeding, changing, and rocking babies. I accomplished all the errands I hoped to during my break, comfortably and with a smile on my face. Then I went to a meeting and got some extra peace in my heart.
If I were not on the meds, I would have been uncomfortable at work. I would have completed half of the errands during my break, and felt panicky, blurry eyed, and tense the whole time. I'd have ignored my intuition and stayed home in the evening instead of go to the meeting.
Today, if I wasn't taking the meds, I would have a completely different day, planning it based on my fears instead of on the next right thing. I'd have shoved out of the house early with the husband and kids to do a work day at our pool club. Then we would have left together to go to one of the kids' sports practice. I'd have felt smothered and stifled the entire time. Instead husband went to the work day solo, I'm taking the kids to practice, and I'm stopping at a farmers market along the way.
I'm learning to live the life I want, in a large part because of the people I know on SR. Some I communicate with in real life, but most I don't, and that doesn't diminish the profound effect they have on my life.
My sponsor told me Im on a pink cloud. I don't know that I am. DSober probably knows more about that than I do. I know that when I am calm and connected to the world around me I feel like I'm going to be ok, in spite of all the things that are "wrong." I can access my gratitude and peace. When Im anxious and distracted, I struggle to stay in the moment.
Thanks all and have a good day.
Casinva - Yesterday I felt inspired to "accept the things that cannot change" - the physical nature of my anxiety disorder. Acceptance has been a huge part of my recovery.
I also found "the courage to change the things I can" and take the therapeutic dose of my anxiety medication.
The result was immediate because it's a fast acting med. I calmly made it through a day at work feeding, changing, and rocking babies. I accomplished all the errands I hoped to during my break, comfortably and with a smile on my face. Then I went to a meeting and got some extra peace in my heart.
If I were not on the meds, I would have been uncomfortable at work. I would have completed half of the errands during my break, and felt panicky, blurry eyed, and tense the whole time. I'd have ignored my intuition and stayed home in the evening instead of go to the meeting.
Today, if I wasn't taking the meds, I would have a completely different day, planning it based on my fears instead of on the next right thing. I'd have shoved out of the house early with the husband and kids to do a work day at our pool club. Then we would have left together to go to one of the kids' sports practice. I'd have felt smothered and stifled the entire time. Instead husband went to the work day solo, I'm taking the kids to practice, and I'm stopping at a farmers market along the way.
I'm learning to live the life I want, in a large part because of the people I know on SR. Some I communicate with in real life, but most I don't, and that doesn't diminish the profound effect they have on my life.
My sponsor told me Im on a pink cloud. I don't know that I am. DSober probably knows more about that than I do. I know that when I am calm and connected to the world around me I feel like I'm going to be ok, in spite of all the things that are "wrong." I can access my gratitude and peace. When Im anxious and distracted, I struggle to stay in the moment.
Thanks all and have a good day.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 436
SoberLeigh, what an amazing trip! It's funny you mention meeting folks from home. We used to go to Scotland every summer when I was a kid as my parents were both born there. One year we were at Edinburgh Castle and ran into family friends we hadn't seen in a few years that lived in the next town from us back home, lol. It really is a small world sometimes.
Glee, it sounds like you're in a good place! Glad to hear it.
Well, I've decided to conquer one of my biggest triggers/issues. The dreaded mother-in-law.
She will be in town next weekend and I invited her to stay with us. I feel I really need to do this at this point in my sobriety. If I can handle hiking up a mountain, biking miles from home, dealing with crowds again and let's not forget that obnoxious clothing store in the mall with the loud music and bright lights - I think I can handle my mother-in-law.
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Glee, it sounds like you're in a good place! Glad to hear it.
Well, I've decided to conquer one of my biggest triggers/issues. The dreaded mother-in-law.
She will be in town next weekend and I invited her to stay with us. I feel I really need to do this at this point in my sobriety. If I can handle hiking up a mountain, biking miles from home, dealing with crowds again and let's not forget that obnoxious clothing store in the mall with the loud music and bright lights - I think I can handle my mother-in-law. Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,886
Thanks, Cas; it was truly wonderful.
Good luck with your mother-in-law; I was blessed to have a terrific mother-in-law with whom I had a wonderful relationship. This hurts me deeply to say: I had a far better relationship with my M-I-L than I did with my own mother - God, it hurts to say that. I hoped until the day that she died that that would change.
Good luck with your mother-in-law; I was blessed to have a terrific mother-in-law with whom I had a wonderful relationship. This hurts me deeply to say: I had a far better relationship with my M-I-L than I did with my own mother - God, it hurts to say that. I hoped until the day that she died that that would change.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,074
Hi everyone,
Just checking in. Lots to catch up on!
SL- Your trip sounds amazing. That's great that you got to experience that! Thank you for sharing with us.
Casinva- Good luck with your MIL!
Glee- It sounds like you're in a really good place right now. I think when people in AA say that someone is on a "pink cloud" they're basically saying "It sounds like you're doing really well, just don't forget to be vigilant". There are certain times where I feel like I need to "ramp up" my recovery program a little. Holidays, anniversaries, when hubby is out of town, and times when I either feel super happy (pink cloud) or bummed out. I don't think there's anything wrong with being happy and on a pink cloud. Just don't forget how bad it can get if you pick up a drink.
Things are going well here. I had a date night with hubby last night. We went to a really nice steak house for dinner. At first I was thinking that I wished I could have a glass of wine with dinner because of the taste, but then I remembered all of the times that I'd want more than just 1 glass of wine and it'd be expensive. Then I'd usually go home and keep the party going... in my closet. The next morning I'd wake up with a hangover and still smell like the perfume I put on, which I didn't like. That's how it usually goes now. I have a craving, then a crappy memory, then I'm grateful I don't drink anymore and I move on.
I was also thinking about my length of sobriety last night. I thought, technically I have 16 months of sobriety, not 7. I mean, I only drank 3 times in the past 16 months. 2 bottles of wine total in 16 months. Surely that time I earned still counts. Then I thought, that isn't true at all. Because, during that first 8 months I was sober, 3 months of that I stayed sober because my husband literally took my car keys and my money away. Then the next 5 months I was barely hanging on. I still WANTED to drink. I romanticized it, and tried to think about when I could possibly drink. Of course, I wanted to stop drinking, but deep down I still wasn't finished (if that makes any sense). I didn't believe that I could go very long without drinking. During that 5 months was when I drank 3 times. Each time was worse than the last. It wasn't until my last drink that I FINALLY learned that I really don't want to drink and I don't get anything out of drinking anymore. I'm just grateful for whatever switch went off in my brain that made me finally 'get it'. Now my desire to stay sober far outweighs my desire to drink. So, while I believe that those first 8 months were critical in my sobriety today, I still think I've only truly been sober for 7 months. I'm fine with that too. The amount of time doesn't much matter anyway, it's that actual change of thought process that counts.
Thanks for letting me share my random thoughts sometimes lol
Just checking in. Lots to catch up on!
SL- Your trip sounds amazing. That's great that you got to experience that! Thank you for sharing with us.
Casinva- Good luck with your MIL!
Glee- It sounds like you're in a really good place right now. I think when people in AA say that someone is on a "pink cloud" they're basically saying "It sounds like you're doing really well, just don't forget to be vigilant". There are certain times where I feel like I need to "ramp up" my recovery program a little. Holidays, anniversaries, when hubby is out of town, and times when I either feel super happy (pink cloud) or bummed out. I don't think there's anything wrong with being happy and on a pink cloud. Just don't forget how bad it can get if you pick up a drink.
Things are going well here. I had a date night with hubby last night. We went to a really nice steak house for dinner. At first I was thinking that I wished I could have a glass of wine with dinner because of the taste, but then I remembered all of the times that I'd want more than just 1 glass of wine and it'd be expensive. Then I'd usually go home and keep the party going... in my closet. The next morning I'd wake up with a hangover and still smell like the perfume I put on, which I didn't like. That's how it usually goes now. I have a craving, then a crappy memory, then I'm grateful I don't drink anymore and I move on.
I was also thinking about my length of sobriety last night. I thought, technically I have 16 months of sobriety, not 7. I mean, I only drank 3 times in the past 16 months. 2 bottles of wine total in 16 months. Surely that time I earned still counts. Then I thought, that isn't true at all. Because, during that first 8 months I was sober, 3 months of that I stayed sober because my husband literally took my car keys and my money away. Then the next 5 months I was barely hanging on. I still WANTED to drink. I romanticized it, and tried to think about when I could possibly drink. Of course, I wanted to stop drinking, but deep down I still wasn't finished (if that makes any sense). I didn't believe that I could go very long without drinking. During that 5 months was when I drank 3 times. Each time was worse than the last. It wasn't until my last drink that I FINALLY learned that I really don't want to drink and I don't get anything out of drinking anymore. I'm just grateful for whatever switch went off in my brain that made me finally 'get it'. Now my desire to stay sober far outweighs my desire to drink. So, while I believe that those first 8 months were critical in my sobriety today, I still think I've only truly been sober for 7 months. I'm fine with that too. The amount of time doesn't much matter anyway, it's that actual change of thought process that counts.
Thanks for letting me share my random thoughts sometimes lol
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
My sobriety date was assigned to me by my sponsor. Date of last drink is important for many but I quit tracking days after my umpteenth relapse. Alcohol consumption was a symptom for me, not a problem in itself. As far as I'm concerned, I got sober when my obsession to drink was lifted. That occurred when I identified the root cause of my problem(s)... me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Casinva - Why is your MIL such a big trigger? What will be different this time? My stepmother could be a trigger because (1) she drinks like I used to and (2) has a long history of hurting my feelings while my Dad passively observes. I wasn't excited about spending a week with her over the summer, without alcohol to make me forget about it. Turns out I was smart to be on guard. I was extremely tempted to drink, and pretty much white knuckled it. I didn't drink, but was not stronger or wiser for facing my trigger. It was just stress for stress' sake. I came to understand as a result of that experience the reason why it's not recommended that folks early in recovery place themselves face to face with their triggers.
Lulu - Interesting perspective on your sober time. I started to feel trapped by my relationships and society's expectations of me about 6 months before I stopped drinking. That primed my search for emotional sobriety, but I don't count my sober time til I strung together days where I abstained from drinking. It'll be seven months of stringing days together on Tuesday. (Gazza will too).
Seven months is over half a year! I picked up a 6 month chip at a meeting the other night. This meeting has been around for 25 plus years. Someone made a comment on how nice it was to have "newcomers with only six months" at the meeting. I liked that perspective. There's something inherently hopeful about being "new", while my whole sober life lies ahead of me. There's still another half year of sober "firsts" that await me.
I have a lot of hope for the future, but it's not tied up in a to do list anymore. I am trying to trust my intuition, guided by a higher power, to do the right thing, without planning the outcome. My will has resulted in a prison of my own making but it nonetheless is struggle for me to let go of my will and pray "thy will not mine be done".
Lulu - Interesting perspective on your sober time. I started to feel trapped by my relationships and society's expectations of me about 6 months before I stopped drinking. That primed my search for emotional sobriety, but I don't count my sober time til I strung together days where I abstained from drinking. It'll be seven months of stringing days together on Tuesday. (Gazza will too).
Seven months is over half a year! I picked up a 6 month chip at a meeting the other night. This meeting has been around for 25 plus years. Someone made a comment on how nice it was to have "newcomers with only six months" at the meeting. I liked that perspective. There's something inherently hopeful about being "new", while my whole sober life lies ahead of me. There's still another half year of sober "firsts" that await me.
I have a lot of hope for the future, but it's not tied up in a to do list anymore. I am trying to trust my intuition, guided by a higher power, to do the right thing, without planning the outcome. My will has resulted in a prison of my own making but it nonetheless is struggle for me to let go of my will and pray "thy will not mine be done".
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