DG0409

My headache is back this morning. I am less than pleased. I have to admit, I am feeling a bit tempted to try smoking some weed in hopes that it would either help the pain or make me fall asleep. I think it really is just a desire for the pain to go away, I otherwise have no desire for it.

Toots- My crush and I talk on the phone a lot. At least we did until a couple of days ago. It was certainly my plan to go spend time together in person, at least after things with bf were straightened out. But I'm not sure about now. He did or said something that I feel like was just meant to be mean. Maybe it was just a miscommunication, but then there are only so many ways something can be taken. Part of me just thinks if he would apologize I'd accept it and forgive him. Part of me just thinks I'm done regardless.

I just don't understand how anybody could intentionally be mean. Especially somebody who says they really care about me.

I know that my desire for an apology to make everything better is probably pretty unhealthy. I know he 'should' have acted better to start with. Anyway, that was what my abusive ex did: be a jerk, apologize, rinse and repeat and I let it happen. Not that I even expect an apology out of this guy. At some point I have to decide that I decide what I let in my life and what not.

tanja

Good Morning Undies,

Elsewhere - I am so glad to hear that you are feeling better. How wonderful that little Sookie was there for you to cuddle with. I know when I am feeling down I get great comfort from just hugging one of my animals.

Carlos - I hope the snow you got wasn't too bad. I know hitting a meeting really does improve my mood and change my outlook on things. I hope you got an opportunity to attend a meeting or two.

Welcome Mrrryah We are all her to help and support you in any way we can. This is wonderful group of people that are firmly committed to getting better one day at a time. Please keep posting.

DG - Congratulations on 7 months of no weed Your progress is amazing! I am so happy that your migraine is better! I suffer from headaches and they are bad enough - I can't imagine the intensity of a migraine headache. I think Toots gave you excellent advice on your heartache with your crush. Please take care of yourself.

DP - I am thrilled to hear that your new job is crazy fun. You deserve so much to be happy and fulfilled. It's simply heartwarming to know that good things are coming your way.

Welcome Dazemus! Congratulations on 22 days This is a wonderful support group that can only enhance your participation in AA.

Toots - I am glad that you had a lovely drive with your hubby. Kudos to you on riding the nasty cravings out.

Wishing everyone a good Wednesday!

Dan Dare

Trying to get a straight answer from a doctor is like trying to draw blood from a stone.
My Dad is 3 days in hospital, had an EKG and we still don't know what's going on.
Ridiculous.
No one is any hurry because every day he's in it's another huge sum of money.
He was eating his supper last night and I was thinking "enjoy that, Dad, probably cost about $800..."

IWLSAST

Holy Postings, Undies,

I think I posted a couple days ago and wham, I just read like 70 to catch up.

Dan: congrats on 2 months. Glad you were able to make your Dad happy with that gift of sorts.

Dooty P, wow, I just love reading about your travel back to the future in sober mode this time. How nice it will be to appreciate each day in your element without the need to dull your senses. Perhaps try light yoga when you get home to fill that drinking gap from the past. My therapist recommended that to me for my insomnia and it is helping.

Murrah, we are here to help in any way we can. Please tell us more?

Else, how are you feeling today? Are the blues any better?

SJ, I'm withy Dee on thinking about linking SR posting with a program. Good luck!

Sam, welcome back.

Gracie, I hope that you have good weather this weekend so that you can get outside and enjoy your garden. Something tells me that you are a springtime type person?

Drake, I hope youe electricity issues resolve soon. How is Olive these days?

Babs, how are you?

Gilmer, I enjoyed your bottle story. Cool gift.

MB, Tanja...how are things going?

Hey Babs, how are you.

Dax, welcome to the Undies.

Stevie, taking any time off work soon? What's for lunch...I'm starving. I've switched from veggie to paleo diet recently. The ingredients sound a lot like yours, but in MUCH smaller quantities. Hey, what's up with competitive boxing...did I miss it?

Toots, shoe shopping for the big weekend, huh. I'll bet I can guess the style that hubby is looking for...I think they are made by C, hum, can't think of those other two letters. Don't worry, spring is just around the corner and I bet Boston will be spectacular!

((DG)), my heart goes out to you. I've suffered cluster migraines in my past. I thought about taking a knife out and just ending it. Hey girls, they say cluster migraines are equivalent to the pain of natural child birth. You gals sure can take a punch....they are pain squared. As for crush...please tell him that he hurt you and exactly why and how it hurts. That's all you can do...his reaction/response is up to him.

((BF)), what's up sweetie. Your spirits were so high this past week. Is there anything we can do?

Dee, thanks for the new thread.

It is getting a bit warmer here. I have like 4 feet of snow in my yard still but things are improving on that front. This morning I created a list of ten issues/to do's that were the types of things that I would obsess about in active addiction. I am calling them my DON'T FEAR-ACCEPTANCE LIST. Some of these are small things by comparison...but some are whoppers. Example: trips to tell my girls about my pending court issues. My plan is to look at them each day, then focus on if I can, want or need to make any progress on that item for just that day. That's today's new healthy habit, DG. Again, thank you for that suggestion.

Enjoy today, Undies...it has such promise. Not slips either, okay?

Carlos xx

Babs1234

hi Undies---just stopping in to say Hello !!!! Things are going good.
It's finally warming up here in the Dakota's so, maybe ----just maybe
we will see spring.
you guys really are a great help to me and I enjoy coming here everyday
and reading and getting encouragement from all of you.
Have a great Wed. everyone.
Babs

BoozeFree

DG hope you are headache free soon.

Dottie your job sounds pretty cool and like lots of work!

Thanks everyone. Yesterday was just a real bad depressing mood type of day. I can't even figure out what started it. Some days I guess I hate that I am an alcoholic. Yesterday I actually started thinking well hey I didn't end Up on the streets so I couldn't have been that bad off but reality sunk in and I haven't been on SR for 4 years now for nothing. I also couldn't sleep at all. Been awake since midnightish.
Got up today tho and pulled out all my old tea tuff from when I first tried getting sober and have some water heating at the moment. Tea was fun for me bc there's so many different flavones. And like my addictive self I jumped into it buying tons of different flavors right away.

stevie88

0100am here and I'm halfway through a 15 hour night shift....Roll on 0700am..

Toots my working week still hasn't been cut and there's nothing I can do about it....Looks like I gotta keep smashing in 80 odd hour weeks for the time being..

Had a good gym session earlier and now I'm chomping down plenty of food...Still happy with my weight gain and I'm hoping to gain a lot more lol...

Hope everyone is well....Take care....Steve.

Elseware

Stevie, I just have to ask. How come you want to gain a bunch of weight? Are you a body builder?

stevie88

Else I have always been interested in body building....When I was drinking I never ate and was extremely underweight...Now after a year and three months sober and some crazy eating and working out I have gained about 60lbs in weight and I ain't finished yet lol.

I eat roughly 4000 calories a day and hit the gym at least 3 times a week and sometimes 4.

Hope you are well....Steve.

Elseware

Congratulations on all your good work, Stevie. I'll bet you're getting some roses in your cheeks, too!

DrakeCKC

I would love to give you some of mine Steve.... Unfortunately I have gained back part of what I lost when I stopped drinking. It has been a snowy winter so not much outdoor exercise and I have been bad about using the condo pool. End of the day I am done with expending energy.

Glad to report the stove is no longer shocking me. Long story, but for some reason the thing was internally wired differently than is norm and apparently when it was moved when I did the floor it was reconnected what we thought was correct but was not. Get that? No, I don't either... even the electrician was baffled as to why it was wired the way it was. But it seems to work, but will take a while to earn my trust!

daxemus

I have to check in... It's 12:42am Tucson time and I am wide awake because I just got done doing major step-work and I can't tell you the IMMENSE relief, hope and life I feel right now.

A bit of back story... I am 35, started trying to get sober at 32 years old. I grew up around the rooms of AA which is great and awful. The sayings were jokes to me because I had heard them so much as a kid "Acceptance is the path to serenity" was one of my mom's faves. It was usually something she said after she said I couldn't go to the party I wanted to go to... The great part is that I grew up with a mom who got sober when I was 13, showed me recovery and miracles are possible, and I knew where to go when I needed help.

I am also a social worker and worked in the addictions field for the past 13 years. This got in the way of my ability to fully concede powerlessness and start to take suggestions. I was constantly judging everyone in the room. I was giving myself permission to use and drink again. Which I did. Again. And again. And again.

Multiple relapses. Each time was harder to come back from, harder to believe it was possible to actually not drink or use. This time was different for a number of reasons that I will share as we go forward together with this work. The reasons led to true powerlessness and willingness to take direction. I actually DID the suggestions this time. I read the Big Book in four days, devouring it. I call my sponsor daily. I go to at least one meeting a day, but usually 3-4. I pray for willingness. I ask my HP to remove my desire for drugs and alcohol and to replace it with a desire for the program and for my HP. And I started the step work.

My sponsor has really been pushing me. He reminds me that in the early years of AA they would do step work in a day so there is precedent for what he wanted to do with me. I had attempted the steps, with him, a number of times in the last three years. His thought: if you get through step 12, you are going to stay sober. So let's do it.

And we have been working together the last three weeks to do just that. Tonight we did steps 5, 6, 7, and 8 over the course of several hours. He walked with me through it. We prayed together. He related to my character defects. The three things I held back every time we did the fifth step before I said tonight. And he had direct experience with all three. I feel like I have had a miracle in my life the last three weeks. For me to be willing after three years of half-hearted attempts is a miracle. For me to share what I shared - miracle. All I have is today, but I am so very glad that I have this disease because it led me to this solution.

I hope I don't sound like a strange zealot. I just felt like I would not be able to sleep if I didn't share. If you are stalling on any of this work, I would encourage you to move through it. It is so incredibly amazing to have these experiences. That's all I have. Thanks so much!!!!!

IWLSAST

For some reason Drake, when I read that line it made me think about my girls....with me being the "it" in the quote.

Good stuff dax. Thanks for the post. Surrender was such a key for me this time. I finally realized I was powerless, stopped fighting alcohol and joined the "we" crowd and what a blessing it has become in my life.

Congrats on your accomplishments, Stevie. You sound very happy!

BF, a tea party is sooo much more fun that a pity party. Have an extra cup?

Hi Babs, thanks for the update and please keep that warmer air heading east! I'm with you on the ability to draw strength in reading these posts.

((DG)), I will be sending some HP vibes your way in hopes that you are feeling better today. ((double hugs))

DD, hope that your Dad is making progress and feeling better. I'm sure they will sort things out.

Tanja, how are things going with the blood work? No slacking, girl...keep on top of this.

Yesterday was a challenging day for me on many fronts. My program of sobriety prepared me for this...the ability to accept life on life's terms. I met those issues with slight apprehension, but not fear. It is through days like yesterday that I am able to really measure my growth in sobriety. For me to be finding a measure of emotional sobriety and humility is I know part of the miracle that will continue to happen if I stay this course. The day ended with an AA mtg out of town, after which, having a bite with my "PS/JHF inspiration" friend who I hadn't seen in 2 months. I smiled like a butcher's dog the whole one hour drive home.

Have a safe and sober day today, Undies.

Carlos xx

tootsl1

Hi guys

Dan, I'm sending positive thoughts your way love, I hope your dad feels better soon and you get to the bottom of his problem.

Dottie, have a good day at work, just today and tomorrow then you can have a long lie!

DG, you know you do not deserve to be treated bad. Ever. By anyone. For any excuse. I feel you ought tell crush exactly that. Not only do you not deserve it, but you do not deserve to put up with it. I also have just one thing to add ( yeah I know, so bite me!) if people get away with saying or doing mean things and having apologies accepted, where is their incentive to change their ways? ( I hope your head is feeling better today sweetie

Steve, are you actively looking for something else? Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is too apply for 2 jobs a week. This message will explode in 5 4 3 2 1

BF enjoy your tea party honey, way to turn that frown upside down!!!

Elsie, how are you feeling now? I used to have a cat when I was wee, called Sukie, she never grew very big, but was the most affectionate wee thing that loved nothing more than curling up around a neck and sleeping. Anyone of us would walk around the house 'wearing' her!

Dax, sounds like you are really motivated this time to make things work for you. I'm so glad for the younger you got to have a sobered up mom. One big reason for me wanting to deal with my drinking was I didn't want my grandson knowing me as a drinker, the way my nephews and nieces all do. ( he's my step daughters child. I'd like to think if I had kids I would have had the strength to stop drinking then, but honestly?? )

Drake, I would be like you around that cooker, don't let it fool you by behaving for a while, it'll catch you out!!

Carlos, I am really beginning to appreciate those challenging days. To start with, I just hoped to get through them. Now I can look at them and think, 'wow, how different would that have been' or ' I couldn't have done that' if I had been drinking. We can measure our days sober, and yes those milestones matter, but it is the measurement in personal growth that really count, that shows us to not only be sober, but to be a different person sober. Thank you for that timely reminder.

Tanja, let us know how your results go.

SJ, where's your daily post mush?? If you could make time to drink when you're hyper busy, you can make time for us!

FG MB WWG, Gilmer and Courage I hope you are all well, and to any undies or OverUndies I have misplaced, my apologies and happy Thursday!!

tanja

Good Morning Undies,

((DG)) - I am so sorry to hear that you have another bad headache. I certainly hope that it is not stress induced by your crush. Kudos to you for not giving in the cravings despite the pain. I would listen to your intuition on your crush. This isn't the first time that he has been mean to you. It is quite telling and a huge red flag that he is behaving in that manner and you aren't even in a relationship yet. I have had my share of abusive ex's. I was so desperate for a relationship that I ignored the warning signs. If you do speak with him I wholly agree with Toots stated. He offended you and you have every right to acknowledge that and state that it is unacceptable behavior.

Boozefree - I am so glad that you posted! I was worried about you. Kudos to you for changing your thinking about drinking. That is critical in achieving sobriety. You certainly have not been on SR for 4 years for nothing! Your refusal to give in to your addictions is a measure of strength and courage. I know lack of sleep can really distort your mood, outlook and perceptions. As for you tea addiction- I couldn't think of a healthier addiction! As alcoholics we are looking for ways to fill the void left by alcohol.

Daxemus - Congratulations on completing steps 5, 6, 7 and 8 It is heartwarming to hear that a miracle has occurred in your life in the past 3 weeks. Thank you so much for sharing your story!

Drake - Thank goodness your stove is fixed. That is pretty scary that the wiring was all wrong.

Carlos - What an inspiring post on meeting challenges in sobriety and facing them head on with the ability to accept life on life's terms. Your gratitude on achieving a measure of emotional sobriety and humility is a lesson to us all. It's wonderful to hear that your day ended with a meeting and reconnecting with your friend. It warms my heart that you were smiling all the way home! Now, that is the way to end a day

I woke this morning and didn't have a headache! I actually got a 5 hour block of sleep and that is a huge relief. My plans are to get the bloodwork done soon. The lab has really limited hours. There will be three celebrations at my 5:30 meeting tomorrow and I am really looking forward to that. Jim (a gentlemen I have come to adore) will celebrate one year of sobriety, Cindy will celebrate 6 years and Larry will celebrate 16 years. I plan on getting a huge bouquet of flowers for Jim and balloons for Cindy and Larry. I just remember what a huge deal one year of sobriety was for me. I want to make it very special for Jim. I have already ordered cupcakes. He faithfully attends my sunday meeting and has filled in for me twice. I intend upon baking a cake decorated like a one year chip and presenting it to him on sunday.

Wishing everyone a good Thursday!

courage2

Hi all, I'm running late already so just a short post I think --

Dan, hospital experiences are so hard -- there's the medical unknowns with all the frustrating bureaucracy on top! Don't hesitate to blow off steam here.

Carlos, I'm not sure what was challenging you yesterday, but I'm glad you ended the day smiling.

Tanja, how are you feeling? Any news on the health front?

Dax, thanks for the backstory. I lived in Tucson from 1993 to 2005. Still visit from time to time. I imagine it's a great city to get sober in. Congratulations on your amazing progress through the AA steps!

BF, I know what you mean about hating it that you're an alcoholic. It's the one thing that I can't just power through and get past through force of will. But oh well, right? I don't want to prove to myself again that I'm powerless on this front. I hope you don't either.

I'm ok. I'm getting a lot of bad headaches & such. I think my husband is a bit annoyed with me because I come home from work at night and just crawl into bed, not to sleep but just for quiet & to rest my eyes. Not very good company. I know this will pass -- I hope sooner rather than later.

Drake, DG, Toots, Babs, Siesta, Stevie, Jim, Dorothy, Matthew, Elseware, Feeling-good, Gilmer and all undie & lurking overies -- have a great day!

courage2

Tanja, our posts crossed -- I'm glad to hear you slept better and have plans for tests. Enjoy the anniversary meeting!

soberjim

Checking in.....here catching up on posts...

Tanja ..glad you are feeling better...Sounds like it will be a nice celebration.

DG0409

Dax- It's cool to hear you so excited about your recovery!!

Toots- Thank you. I wrote down what you said on a little piece of paper and stuffed it in my wallet: "you know you do not deserve to be treated bad. Ever. By anyone. For any excuse. Not only do you not deserve it, but you do not deserve to put up with it."

I am not sure yet how I am going to approach the situation. After a few days of not talking, I broke the silence yesterday via text. We just kept it short and didn't really say anything important. It's our pattern (although not a frequent one, thankfully)- somebody gets mad, we stop talking for a few days, that's as long as I can take it and I contact him again. It always makes me feel like I lost somehow. I guess that's kind of dumb. Things like this shouldn't be about winning or losing but about working things out.

In a way, I feel like telling him how I feel about it is like begging for an apology. And I think I really would be hoping to get one. I suspect as long as I'm feeling that way, it may be difficult for me to bring it up in the way I need to. I really struggle with clean, direct communication. So much so that when I read Carlos' advice, "As for crush...please tell him that he hurt you and exactly why and how it hurts. That's all you can do...his reaction/response is up to him." I thought "Telling him how I feel?? That hadn't even occurred to me!" I think perhaps part of my problem is that there have been times when I tried to tell this guy how I felt about something and didn't get the response I wanted.

Tanja- Thank you. I've gotten myself into trouble not listening to my intuition in the past. I don't want to do that again. Glad to hear you woke up without a headache. It's so sweet that you've got plans to cake, balloons and flowers to the celebration. Your group is so lucky to have you in it.

Toots I really liked what you said in response to Carlos' post about how the hard days are so different now. We not only get through them, but we are able to do so much better than we would have when drinking. Recovery brings so much growth.

Now that my head is finally feeling better, I think I'll just try to slowly get back in the swing of things today. I don't want to stress my brain out too much by doing too much too soon, but I need to get back to doing stuff. The time in bed was killer as it means my mind runs wild. Time to tackle some little things for the day.

Siesta

Hi undies. Had a nice birthday yesterday. The big fab 40. Had breakfast with my son, a long bike ride with hubby, and then a dinner date with hubby. He has planned a trip for us for my bday for the first week of March to Savannah, GA. I've never been to the south and always wanted to check it out. Very excited!
Things are good. Stepdaughter is still here, still the same. My son is moving out but not far. The apartment next door is available so he's taking it over. Glad he's staying close. I've been trying to pick up a lot of shifts at work and keeping busy. Hope all the undies are doing good.