One Year & Under Club Part 28
Live easy but think first
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Sonoran Desert
Posts: 480
Hi All,
Sitting at a restaurant with wine drinkers on every side. Thought to read your posts rather than spinning out mentally.
BF - your posts about not going to sis' party is timely. I have been debating whether to attend a family event in which there will be drinking tomorrow. Think I will bow out. Thanks for sharing!
Question, what is AV? Seen it used, not familiar.
Check-in for me: day 25. I did my first ninth step amends yesterday. It was incredible. Feel much more willing to continue. It was with my former landlord. He's a rough guy, pretty judgmental. I left the place in bad shape. I knew this could go badly. It didn't though. He was pretty pissed to see me. I told him I was there to take responsibility for the damage I did. He went through each thing, the amount of money he had to spend, how hard he had to work, his thoughts (pretty negative) about what a crappy character I was. I just listened. It was all valid.
He said he had to spend an additional $1500 beyond my security deposit. I offered to pay him. He was quiet for a bit and then said, "No, I think this was enough. It took a lot for you to come here. It shows character. We are ok." We chatted for awhile in a friendly way. He thanked me for always paying rent. He even took responsibility for a few things he regretted.
Pretty phenomenal. Very freeing.
I don't anticipate this experience each time, but what a gift.
Please keep posting your experiences. I am glad to have this option.
Daxemus - The key to my serenity is acceptance.
Sitting at a restaurant with wine drinkers on every side. Thought to read your posts rather than spinning out mentally.
BF - your posts about not going to sis' party is timely. I have been debating whether to attend a family event in which there will be drinking tomorrow. Think I will bow out. Thanks for sharing!
Question, what is AV? Seen it used, not familiar.
Check-in for me: day 25. I did my first ninth step amends yesterday. It was incredible. Feel much more willing to continue. It was with my former landlord. He's a rough guy, pretty judgmental. I left the place in bad shape. I knew this could go badly. It didn't though. He was pretty pissed to see me. I told him I was there to take responsibility for the damage I did. He went through each thing, the amount of money he had to spend, how hard he had to work, his thoughts (pretty negative) about what a crappy character I was. I just listened. It was all valid.
He said he had to spend an additional $1500 beyond my security deposit. I offered to pay him. He was quiet for a bit and then said, "No, I think this was enough. It took a lot for you to come here. It shows character. We are ok." We chatted for awhile in a friendly way. He thanked me for always paying rent. He even took responsibility for a few things he regretted.
Pretty phenomenal. Very freeing.
I don't anticipate this experience each time, but what a gift.
Please keep posting your experiences. I am glad to have this option.
Daxemus - The key to my serenity is acceptance.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Wonderful post, Daxemus. AV. It means your addiction voice. It's all those little thoughts that go through your mind about how it's ok to drink or use. Or how you deserve to drink or use cause you're happy or sad or whatever. You're probably quite familiar with it but didn't know it's deadly name. It's all those thoughts that turn us away from sobriety.
Last edited by Elseware; 02-21-2014 at 01:51 PM. Reason: Accidentally pressed send
Live easy but think first
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Sonoran Desert
Posts: 480
Originally Posted by Elseware 
Wonderful post, Daxemus. AV. It means your addiction voice. It's all those little thoughts that go through your mind about how it's ok to drink or use. Or how you deserve to drink or use cause you're happy or sad or whatever. You're probably quite familiar with it but didn't know it's deadly name. It's all those thoughts that turn us away from sobriety.
Definitely familiar with it and am glad to have a term for it.
Daxemus - The key to my serenity is acceptance.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,166
Elsie, thank you so much for your earlier post, it is nice to know from someone coming recently that you can see the support here but don't feel excluded by the fact we seem so familiar with each other. All of us have been new here, read our first posts and felt ' lor, I'm never gonna know who's who' then made our first tentative post, wondering if we will be welcome or not. Before we know it, we feel part of the family and are welcoming others. I love the support on this thread, I feel it is important that we are at varying stages of recovery and are able to be there for each other, sharing experiences. Of course it's not always about alcohol, though because alcohol interacted with so much of our lives for so long, it can seem sometimes that life without alcohol is like starting over again!
Carlos, you get to spend qualitative one with your little girl yay! That is awesome! I hope the blood pressure drops, it certainly doesn't seem fair! What does an egg white mcmmuffin taste like? It sounds disgusting! Give me a good Scottish fry up any day; egg, bacon, Lorne sausage, link sausage, black pudding, white pudding, tattie scone, fried bread, mushrooms and baked beans. Colloquially known as a heart attack on a plate! FG, you know what I'm talking about!
Dax, I love your repentance story, and I'm glad you had a good experience with it. A lot of people appreciate an honest apology, it is a recognition, an acknowledgement, and I feel we deserve that from someone who has wronged us. I am glad he responded the way he did, it showed both of you to be mature. I'm also glad you came here when you were getting stressed at the drinking around you in the restaurant, and that BFs timely post helped you!
DG, I tend to go over and over things like that, and I think for the same reason. Because you or I couldn't be malicious or mean, we find it impossible to understand why someone else can be, so we keep holding the hurt, wondering why. I was taught that the words a person says tells you more about them than about you. I am learning the truth in that.
Carlos, you get to spend qualitative one with your little girl yay! That is awesome! I hope the blood pressure drops, it certainly doesn't seem fair! What does an egg white mcmmuffin taste like? It sounds disgusting! Give me a good Scottish fry up any day; egg, bacon, Lorne sausage, link sausage, black pudding, white pudding, tattie scone, fried bread, mushrooms and baked beans. Colloquially known as a heart attack on a plate! FG, you know what I'm talking about!
Dax, I love your repentance story, and I'm glad you had a good experience with it. A lot of people appreciate an honest apology, it is a recognition, an acknowledgement, and I feel we deserve that from someone who has wronged us. I am glad he responded the way he did, it showed both of you to be mature. I'm also glad you came here when you were getting stressed at the drinking around you in the restaurant, and that BFs timely post helped you!
DG, I tend to go over and over things like that, and I think for the same reason. Because you or I couldn't be malicious or mean, we find it impossible to understand why someone else can be, so we keep holding the hurt, wondering why. I was taught that the words a person says tells you more about them than about you. I am learning the truth in that.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,166
Dax, some people have names for their AV, or picture it or give it an ugly voice. I like to think of it as a slimy miserable creep with no friends, trying to drag me back down to its gutter to keep it company. Nasty little booger!
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,039
Hi all!
Carlos, sorry to hear about the blood pressure, but it sounds like you're taking the right steps. I'm happy for you that you'll be spending time with your daughter soon!
Toots, is this your NYC weekend? Tomorrow is supposed to be a nice day -- no rain or snow for a change, just as you ordered.
Dax, thanks for sharing your experience about your amends meeting with your former landlord. It's quite wonderful the way he responded to your good gesture with his own. Like he caught something good from you!
BF, good idea to skip that party. It doesn't sound like it would hold anything fun for you.
Elseware, I'm glad you like the thread and I'm always happy to see your posts -- and everyone else's. It's really important to me to feel like there are a couple of little communities on SR where people kind of know me. I hope to get to know you better, too!
DG, what do you have planned for the weekend? I hope something to take you out of your own head and nothing to do with bf or crush! But don't take my suggestion -- listen:
Hugs to all undies! xxoo
Carlos, sorry to hear about the blood pressure, but it sounds like you're taking the right steps. I'm happy for you that you'll be spending time with your daughter soon!
Toots, is this your NYC weekend? Tomorrow is supposed to be a nice day -- no rain or snow for a change, just as you ordered.
Dax, thanks for sharing your experience about your amends meeting with your former landlord. It's quite wonderful the way he responded to your good gesture with his own. Like he caught something good from you!
BF, good idea to skip that party. It doesn't sound like it would hold anything fun for you.
Elseware, I'm glad you like the thread and I'm always happy to see your posts -- and everyone else's. It's really important to me to feel like there are a couple of little communities on SR where people kind of know me. I hope to get to know you better, too!
DG, what do you have planned for the weekend? I hope something to take you out of your own head and nothing to do with bf or crush! But don't take my suggestion -- listen:
Hugs to all undies! xxoo
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Dax, what a wonderful story. Thanks for sharing.
Courage, thanks for the youtube video.
Elsie, I always like reading your posts here. I hope you'll start chiming in more often.
Carlos, too cool that you'll get some time with your daughter. And whatever happened to you over on the limerick thread?? Were you too intimidated by ZeroTheHero? I'm really putting some thought into what you said about just talking to crush. I just can't seem to get my head out of this 'poor me' victim sort of place and I'm sure that's not a good place to bring up a conversation from. And part of me is starting to wonder if he really is just a jerk!
Courage, thanks for the youtube video.
Elsie, I always like reading your posts here. I hope you'll start chiming in more often.
Carlos, too cool that you'll get some time with your daughter. And whatever happened to you over on the limerick thread?? Were you too intimidated by ZeroTheHero? I'm really putting some thought into what you said about just talking to crush. I just can't seem to get my head out of this 'poor me' victim sort of place and I'm sure that's not a good place to bring up a conversation from. And part of me is starting to wonder if he really is just a jerk!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Dax what a nice outcome for you with your past landlord. AV is short for like alcohol voice or something like that.
Carlos how neat about your daughter spending some time with you.
Else glad your enjoying being an undie!
We'll tonight's fam bday dinner def confirmed I certainly won't be attending the other party on Sunday. After the first hour everyone was getting nice and buzzed and then my aunt offering me wine in front of everyone then saying wait you can't have any. I don't talk to any family about my alcoholism but my aunt has picked up on me not drinking at fam functions and luckily no one paid attention to her comment bc I would've been super uncomfortable. Anyway it's not that I felt jealous but more annoyed as the drunkess started and just wanted to get home. After 3hours finally just got home. I have started to really dislike going out at all.
Carlos how neat about your daughter spending some time with you.
Else glad your enjoying being an undie!
We'll tonight's fam bday dinner def confirmed I certainly won't be attending the other party on Sunday. After the first hour everyone was getting nice and buzzed and then my aunt offering me wine in front of everyone then saying wait you can't have any. I don't talk to any family about my alcoholism but my aunt has picked up on me not drinking at fam functions and luckily no one paid attention to her comment bc I would've been super uncomfortable. Anyway it's not that I felt jealous but more annoyed as the drunkess started and just wanted to get home. After 3hours finally just got home. I have started to really dislike going out at all.
Live easy but think first
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Sonoran Desert
Posts: 480
BF, my grandma, who drinks quite a bit, makes negative comments at family functions. She'll spill her wine and then say, "Quick! Clean it up before Davin [me] laps it up!"
Not funny. Hate it.
Daxemus - The key to my serenity is acceptance.
Not funny. Hate it.
Daxemus - The key to my serenity is acceptance.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,166
BF, you need to disassociate going out and having fun, from alcohol. You are far too young to be a hermit, and there are plenty of things you can do to have fun with people who don't drink. That's one way I think AA might be good for you. I am sorry your aunt was insensitive, another time, you could say " it's not that I can't, it's that I chose not to"
Dax, I have been the family joke regarding alcohol, most of my life. Brought on by myself of course, over indulging at every opportunity. At my nieces wedding a couple of years ago, I was chatting to one nephew when the other bounded across and said to his brother " is Auntie Da pissed yet??" It was light hearted humour, and I laughingly winded him with a punch to the solar plexus ( not really - he's bigger than me these days) but it did trigger some thoughts about how I am seen and made me realise if I don't want my grandson making similar comments. I had to deal. It still took probably another 2 years to realise the only way was to stop.
Dax, I have been the family joke regarding alcohol, most of my life. Brought on by myself of course, over indulging at every opportunity. At my nieces wedding a couple of years ago, I was chatting to one nephew when the other bounded across and said to his brother " is Auntie Da pissed yet??" It was light hearted humour, and I laughingly winded him with a punch to the solar plexus ( not really - he's bigger than me these days) but it did trigger some thoughts about how I am seen and made me realise if I don't want my grandson making similar comments. I had to deal. It still took probably another 2 years to realise the only way was to stop.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Dax, what a wonderful time with your former landlord! What a healing experience for both of you! How excellent that you were willing to pay him back in full, and how merciful that he let you off the hook! Stories like that just make my day! Thanks for sharing it!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Well another day.
I'm wondering this morning how much of my feelings about what is going on with my crush have to do with him and how much of it is really just old anxieties and fears that the situation has sparked off for me. I think I have a lot of feelings of low self-worth and this general feeling towards the world that nobody loves me or cares about me.
I'm thinking that maybe my ability to handle and respond to emotions is still a bit broken (for lack of a better word). I think maybe there was a lot of stuff I suppressed and neglected to deal with and it is all kind of bubbling up now.
I have felt like a ball of pain, anxiety, fear, and loss the last week or so. I'm working hard to face it and feel it rather than running though. Being able and willing to sit through these feelings and really feel them is really quite an accomplishment.
I'm wondering this morning how much of my feelings about what is going on with my crush have to do with him and how much of it is really just old anxieties and fears that the situation has sparked off for me. I think I have a lot of feelings of low self-worth and this general feeling towards the world that nobody loves me or cares about me.
I'm thinking that maybe my ability to handle and respond to emotions is still a bit broken (for lack of a better word). I think maybe there was a lot of stuff I suppressed and neglected to deal with and it is all kind of bubbling up now.
I have felt like a ball of pain, anxiety, fear, and loss the last week or so. I'm working hard to face it and feel it rather than running though. Being able and willing to sit through these feelings and really feel them is really quite an accomplishment.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,166
DG, I know for a fact that often my responses to hubbys behaviour, were definitely rooted in earlier issues relating to my lack of self value caused by my father. A counsellor told me to think about what age I felt like when these situations happened, and right enough, I felt young and insecure. Perhaps you need to remind yourself that you are a strong vital young woman, successfully beating several addictions at once, beating anxiety to forge ahead in your work, proving yourself a dynamic force on this website ( just ask Carlos, you have him terrified of failing your tasks!) living alone in hotels... The list goes on. The only thing you have a blind spot about is your worth in a relationship. I don't feel you have yet met the man worthy of you, or you would know, because he would treat you as you deserve to be treated.
Part of me wants to shake you til your teeth rattle to make you see sense, and part of me wants to wrap the lost little girl in you in a huge healing hug. But really, I know that you have to work this through for yourself, just please take on bard what I say! Xx
Part of me wants to shake you til your teeth rattle to make you see sense, and part of me wants to wrap the lost little girl in you in a huge healing hug. But really, I know that you have to work this through for yourself, just please take on bard what I say! Xx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Hi Undies.
Kinda late gettin on here today. My aunt needed help setting up a wii u game console for my little cousins so I went over to do that and have lunch. Had some cravings pop in my head when I was driving and this old punk song came up on my iPod reminding me of my care free drink partying ways when I would drink all day with my friend. I drove home tho and made some tea instead
Kinda late gettin on here today. My aunt needed help setting up a wii u game console for my little cousins so I went over to do that and have lunch. Had some cravings pop in my head when I was driving and this old punk song came up on my iPod reminding me of my care free drink partying ways when I would drink all day with my friend. I drove home tho and made some tea instead
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