Cynderino

Hi friends!

Sorry I have been MIA. Been here reading and lurking but no time to post! Housecleaning first. QOTDs:

Advice to a newborn: Find the humor in things!
Super Bowl: I picked Seattle. Had a family bet and even won $60. Not bad for a Sunday night. LOL
Favorite Color - sky blue

Driver - sending good juju your way! I am sure you got this...Love the baby pics! Thanks for sharing!
DD - good idea on pouring the wine out. Glad your visit with the 'rents went smoothly!
Trudging - I am so glad you stayed sober! When we keep our heads about us we can do hard things!
Reflection & Brian - welcome!
Billr - hope your painting project turned out!
Little - we have gotten tons of snow here in KC too. 3rd snow day from school has already been called for tomorrow. I need to get out of this house!
jl - miss you buddy, hope all is well in your new daytime gig!
SM - hope your trip is off to a great start. At least in Texas you get to avoid all the snow!

I am feeling so overwhelmed these days. Work is crazy, side job is knocking on my door, house is barely in control, 3 kids and all their normal stuff, getting over a nasty cold and of course the impending divorce...ugh. I just want to tap out for a few. I don't know how I did all this stuff while trying to maintain my drinking. That was a full time job in itself there towards the end. When I am having a tough day I try to rehash the things I am thankful for. Keeps me on track.

So for today I am thankful for...
1. My healthy, happy kids
2. A warm home
3. My sober friends (this includes you guys!)
4. My job
5. Running

Keep being awesome, guys!

DoubleDragons

Hi, all. Sounds like a lot of us are in stressed out mode. Me included. Landlord says if we don't buy, she wants to sell this summer. I am not sure I want to buy her house, but I really haven't found anything else I want to buy either. I love many things about living in FL, but honestly, I have never been impressed with the housing around here. Florida weather is really rough on houses. We have four kids, and so we have no desire to pay for private schools. In our neck of the woods, there are only a few really good public schools, which really limits the areas where we can live. Usually I am a very decisive person, but I really feel overwhelmed by this right now and I really am not excited about moving again, especially with my son headed to college in the fall.

Driver and other stressed Tobies here is your good juju ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Please send me some back.

You know, as stressed as I have been, I have had no strong cravings to drink. It feels good to be away from my kneejerk reaction to open a bottle the minute I feel frazzled. I am grateful that I have gotten pretty solid in my sobriety before this all came up.

fishoutawatta

Fishy's back.

Day 1 . . . again. No major "benders", just a lot of little failures. Sigh. I know that there've been a lot of "little successes", too. I just end up looking at the negative side of the balance sheet.

Poor excuse, too, that I usually try to catch up with SR at bed-time, but my phone's connection to the wifi isn't as good so far from the router. I get tired of waiting, and give up. Hmm. Maybe a metaphor there.

Thanks, DD for sending out Tober juju. I can use it.

Fishy

WhoDey

I just read a short piece on Aaron Sorkin's (tv/movie writer) reaction to the death this week of Philip Hoffman. Sorkin is a recovering drug addict and had spoken to Hoffman about heroin and addiction. I thought this was interesting from the article:

WhoDey

Question for those of you with more sober time than myself. I'm at approximately 3.5 months.

Early on, I'd have relatively intense cravings which I would urge-surf until they passed. Over time, these cravings diminished significantly.

Recently, I've been having not intense cravings, but more of low-level "gee, it would be nice to sip one drink" type of thoughts. Difficult for me to describe, but I'm wondering if it's due to either boredom with sobriety (the heavy lifting is done and I can take a breather) or just being worn down by being constantly vigilant.

I'm still urge-surfing, but it feels different because I'm not riding an intense urge ... more of a low-level want/desire.

That probably makes no sense ... but it does make sense to me that "urges" at 3.5 months will be different than urges at one week.

Edited to add: I'm asking because I know from past attempts at sobriety that slips are not singular events, but more of a process. This feels like I'm in the process stream that could lead me to a slip. Looking for ways to reset myself.

Bilr44

DD, house hunting here is a subject that I could talk with you all day. I'm with you on the stress part. Sending good vibes your way.

Fishy, sorry to hear about your setback. Just get back on the sober train and don't drink today.

WD, I agree with the quote. It's not how much killed him, playing with fire will get you burned. It sounds like he had a death wish though with all he bought.

reflection

Lots of positive juju out to all of ye!

Welcome fishy!

Who - I can't give you perspective for more than 3.5 months because, as you know, we're on the same sober timetable...but I can say I'm having similar thoughts. Mine generally aren't strong enough to start up again, but now I find myself having to be even more thoughtful about the situations I put myself in, especially with things like meeting friends at certain places and grocery shopping.

You've described what goes on really well and I've thought about this some as my own urges have come up. For me it feels like the former - heavy lifting is done, I can relax a bit. I'm realizing, though, it's that relaxation that may get me into some hot water. I don't mind the vigilance so much, it keeps me accountable and in-check...I'm a bit of a control freak about some stuff, so it probably feeds that need a bit (I'll take it!).

Thanks for bringing up that topic.

WhoDey

Reflection ... like you, my urges aren't strong enough that I'm worried about drinking immediately, but I can feel a process in motion that could end that way. I know that drinking in moderation isn't an option (got the t-shirt for that one), so that isn't in my head. I don't know. Still thinking this one through. Thanks for sharing. This is my only form of support, so all of you get to see all of the dirty laundry!

trudgingagain

DD...sending good juju your way! I looked at houses in FL once....I think it was in the Melbourne area??? We are renting here now...and the house is also for sale...makes us a bit nervous, but it is priced way too high (we think) to ever sell. Welcome back, Fishy....glad you came back....Great quote and point....Whodey...and...as for your question (although there really wasn't a question, but rather a statement...lol)...that kind of thinking is what took me out 3 times after long periods of sobriety. "They" say that we plan our relapses....there might be something to that. I never thought I did...it just happened. Just had "one" ....on a few occasions.....ended up in the same ol' place eventually. There is definitely some relief in having done the "heavy lifting" and a sense of accomplishment accompanied by relaxation (of diligence/stamina, etc.) What could it hurt, after all???? I get it....TOTALLY. Not worth the thought....

GOOD NEWS! Scanned authorization letter to atty this morning to cancel our hearing. Statute of limitations has passed. CA did NOT file against us personally, AND he got them to zero out an assessment for 2011 (that we didn't even know existed)! IT'S OVER! No liens, levies, NADA.....can't tell you the weight that has been lifted off of my shoulders....Thanks again, Tobers for helping me through this nightmare

Now....on to documentation for my meeting with the Provost

WhoDey

Trudging! What a relief! So happy for you.

reflection

It's my only support, too - here's to piling on (and airing out) that laundry!

Also, re: the quote you posted - I've never thought of it in those terms, but it's true - it's not the action that kills, it's the product. So often these things are chalked up to semantics; language has more power than we sometimes give it.

I notice a pattern in SR, too - with those who qualify coming back from a relapse as "only" day 1,2 whatever. Knowing what that feels like, I understand there are underlying feelings of guilt, shame, defeat - you name it, but day one is a huge accomplishment, it's a step forward...to qualify it with "only" sometimes feels like the person isn't giving their self credit where it is rightly due and that makes me a little sad. I also know it's a different process for everyone...

I've been trying lately to be thoughtful about how I talk about myself and my accomplishments, it's interesting how that is changing the farther along I get.

Ok, I'll get off my grammar soapbox now... reflection - now you all know why I picked that name!

Have a happy Thursday, it's below freezing here and the wind won't let up...it's even supposed to snow. My town might have to get its one snowplow out of storage. Ha. What I wouldn't do for the shorts/tshirt/bathing suit life of FL or CR!

reflection

Trudging - phew - that did not sound like a great situation...congratulations on closing the book on it!

WhoDey

That's interesting, as I've been doing something along a similar track. I think it's more than "just" grammar though.

At work, I've noticed myself becoming more decisive and definitive in what I say. I suppose I'm relective also and usually couch my statements with qualifiers. Since being sober I've been working on this. Is this confidence? Not sure.

Interesting.

trudgingagain

You bet, WD! With sobriety comes confidence!

fishoutawatta

Who . . .

The thing I notice when I'm clear-headed is that I don't have to censor myself as much. In other words, I think I DO speak with more confidence.

Fishy

Bilr44

WhoDey, your where I was around the middle to end of December. When I think about the one drink, I always think past it and no I want a lot more than that. I really don't want all the physical, psychological, and family issues that alcohol caused.

Me post drinking is like Del in Planes, Trains, and Automobiles: I like me, my wife likes me, my customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.

DoubleDragons

Hi, all. Wow I really enjoyed this thoughtful part of the thread. I definitely feel more confident in social situations when I am not drinking. I am not worried about slurring my words or being loud or saying something stupid. At the same time, Whodey, I get nostalgic and annoyed by the fact that I just can't be a "casual" drinker. I watched my parents (who are heavy drinkers; Mom often drinks alcoholically) this past weekend only drink two glasses of wine and I think, "Why can't I just do that?" If I have been able to stay abstinent for over four months, surely I am strong enough to stay "casual" about drinking. Unfortunately, I know that casual is never casual for me. It involves drink counting apps on my phone and white knuckling it when I want more and then those certain times that I just lose complete control and make a fool of myself.

I think most of us have witnessed the difference of our drinking problems by observing our spouses. My husband has all but quit drinking in support of me and it has been a no brainer for him. We have a case of beer (his DOC) sitting in our fridge that is probably past its expiration date. He needs no support system to quit and stay quit. I am sure he never gives it a thought. I think it about it daily. (not like in the beginning, but it always comes up in my thoughts in one form or another at least one time a day)

I was out to lunch with my college friend the other day. She was telling me that she loves her new nail place because they serve mimosas. I just laughed along. I don't have the guts to tell her that I quit yet. Our girls weekend with our eight other best friends from college is in the end of March. I don't know if I will have the guts to tell them I quit either. I won't lie, it has crossed my mind that I could drink then. We will be staying in my girlfriend's cabin in the mountains. We all drink on these weekends. I think I hate being singled out as a non-drinker more than I hate not drinking. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I am happy for you, Trudging! Welcome back, Fishy. Dee always asks people what are you going to do different this time? Do you have a plan?

Bilr44

DD, I don't know, hanging with my college buddies, secluded on a mountain when the intent to go is to drink, sounds like trouble to me. I am very comfortable in my sobriety but could not guarantee that I would not cave to this peer pressure. My wife and kids wouldn't be around so they would never know. I'm guessing that you will not end up drinking there because you have come so far. But, this is still not a temptation I would put myself in. If I did I'd be upfront and tell them I quit because I have a problem with alcohol.

WhoDey

Ditto to what Bilr said. I even think I would tell people that I wouldn't be drinking before making the trip.

fishoutawatta

DD,

Thanks for asking Dee's question. I don't really have a plan. I didn't have one the last time I went 8 weeks. I know what made me successful last time, and I'm looking forward to repeating that (i.e., keeping busy at what I enjoy; keeping my glass filled with Diet Dr. P; etc.). The good thing is that the holidays won't intervene for a LONG time. That was the downfall period.

Fishy