Class of October 2013 - Part 7
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,329
Originally Posted by WhoDey 
Bilr ... Thanks for reply. I know that most can't relate to the issue of adoption and it probably seems minor to the struggles being faced by many here. Still, it's been a significant issue for me for decades and something I need to work on. In the spirit of openness I wanted to get it out there to this group. Thanks again for sharing.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Whodey, I have a good girlfriend who has tried to get in touch with her birth mother 2-3 times. The last time she tried she was told that it was the last time legally that she could try to do it. Her birth mother refused to meet her. It really threw her into a short term depression. My uncle just met his sister's son who was given up by her for adoption. (forced by her stauch protestant parents) Ironically, he lived about 50 minutes from us when we lived in another state for 9 years. He looks exactly like my uncle's sister. My f-i-l always blamed his alcoholism on the fact that his father abandoned he and his mother when he was a toddler. He spent a lot of time searching up information about his father and his father's family. Adoption is a very real, multi-faceted issue that affects many, many people in all different ways. I wouldn't minimize this at all!
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Free, I think if you give yourself enough time under your belt, sobriety will get easier for you. It was easier for me in the beginning to tell myself that my quitting drinking could be temporary, but I had to give sobriety a fair shot. I settled on three months (which is NOTHING compared to 27 years of drinking). Tonight I was out to eat with my husband and I was very, very tempted to order a glass of wine. (by husband said he even noticed my temptation) However, I have 96 days sober. It gets harder and harder to want to throw that number away, plus I am so fearful. Sobriety has become my known entity now and I know that I am safe and healthy and sleep well and have dignity and I am at my ideal weight. There is so much weighing against that decision to drink, but that is only because I have a fair amount of sobriety. Tell yourself that for right now you just have to give yourself 3-4 months of sobriety and the benefits that come with that amount of time sober. You will reevaluate your sobriety choice after that amount of time. Believe me, with that much sobriety, picking up the drink will not be nearly as easy as it has been for you within just a few weeks of sobriety. I promise.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Tonight when my husband and I were dining out, we had to take a booth by the bar because all other tables were taken. Near to us, at the bar was a very attractive young couple. The man was in scrubs and the way he carried himself, I am assuming he was a doctor. They started out each drinking two large sized beers (2 each) and they split a flatbread (which was less than 500 calories - this restaurant claims all of their entrees/tapas are under 500 calories). The doctor then ordered a martini. I noticed that they started out with good conversation, but when we were leaving he looked zoned out and she was messing with her phone. The mothery part of me wanted to warn them to take it easy and be more reflective about what they were doing now and what they wanted in the future, but of course, I didn't. I hope it doesn't seem too creepy that I noticed all of this. I have to admit I have become quite the observer these days in restaurants - just curious about people's drinking habits now that I have become so conscious of my own.
Along these lines, I rented the old, old movie, Days of Wine and Roses on my kindle last night. Wow, what a scary eye opener of a movie!! I couldn't help but think of that movie watching the two beautiful young people at the bar tonight. (the movie's main characters are an alcoholic couple that start out beautiful, successful, in love with a precious baby, but as you can imagine it all unravels quickly when their alcoholism takes over)
Along these lines, I rented the old, old movie, Days of Wine and Roses on my kindle last night. Wow, what a scary eye opener of a movie!! I couldn't help but think of that movie watching the two beautiful young people at the bar tonight. (the movie's main characters are an alcoholic couple that start out beautiful, successful, in love with a precious baby, but as you can imagine it all unravels quickly when their alcoholism takes over)
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Cynderino, divorce is surely a very difficult transition, but in my experience in observing my friends' and family members' divorces, it is usually all for the best and everyone ends up being just fine once the transition time is over. My SIL does most of the single parenting, since her ExH lives out of state. She dreaded sharing the kids and missing time with them, but now I honestly think she welcomes the "breaks." She knows that the kids are with their father who loves them and who will take care of them, so she can breathe easy and enjoy some time, just to herself, (which is much needed as a single parent)!
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Cynderino, I also think it is wonderful that you have given yourself a fair amount of sober time before coming to this conclusion. One of my good girlfriends did the same thing. I don't believe she is an alcoholic, but she likes to drink and party. She took a few months off of drinking to really consider getting divorced before she did it. Big life decisions should always be made with a clear, logical, sober mind.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 678
Originally Posted by Bilr44
The things that I don't miss about my drinking days: Passing out in bed by 9:30 Walking, talking in my sleep Waking up at 3:00 am with anxiety Gastro intestinal issues That white knuckle feeling all day Stress from hiding my drinking Making excuses for not being able to drive at night Not being all there for my family I sometimes think that I miss that initial buzz that alcohol brought but like Trudging said it got harder and harder to come by.
Since getting sober, I no longer miss:
- having very bad hypertension and an elevated heart rate
- feelings of confusion and relatively extreme anxiety
- irritability beyond the norm
- being so hungover that the only thing I could manage to do was start drinking again
- making a complete ass out of myself: running down Bourbon Street with my shirt off; forgetting my hotel room number; showing up at work events half-cut; etc, etc
- losing jackets, watches, phones, credit cards, sunglasses, cash, and my dignity
- not being able to drive, even during the daytime
And that's just what comes to mind during 6am coffee and cartoons with my 2yr old:-) sobriety is well worth it!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 678
Originally Posted by DoubleDragons
Tonight when my husband and I were dining out, we had to take a booth by the bar because all other tables were taken. Near to us, at the bar was a very attractive young couple. The man was in scrubs and the way he carried himself, I am assuming he was a doctor. They started out each drinking two large sized beers (2 each) and they split a flatbread (which was less than 500 calories - this restaurant claims all of their entrees/tapas are under 500 calories). The doctor then ordered a martini. I noticed that they started out with good conversation, but when we were leaving he looked zoned out and she was messing with her phone. The mothery part of me wanted to warn them to take it easy and be more reflective about what they were doing now and what they wanted in the future, but of course, I didn't. I hope it doesn't seem too creepy that I noticed all of this. I have to admit I have become quite the observer these days in restaurants - just curious about people's drinking habits now that I have become so conscious of my own. Along these lines, I rented the old, old movie, Days of Wine and Roses on my kindle last night. Wow, what a scary eye opener of a movie!! I couldn't help but think of that movie watching the two beautiful young people at the bar tonight. (the movie's main characters are an alcoholic couple that start out beautiful, successful, in love with a precious baby, but as you can imagine it all unravels quickly when their alcoholism takes over)
On a side note, I've recently come to the realization that I have effectively no social life anymore, since I walked away from booze. I am a busy guy with work, kids, etc but I used to try and get out for a few beers and a burger with some friends at least once every 6 weeks or so. Now what am I supposed to do? I feel like I'm totally antisocial now - partly because I don't want to put myself in higher risk situations, unnecessarily. I'm trying to lose myself in marathon training at the moment - maybe I just need to find a training partner, preferably a female 5-10yrs younger than me with the body of an Olympian! Sorry for the last part but my wife is mad at me at the moment and slept on the couch last night. Apparently, I don't value her job enough or something...I know, getting off topic now, sorry:-)
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,329
SM, I've had the same thoughts about a social life but one that revolves around getting plastered is really no life. I thought some of the people I drank with we're good friends but take away the beer and I'm really not sure anymore. It's really not a coincidence that since I moved away, unless I initiate contact, I never hear from them.
I think a lot of us look back at our drinking and almost memorialize it. The negative lists that you and I just wrote should be proof enough that it is just poison. Our bodies are very good at forgetting pain.
I think a lot of us look back at our drinking and almost memorialize it. The negative lists that you and I just wrote should be proof enough that it is just poison. Our bodies are very good at forgetting pain.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
I have to agree about the social life...but, I often wonder if we also tend to isolate (out of fear, maybe?) once we get a bit of sobriety...I also do not miss losing/forgetting things, not remembering the night before, the weight gain from alcohol, the lack of motivation, waking up many times to drink water, and then....starting all over the next day...ugh!
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 353
I have to agree with Truding on her list, I didn't like going to work hangover as hell, then by 3 jonesing (sp?) to be home for a drink to start the cycle all over again. Not remember talking to my husband about things, for him to say you already told me that. It is nice to have a conversation with him at night and remembering it. I love the fact I have the energy to work out every night (something I used to do prior to drinking heavily). My skin feels good, my hair and eyes are bright now. The list goes on and on the benefits of being sober out weight the drinking in my eyes now.
Oh and like bilr44 the gastro intestine begin gone is huge. I was actually tested to see the yeast level in my body, it was off the charts, I was told no sweet, no starches (potatoes) and no alcohol or mold (cheese) Well at the time I couldn't give up my alcohol and I was in constant pain from it. Now if I eat cheese little or no pain another reason to give up alcohol
Oh and like bilr44 the gastro intestine begin gone is huge. I was actually tested to see the yeast level in my body, it was off the charts, I was told no sweet, no starches (potatoes) and no alcohol or mold (cheese) Well at the time I couldn't give up my alcohol and I was in constant pain from it. Now if I eat cheese little or no pain another reason to give up alcohol
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
SM, my social life has gone from all to nothing in the last couple of years. When we moved to FL, I wanted to stay away from the party scene that we were such a big part of the previous 9 years in our previous home. However, I have not been good at making friends with anyone who isn't a big partier ~ Always seems to be who I gravitate to, so, like you, I have really started to isolate. As much as I do not want to attend AA, I sometimes consider it, just so that I can meet some sober friends. I did find my book club on Meetup.com and there seems to be a fair amount of non drinkers in that group. My goal for 2014 is to redefine my friendships and social life (or at least GET ONE!) I totally relate to your mixed feelings of watching people drinking. I feel the same things: jealous, disgusted, winsome, superior, etc. I can't wait to just feel neutral about it all.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
I don't miss my kids looking at me like I have two heads because they answered the question I am asking them, the previous night. I don't miss waking up to my stomach ulcers feeling like they are searing a hole right through my body. I don't miss the 10 pounds of mush laying all around my gut making me look like an egg in an egg holder. I don't miss the headaches that never seemed to fully go away. I don't miss jonesing for greasy hamburgers to make the hangover go away. I don't miss spending over $300 a month (at least) on poison in a bottle. I don't miss fairly regular anxiety and panic attacks. I don't miss heart palputations. I don't miss starting the new year feeling like I have to completely detox from the holidays.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,329
Originally Posted by DoubleDragons
I don't miss my kids looking at me like I have two heads because they answered the question I am asking them, the previous night. I don't miss waking up to my stomach ulcers feeling like they are searing a hole right through my body. I don't miss the 10 pounds of mush laying all around my gut making me look like an egg in an egg holder. I don't miss the headaches that never seemed to fully go away. I don't miss jonesing for greasy hamburgers to make the hangover go away. I don't miss spending over $300 a month (at least) on poison in a bottle. I don't miss fairly regular anxiety and panic attacks. I don't miss heart palputations. I don't miss starting the new year feeling like I have to completely detox from the holidays.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
hahaha! How true is that, Billr?! I got to the point of putting ice in beer....and I NEVER liked beer....yuk....And DD...can so relate to the "two heads"...lol...It did pi$$ me off though, that sometimes my kids or my husband would tell me I said something, agreed to something, etc. before and since I had no recollection of it, I would have to agree again. I hated those words, "Don't you remember?" Ugh...glad to be sober...just returned from a great beach walk on a beautiful day!
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Silver Spring, MD
Posts: 109
Hey tobers,
I haven't been around because I relapsed in the middle of December. I only made it 2 weeks out of rehab before I gave in to a craving. I have plenty of excuses but none of them pass muster. Anyway, I now have 4 days sober and am working with a new sponsor and a new therapist, both of whom I connect to better than their previous counterparts.
I'm gonna stick around in this group if that's OK with y'all.
I just caught up on all the threads and there's some great perseverance through challenge, inspiration and support. Please keep it up.
I haven't been around because I relapsed in the middle of December. I only made it 2 weeks out of rehab before I gave in to a craving. I have plenty of excuses but none of them pass muster. Anyway, I now have 4 days sober and am working with a new sponsor and a new therapist, both of whom I connect to better than their previous counterparts.
I'm gonna stick around in this group if that's OK with y'all.
I just caught up on all the threads and there's some great perseverance through challenge, inspiration and support. Please keep it up.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 311
Snipe, I also had a pretty lengthy relapse during December. I'm on day 2 again. I am working with my counselor, and I'm considering an AA meeting tonight. It's scary but I know I need to make a stronger commitment this time. I have to take the idea of drinking off the table. It just doesn't work for me.
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