Class of September 2013 - Part 19
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,303
I decided that I'm not going to class tomorrow. The profs are terrible lecturers and it just hasn't been helpful. I have no desire to brave rush hour in the dark, in snow and ice, on a freeway that goes down to two lanes surrounded by concrete construction walls. No thanks! We're going to stay warm at home until all of that passes and then I'll take the baby to school and go to the library.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Great advice from Renarde too.
I remember when I was newly sober I found my life very boring - what was bearable as a drinker was unbearable sober...but I kept resisting change - as cruddy as my old life was I knew the parameters...I was also not entirely sure I could do this sober thing, or that I really deserved it.
so for a while I grit my teeth and white knuckled it and pretty much the only coping tool I had was still booze...
stubbornly not allowing myself to use that tool I was pretty miserable.
Eventually I realised I needed to change, or I was gonna go back to drinking.
There's been loads of suggestions here UI - make some changes, try some new things - the smallest ripples we make can travel vast distances.
D
I remember when I was newly sober I found my life very boring - what was bearable as a drinker was unbearable sober...but I kept resisting change - as cruddy as my old life was I knew the parameters...I was also not entirely sure I could do this sober thing, or that I really deserved it.
so for a while I grit my teeth and white knuckled it and pretty much the only coping tool I had was still booze...
stubbornly not allowing myself to use that tool I was pretty miserable.
Eventually I realised I needed to change, or I was gonna go back to drinking.
There's been loads of suggestions here UI - make some changes, try some new things - the smallest ripples we make can travel vast distances.
D
Perpetual Optimist
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by Kaneda8888 
Phoooey !!!
The movie was GREAT!
Watching the movie reminded me how stoned out of my mind I was reading the books (I forgot whole chunks of the storyline) so I've decided to read the third installment over again now that I'm sober!
I met this girl my age in the ticket line who was in grad school for acting and whose roommate is also a writer and who also read the HG series.
The theater is reserved seating and she seemed really cool and she was by herself also so we sat next to each other! Turns out she also lives near me so we took the train together and exchanged numbers.
So I ended up making a new friend tonight!
Perpetual Optimist
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by Renarde
I don't think that's depressing. That's basically saying that if you could drink like a normal person then you would choose to be a normal person. I would opt out of being an alcoholic if I could. Also I think a dry drunk is someone who is sober but emotionally and mentally out of control and not working on it. You seem like someone who is working on it. (((Grace)))
Agreed!!! You're rocking this sober shiz, Grace!!!
Admittedly, given that scenario I'd pick up in a heartbeat also!
I had to deal with the resentment of not being able to drink like my unicorn family members over the holidays.
During beerfest, I said the serenity prayer over and over until I felt better (which surprisingly helped a lot)!
I cannot control my addiction. I have to remember that and look within to find serenity given that fact.
Perpetual Optimist
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by Renarde
I decided that I'm not going to class tomorrow. The profs are terrible lecturers and it just hasn't been helpful. I have no desire to brave rush hour in the dark, in snow and ice, on a freeway that goes down to two lanes surrounded by concrete construction walls. No thanks! We're going to stay warm at home until all of that passes and then I'll take the baby to school and go to the library.
Enjoy your ice cream. I stopped by rite aid and got a pint myself!
When am I gonna take my azz to the gym???
I HAVE to break the seal!!!! Why am I resisting so hard??
I really think I'm gonna go tomorrow. I have an intro to meditation class at 7 and am going to go beforehand!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
UI, do you find you sabotage yourself in other areas of your life besides drinking?
I found this out about myself when I quit. It appalled me. There was hardly an area in life I didn't sabotage. Didn't pay bills though the money was there. Or, the money wasnt there because i bought booze instead of paying bills. Had relationships with men who were in various ways unavailable so they were doomed to fail. Didn't fix MAJOR problems even when they started out small. Made myself late unnecessarily. And so many other examples....
It pains me to even write that now.
But by NOT drinking I HAD to open my eyes to it. For months I just looked around at it in dismay. And horror. As I worked on one area at a time, I was shocked to realize that deep down I didn't think I deserved to succeed or be happy in life. This stunned me as I thought I had a healthy self esteem.
I was wrong. All I'd had was a thin sheen of bravado.
There is a saying I learned from Dee regarding this. Without Dee's eloquence I will just say it like this:
"If you want to find out WHY you drink, then stop drinking.".
I'm actually not going to tell you to throw out the beer UI. You're quite smart; you know that.
But I wonder, why do you drink? What are you afraid of?
You don't have to tell us. But these are questions you will have to face to get past the ambivalence dance. Because this dance will get old. Just like drinking did.
I found this out about myself when I quit. It appalled me. There was hardly an area in life I didn't sabotage. Didn't pay bills though the money was there. Or, the money wasnt there because i bought booze instead of paying bills. Had relationships with men who were in various ways unavailable so they were doomed to fail. Didn't fix MAJOR problems even when they started out small. Made myself late unnecessarily. And so many other examples....
It pains me to even write that now.
But by NOT drinking I HAD to open my eyes to it. For months I just looked around at it in dismay. And horror. As I worked on one area at a time, I was shocked to realize that deep down I didn't think I deserved to succeed or be happy in life. This stunned me as I thought I had a healthy self esteem.
I was wrong. All I'd had was a thin sheen of bravado.
There is a saying I learned from Dee regarding this. Without Dee's eloquence I will just say it like this:
"If you want to find out WHY you drink, then stop drinking.".
I'm actually not going to tell you to throw out the beer UI. You're quite smart; you know that.
But I wonder, why do you drink? What are you afraid of?
You don't have to tell us. But these are questions you will have to face to get past the ambivalence dance. Because this dance will get old. Just like drinking did.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,023
Originally Posted by fifth
Good morning everyone....here is my 3rd day starting....I have to confess I'm already nervous. The night was ok though I woke up a couple of times....hope everyone in here is ok.
Top of the morn to you ! Hang in there. Keep close to this class and post like a maniac if you can especially when you are feeling vulnerable, have cravings, anxious, etc. As you know, we are strictly supportive !
Dee has already asked but I just wanted to emphasize that its really important to have a recovery program of some sort.
Keep it up, stay calm, connected and strong !
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
UI, glad you told us you bought beer. I have nothing to add to anyone else's advice, because I have not been very successful with the sobriety thing myself. You are at least not drinking, so I hope you can keep it that way.
Is there some group, activity, or something, where you can meet other people and make some friends? I think you have mentioned you isolated yourself drinking and so, have little social contacts.
You have been quiet here lately. Maybe post more?
Is there some group, activity, or something, where you can meet other people and make some friends? I think you have mentioned you isolated yourself drinking and so, have little social contacts.
You have been quiet here lately. Maybe post more?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Workaholic, I hope you are njoying your vacation! I love NYC! We were there for a family vacation summer before last. we loved the Museum of Natural History, and really enjoyed the Emprie State Building self guided tour. They give you a recording to listen to as you look over each corner of the city. It may be very chilld now, but the Circle Line tours are also a good way to get the lay of the city and to get close to the Statue of Liberty.
Have fun!
Have fun!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
So, 5 days now. we shall see if I get the itch tomorrow night. Thursdays are my big
begin the weekend" temptation night. Once i go there, and drink, then I likely have an open bottle or a second bottle around, as I tend to buy 2 at a time, and so, I end up drinking the next nihgt. So, not this weekend. I need to do this in chunks rather than a day at a time sometimes. It is the only way to plan out how *not* to drink. I can successfully not buy wine, but the beer being here often is the gateway back into drinking for a few days.
It seems to me he has been avoiding a physical for a long time. I did that when I was worried about my health and drinking and did not want ot be found out. I wonder if he has any concerns? He has never been a very deep talker or worrier, so he simply does not talk about that sort of thing, not openly. We don't talk much at all about anything very personal. he doesn't anyway. I may yap at him and he grunts, but that is as deep as we get these days. So, I don't know what is in his mind about drinking. But I observe him controlling it and he has had some bad nights here and there in out history where lack of control led to a bad circumstance.
I do think if there were some nudge, he may have it in him to stop. Maybe. But I think the best I will ever get is he would slow down and work very hard to moderate. he can do this for extended periods. He has great willpower. is that way with food, or used to do that with caffeine, etc...
Rambling. I just wish we could do this together.
begin the weekend" temptation night. Once i go there, and drink, then I likely have an open bottle or a second bottle around, as I tend to buy 2 at a time, and so, I end up drinking the next nihgt. So, not this weekend. I need to do this in chunks rather than a day at a time sometimes. It is the only way to plan out how *not* to drink. I can successfully not buy wine, but the beer being here often is the gateway back into drinking for a few days.
It seems to me he has been avoiding a physical for a long time. I did that when I was worried about my health and drinking and did not want ot be found out. I wonder if he has any concerns? He has never been a very deep talker or worrier, so he simply does not talk about that sort of thing, not openly. We don't talk much at all about anything very personal. he doesn't anyway. I may yap at him and he grunts, but that is as deep as we get these days. So, I don't know what is in his mind about drinking. But I observe him controlling it and he has had some bad nights here and there in out history where lack of control led to a bad circumstance.
I do think if there were some nudge, he may have it in him to stop. Maybe. But I think the best I will ever get is he would slow down and work very hard to moderate. he can do this for extended periods. He has great willpower. is that way with food, or used to do that with caffeine, etc...
Rambling. I just wish we could do this together.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
