SoberMarathon

Hi All..just checking in. All packed and heading back overseas on another trip for work. This is my third trip in less than 2 weeks - made it through the last overnighter to the UK without incident, after falling off the rails on the American west coast during the first trip. Going to stay diligent this time, I vow to it. I'm not going to let myself fall again, no matter what the cost. Please be prepared to hear from me daily on this 5-day trip starting tomorrow. I will lean on you this time in an effort to remind myself who I am and why I no longer drink. Can't forget that for a minute or else I could end up opening the door to serious physical problems. I don't have another binge left in me, I just don't. Will keep you posted...good night:-)

chaili05

I agree. I have isolated myself a little bit on purpose thus far... and I'm okay with that- I want to be stronger before I'm in a party/drinking atmosphere.

Free, I think the important thing is to check yourself- you've done a magnificent job and choosing sobriety thus far and are also noticeably struggling at times with this choice. Have you decided anything in regards to antabuse? In regards to the parties, I'd be worried that without taking antabuse and already thinking that you might want to drink... that coupled with your feelings of being left out attending the parties might put your sobriety in jeopardy.

DoubleDragons

I have had a rough patch with our extended family these past few days. My mother and my husband's mother are both difficult personalities, to say the least. My MIL was staying with us for the week and I had one of those fun "Mommy is drunk" conversations with my mother at 8:30 this morning. So, I can't pretend that the thoughts of drowning out all of the angst ridden mixed emotions of dealing with these ladies, didn't cross my mind. One thing that is really settling into me though, is that I like that no one has me being a drunk "over me" right now. No one can discount me as just a drunk. I also have a clearer idea that I need to take care of myself as much as I take care of others. I feel more confident and sure of myself, so dealing with people who make mincemeat out of my emotions is somehow a little easier and less devastating. I am a better mother to my children as a sober person, but I am also a better mother to MY inner child, as a sober person.

DoubleDragons

We are expecting A LOT of check-ins this time, SM!! Wear something or carry something that reminds you just how important your sobriety is to you. Remember we are here for you!!! You are not alone.

Bilr44

Back home safe after an uneven truly travel day. I realized that I really don't miss the cold weather that much.

I need to catch up in here but SM, stay in touch and sober on your trip.

Free, glad to read that you are still counting days.

I will read and catch up more tomorrow. Off to bed soon.

EternalQ

Don't you all think ambivalence is part of grief? Isn't that one of the stages? Shock, denial, depression, anger, guilt, bargaining, acceptance?

When you end a relationship... even if it has become bad for your life and your mental health, you still have feelings of wanting to go back in the warly days of the break up. Even though you know on the surface it seems crazy to want someone that you know is bad for you, you still do. You minimize all the negatives it caused you and your life, and romanticize and exagerate the good parts as you fantasize about reuniting.

Why should breaking off with alcohol be any different?

SoberMarathon

Thank you DD!! I will check-in frequently and vow to send you a pm if I come anywhere near a drink in hand...promised! Plane taking off now...talk to you in 10hrs or so:-)

trudgingagain

I agree with DD, SM...wanna hear from you! Safe travels

DoubleDragons

I love this, Eternal! I have noticed that like a bad relationship, the further I get away from alcohol, the stronger I feel and the less I want the relationship back. When I do get a craving to drink, it isn't as strong as in the beginning of my sobriety. It is more nostalgic.

WhoDey

Good day, 'Tobers! I hope everyone is doing well. I continue to plug along crafting a new normal.

Today, a quote from Epictectus, who, according to Wikipedia, was a Greek sage and Stoic philosopher. I particularly like the sage reference since we are on the backside of Thanksgiving!
1. Say to yourself what you would be.
2. Then do what you have to do.

So, 'Tobers, "what would you be?" Then get to work!

snipe

Hey tobies,

Just checking in after a few busy days.

Thank you Free2Be for posting about your struggles. Without your honesty we would not have gotten all those great, wise posts of support.

I got out of rehab on Thanksgiving and immediately began having cravings that weren't present while I was in rehab. I've been able to get through the urges but I did begin smoking again. I'm not proud of it but it really seemed like the lesser of 2 evils. It's strange because smoking and drinking do completely different things for me but smoking does help me withstand the urge to drink.

I am eating well and exercising and feel 1000% better than when I was drinking. My plan is to get through December sober and then quit smoking again for the new year when I have gotten more accustomed to being sober in the real world.

chaili05

Great post, WD! I definitely need to do more of that... think of my goal(s) and start taking the actions to make it happen. It seems so simple but can definitely get lost along the way.

Congratulations Snipe! You seem to be taking care of yourself-- eating well, exercising, great job! I, too, began smoking more when I quit drinking. Yes, not ideal...but hey, I'm okay with that right now while I'm figuring all this out. Are you in an outpatient program or anything now that you're out of rehab?

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

Bilr44

Back to reality today although it is nice being home. I need to get used to not getting 9 hours of sleep as that was the norm on this trip. My body and mind are way out of whack with eating, sleeping, and socializing differently. I can't figure out how I was able to sneak drinking into this in the past. I was very resourceful but under a lot more stress then. My Sister-in-law now knows me as being on the wagon.

I almost dislike bringing up the topic of drinking because I honestly don't consciously think about it on a daily basis.

snipe

Hi Chaili,

I am not doing an outpatient program. I have done one in the past and don't think that is much for me to get out of doing it again. I do have a comprehensive recovery plan including individual therapy, AA, prayer and meditation, random drug/alcohol testing, and physical fitness.

chaili05

Well, you sound very prepared Congrats again on all you've accomplished this month!!

WhoDey

Sounds like a solid recovery plan, Snipe.

P.S. - I'm excited that someone knows that a snipe is a real bird!

trudgingagain

Good for you Snipe and SM...thanks for the quote, WD...as I think I told you guys...my nephew went into rehab the night before Thanksgiving...we shall see...As for smoking...I still smoke cigarettes...even when I was sober years before, I tried to quit only once...I know I am rationalizing....but, one vice at a time...lol

chaili05

Good for your nephew. That's such a difficult choice to make to enter rehab... especially right before Thanksgiving! I hope he's doing well

SoberMarathon

Hi all...overseas travel complete. I'm safe and sound in my hotel. All is good:-) lots of work to do now but will check back later.
SM

trudgingagain

I hope so too, Chaili....it is time....he was drinking 2 liters of vodka a day...whew! Glad to hear you are safe and sound SM!