DoubleDragons

Free, I am so happy that you are still with us, sober. Barry Kornicov's CD arrived last night (another self hypnosis stop drinking alcohol recording. I lost weight using his Weight Loss CD years ago, so I bought this one with high hopes.) I don't remember most of it because I fell asleep, but I can honestly say that cravings have really gone down since I added the self hypnosis.

Congratulations, Bilr!!! 90 Days is a wonderful milestone!!!

WhoDey

Great job, Free! I was wondering how you were doing. Keep walking the Sober Trail!

EternalQ

The first year, you pretty much crave with every first: First of each holiday, first sober wedding, funeral, night out, ballgame, you name it. I'm not going to lie.

And doesn't it make sense that we would? I think it helps to expect it. And tell yourself: oh yeah, ths is normal to crave right now. Normal in the quitting cycle. Normal in the change process.

Tell yourself the fact that you crave like that is a sign that you DO need to stay quit! People who aren't hooked aren't tortured by drinking thoughts when they aren't drinking!

And there's good news:
IT DOESNT LAST FOREVER.

If it did I would not be sober now!!

Bilr44

Hey Eternal, I used to live in Delaware and I'm just North of the border in PA right now. Small Wonder, I mean world : )

WhoDey

Great points, Eternal.

LittleSparrow

Bilr, congratulations on 3 months! You're a true inspiration!

Today we're heading back home. Not looking forward to 6 hours in the car, but I'm so glad that I can do it without a hangover. I've gotten through the holiday without drinking (a feat I would've previously thought impossible while staying with my in-laws---I love them, but they can sometimes drive me crazy).

chaili05

Congratulations on your holiday! That's awesome. Happy Sunday!

So... last night I had my first drinking dream. I think I took shots? I can't really remember... but oddly enough I do remember waking up in the middle of the night from it freaking out that I had to tell people about my mess up. I even thought about having to come on SR and tell people that I had messed up and drank. As I said, I can't fully remember the dream... but from what I gather I was with people who didn't know I wasn't drinking... and then the drinks were there & I felt expected to drink & did. I think I had either 2 shots or 2 drinks and then didn't drink anymore out of guilt.

Thank GOODNESS that was just a dream. In it, I was also thinking of how I just got to 30 days in my sobriety and how I had to start over again.

I guess that's a nice reminder

I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday!

fishoutawatta

Hi Tobers,

Mini-success story: spent a good bit of the day frustrated that a couple of my necessary phone apps weren't working (still aren't). This would normally have occasioned the cracking open of a bottle while composing nasty notes to tech support people. Only bottle I opened was soda.

New normal, one day at a time.

Fishy

WhoDey

Good morning 'Tobers! I hope everyone is doing well.

I'm doing fine. Slowly making my way along. No low-lows or high-highs. Just plugging along.

In church Sunday, the sermon included a quote from Jurgen Moltmann ("The Theology of Hope," 1967) which led me to reflect on our collective journey:
I can relate to both extremes. What I'm striving for this time around is hope with remembrance. Remembering the past, but with hope for a better tomorrow.

Sigh ... that may be too deep for a Monday morning! Pass the coffee!

chaili05

Good morning! Who dey, I was able to comprehend that post with lots of coffee and re reading lol. That's really good though - it's important to have hope for the future and to also remember the bad that drinking brought.

WhoDey

Chaili ... Thank goodness for caffeine.

The part ... "remembrance without hope can result in resignation" ... is all too familiar. Dark times. There were a couple of instances when I felt like I was on the brink. Where I was tempted with the decision to just give up and plunge 100% into the downward spiral of alcohol abuse. Thank goodness I didn't do that. I may not have completely embraced sobriety, but neither did I completely give up.

I think a lot of us have spent time in that numb void between the two extremes. Maybe it's necessary to spend some time wandering in the desert before we are ready to begin the difficult journey of sobriety.

LittleSparrow

"Hope without remembrance leads to illusion" really resonates with me. It's all too easy for me to hope that I can be a normal drinker while forgetting all the negative aspects that go along with the way I drink. Also, I can't just hope that I'll be "fixed" magically without putting the work in. I need to remember both the good of sobriety and the bad of drinking and have hope that I can maintain my sobriety. Good post, WD!

SoberMarathon

Thanks, Little Sparrow. This is exactly what I needed to read:-) Couldn't have put it any better...

Cynderino

Hi guys! Back to work after the long holiday weekend. Just got caught up on all the posts. You guys are so wise. I was nodding my head right along to all the supportive and thoughtful posts to Free. And to Free - I really hope you choose sobriety. You are worth the hard work! The indecision must be torture. For me, I had to take the option off the table. This is a deadly disease. I might not die from a drink today but I WILL die from it. Whether it's from drunk driving, health issues, loneliness, etc. I can count on that. I cannot and will not have just one or two. Once that alcohol hits my veins I am a different person. I have really come to love the calm, sober, thankful me. I look in the mirror and I like that girl looking back probably for the first time in my adult life.

Friday will be 60 days for me. I am so glad to share it with all of you!

free2Bsober13

There have been some great posts lately. I have read them all and let them sink in. I'm feeling like maybe drinking is not the best idea. I knew it all along, but it seems it takes making people aware of our intentions and having them tell us things we already know to make us change our minds. That's messed up! !
I know if I drink I'll do something stupid. It may not happen the first time, but it will happen.

This is really difficult because there are some parties coming up soon. My husband's company party is Saturday night. That's no big deal. It's the parties my friends are throwing that are going to get to me. So many of the people that will be there are my friends who I drank with. One of the parties is being thrown by a lady who, up until lately, was my best friend. Now I never see her or hear from her. I like to think it's because I changed grade levels and we don't work with each other anymore, but truly I don't think that's why. Oh well...

Anyway. ..even though I'm fighting it right now.....sobriety is winning...

Cynderino

It's okay to not go to these parties. They will be there next year when you are a bit stronger in your sobriety. ((hugs))

DoubleDragons

Hi, guys. I liken us romanticizing drinking to a funeral of an SOB. Somehow we always manage to turn the SOB into a saint at the funeral. Alcohol is our SOB who has one nice feature. It gives us a happy buzz for 30-45 minutes tops, but then all of its hideous features come out to play. We can't isolate alcohol's only positive trait. If we choose to indulge in the buzz, we get shame, anxiety, poor sleep, poor health, relationship problems, stress, extra weight, depression, and we become controlled by the SOB. So let's put the SOB to rest and let's not turn it into a saint!!!!

chaili05

I absolutely love this. I too feel as if I have not fully embraced "recovery" as much as abstinence... and because I'm not drinking I'm okay with the journey as it is right now. That's a great way of looking at it, WD; thanks for sharing

DD, I like your analogy. It's so true that it's easier to look at the "good" parts of drinking... the buzz and the few few few nights were nothing bad happened and I was actually able to maintain that happy medium drunk where I didn't do anything to embarrass myself... but so important not to forget those idiotic times where I just said that STUPIDEST stuff and put myself and others in danger. Yikes.

free2Bsober13

Hmmm...I hadn't actually considered not going. I already feel so left out, and I'm afraid this will make it worse. I skipped the Halloween party that I always attend. I don't know what to do. I've told a lot a people that I don't drink anymore. Nobody really cares as long as they don't have to stop.

DD, I love the idea of alcohol being an SOB!! Ha! Why do we make him look so good? Why do I want him back? I need to rid my life of it forever and be happy I did.

Dee74

I dunno free - I understand your feelings of being left out, but to be honest I found being sober at parties in the early days to be pretty miserable too.

D