resolute50

Hey Wendy!!!
So glad you weathered through being with others that were drinking.

Humbug

I've been eating a lot of snacks like crazy since I quit. Over Halloween bought and eat so much chocolate. I guess it's normal just have to watch out.

Ladybug2

You got that right, Snoozy. Have a feeling the next couple of months are going to be a real test. Holiday festivities and then hubby is going away for 5 days at the end of January. Sigh.

Glad you made it through Snoozy. You are doing all the right things and you are strong

Ladybug2

I can't stop eating cookies, ice cream and chocolate. If I continue this way I am going to gain back the 10 lbs I lost since I quit drinking

Think we are going through similar stuff and it helps to know we aren't alone

Croissant

Guys, am an my way to work, but have to say ME TOO.

And Leshar, same, woke up sweating, and I feel hungover. It's pissing me offffff!!
(Sorry, is that swearing?)

But seriously, I feel the same. Yesterday, I told myself if I can stop drinking, I can do this, but no, off I went, got ice cream, ate chocolate licorice, chocolate bars. Ridiculous.

Totally stopping sweets and caffeine. It gets me down, and I know it's contributed to down moods before because I've noticed a pattern.

Oh and yes, Christmas is on my mind. Family coming to stay. I wasn't anxious, but I am starting to need an escape route when the are here. Have to plan for that.

resolute50

I just ate a bag of Andy Capp hot fries and a large Kit Kat bar if that makes you feel better,Ladybug.

Ladybug2

Yes it does, thank you, Bob!

Dee74

I always find if I eat too much sugar on a regular basis, I crash and have really low periods so that could be a factor Leshar?

Can you maybe try substituting something else for the icecream etc - fruit seems to work for me to a point?

D

Leshar

Hi all, thanks for the support. I feel like lead, can't do anything. I'm weepy and sad and angry and bitter, and I want to drink!! I don't even really have cravings, just a sort of obsession to do what I've always done, cos I'm mad to be back at this horrible state, after putting in a lot of hard work, I think.

Snoozy, so well done for keeping strong. But it seems a shame not to be with your family/friends over Christmas celebrations, but I guess you must do what you think is best for you at this stage. I would love to have family/friends with whom to share Christmas.

Dee, if I'm to substitute healthier things for sugar, I know I just can't do it on my own, living alone it's too easy to give in. I've been considering seeing a nutritionist. I just binge eat at night, same way/pattern I used to drink.

Yeah, Bob, the winter/cold is getting to me. I'd love to take refresher skiing lessons, but they're expensive. My acting classes are expensive, they're a stupid indulgence, really.

So, I know picking up and starting drinking again would be a stupid move, but it's been nagging at me for three days now, almost non-stop, I'm finding it hard to handle, I feel really miserable. Called two friends today, but both were busy/distracted, and couldn't talk. Feel pretty alone.

I went to my relapse prevention group today, it was about the concept of "radical acceptance", I was a bit sarcastic to my horror, saying things that weren't helpful. I don't know who I am, sounds stupid, but I'm really fed up with not being stable. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow, much good that will do, he's over 2 hours drive away, I honestly feel like not going.
Sorry for the rant, I just can't accept this way of living, I don't want to live like this, there's no joy/no nothing, just existing, fighting, to what end?

Dee74

I know it might seem pointless right now Leshar - but you have achieved things in your recovery, and I think you are going somewhere, even if that may be hard to see now.

I hope you will keep that appointment and discuss all this stuff

D

SnoozyQ

Leshar , after what happened with me last night , I'm feeling quite bewildered this morning.
But i know if i was to pick up I'm only going to feel worse as will you .

You sound like you may be depressed . Are you on medication?

The 2 hour trip may seem a long way away but its one i highly recommend you taking.
Please just keep posting because you really don't want to go back to where you were.

I cant believe how these thoughts get under our skin and into our bones. They are friggen relentless ... Just know I'm feeling very similar to you today , my friend .

Let's beat this together xxx

Dee74

I'm glad you got though last night Snoozy

I hope you'll find in time, like me, that the social aspect is actually better sober than it was drunk

Hope you get a lift in spirits today too
D

SnoozyQ

Thanks Dee , but it certainly wasn't last night. This friend that i love even started to irritate me , which i found sad ;-( i just didn't find her as i once did . I wanted to drink with her so we could rekindle things.

Something was missing ...or is it me ? Am i boring and serious now ?

I'm questioning so many things this morning ..i just want to get out of my own head :/

Leshar

Hi Snoozy,

Yes, I have a long hx of depression which pre-dated my alcohol abuse. I've been on a heap of different anti-depressants, the one I'm on currently is the longest I've been on a medication. It sort of "holds" me, but I've never got the lift that others gave me, but the problem was that the effect with those others was short-lived maybe 3 months improvement at best, then I would crash again.

I'm sorry you are feeling as you are today, Snoozy, it is certainly a horrible way to feel.
I'm thankful for this group to be able to share, sorry it's not uplifting stuff.
I guess we just have to keep plodding away.
I know I'l be glad when this holiday season is all over.

Dee74

Give it time. I found with some friends the only connection was alcohol...with others we found, or rediscovered common ground.

It's definitely not unusual to feel uncomfortable and a little bereft even in the first few months tho - I knew I had to be sober....but it took me a while to really like the idea.

D

Leshar

Hey Snoozy, cute pic, you don't look a day older than in the other one!
Your daughter is so pretty! You too!

What you said: On our trip, my friend said this to me in so many words, when I didn't want to get a bottle of wine for us to share and natter over in the hotel room. I did challenge her, something like, oh, so I can only be fun and interesting company if I'm drinking/drunk? She sort of backed down, but I know she considers me so.

SnoozyQ

Thanks Leshar .. I've changed the pic just for this conversation so you can see you are talking to me , not just an avitar . I wNt you to know we WILL both get thru today ok .

We are both having a bad day .

SnoozyQ

Dee thank you . You always manage to sum it up in one word .

Bereft . X

Ladybug2

H everyone,

Snoozy and Leshar ((hugs)) to you both. I have had some difficult days very recently, too. It is really hard and for some reason alcohol seems like such a great escape at the time (at least for me it does). Keep pushing forward. I am taking Dee's word that it does get better (he better be right )We are still in early sobriety so I think it is just going to take some more time.

Keep posting here and talking it out. We understand and are here for you!

Croissant

OK...firstly, as much as it sucks to feel down and think its a downer to post when feeling that way, IT IS SOOOO important to share that. If everyone was up all the time, that would not be normal!

My only saving grace right now is I have zero cravings or desire to drink. (I'm probably too freaking full of chocolate and cc chips to be honest!)

BUT, can relate to all the posts here the past few days in this thread. My take on my feelings right now is to be honest (and I've been mulling over this a few weeks), I feel old. I feel like I left this world 10 years ago and am now plonked back in it with an older face. I want my life back as it was before I morphed myself into an every night drinker. Now, I know I can't do that and as I posted previously this week, I'm doing a stocktake, but yeah, I feel old.

Then with more weight because of drinking and now binge eating, ageist and sexist work culture....adding to me feeling like I blinked and the last 10 years were gone. The last 4- 6 years particularly. I say all this because the weight I stacked on (20 kilos) in the last 2 years is now adding to me feeling like poo. Then when I'm down, I eat. Vicious circle. Drinking is kind of secondary now, the weight is making me feel awful.

So, in some ways I relate to changes I wanted to see with giving up alcohol have not happened yet, Leshar. I hoped to lose weight, but it's been minimal.

I posted this elsewhere yesterday...

I want everything to be fixed, now. I'm sure we all do in some areas in our life, but I have to be patient. It sucks, I need to stop eating, get exercising now and tackle the next hurdle, feel good about what I see in the mirror, get a new job.

It's life, I am lucky. Hell, I could be drunk right now zoned out in front of the tv, oblivious. Time to grow up and face all the hours I chose the opposite of what I needed to do.