Test after test after test.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Test after test after test.
I'm getting nailed with negative. It's almost comical.
From every direction, I have more excuses to fall face first into the bottle than I ever have. My heart is broken from disappointment, my beloved dog is gravely ill, I'm swimming without googles through a sh1tstorm at work, and yet, I have never been stronger in my resolve to NOT LET IT WIN.
I refuse, I adamantly refuse, to give myself permission to hurt myself even further by drinking.
I'm fu(king pissed, as all get out, at the battles I'm facing right now. But know full well this is a part of my own creating to test my limits.
From every direction, I have more excuses to fall face first into the bottle than I ever have. My heart is broken from disappointment, my beloved dog is gravely ill, I'm swimming without googles through a sh1tstorm at work, and yet, I have never been stronger in my resolve to NOT LET IT WIN.
I refuse, I adamantly refuse, to give myself permission to hurt myself even further by drinking.
I'm fu(king pissed, as all get out, at the battles I'm facing right now. But know full well this is a part of my own creating to test my limits.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
From going through some of my own tests, I can say you always feel so much stronger once you get through.
In terms of plans to make it through, are you in AA, have a sponsor, posting in the group areas on SR. I know you know but don't be too proud to ask for help.
I am sorry to hear about your dog.
In terms of plans to make it through, are you in AA, have a sponsor, posting in the group areas on SR. I know you know but don't be too proud to ask for help.
I am sorry to hear about your dog.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Even in my drinking days, when bad times hit, my proudest moments are when I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, looked the problem square in the face and carried on with faith and dignity. The times I acted like a complete drunken ass---- did nothing but embarrass me, hurt me, made me weak, and did nothing to resolve the problem.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 304
Originally Posted by alphaomega 
I'm getting nailed with negative. It's almost comical. and yet, I have never been stronger in my resolve to NOT LET IT WIN.
I refuse, I adamantly refuse, to give myself permission to hurt myself even further by drinking.
I refuse, I adamantly refuse, to give myself permission to hurt myself even further by drinking.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 551
"I refuse, I adamantly refuse, to give myself permission to hurt myself even further by drinking."
Powerful words--definitely ones to live by. Thinking of you as you navigate through this rough patch!
Powerful words--definitely ones to live by. Thinking of you as you navigate through this rough patch!
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Alpha, Sweetheart....all I can say is you are a strong, brave woman. You were so caring to me when I had my slip and you know drinking won't help.
But, I don't think you are saying you will drink??? Just that it's one thing after another??? And feels a bit relentless?
I totally get that. Not sure if this helps, but.. Work has been atrocious.for me also, and a few little life dramas....and I thought WOW, I'm doing the best I can, I've been through a lot in the past few months...(and dammit if they knew about trying to stay sober!!!). In fact, I'm sure an issue at work was a catalyst for my slip.
Sooo, not worth it. BUT....as bad as things are, we have to face them sober. I definitely have moments when I want a "get out of jail free" ticket because I'm still early in my sobriety and yep, I want life to cut me a break for that. Then, after my slip, I realised that's the same bratty voice that led me to alcoholism. Ie, "Bad day, I deserve this, I deserve that".
I'm addicted to alcohol, which means I'm addicted to a quick fix. Life, unfortunately doesn't always allow a quick fix. Very frustrating, and I hope you at least have a chance to collect your thoughts and work through it.
Be strong. Big hugs.
But, I don't think you are saying you will drink??? Just that it's one thing after another??? And feels a bit relentless?
I totally get that. Not sure if this helps, but.. Work has been atrocious.for me also, and a few little life dramas....and I thought WOW, I'm doing the best I can, I've been through a lot in the past few months...(and dammit if they knew about trying to stay sober!!!). In fact, I'm sure an issue at work was a catalyst for my slip.
Sooo, not worth it. BUT....as bad as things are, we have to face them sober. I definitely have moments when I want a "get out of jail free" ticket because I'm still early in my sobriety and yep, I want life to cut me a break for that. Then, after my slip, I realised that's the same bratty voice that led me to alcoholism. Ie, "Bad day, I deserve this, I deserve that".
I'm addicted to alcohol, which means I'm addicted to a quick fix. Life, unfortunately doesn't always allow a quick fix. Very frustrating, and I hope you at least have a chance to collect your thoughts and work through it.
Be strong. Big hugs.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Christchurch
Posts: 451
Keep moving forward, you can do this! Work sucks for me this week and a bad day at work was always an excuse to get plastered. Hang in there AO, think how proud you will feel when you get through this crap sober.
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