Class of October 2013 - Part 5
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Good job, WhoDey!! My one month mark was the closest I have come to relapse (it happened to fall on my wedding anniversary). So, be cautious. You know, I hope I am not overstepping my bounds, but I feel like you are pushing yourself really hard _forcing yourself to be in drinking situations. (serving drinks -YIKES!) I, too, believed every situation, celebration, holiday, etc. revolves around alcohol, but now I am not so sure that is true. A lot of my perception came from the fact that I gravitated to people and circumstances that revolved around alcohol. Yet, those weren't my happiest times. I love decorating projects. I love treasure hunting at flea markets. Those are times that I get lost in myself, those are the situations that time stands still for me. When I am lost in a fabulous book, the last thing I want is a foggy brain. I think you, WhoDey, are trying to fit Sober WhoDey into a lot of situations that maybe aren't right for WhoDey anymore?!? It is okay to change your priorities and perspectives. You don't have to live your old life, just sober. You can change your new life a little bit to fit your new sober self. If I am wrong, I apologize. Honestly coming from a caring heart . . . .
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
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DD ... No problem. Quite the contrary, I appreciate the feedback.
Last night was a charity event that my wife heads up, so my volunteering was being relied upon. I really wasn't tempted to drink as much as I was weakened. Does that make any sense? Relapses don't happen out of the blue. They are at the end of a process. I took a punch last night. Still standing, but I took a punch nonetheless.
Thanks for the concern. Time for me to focus on recovery. The holidays can be tricky.
Last night was a charity event that my wife heads up, so my volunteering was being relied upon. I really wasn't tempted to drink as much as I was weakened. Does that make any sense? Relapses don't happen out of the blue. They are at the end of a process. I took a punch last night. Still standing, but I took a punch nonetheless.
Thanks for the concern. Time for me to focus on recovery. The holidays can be tricky.
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Midwest
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SM, how are you doing?
WhoDey, glad you got through the tough night. Take a deep breath, you made it. I feel like the month mark is when we need to redouble our efforts. Almost like we feel we've gotten things under control and think we can handle being around alcohol now, but it's not necessarily true. Anyone else feel like this too?
WhoDey, glad you got through the tough night. Take a deep breath, you made it. I feel like the month mark is when we need to redouble our efforts. Almost like we feel we've gotten things under control and think we can handle being around alcohol now, but it's not necessarily true. Anyone else feel like this too?
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,329
WD, glad to hear that you made it out of there alive. I too have to suck it up and attend some functions with my wife as well. Just brush yourself off as these are all good learning lessons. What would get me is not the people actually drinking but the smell.
Is anyone else traveling for the holidays? Any concerns about being around alcohol? We are heading up north and my parents do not keep alcohol in the house at all. They both stopped drinking years ago. They even toast thanksgiving with sparkling apple juice.
Is anyone else traveling for the holidays? Any concerns about being around alcohol? We are heading up north and my parents do not keep alcohol in the house at all. They both stopped drinking years ago. They even toast thanksgiving with sparkling apple juice.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Texas
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Originally Posted by LittleSparrow 
SM, how are you doing?
WhoDey, glad you got through the tough night. Take a deep breath, you made it. I feel like the month mark is when we need to redouble our efforts. Almost like we feel we've gotten things under control and think we can handle being around alcohol now, but it's not necessarily true. Anyone else feel like this too?
WhoDey, glad you got through the tough night. Take a deep breath, you made it. I feel like the month mark is when we need to redouble our efforts. Almost like we feel we've gotten things under control and think we can handle being around alcohol now, but it's not necessarily true. Anyone else feel like this too?
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
Originally Posted by Bilr44
What I don't want is to go back to the insanity from the past.
We will be in situations where others will be drinking responsibly and having a good time. We can try to minimize these experiences (esp. early on in recovery), but we can't totally avoid them. What we can do, however, is take ourselves through what would happen if we had a drink. Where would it lead us and would that be a better place? Would short-term pleasure be worth the long-term consequences? For us, the answer to that question is no.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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Changing the topic ... I just got a free 2-week subscription to Sirius radio. I turned on one of the country stations and it didn't take too long to notice how often alcohol consumption is mentioned and, ususally, glorified. This led me to thinking about holiday adverstisement and the frequent presence of alcohol in those ads.
Alcohol has such an accepted presence in our culture that is not afforded to other drugs. You can hear a country song glorifying getting drunk, but you won't hear a song glorifying getting high on heroin (some rock and roll songs aside). Spend one evening watching the news and note the number of reports on tragedies that end with "authorities suspect alcohol may have been a factor."
We're surrounded by positive images of alcohol consumption. Yet we're also surrounded by images of the negative consequences of alcohol. I need to keep my eyes open and see the complete picture which includes the damage alcohol has done to me personally and to those around me.
Alcohol has such an accepted presence in our culture that is not afforded to other drugs. You can hear a country song glorifying getting drunk, but you won't hear a song glorifying getting high on heroin (some rock and roll songs aside). Spend one evening watching the news and note the number of reports on tragedies that end with "authorities suspect alcohol may have been a factor."
We're surrounded by positive images of alcohol consumption. Yet we're also surrounded by images of the negative consequences of alcohol. I need to keep my eyes open and see the complete picture which includes the damage alcohol has done to me personally and to those around me.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Texas
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Originally Posted by WhoDey
Changing the topic ... I just got a free 2-week subscription to Sirius radio. I turned on one of the country stations and it didn't take too long to notice how often alcohol consumption is mentioned and, ususally, glorified. This led me to thinking about holiday adverstisement and the frequent presence of alcohol in those ads.
Alcohol has such an accepted presence in our culture that is not afforded to other drugs. You can hear a country song glorifying getting drunk, but you won't hear a song glorifying getting high on heroin (some rock and roll songs aside). Spend one evening watching the news and note the number of reports on tragedies that end with "authorities suspect alcohol may have been a factor."
We're surrounded by positive images of alcohol consumption. Yet we're also surrounded by images of the negative consequences of alcohol. I need to keep my eyes open and see the complete picture which includes the damage alcohol has done to me personally and to those around me.
Alcohol has such an accepted presence in our culture that is not afforded to other drugs. You can hear a country song glorifying getting drunk, but you won't hear a song glorifying getting high on heroin (some rock and roll songs aside). Spend one evening watching the news and note the number of reports on tragedies that end with "authorities suspect alcohol may have been a factor."
We're surrounded by positive images of alcohol consumption. Yet we're also surrounded by images of the negative consequences of alcohol. I need to keep my eyes open and see the complete picture which includes the damage alcohol has done to me personally and to those around me.
I do notice now they have advertisements for vodka (my DOC) during the early evening hours. It always shows young people and their crew having a great time at a club drinking.
My kids listen to some of the pop stuff and there are references to Molly in a few songs. A lot of the songs talking about getting drunk as well. Miley Cyrus big hit talks about doing lines in the bathroom and staying up all night.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Congrats, Whodey on making it through last night and on your upcoming 30 days!
I totally agree about the glass of wine....I would have sooooo been thinking "Fill it up!"....lol....DD and Billr, I have often heard that alcoholics create their own drama...ugh....Happy to be on day 39
I totally agree about the glass of wine....I would have sooooo been thinking "Fill it up!"....lol....DD and Billr, I have often heard that alcoholics create their own drama...ugh....Happy to be on day 39
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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About the Helladays . . . . I am not that concerned about Thanksgiving. My MIL is coming for a week and she doesn't drink. She almost died of cirrhosis of the liver, so she can't drink. I have never drank a lot around her anyway.
Christmas scares the pants off of me. We are going to stay at my parents. My sister and her family will be there. All of the adults are huge drinkers. You can't walk through the door without a drink being placed in your hand. I will be treated like the poo-party. My husband will probably not drink in support of me, so we will be the pariahs. I am dreading it, but I used to dread it before, too, when I was drinking big time right along with them so, cela vie!!
Christmas scares the pants off of me. We are going to stay at my parents. My sister and her family will be there. All of the adults are huge drinkers. You can't walk through the door without a drink being placed in your hand. I will be treated like the poo-party. My husband will probably not drink in support of me, so we will be the pariahs. I am dreading it, but I used to dread it before, too, when I was drinking big time right along with them so, cela vie!!
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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True confession time _ I was bored at work today and I kept fantasizing about having a glass of wine here and there only when out to dinner with my husband. I tried to play it out to the end, but my AV was trying to get me to realize that I did moderate over the summer, and since I have never quit drinking before, how do I know that I can't be one of those people who only have an occasional glass here or there? My AV was telling me that who else successfully gets to 55 days sober the first time they tried to quit drinking?? How can I be an alcoholic??
Anyway, just felt the need to come clean with my thoughts. I am on Day 55 which is close to another marker day (60 days), so that might be in play, too.
Anyway, just felt the need to come clean with my thoughts. I am on Day 55 which is close to another marker day (60 days), so that might be in play, too.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Same thing happened to me, DD and I caved after 53 days. I had 3 or 4 slips over the next month.
Now I'm on day 36 again, and I also am having the same thoughts again. AV tells me it's no big deal to have a drink now and then. Why do you have to count days? Can't you just be happy about how few days you've had a drink out of X number of days? AAAAH!!!
I've been really working hard to get that out of my head.
As far as the holidays go, traveling is what's best. Alcohol at a family gathering is unheard of for my family and DH's. The older generation (older than mine at 45 lol) just don't do it. When I'm at home is when the huge temptation will make its way in.
It's going to be tough! We will be at home more than we are gone.
Now I'm on day 36 again, and I also am having the same thoughts again. AV tells me it's no big deal to have a drink now and then. Why do you have to count days? Can't you just be happy about how few days you've had a drink out of X number of days? AAAAH!!!
I've been really working hard to get that out of my head.
As far as the holidays go, traveling is what's best. Alcohol at a family gathering is unheard of for my family and DH's. The older generation (older than mine at 45 lol) just don't do it. When I'm at home is when the huge temptation will make its way in.
It's going to be tough! We will be at home more than we are gone.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
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DD ... We're all different of course, but the first time I quit (earlier this year) I was good for 5+ months. Then I deliberately started to drink with moderation being the aim. It didn't take me very long to get back to drinking every day. That 'relapse' was important and helpful, because it answered the question for me ... that you are asking of yourself. Lots of stories on SR of people relapsing after years of sobriety. Maybe it works sometimes ... but there are lots of stories that say the opposite.
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DD,
Do you plan on reiterating with your family that you won't be drinking while you are there? Will it cause a scene if you turn down drinks from your family? It's good that your husband is not going to drink, but what if he has a moment of weakness and accepts a beer? I came close to deciding to drink a couple of beers at our Halloween party (right around day 60). I'm at the point where nobody can make me drink right now except myself.
Nice fantasy about moderating with a couple glasses of wine. I'm sure you've read enough in here where that leads. I think a lot of people cave in because they are tired of the stress of fighting the battle. That's exactly what your AV is waiting for.
Do you plan on reiterating with your family that you won't be drinking while you are there? Will it cause a scene if you turn down drinks from your family? It's good that your husband is not going to drink, but what if he has a moment of weakness and accepts a beer? I came close to deciding to drink a couple of beers at our Halloween party (right around day 60). I'm at the point where nobody can make me drink right now except myself.
Nice fantasy about moderating with a couple glasses of wine. I'm sure you've read enough in here where that leads. I think a lot of people cave in because they are tired of the stress of fighting the battle. That's exactly what your AV is waiting for.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Well, one can never tell what will happen in an alcoholic family. My mom was slurring her words this morning (never sure if that means she is still drunk from the night before or if she actually poured herself a glass this morning at 8 am ~ I still can't wrap my head around that) But hey, she was in an argument with my father, so it is perfectly acceptable to drink at him, right, at 8 am Friday morning?? So, honestly Billr, I will be tiptoeing into the Christmas festivities, but I really don't plan on drinking with them. There is just too much baggage now . . . .
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Tough situation, DD.
Most people are accepting of a simple "no" when they offer a drink. We just received a Bar Mitzvah invite from a family where the dad is a drinker. He is not one to take "no" for an answer and I know it will be a battle. It seems that heavy drinkers are the ones who don't respect a simple "no."
I like Bilr's suggestion to think through all the possibilities. It is great to have your husband's support, but what if he does have a drink? Visioning outcomes ahead of time makes it much easier to do the right thing when in-the-moment.
Most people are accepting of a simple "no" when they offer a drink. We just received a Bar Mitzvah invite from a family where the dad is a drinker. He is not one to take "no" for an answer and I know it will be a battle. It seems that heavy drinkers are the ones who don't respect a simple "no."
I like Bilr's suggestion to think through all the possibilities. It is great to have your husband's support, but what if he does have a drink? Visioning outcomes ahead of time makes it much easier to do the right thing when in-the-moment.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Originally Posted by DoubleDragons
Well, one can never tell what will happen in an alcoholic family. My mom was slurring her words this morning (never sure if that means she is still drunk from the night before or if she actually poured herself a glass this morning at 8 am ~ I still can't wrap my head around that) But hey, she was in an argument with my father, so it is perfectly acceptable to drink at him, right, at 8 am Friday morning?? So, honestly Billr, I will be tiptoeing into the Christmas festivities, but I really don't plan on drinking with them. There is just too much baggage now . . . .
My parents used to have a full bar in the basement that they used for the occasional party. Some of the alcohol was really old. They got rid of it years ago when my late alcoholic brother in law used to always head straight for the basement with my sister to "watch tv". He was such a heavy drinker that after the bar was gone he was rarely ever there or would come for a couple of hours and leave.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
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Originally Posted by WhoDey
As I said, I made it through, but I felt like I endured a 4 hour advertisement of the wonder of alcohol. Although I can't drink, there is no escaping the facts that most people can drink, can enjoy it, and that alcohol is an integral part of many 'celebrations'.
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