ctrl

Rough day yesterday, but much better today.

PippoRossi

Thanks, everyone, for letting me have my little rant yesterday. It really does help reading all your different perspectives. I appreciate it.

soberjim

Hi everyone...I miss a day and everyone posts...

Grace/toots/tanja I like how you folks keep everything together..

Pippo - not to make light of your post, but I have a similar mother....I don't think her and Monday are a good mix for me either...so I understand.

Steve....I think the verdict is in....keep posting....and venting is encouraged.

DG - dental work...mine is cute as well, or so my wife says...makes no difference to me...What is important to me is that he doesn't view me as an ATM machine...that I like.

Crtl - welcome and keep posting...the ice does get thicker...trust me...

WWG....6 months...I know I congratulated you the other day...but you are very inspirational...your posts are much more positive than they were 6 months ago...Hope the new job is going well..

MB...so very glad to see your posts..

I am moving on to 90 days....I really want that ...really really want that ...I got myself over zealous and posted in the one year and over thread yesterday...nice group....so far off at this point, but one day at a time...

Have a good day everyone...

PS..

Hi Dee...

PPS...toots...Molly sent me a PM earlier...apparently she need more hugs....and some hotdogs?? I think that is what she typed anyway...


Jim

ctrl

Thanks...great to be here.

Lucky for you all, as each day goes on I feel less of a need to write long essay-like posts.

PippoRossi

But I like long, essay-like posts!

MidnightBlue

Hi, again, Undies)

Had a good boxing class. The trainer hit me really hard in the forehead when I failed to defense myself properly) I think I needed a good kick in the head to get out self-hatred and start to defend myself from this nasty voice telling me different kinds of BS.

Pippo - Oh, I hear you. My Mom used to give me hard times about being single. Kind of she is worried about me and she is "ashamed" to have a single daughter - what she is supposed to say neighbors and friends of hers why I am still not married and don't have kids. Really?

Ctrl - welcome to the thread!

Jim - way to go towards 90 days! You'll make it, you are such a fighter. And you are a great friend in sobriety.

Tanja - glad to hear you are feeling better! And thank you for lovely words - they help me so much that hostile forces of negativity finally surrender.

See you, Undies)

DG0409

Vandermast- way to go on getting back at things after the lapses. You can do this. Stick close.

Tanja- I know how you feel, when I go on trips, my bf always says he misses me and I always say it back... but to be honest, I rather enjoy my time away!

Jim- I think my dentist views me more as the bank than the ATM... the ATM will only dispense $300 a day, and the dentist asks for a bit more than that.

I'm feeling a bit 'meh' today. But hopefully it will pass. I guess I probably need to find something to get busy with, probably work and then some stuff around the house. I don't really want to be the sort of person that sits around feeling 'meh' all the time.

melivinsober

sorry I flaked out on you all again. Thank you for being concerned toots *hugs* I didn't mean to worry anyone. Still sober. With Smoking and Booze... I had a monster though :/ I'm not feeling so confident about handling 40 hrs of work 2 classes and life.

Things are getting rough with the bf. I think maybe I need a different personality in my life. I dont' know if he doesn't like that he doesn't have control over me anymore or if he's always been kinda cruddy to me, but I just didn't notice it... I asked him if he would consider Al Anon. He grudgingly agreed. and proceeded to droan on about how he doesn't understand why I want him to. Then when I told him he accused me of picking a fight. I'm housesitting so it'll be nice to be away. But after one night of being gone he asked me out to dinner. A DATE for the first time in ages. He picked me up and everything. It was nice. But I have seriously been weighed down by the way that he has been treating me. I am starting to think about back-up plans it's getting that bad. I drive his car and I can't afford my own rent or utilities. Plus I love him like crazy and he's my first serious relationship. We have a strong bond. But he isn't taking my feelings/emotions seriously. I'm trying to be reasonable but it's gotten to the point where I almost believed that I was worthless. No. I refuse to do that.

tootsl1

This is one of the things I love about SR, so many people from such disparate ( and in some cases Carlos, dissolute!) backgrounds, means that we come from different angles and see different solutions. And sometimes, one particular thing that someone has written resonates strongly and gets us seeing things completely differently. Like the old Hindu adage of the five men describing an elephant, we all 'see' different aspects of the same thing, there is no real right or real wrong, but each persons description helps us build a bigger picture.

(Sorry to pick on you Carlos, you are an easy tease!! ) x


DG, you are only temporarily meh, we all get that at times.

Carl, why was it a bad day?

MB if your trainer didn't knock that rotten old voice out of your head, then perhaps you need to imagine hitting it when you are throwing punches! Now there would be some power!!

melivinsober

STEVE!!!! Who cares if you bother someone? that's THEIR problem. (aslong as you aren't being blatantly rude or aggressive. which you've never done) But some things get misinterpreted in text. Maybe the people that seemed mad/offended weren't really. Mad or not we miss you. Don't deprive the people who are concerned about you the details of your life and you're sobriety. Come back MUCCA!!! Miss you! PS I got a super man shirt and thought of you.

Toots I hope you're well.

BF good to see you back. *hugs* you've heard this before: do you have a physical support system at home? People to hang out with that dont' drink and who encourage booze free activities? That was the key for me. Please consider it friend.

MB hope you are feeling better (I skimmed over notes... may have missed something. *HUGS*

DG Sending you happy thoughts. Hope the "meh" goes away soon.

Grace *hugs* to you too. lots of skimming. Sorry if I missed stuff.

And Drake... I rather liked your term "over-ies" bahaha. It gets a from me. lol

Have a great thursday all.

Dee74

welcome back vandermast

D

tootsl1

Mel, you are both treading new ground, and it is difficult. He sees you getting sober, starting to sort yourself out, and maybe he is a little scared that you will leave him, so he says things to undermine your confidence so you won't think you deserve better. My exH always went on at me for being fat, I was overweight but not huge. But every time I tried dieting, if I started losing weight and feeling good about myself he would sabotage it by buying me chocolates or suggesting a night out. I didn't even realise until years later what he was doing. Like it or not, we all manipulate those around us to some degree, a sweet smile will get a bin emptied quicker than a nag, and leaves you both feeling better, but in its way it is still a gentle form of manipulation.

Maybe you need to both try to talk about things. At worst you will decide it's over, it will be horrible, but you will survive. At best, you work together at the relationship, and forge a stronger bond. It must be difficult trying to think straight about this, spending 40 hours a week in a job you loathe, and with 2 classes and studying and life.

DG0409

I just want to scream. I spent all of last weekend cleaning the garage while bf went out to have fun with friends. And already, he isn't putting things away out there. So frustrating.

dorothyparker

SO HD is a man?? Oh, I was seriously worried about "her" being on the bus in a nasty neighbourhood. LOL. And is Drake, male or female ? I'd say male but am suddenly doubting myself.

This will be a quick hello. I simply don't have much to say other than I'm glad to find SR company tonight.

DP

walkingwithgod

Hi Undies, day 184. I hope you are all well. Good to see the whole crew posting.

DG0409

Well, I had a short discussion with bf. We'll see if anything actually changes. I still feel ticked off.

courage2

Gotta ask, is this the way we all are?

Let's look at yesterday, which was a pretty simple day. Woke up. Got coffee, checked this thread & December class, posted gratitude, no time for exercise but did my version of 5 minute meditation, toast, shower, etc -- walked to work, worked fairly steadily for 5 hours on computer. Colleague 1 stopped by to vent about a possible upcoming sandbagging that she'd tried to pass off to me -- handled said venting. Colleague 2 whom I've never liked came by to update me on her politics, uninvited. More similar. Left early to set up hospitality for my home group meeting -- Richard the barely-medicated was there of course to let me in, and in worse shape than usual, has serious worries about possible eviction due in part to his ravings and in part to his poor housekeeping (bedbugs anyone?). Then Jim showed up who's slowly losing his memory and has a small tumor & trying to negotiate the medical system in NYC. Tried to communicate with each of them & others in the "fellowship." It was an anniversary meeting & the chair didn't show & no one brought flowers or cake. I had to leave 1/2way through to attend a professional event w/mostly strangers in a strange place whom it was necessary (or so I thought it) to impress, since they can nix something I want to do, though I don't have time to do it anyway. Got home 9 p.m., husband cooked, etc. etc.

Question: Not, "Is this a normal day?" but "Is it normal for someone in the first year of recovery to spend a day like this, which is quite a typical day, w/a voice in her head screaming at each and every one of these people -- 'Leave me the f*** alone, I don't give a f*** & I just want to lock you all out & drink!"?

I know the saying "Some are sicker than others." I'm just tryin' to figure out how sick I am.

courage2

P.S. Hope that post doesn't offend anyone or bring anyone down. It's actually on the upbeat side for me, and not meant meanly. Don't know where else I can ask such questions 'sides SR.

Dee74

I dunno. I think learning to deal with stuff sober is a tough skill to master - I got up to speed pretty quickly on the basics but ironing out all the wrinkles and making it instinctive and not reactive was a pretty long learning curve...

I don't think I really had it right til year two...

D

BoozeFree

Mel- I don't have any real life sober support system or any friends who don't drink. And I live with my sis who drinks wine almost every night so it's always around and has friends over drinking ect.

Courage- I'm sure a lot of us can relate to having days feeling like telling everyone to eff off. I know I sure have.

I'm watching some tv and keeping busy on here. I have a 3 day weekend but really all I want to do is rest. I tried to drink a lot of water today and couple sodas.