Class of March 2012 Part 7
Random Guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
Well all seems quiet around here, and I really don't have much to talk about either. But i can babble on aimlessly to get us started 
.
I think my sponsor is (understandably) getting a little frustrated with my complete lack of progress with step work. Much to his credit he doesn't say anything he just asks about it and makes recommendations for me to get started. He did give me a book on depression written my some new age Buddhist people that I didn't open once. He asked me about it and then when I told him I hadn't opened it, he asked if I was "open to a suggestion?". That's about as assertive as he gets lol. Of course I said "yeah" and he suggested that I crack open the depression book. I did, and wouldn't you know it, I found a lot of things I could relate to. Darn it. I have been frozen in inaction for a while I guess I might have to think about getting started here one of these days.
.I think my sponsor is (understandably) getting a little frustrated with my complete lack of progress with step work. Much to his credit he doesn't say anything he just asks about it and makes recommendations for me to get started. He did give me a book on depression written my some new age Buddhist people that I didn't open once. He asked me about it and then when I told him I hadn't opened it, he asked if I was "open to a suggestion?". That's about as assertive as he gets lol. Of course I said "yeah" and he suggested that I crack open the depression book. I did, and wouldn't you know it, I found a lot of things I could relate to. Darn it. I have been frozen in inaction for a while I guess I might have to think about getting started here one of these days.
Random Guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
Of the top of my head the first things that come to mind is laziness, followed closely by its brother procrastination. Throw in a smidge of stubborn resistance to any new ideas that might (probably will) call into question the rules and theories I have established in my head for the world, life, people, and myself.
Yeah that's probably the larger reasons why. Though the depression book that he is wanting me to read has hinted at being in a state of unchanging depression, without desire to take any actions to the contrary because one is completely convinced that this is how things are and should be. I think that might be what he is hoping I take from it in addition to the obvious hope of feeling better.
To clarify I don't consider myself to currently be horribly depressed in the way that a lot of people imagine it. At the same time however I know that for a long time I was very much so that way, and doubt that I am all that far removed from that state. I used to be pretty bad (daily suicidal thoughts bad) I am a lot better than I was, but how much so I don't really know.
So the short answer Dee is, if you asked me I would say it is mostly because I am a lazy procrastinating *******. But I think my sponsor would answer your question differently.
Convoluted enough for ya? Lol.
On a side note I bought more t-shirts. For those that aren't aware I usually wear shirts that vary between whimsically funny in a silly way, to ones that are very dark humor, far enough into the dark side that they legitimately **** people off sometimes. I posted some examples one time on thus site and Dee had to remove them
so I won't repeat that mistake. I am making an attempt to swing more in the direction of silly funny now though. I am tired of people taking bad jokes to personally. Even if I can understand why they do. So the ones I bought this time were more silly funny for example one says in big letters "worlds greatest dad!" Then underneath that in smaller print "I don't even have kids do you believe they sell these to anyone?".
Yeah that's probably the larger reasons why. Though the depression book that he is wanting me to read has hinted at being in a state of unchanging depression, without desire to take any actions to the contrary because one is completely convinced that this is how things are and should be. I think that might be what he is hoping I take from it in addition to the obvious hope of feeling better.
To clarify I don't consider myself to currently be horribly depressed in the way that a lot of people imagine it. At the same time however I know that for a long time I was very much so that way, and doubt that I am all that far removed from that state. I used to be pretty bad (daily suicidal thoughts bad) I am a lot better than I was, but how much so I don't really know.
So the short answer Dee is, if you asked me I would say it is mostly because I am a lazy procrastinating *******. But I think my sponsor would answer your question differently.
Convoluted enough for ya? Lol.
On a side note I bought more t-shirts. For those that aren't aware I usually wear shirts that vary between whimsically funny in a silly way, to ones that are very dark humor, far enough into the dark side that they legitimately **** people off sometimes. I posted some examples one time on thus site and Dee had to remove them
so I won't repeat that mistake. I am making an attempt to swing more in the direction of silly funny now though. I am tired of people taking bad jokes to personally. Even if I can understand why they do. So the ones I bought this time were more silly funny for example one says in big letters "worlds greatest dad!" Then underneath that in smaller print "I don't even have kids do you believe they sell these to anyone?".
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I just thought there might have been some deeper reason, like going to do the steps suddenly makes all the recovery stuff real or something...I know I wasn't a big fan of change back in the day.
Procrastination I understand too tho
D
Procrastination I understand too tho
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I have spent a lot of my recovery frozen by inaction so far INH. I think being scared of change is a big part of that. But I also feel like I would have pushed myself over the edge by rushing things so I don't feel too bad about it.
One thing I have found is that I don't take suggestions too well, even nice ones. I find I learn better if I find out things for myself. So finding my own books about stuff that helps me is essential. Funny enough, sticking with the 'change' topic, one I received in the post today was Susan Jeffer's Embracing Uncertainty. I have read one of her books before and found it really helpful. I have been listening to some SMART recovery podcasts about procrastination too and have found those helpful. Those aren't suggestions mind
I am feeling really sh;tty today. There were some things that upset me at work and now my sister is mad at me for something my boss was meant to do for her. I was as p;ssed off as she was but all of her anger seems to be directed at me. Now with the problems I have been having with my boss I don't feel like I can address anything without coming off as aggressive and I feel really pushed out at work. I am going to have a chat with my manager when she is back from her holiday but it isn't a situation I see improving. I feel a bit stuck really. I am ready to embrace change!
One thing I have found is that I don't take suggestions too well, even nice ones. I find I learn better if I find out things for myself. So finding my own books about stuff that helps me is essential. Funny enough, sticking with the 'change' topic, one I received in the post today was Susan Jeffer's Embracing Uncertainty. I have read one of her books before and found it really helpful. I have been listening to some SMART recovery podcasts about procrastination too and have found those helpful. Those aren't suggestions mind
I am feeling really sh;tty today. There were some things that upset me at work and now my sister is mad at me for something my boss was meant to do for her. I was as p;ssed off as she was but all of her anger seems to be directed at me. Now with the problems I have been having with my boss I don't feel like I can address anything without coming off as aggressive and I feel really pushed out at work. I am going to have a chat with my manager when she is back from her holiday but it isn't a situation I see improving. I feel a bit stuck really. I am ready to embrace change!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,068
Brilliant Dee. It's the first time the kids have been touring as we usually just go for beach holidays. Lovely to experience something different mixed with the typical tourist things like Disneyland Paris.
This sober living just gets better and better.
How you keeping these days?
This sober living just gets better and better.
How you keeping these days?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hey Nicky, great to hear from you x.So glad you had a great Summer, being sober certainly changes everything doesn't it?
How is everyone else? Hypo? Sounds like you were having a rough time at work? Did it settle down for you?
I'm back now after our holiday to Crete. I had the best time, and feel very calm and relaxed now. A few flurries of anxiety about going back to work next week are bubbling away this morning, but I'm going to face that when it happens. H and I talked a lot about my job and how it takes over everything. I guess I really believe now it will be ok to move on if I need to, and therefore that feeling of being trapped is lessening.
There was absolutely no temptation to drink when I was away. I had a better time without it, and I feel strong in sobriety now. Not overly-confident or complacent, just not anxious or scared that this new life that I'm building is going to come crashing down around me any more.
The journey ahead seems sort of exciting now rather than scary, even with a lot of intensive and heart-rending counselling still to face. I'm going to be ok. This feels like a turning point x
How is everyone else? Hypo? Sounds like you were having a rough time at work? Did it settle down for you?
I'm back now after our holiday to Crete. I had the best time, and feel very calm and relaxed now. A few flurries of anxiety about going back to work next week are bubbling away this morning, but I'm going to face that when it happens. H and I talked a lot about my job and how it takes over everything. I guess I really believe now it will be ok to move on if I need to, and therefore that feeling of being trapped is lessening.
There was absolutely no temptation to drink when I was away. I had a better time without it, and I feel strong in sobriety now. Not overly-confident or complacent, just not anxious or scared that this new life that I'm building is going to come crashing down around me any more.
The journey ahead seems sort of exciting now rather than scary, even with a lot of intensive and heart-rending counselling still to face. I'm going to be ok. This feels like a turning point x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Yay, you're back
I am not sure things have calmed down at work but I have I was pretty angry there though for a couple of days. I talked to my manager and she agreed that it is difficult for me to address things now but didn't offer any suggestions. She is being very supportive though and she has issues with my boss too. I am putting my head down and getting on with it. I am unhappy about a lot of stuff but it could be worse, I still actually enjoy my work. Despite all the sh;t I am actually looking forward to going to work tomorrow.
I am so pleased you had a good holiday Jeni. That must have been a confidence boost for your sobriety too. Every time we face a challenge like that it makes us stronger.
And I am sure your work issues will resolve themselves too. I am glad you can consider leaving an option now. Now there is no limitations on the good stuff that can happen
Oh, and Jeni, I have a smart phone now! So when I go away I can still use SR Now if someone can just help me figure out how to use the thing...
I am not sure things have calmed down at work but I have
I was pretty angry there though for a couple of days. I talked to my manager and she agreed that it is difficult for me to address things now but didn't offer any suggestions. She is being very supportive though and she has issues with my boss too. I am putting my head down and getting on with it. I am unhappy about a lot of stuff but it could be worse, I still actually enjoy my work. Despite all the sh;t I am actually looking forward to going to work tomorrow.I am so pleased you had a good holiday Jeni. That must have been a confidence boost for your sobriety too. Every time we face a challenge like that it makes us stronger.
And I am sure your work issues will resolve themselves too. I am glad you can consider leaving an option now. Now there is no limitations on the good stuff that can happen Oh, and Jeni, I have a smart phone now! So when I go away I can still use SR
Now if someone can just help me figure out how to use the thing...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
About time with the smartphone Hypo!! I don't know how you go away and leave SR behind, There's no way I'm ready to do that! I didn't post much while I was in Crete, but I still read every day. It kept me grounded.
Sorry work continues to be problematic, but it sounds like you are handling it well. You sound all grown up now my friend...I'm in denial about my work. I've got to get my head down and get on with some paperwork tomorrow, but there is always something else that takes priority with me it seems.
It's all or nothing with me. Once I do actually make a start I won't do anything else!x
Sorry work continues to be problematic, but it sounds like you are handling it well. You sound all grown up now my friend...I'm in denial about my work. I've got to get my head down and get on with some paperwork tomorrow, but there is always something else that takes priority with me it seems.
It's all or nothing with me. Once I do actually make a start I won't do anything else!x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Ah, the all or nothing approach. I can't tell you how glad there are others like me out there
I was telling my friend today about going vegan and he had a serious look of concern going on. He was worried that all this giving up stuff was going to effect my happiness. I tried to make him see it from the other side and that I felt I was gaining by being sober and healthy but I am not sure he got it. Another friend thinks it is hilarious that moderation isn't an option with anything in my life. No one in the real world seems to see the positive side of what I am doing.
Oh, and I am feigning grown up-ness. My inner child is screaming and demanding that everything goes my way. This'll be a good lesson in controlling my control freaky ways! x
I was telling my friend today about going vegan and he had a serious look of concern going on. He was worried that all this giving up stuff was going to effect my happiness. I tried to make him see it from the other side and that I felt I was gaining by being sober and healthy but I am not sure he got it. Another friend thinks it is hilarious that moderation isn't an option with anything in my life. No one in the real world seems to see the positive side of what I am doing.
Oh, and I am feigning grown up-ness. My inner child is screaming and demanding that everything goes my way. This'll be a good lesson in controlling my control freaky ways! x
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I think we must be sisters, I really do!!
I'm now into healthy eating and driving H nuts by insisting we eat in a certain way. So, we've gone from being complete junk food addicts to having smoothies and fresh foods only. He thinks I've turned into a hippy. I start my meditation course next Tuesday, and so looking forward to that. I told him I am looking for a new job and also want to travel more. Luckily as he's also an alcoholic, he's also completely all or nothing about things he's interested in.
I'm hoping that one day our obsessions will actually follow the same path....we just lurch off in different directions at the moment, and put up with each others weirdness. LOL
I'm now into healthy eating and driving H nuts by insisting we eat in a certain way. So, we've gone from being complete junk food addicts to having smoothies and fresh foods only. He thinks I've turned into a hippy. I start my meditation course next Tuesday, and so looking forward to that. I told him I am looking for a new job and also want to travel more. Luckily as he's also an alcoholic, he's also completely all or nothing about things he's interested in.
I'm hoping that one day our obsessions will actually follow the same path....we just lurch off in different directions at the moment, and put up with each others weirdness. LOL
Random Guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
Ah there's a quote from good will hunting that applies here but I can't remember it verbatium. The basic effect is that no ones perfect and intimacy is all about picking who we decide to "let in to our own weird little worlds". Its pretty cool that you two are able to deal with each others eccentricities (everyone has them) and be comfortable with that. I assume (dont know) there is a level of acceptance and affection for another's quirky ness in those moments when a partner sees us for the strange things we are and is okay/happy with that.
Don't know why but I felt like saying that.
I take my last test for my current course in a half hour after that we have a few days off. I am looking forward to doing as little as possible after I get this out of the way.
Have a good one all.
Don't know why but I felt like saying that.
I take my last test for my current course in a half hour after that we have a few days off. I am looking forward to doing as little as possible after I get this out of the way.
Have a good one all.
Random Guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
Test over I passed. On to the next course. I have a "class party" to go to tomorrow which should be entertaining. I haven't had to hang out with a bunch of drinking Marines in a while. Should be fine though, if nothing else I can leave whenever/if it gets uncomfortable. Mostly I will probably stick to myself and maybe play a couple of games.
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