SereneEdition

Yes, I very much experience PAWS moon cycles - learning to recognize those. One of the first signs is that I get very forgetful, and the onset is pretty quick.

Also my PMS cycles are A LOT more intense since becoming sober.

SereneEdition

Quick update on me -

Yesterday was my last day at work - being a creative person, it is a bit like letting go of a child when you leave your creation behind & I'll miss my team. THey are exceptionally good people & have been very supportive in giving me the space and time to work through all the changes.

Today is my last day teaching. Tomorrow - I pack, move, and have a going away party.

I feel like I'm 'graduating' from my safety net of recovery and moving out into the crazy adult world of life with this next chapter. I'm bit stressed, a bit emotional, and excited - glad I have you guys!

Have a wonderful start to your weekends!

SereneEdition

Also, wanted to make some clear goals to help me focus (& when I announced them here it helps me commit to following through)

Rest of this month is focusing on maintaining the positive behaviors through all the changes.

Once I get settled in Europe for my 3rd '90 days', my focus will be back on health - but more from a mental/emo perspective

1. next goal is lose the 20lbs (this one is about building confidence)
2. build in regular exercise (this one is about managing emotions)
3. work on intentionality with the internal monolog as a way to manage emotions - I have a goal to catch myself and turn thoughts around 100 times to build this habit
4. TBD - building authenticity or manage emotional outbursts - still undecided.

On the later - What you found to be more valuable to you personal since getting sober thus far (both are important..curious which one I should start with)?

Easyrider

Wow. Cravings. Wasn't expecting these again. Naively perhaps! Blimey, it's good in a way, normal people shouldn't get intense cravings to drink, so it's just reinforcing my sobriety. It's easy to see why so many people relapse. I'm fairly confident now that I've been suffering paws this past week. I didn't realise, but looking back a couple of days I've had quite a few sneaky, "in the future ill moderate" thoughts, I think I'll reward myself with pizza! Nom. ER

serene - I was with you up until the last sentence...maybe I have paws brain fog. XD

1stepup

Serine, I wish you luck in your new adventure, thank you so much for your continued support and words of wisdom.

My first day in my new job went great, apart from the weather! So nice to be guilt free and sober and capable and hangover free... the list goes on, very tired now but feel a lot better for having got back home safe and sound and sober (I did have a strong craving on the bus on way home, think its the fact I nearly always went for 'A Pint' (yeah right, more like ten pints!) thinking I deserved one. Its breaking old habits again, but glad I have managed it and il be hangover free again tomorrow.

Take care and best wishes everyone and a special shout out to Venus, your strength, courage and determination inspires me.

Love, peace and happiness to all my Feb friends!

wehav2day

ER, cravings are no fun, are they? I was taught a really cool four step way to deal with them that has worked pretty well so far. First, acknowledge the craving for what it is, don't deny it or try to pretend it's something else. Second, tell yourself it WILL go away. Cravings always do. our little brains can't fixate like that forever. Third, think of the worst moment you had either while drunk or as a result of your drinking. Fourth, think of one wonderful thing in your future that can come true only if you stay sober. it takes a few minutes the first time, but after a while it becomes a quicky. Here's mine: 1-yep, it's a craving. 2- it WILL go away. 3: Christmas 2009 when I showed up to my family Christmas completely hammered. 4: a peaceful, happy, nice house my partner and I will buy and live in someday.

liss74

Thanks for your support guys sneaky addiction always playing with my head ahhhhhh going to meeting soon thank god hope everyone had a good day x

Mvngon

Hi guys!

Wow...there is so much growth taking place within the February thread. It's a little overwhelming, but in a very good way.

Just wanted to check in before heading out for the weekend and say "thanks" to you all for sharing your journeys. You are amazing people with great insights and ambitions, and I learn so much from each and every one of you.

This (the SR forums) has been an incredibly rewarding experience, and for me, a life-changer. Perhaps one of the most significant lessons for me has been learning to communicate again. Learning to listen, learning to contemplate, and learning to speak when it feels right. This should be easy stuff, but the skills were close to non-existent for me. It is good to practice these skills in this safe environment, as they build my confidence and slowly filter into my day-to-day living. I hope this makes sense...

Have a great weekend gang! My thoughts are in support of all of you!!

Much love,

MV

SereneEdition

Christmas 2009 - thanks for starting my day with a smile Wehav!

Thanks for feedback ER - Nope, it's not your PAWS, it's my PAWS...I was late and running out the door - which is when my thoughts get jumbled. For me authenticity is about finding the "right" modulation with my emotions through internal clarity (think internal assessment). The other is about building the 'self management.'

BUT, I had a slip last night.

One of my normal triggers is 'the wrap up, end of the day drink/cigarette). Well, while I was cleaning/packing for moving I found an old pack of cigarettes Fri morning (issue 1). Fri night, though, when I wrapped up my last project at 1030pm and came home - I just had this huge emo release with major 'ending things' trigger that I didn't prep for in advance (issue 2) + lots of extra stress with what I need to get done in the next 24 hours and felt super tired (issue 3) after 12 hours of teaching while looking at & resisting diet coke the whole time (issue 3b) and there was nothing else in the house to satiate an emergency craving in a better way (issue 4). AV craving kicked in & I caved - had a cigarette. Damn!

(Meta issues - couldn't make it to yoga all week & made that decision ahead of time to take the week off as an exception - (issue #5), and I have PMS - not much I can choice differently on that one, but still impacts (issue 6)

Positives - this was an eye opening test run for the level of stress I'll have next year when I'm in school. I can also see the series of choices I could have made differently (tagged with the word 'issue'). I've made enough changes to eliminate triggers that I kinda forgot how I react to stress - vigilance!

Boy does it feel bad to be back on Day 1 with that tho! What's keeping me from going down the spiral is the great example our SR members who have relapsed have come back right away. So thank you!

Good news is that I'm still Alcohol & Soda free. Now to make good choices today, starting first with coming to SR!

Easyrider

I just had another big alcohol craving but I used wehavs method and it was really cool! Thanks again! :o)

fantail

I don't know, my first reaction is that you already have a lot of things you're planning to work on...! And both of these last two are really big things to tackle. I guess out of the two maybe the second one sounds easier to quantify, although I suspect that lots of the other things you're working on will have an effect on emotional outbursts.

I think I missed hearing what your plans are! You're moving to Europe?

fantail

Third day with no cigarettes and ooooof I am losing it! It's bringing all of it back. Seriously craving alcohol like I haven't in months. And of course craving cigarettes. And just kind of a mess... don't want to be in the house, but afraid to go out because I feel like the second I'm outside I'll have a smoke.

It's Pride weekend too, and DOMA just having been struck down, it is a very very festive weekend in SF! Really feeling childish and foot-stompy that I'm not in the mood to have fun.

Oh well. I can do this. *grits teeth* I've been thinking about alcohol so much for the last few months that I completely forgot what a beast nicotine is to quit!!!

Dee74

hang tough fantail - you can so do this

D

venuscat

Can I say how incredibly brave and strong and amazing all of you are who are on this quitting smoking mission?

I hate smoking. And I have asthma. And I do physical work, so I really need to be able to breath. LOL. But there is no way I can do it yet.

So hats off to all of you ~ and if you need to be a little bit grumpy fantail, you go for it!!
Go stomp your feet....bet it's fun

Love Venus xx

melissa6381

What are you guys using to quit? I used the entire patch program all the way through. There had been many times I'd use the first step and then say "oh I got this" and not go to step 2 and I'd always fail, but when I followed the instructions it worked for me and I've been cig free for almost 5 years now.

venuscat

Serene, I think it was you who told us about the weirdness that can occur just prior to milestones?
Or am I remembering wrong?

So here it is again. And I am almost too embarrassed to talk about it.
Three days off 5 months, and I am a wreck.

Crying and miserable and just praying to get through.
No way to live.
No way to be sober.

So it's finally time to let go of the cleaning job and move into something more meaningful.
I may get sacked anyway for calling in sick today.
But I woke up crying again, and I just can't....
So what will be, will be.

Sigh. Hope everyone here is doing well today.

Loads of love,

Venus xx

Dee74

do you see a Dr at all, venus?

D

venuscat

No Dee. I have one yes, but I don't want to go back on medication at this point.

If I can't lift, I will make an appointment.

V xx

Easyrider

Well the last week sucked! Lol depression, cravings and thinking about drinking in the future. Hope this next week will be easier. Still no smoking, and I've been eating really healthy too. There's something really satisfying about ticking off a whole month sober. Goodbye sober June hello sober July, I think it's gonna be a good one. I'm itching to start exercising and get fit, it's next on the list, booze, fags, food, exercise, I've dabbled with walking and cycling this month. I think it's time. I'm just blathering on, hope you're all well. ER

fantail

Venus -- ((hugs)) to you. I find the milestone thing is true for me too... they tend to throw me for a loop. I'm sorry for how you're feeling. If it's time for the job to go, it's time... you can find other work.

Easy -- Same to you, hang in there! Sounds like a rough week but you're weathering it. Congrats on all the healthy choices.

Mel -- That's awesome! I'm just cold-turkeying... I often smoke very little, like two or three a day, so I didn't expect it to be this much of a pain! I honestly was only thinking about the psychological component. Turns out the physical part is annoying too... but hopefully soon behind me.

Everyone -- Was just thinking how we've been at this for almost half a year!! Wow! Thanks so much for being here. I would totally think I was insane if I were doing this alone. It helps so so so much to know I'm not the only one for whom this still feels like a really new process.