Class of February 2013 Part 8
Hi everyone, you've shown great strength yet again Venus, glad you've come through it all ok.
Thanks Serene, I am feeling positive, I can see from all you guys in this class that it can be done and although life can still throw up bad stuff, I don't have to drink on it.
Take care people. x
p.s. was thinking the same thing Serine!!!!!!
:rotfxko
Thanks Serene, I am feeling positive, I can see from all you guys in this class that it can be done and although life can still throw up bad stuff, I don't have to drink on it.
Take care people. x
p.s. was thinking the same thing Serine!!!!!!
:rotfxko
V, holding you in my thoughts. So in awe of your strength and grace <3
Goose drunk people are super annoying. I worked 7 years in a college sports bar and now at a fancy restaurant. When I was bartending for those 7 years it took a toll on me- all I did everyday was talk and deal with very drunk college kids. You cant even imagine the stories i have and the things I've seen. Looking back I dunno how I did it for so long.
Now a days at the fancy place it's much more unusual to have someone get hammered but it's always weird when I have a nice customer who after a few turns into a jerk by the end of the night.
Sometimes I think about how my job and drinking are so intertwined. I grew up in a house where alcohol was always present and I resented my dad for it. Started as a hostess in a restaurant when I was 19 and worked my way up to bartender within 2 years. I bartended there for 3 years, the college bar for 7, and then went in as a bartender at the place I'm at now. Oddly, at my current job the servers make more $ than the bartenders so I followed the money and started serving right around the time I got sober but occasionally still get scheduled a bar shift which doesn't really trigger me because I've never drank while working... but I am a recovered alcoholic who sells the poison that I spent my life struggling with. It's all very strange.
I was telling my coworkers that its easier for me to not drink than it is for me to stop drinking once I've started. I can be selling wine all night at work with no trigger but once we get to the taco bar down the street after work and everyone starts ordering beers I feel that familiar pang of addiction kick in.
Anyways. That's why I work so hard on my craft business- as much as I deal with selling booze- ultimately that part of my life doesn't make sense anymore and I want out.
Goose drunk people are super annoying. I worked 7 years in a college sports bar and now at a fancy restaurant. When I was bartending for those 7 years it took a toll on me- all I did everyday was talk and deal with very drunk college kids. You cant even imagine the stories i have and the things I've seen. Looking back I dunno how I did it for so long.
Now a days at the fancy place it's much more unusual to have someone get hammered but it's always weird when I have a nice customer who after a few turns into a jerk by the end of the night.
Sometimes I think about how my job and drinking are so intertwined. I grew up in a house where alcohol was always present and I resented my dad for it. Started as a hostess in a restaurant when I was 19 and worked my way up to bartender within 2 years. I bartended there for 3 years, the college bar for 7, and then went in as a bartender at the place I'm at now. Oddly, at my current job the servers make more $ than the bartenders so I followed the money and started serving right around the time I got sober but occasionally still get scheduled a bar shift which doesn't really trigger me because I've never drank while working... but I am a recovered alcoholic who sells the poison that I spent my life struggling with. It's all very strange.
I was telling my coworkers that its easier for me to not drink than it is for me to stop drinking once I've started. I can be selling wine all night at work with no trigger but once we get to the taco bar down the street after work and everyone starts ordering beers I feel that familiar pang of addiction kick in.
Anyways. That's why I work so hard on my craft business- as much as I deal with selling booze- ultimately that part of my life doesn't make sense anymore and I want out.
My thoughts and prayers are with you Venus. Hoping time has begun to heal your feelings. I'm sure your mum is smiling down on you. Please believe me when I tell you, all will be OK. Wow Melissa thanks for sharing your current situation. I found something you said that hits home and I never thought of the way I drank that way but it is true when you say "its easier for me not to drink than it is for me to stop drinking once I've started." Hoping to get some feedback on this. No matter the scenario in my life; I seem to always fear the worse when the outcome of a situation I have to deal with is unknown. It has had to of come from the negative residual of booze. And something I have a desire to change about me. I want to be a more positive and optimistic person. Please feel free to jump in and share. Hey - what do you know 2 weeks sober already. Stay Sober amigos and amigas.
Fear was a big thing for me too - but the fear I had was always bigger than whatever the eventual outcome was.
I'm not sure it was booze for me - not entirely - because I felt this way from as long as I could remember.
I was both very insecure and yet a control freak - I found it hard to believe things would turn out ok for me, and very hard to let go of outcomes.
the more things I handled sober, the less that fear got - I learned to let go a lot more too
I know this won't work for everyone, but I put my faith in God a few times...thy will be done..and it seemed to work out
D
I'm not sure it was booze for me - not entirely - because I felt this way from as long as I could remember.
I was both very insecure and yet a control freak - I found it hard to believe things would turn out ok for me, and very hard to let go of outcomes.
the more things I handled sober, the less that fear got - I learned to let go a lot more too
I know this won't work for everyone, but I put my faith in God a few times...thy will be done..and it seemed to work out
D
Fear was a big thing for me too - but the fear I had was always bigger than whatever the eventual outcome was.
I'm not sure it was booze for me - not entirely - because I felt this way from as long as I could remember.
I was both very insecure and yet a control freak - I found it hard to believe things would turn out ok for me, and very hard to let go of outcomes.
the more things I handled sober, the less that fear got - I learned to let go a lot more too
I know this won't work for everyone, but I put my faith in God a few times...thy will be done..and it seemed to work out
D
I'm not sure it was booze for me - not entirely - because I felt this way from as long as I could remember.
I was both very insecure and yet a control freak - I found it hard to believe things would turn out ok for me, and very hard to let go of outcomes.
the more things I handled sober, the less that fear got - I learned to let go a lot more too
I know this won't work for everyone, but I put my faith in God a few times...thy will be done..and it seemed to work out
D
- Dee - To me it looks like someone walked by with dark chocolate or something else that would knock your socks off.
Oh wait..... Ah hah! Venus - I wish my brain worked as fast as yours...I'm about 24 hours behind!
Yes Dee, that is totally flabbergasted btw, if not chocolate, what's your favorite treat?
Oh wait..... Ah hah! Venus - I wish my brain worked as fast as yours...I'm about 24 hours behind!
Yes Dee, that is totally flabbergasted btw, if not chocolate, what's your favorite treat?
Mel - Exciting to her that you're putting so much energy into your craft business. Can't wait to see it develop!
This is my last week before I start to travel. SF, then Portland, then to London. Lots to do with packing, moving, & I'm teaching a workshop this week on top of it all. Really glad to have you guys here to reach out to when I start to feel overwhelmed.
Hope everyone has a wonderful start to their week!
This is my last week before I start to travel. SF, then Portland, then to London. Lots to do with packing, moving, & I'm teaching a workshop this week on top of it all. Really glad to have you guys here to reach out to when I start to feel overwhelmed.
Hope everyone has a wonderful start to their week!
Oh, and I looked noticeably better when I looked in the mirror today. I couldn't put my finger on it.
Then I realized that 30 days of not smoking is having an effect. Previously my skin just had this weird 'look' to it and now that is gone!
Then I realized that 30 days of not smoking is having an effect. Previously my skin just had this weird 'look' to it and now that is gone!
That's so great good for you !!!!! I need to give up
Really? Did we post enough today while I was at work? OK.
Mel ~ and everyone. Your support and love and kindness is the most amazing gift this sober life has given me. Thank you ♥
Goose ~ fearing the worst when there is unknown? YES.
I have come to believe that one of the mind messes this disease creates,
is to make us feel afraid, full-stop.
Everything will go wrong. We know it. We deserve it. So be afraid.
Therefore drink. And fix it...But no, we don't do that now. So what's left?
Be afraid. Fear the worst.
I think that the cure for this is living sober.
Every unknown I face makes me stronger.
And I am learning that although I still fear the worst, it rarely eventuates.
Love and goodnight all,
V xx
Mel ~ and everyone. Your support and love and kindness is the most amazing gift this sober life has given me. Thank you ♥
Goose ~ fearing the worst when there is unknown? YES.
I have come to believe that one of the mind messes this disease creates,
is to make us feel afraid, full-stop.
Everything will go wrong. We know it. We deserve it. So be afraid.
Therefore drink. And fix it...But no, we don't do that now. So what's left?
Be afraid. Fear the worst.
I think that the cure for this is living sober.
Every unknown I face makes me stronger.
And I am learning that although I still fear the worst, it rarely eventuates.
Love and goodnight all,
V xx
I posted this in a different thread and just wanted to share :)
I so know what you are going through. I feel your pain and confusion completely. Your thoughts are my exact thoughts 5 months ago.
For years and years I was the party/drunk girl, the crazy one at the party, the one who people would talk about the next day(even though I would have no memory of it...)
I married into a free-drinking party family 6 years ago and there also I was embraced as my husbands wife who "loooooves her beer", and that was a GOOD thing.
The thing is no one saw the negative side, they saw fun,crazy, outgoing, funny. They didn't see the day after. Me being an absent mother snappy and miserable.
When word spread they didn't take it seriously. They thought it was temporary. They would bide their time 'til I started again.
I remember vividly my first cookout with the family. Coolers of beer,bottles of liquor, people in various stages of drunkeness. And there I was, sober as a judge and sticking out like a sore thumb.
I felt like everyone was wondering, judging, watching.
You see, what NOONE knew is that the "real me" is quiet, reserved, and introverted.
I had (have) all the same thoughts as you. "they are gonna think Im a snob" "they are gonna think I think Im better then them" "How am I even gonna join in a conversation" "Im gonna be the one BORING one at this cook out!"
The me as they view me has changed almost 100% and 5 months later it can still be awkward. But it has gotten better.
I had to realize Ive known these people for years, I love them, they love me, and we are family.
Alcohol is gone, but there can be a new beginning, basically new relationships can be made.
Its interesting, when I think about it, I have gradually moved away from the people who were my "besties/drinkin buddies" and now hang with people who I wouldnt have really hung with before because, well, they just didnt drink enough.
Everything does change, but if the people are worth it, they will embrace the new you. It takes time, and believe me I know it seems impossible.
But it's not! Last week I was at a large social gathering and I was sitting on a a swing and I found something really funny and I laughed, like guffawed really loud and some people looked over and smiled and I just realized, "holy crap I am laughing and having a good time. Sober. At a drunk-filled cookout. Being Social. WHAT!?
Give yourself a break, and give yourself a couple of months, slowly, the sober you will come out of your shell.
At first I would say, just recuperate, you have a lot of healing to do, but after a while, you should start practicing, because its gonna take a lot of practice to learn how to be social, sober.
I know it seems unfathomable that those words even go together, but I am living proof it can happen! I am SOBER and SOCIAL and you can be too!!!
For years and years I was the party/drunk girl, the crazy one at the party, the one who people would talk about the next day(even though I would have no memory of it...)
I married into a free-drinking party family 6 years ago and there also I was embraced as my husbands wife who "loooooves her beer", and that was a GOOD thing.
The thing is no one saw the negative side, they saw fun,crazy, outgoing, funny. They didn't see the day after. Me being an absent mother snappy and miserable.
When word spread they didn't take it seriously. They thought it was temporary. They would bide their time 'til I started again.
I remember vividly my first cookout with the family. Coolers of beer,bottles of liquor, people in various stages of drunkeness. And there I was, sober as a judge and sticking out like a sore thumb.
I felt like everyone was wondering, judging, watching.
You see, what NOONE knew is that the "real me" is quiet, reserved, and introverted.
I had (have) all the same thoughts as you. "they are gonna think Im a snob" "they are gonna think I think Im better then them" "How am I even gonna join in a conversation" "Im gonna be the one BORING one at this cook out!"
The me as they view me has changed almost 100% and 5 months later it can still be awkward. But it has gotten better.
I had to realize Ive known these people for years, I love them, they love me, and we are family.
Alcohol is gone, but there can be a new beginning, basically new relationships can be made.
Its interesting, when I think about it, I have gradually moved away from the people who were my "besties/drinkin buddies" and now hang with people who I wouldnt have really hung with before because, well, they just didnt drink enough.
Everything does change, but if the people are worth it, they will embrace the new you. It takes time, and believe me I know it seems impossible.
But it's not! Last week I was at a large social gathering and I was sitting on a a swing and I found something really funny and I laughed, like guffawed really loud and some people looked over and smiled and I just realized, "holy crap I am laughing and having a good time. Sober. At a drunk-filled cookout. Being Social. WHAT!?
Give yourself a break, and give yourself a couple of months, slowly, the sober you will come out of your shell.
At first I would say, just recuperate, you have a lot of healing to do, but after a while, you should start practicing, because its gonna take a lot of practice to learn how to be social, sober.
I know it seems unfathomable that those words even go together, but I am living proof it can happen! I am SOBER and SOCIAL and you can be too!!!
I watched a few episodes of intervention last night. I began to notice a trend that there was always a certain person in each episode that seemed to be a "key" to the addict accepting help.
One man was refusing treatment and had a father who never said I love you but when his father read his loving intervention letter the man changed his whole energy and agreed to treatment.
Another woman had a brother who moved to Scotland after their parents divorce and abandoned his little sister to deal with everything on her own. Her entire expression changed when he apologized for abandoning her and she got help.
There was also a mother who was using methadone with her son. He was railing against treatment until she told him that she was also getting help and then he agreed.
There also always seemed to be a key reason as to why the addict began using; death of a child, divorce, distant unloving addict parents.
It got me thinking about what my "keys" might be. It got me thinking about my relationship with my mom who is also my best friend. My mom has this tendency to change the subject any time something emotional comes up. She is in complete denial of my father rampant alcoholism. She recently retired and I asked her if it was lonely being in the house with dad drunk all day and she responded, "no it's fine, did I tell you i found a new brownie recipe?" She always does that with anything- pushes all tough convos aside.
I think drinking my problems away was an extension of the pushing away of feelings that I learned from her and the drinking coping mechanism I learned from my dad.
I manifest this in my relationship with my fiancee. When we argue I leave the room which he hates. Instead if dealing with things head on I flee from them. But im aware of it and working on it.
So, what do you guys think? Do you have keys of your own?
One man was refusing treatment and had a father who never said I love you but when his father read his loving intervention letter the man changed his whole energy and agreed to treatment.
Another woman had a brother who moved to Scotland after their parents divorce and abandoned his little sister to deal with everything on her own. Her entire expression changed when he apologized for abandoning her and she got help.
There was also a mother who was using methadone with her son. He was railing against treatment until she told him that she was also getting help and then he agreed.
There also always seemed to be a key reason as to why the addict began using; death of a child, divorce, distant unloving addict parents.
It got me thinking about what my "keys" might be. It got me thinking about my relationship with my mom who is also my best friend. My mom has this tendency to change the subject any time something emotional comes up. She is in complete denial of my father rampant alcoholism. She recently retired and I asked her if it was lonely being in the house with dad drunk all day and she responded, "no it's fine, did I tell you i found a new brownie recipe?" She always does that with anything- pushes all tough convos aside.
I think drinking my problems away was an extension of the pushing away of feelings that I learned from her and the drinking coping mechanism I learned from my dad.
I manifest this in my relationship with my fiancee. When we argue I leave the room which he hates. Instead if dealing with things head on I flee from them. But im aware of it and working on it.
So, what do you guys think? Do you have keys of your own?
Hi Melissa, interesting post, I can relate to not dealing with things and running away ive most definitely done that with alcohol. My upbringing was dominated by my fathers constant need to succeed, he started with nothing really and ended up owning a farm, I have equated success to wealth and status, and through my alcoholism of course have achieved neither, the less I achieved the more I drank and the more I drank the less I achieved etc etc.
My mum on the other hand was content having a cup of tea watching her favourite soap opera and didn't share my dads obsession to succeed, I think I have like you got a bit from both, I desperately have wanted to achieve wealth and status thinking this will bring me happiness but then im content somedays just having enough to get by.
A lot of my drinking stems from the fact that I feel that I haven't achieved in the eyes of my father and the frustration of not knowing what exactly I want in life, I want contentment but have never found it.
My mum on the other hand was content having a cup of tea watching her favourite soap opera and didn't share my dads obsession to succeed, I think I have like you got a bit from both, I desperately have wanted to achieve wealth and status thinking this will bring me happiness but then im content somedays just having enough to get by.
A lot of my drinking stems from the fact that I feel that I haven't achieved in the eyes of my father and the frustration of not knowing what exactly I want in life, I want contentment but have never found it.
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