OneLessLonely

Like a real old fashioned nostalgic ice cream parlor Jeni?? That would be glorious! Im sure having chocolate covered treats wouldnt be a huge stretch either. It would smell like heaven. I could take fabby pictures for advertising too! Lets do it! I'll meet you at the bank for the business loan. Haha.
Dee glad to hear you're doing okay! Big hugs to you.
Have a good day everyone!

FrenchPink

Welcome, FreeDance!

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 9 MONTHS MILESTONE, BIONIC LEE!!!

Mammoth called up a special robotic friend to transport all of our Mayans to your fantastic sober celebration! So happy to hear that you're doing well on your sober journey, proud new papa-to-be! Many hugs of love to you.

robotic-elephant.jpg

shockozulu

Welcome Freedance, congrats Lee,

Saskia

OLL and Jeni, if the two of you set up an ice cream shoppe,I'll be a customer for sure :-)

Lee, congrats on 9 months!!!

Jeni, brain fog has finally lifted and I'm no longer napping a good part of the day. I still haven't had the energy to do the gym routine but hope to get to that sooner. This recovery has definitely taken longer. I've decided to put on hold thinking about jobs. I need a break from thinking about that.

FP, love the pic and did you change your avatar again or has that been awhile? I love it.

Nice to hear from you, Shock!

My sweet 14-year old kitty had her annual check-up today and has high bilirubin levels so she is now on a special diet for her liver. It could be lymphoma or a tumor but we won't know for awhile. The vet is going to retest in 3 months and we'll see where we are. It's incredible how fast and how much vet bills have grown in recent years. I don't want to put my baby through a whole lot of stuff since she wouldn't understand why.

Cheers to all,
Sass

Soberjanedoe

I just accidentally nearly ingested alcohol.

I stupidly bought rum& raisin flavoured chocolate without thinking. I put a peice in my mouth and instantly recognised the flavour and spat it out and rinsed my mouth out. The chocolate contains 1.7% alcohol per serve so its no where bear enough anyway to get me drunk but I just don't want to be triggered.

Luckily I don't think I have been triggered but my family think I was ridiculously over reacting.

Dee74

doesn't matter what others think Jane - it's what you think.

D

Jeni26

SJD-I know that feeling of panic. I took a mouthful of dessert a few months back and am pretty sure it had alcohol in it. I stopped eating it and felt a mixture of disgust and guilt. The way I rationalised it was that it wasn't intentional, I stopped once I'd realised and it did not threaten my sobriety. I had to let it go or I would have tied myself up in knots over the whole thing. You're ok and doing great xxx

Dee-your avatar pic is looking great, you must be feeling better. Ok I know you're not really a muppet the same way I know FP isn't an elephant and Sassy isn't just a giant eye...but even so. It's good to see you looking so happy!!ha!xxx

Shock, and FP, thanks for checking in. Xxx

Sassy, sorry bout your kitty. I hope all will be well. Xxx

I would rrrrrreally like to hear from wehav xxx

OLL-ok ice cream/tea room is what I'm thinking. But it would have to be over here...can you have a chat with hubby and let him know you will be emigrating please. Xxx

It's Saturday morning. 5.45 am. Yes I know that's ridiculous on my day off but I sleep now...I actually sleep now!! So waking up at this time after sleeping since 10 pm is pretty bloody awesome. Therapy this morning then an afternoon relaxing. Life just doesn't get much better than this.

Love to you all xxx

Soberjanedoe

Thanks Jen & Dee I've calmed down now. This isn't going to cause a slip for me but I guess an accidental alco spiking in things like food.

OneLessLonely

Duplicate

OneLessLonely

Jeni ice cream and tea is a great idea and actually a good business venture. Something for warm days and something for cold days right? We can do loose leaf teas with fruity infusions! Now to finally put my married name on my passport. I still have yet to do that. Clearly we have not gone out of the country since we got married! That's awful haha. And I have seen wehav in the 24 hour club thread recently I believe. Still waiting on an HRB smoke signal too.
Dee I'm digging the new avatar too!
SJD how annoying about that chocolate! I don't think you're over reacting at all. This is a life and death thing and we're very protective of it. A couple of months ago I had a few bites of a salad that I couldn't tell if there was alcohol in the dressing. It set me off for the whole day. I freaked out. But eventually like jeni said today and like many said the day it happened, I was not intentionally eating it to get drink. I told myself as long as it didn't make me drink soon after, I wouldn't count it against my sobriety. And it's been fine since. But I know that feeling of panic and hope you keep plugging along without it.
Saskia I'm sorry to hear about your kitty! I hope she is still comfortable and that things can be managed as best as they can. I had a cat when I first moved into my own place. They can become like best buds.
FP glad for your post!
Tanja I hope you're feeling a little better and do something nice for yourself today!
Hope everyone has a nice Saturday!

Saskia

And Jeni, I don't think of you as a rotating globe, either :rotfxko
Happy to hear you are enjoying sleep! I seem to have taken over your sleep issues lately but am not panicking.

SoberJane, some foods with alcohol in them aren't necessarily bad because if the food was cooked with the alcohol in it, there shouldn't be any alcohol left. Since it said it had alcohol, that wouldn't apply. I'd vote for major caution with stuff like that (the classic is alcohol in mouthwash) but wouldn't panic. Awareness seems to me to be one of the keys. I like your thinking on that, OLL.

Dee, I also noticed and enjoy your latest avatar. I hope you are doing well!

I'd best get to my house cleaning or else my floors and furniture will all look gray (as in kitty fur) very soon!

Xxx

Leemzer

Hey all,
Our baby is due December 10th, but honestly we won't hold our breaths about the actual day. My wife had our first child 2 weeks after the due date and our second a month prematurely. So dates in our family apparently don't amount to much. But we are super excited and it is becoming more and more real. Lots of great family bonding this summer and so glad to be "fulling present" in life now. Hugs to all!

Jeni26

Hi Lee x

Where did Em go again.....?

Yesterday in therapy she diagnosed me with dissociative identity disorder. This has really knocked the wind out of my sails. It is a complicated psychiatric disorder which will take a long time to work on and chances are I will always have it. I mean I've always known I'm a little crazy ya know but even so.... She considers it progress that this has come to light. It shows an awareness of what's going on with me and may be worse at the moment because of work stress and grief over my friend. My brain is coping with trauma in the way in knows best I guess. So I carry on in the way I've always done, but there are passages of time I miss out on, conversations I don't remember having, situations I handle at work that I don't recall. It is like being in a sober blackout for part of every day. I am scared at the moment. Worried that I will lose my grip on reality altogether. The good news is that I no longer have the terrifying flashbacks of before. Memories so vivid I zone out for a while are commonplace, but they no longer scare me, and I'm sleeping better. Maybe in the same Jen as I've always been but I understand myself a little better now? Who knows.

Sorry for the ramble. I just needed to type and post my thoughts. Generally I'm doing ok. But God, I will be so pleased to finish work soon. That will be the biggest source of stress out of the way for 6 weeks or so and give me time to re-group.

Thankyou for your patience with me as usual xxxxxxxx

Saskia

Hi Jeni, I've been told that if we think we might "lose it", then it's extremely unlikely to happen. I used to go through spells when, in my description, my brain "went for a hike" for chunks of time. I wouldn't remember what had happened and yet time had passed. It scared me a lot. That has gone away now. I only dissociate on very rare occasions. No, everything isn't perfect but it's so much better than it was.

Hang in there, my friend. This, too, will get better!

Xxxxoooo

Jeni26

Thanks Sassy xxx. I've always dissociated, I never knew it was called that of course, but as H calls it, I get my 'faraway look', and disappear. I do that every day, more so when I'm under stress. But just recently, I'm blanking out for parts of the day and continuing to do my job while having no recollection of it. That scares me because I need to have a handle on what's going on. I fear decisions might be made when I'm not 'present' and it could cause real problems. Sometimes I think that when I'm on SR is the only part of my day where I am really 'me'. That's a scary thought.

I'm wondering whether my on-line life has taken too big a part of me, and I need to be more present in my real one. I certainly think lots of this community and it has become a big part of who I am. Is that right or wrong? Certainly other people address their issues with alcohol, get well and move on. Yet I continue to post every day. I check in even when I don't post.

I know who I am here. I'm comfortable. I know people care about me. It has become my refuge. I guess I'm really confused about everything today.

I think I'm just plain exhausted after a hugely stressful period at work. I'm hoping time to relax will help me get a grip on it all.

Saskia

Jeni, I think of SR more like an anchor. It's a predictable, sane part of my life. You may not be aware of it, but you have cut down on posting quite a lot since you've been in therapy. I take that as a positive sign that you are beginning to get a grip on things. That can be a lengthy process as I'm sure you've discovered. I frequently check in during the day without posting and I think that's a healthy development.

There's nothing wrong with having a refuge. If you didn't work at all and spent every waking moment doing nothing except SR, I'd be a little concerned. I suspect that the things you don't remember are up to your normal standards for work. With all the changes you've been making, I think you are doing incredibly well. Dealing with the after effects of childhood trauma is not a trivial, short-term exercise. I think you'll find yourself going through a variety of phases.

You're doing really well and it sounds to me like you have a really good therapist. Let her be your guide and really listen to what she says. It sounds like she has given you the straight scoop thus far and there's no reason to think that will change.

You will make it through this Jeni. I feel that very strongly. You have that tenacious way of thinking that reminds me of what a therapist once said to me: "We have never seen someone with such a strong will to survive as a functioning individual". They said that about me almost 50 years ago and I believe it applies to you as well, my friend!

Lots of love and hugs

OneLessLonely

Jeni don't let a label define you or let it define how hard it will be to overcome. It's good to know what exactly may be going on with you. Then your path to self improvement becomes a little more mapped out. But don't let it become some sentence to doom. You can work with it with the right tools and supports and live a satisfying life because you are so strong. You are the same person you were before this therapist diagnosed you with this and that person is pretty awesome and has been doing really well!
Yesterday was nice. We went on a whale watch and walked around a little outdoor market. I tried a new cream sauce with dinner which wasn't too bad.
Today I'm having one of my typical can't-sit-still-but-don't-know-what-to-do days. I've puttered around doing various things with no real sense of satisfaction. Super annoying. I think it must have to do with my looking forward to the weekends so much during the dreadful workweek and facing another dreadful workweek looming ahead. Like I need to jam in all the happiness I can find because I don't get any during the work. I know it's my job. I know I have to do something. So I'm just venting I guess. Hope everyone is having a good day/night/morning.

Dee74

i know it's hard, but try and not worry too much about labels Jeni - I'd also guard against trying to 'fix' this by spending more time in the real world or whatever...

It a pretty big thing to be diagnosed with anything...maybe just sit with it a while...

sit with it and recognise that apart from a little self knowledge nothing else has changed - you're still you

D

Dee74

back to abnormal thanks Sass

D

Saskia

I'm not sure "normal" really exists, Dee :-)