Class of May 2012 part 21
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Day 20, and it's been a tough day physically. I don't know if it's the heat or not, but when I got to the station I could barely put one foot in front of the other, and felt like I was going to collapse in a heap, so I headed home. It didn't help that I had 'Perfect Day' (Lou Reed, or is it The Velvet Underground) running though my head.
When I got back, I just crashed, so I never got to the meeting.
And yet, despite all this, I've felt positive, so that's good, I think.
jeni - hope the therapy went well. I'm seeing a counsellor at the moment, and sometimes he says things that make me wonder if he thinks I'm hearing it for the first time, or that he doesn't understand alcoholism. Some days, I come away from my appointment feeling worse than I went in, and some times it's... not exactly messed up my day, but certainly a couple of hours of it. Equally some days I come out feeling good, so it really is swings and roundabouts.
soberjanedoe - hope you're sleeping better.
Have a good night everyone, and sleep well. A refreshed body is a big help to having a clear head, I think. They say our higher power never gives us anything we can't handle, which, for me at least, shows she has a far better opinion of me than I do.
Love and Hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you. x x
When I got back, I just crashed, so I never got to the meeting.
And yet, despite all this, I've felt positive, so that's good, I think.
jeni - hope the therapy went well. I'm seeing a counsellor at the moment, and sometimes he says things that make me wonder if he thinks I'm hearing it for the first time, or that he doesn't understand alcoholism. Some days, I come away from my appointment feeling worse than I went in, and some times it's... not exactly messed up my day, but certainly a couple of hours of it. Equally some days I come out feeling good, so it really is swings and roundabouts.
soberjanedoe - hope you're sleeping better.
Have a good night everyone, and sleep well. A refreshed body is a big help to having a clear head, I think. They say our higher power never gives us anything we can't handle, which, for me at least, shows she has a far better opinion of me than I do.
Love and Hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you. x x
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,293
Hello Mayans! My favorite relatives left so I am catching up on lots of things. I've quickly skimmed through your wonderful posts.
Tanja, thank you for posting your pic! I agree with Jeni ... I tend to form mental images of people I haven't met and you do look very different. I suspect a lot of it was due to the first avatar I remember. It was dark and seemed blurry or something and you are light and quite lovely. It is so good to be able to connect a name and face, especially for people we have gotten to know and hold dear.
Em, somehow I feel soothed by your daily posts. When I see them every day and read your gentle words, somehow a feeling that all's right with my world creeps over me.
SoberJane, I love how strong you are sounding these days!
FP, you keep bowling me over with your ever changing and super creative Pach Pics. I hope you are doing well and that your life is making sense and is comfortable for you now.
Jeni, I'm so happy that you will be on vacation very soon. You most certainly deserve a very good break with plenty of rest and relaxation!
Hi Dee, Kitty, OLL, Rock good buddy, Lee, Babs, Shock, Michael and everyone else I missed due to galloping senility and leaky memory!
Tanja, thank you for posting your pic! I agree with Jeni ... I tend to form mental images of people I haven't met and you do look very different. I suspect a lot of it was due to the first avatar I remember. It was dark and seemed blurry or something and you are light and quite lovely. It is so good to be able to connect a name and face, especially for people we have gotten to know and hold dear.
Em, somehow I feel soothed by your daily posts. When I see them every day and read your gentle words, somehow a feeling that all's right with my world creeps over me.
SoberJane, I love how strong you are sounding these days!
FP, you keep bowling me over with your ever changing and super creative Pach Pics. I hope you are doing well and that your life is making sense and is comfortable for you now.
Jeni, I'm so happy that you will be on vacation very soon. You most certainly deserve a very good break with plenty of rest and relaxation!
Hi Dee, Kitty, OLL, Rock good buddy, Lee, Babs, Shock, Michael and everyone else I missed due to galloping senility and leaky memory!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Good morning!
Well there's a spring in my step this morning as tomorrow is my last day....the end is really in sight now. Can it be true?! Gawd, what a few stressy old months I've had. Not sure how I've managed to blag my way through it quite frankly. I should be an actress...school manager or quivering wreck? Think I've managed somehow to convince people I'm the former. Not sure how.
Em...counselling is tough I know. I don't have to worry about my therapist not 'getting' alcoholism as she specialises in addiction and childhood trauma. We talked about my drinking a bit in the first few weeks but its never discussed now. She sometimes wryly refers to my 'alcoholic head', when I get frustrated at what I consider to be slow progress. There won't be an instant fix to my issues, I know that. But still...I wish I could just press a fast forward button sometimes. Yeah, and I get that sometimes you come out feeling worse than when you went in, but for me that means there is something difficult I need to process. It isn't a barrel of laughs that's for sure, but for me it has become so important. Next week, my counsellor wants to have our session out in the woods. She thinks it will be healing for me to talk when I'm out and close to nature. She seems to have some radical ways of working, yet somehow I'm growing to trust in her very much. And that doesn't happen easily for me.
Sassy-good to hear from you. I'm glad you had a busy weekend.
Lots of love to you all xxx
Well there's a spring in my step this morning as tomorrow is my last day....the end is really in sight now. Can it be true?! Gawd, what a few stressy old months I've had. Not sure how I've managed to blag my way through it quite frankly. I should be an actress...school manager or quivering wreck? Think I've managed somehow to convince people I'm the former. Not sure how.
Em...counselling is tough I know. I don't have to worry about my therapist not 'getting' alcoholism as she specialises in addiction and childhood trauma. We talked about my drinking a bit in the first few weeks but its never discussed now. She sometimes wryly refers to my 'alcoholic head', when I get frustrated at what I consider to be slow progress. There won't be an instant fix to my issues, I know that. But still...I wish I could just press a fast forward button sometimes. Yeah, and I get that sometimes you come out feeling worse than when you went in, but for me that means there is something difficult I need to process. It isn't a barrel of laughs that's for sure, but for me it has become so important. Next week, my counsellor wants to have our session out in the woods. She thinks it will be healing for me to talk when I'm out and close to nature. She seems to have some radical ways of working, yet somehow I'm growing to trust in her very much. And that doesn't happen easily for me.
Sassy-good to hear from you. I'm glad you had a busy weekend.
Lots of love to you all xxx
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Day 21, and I'm feeling a lot better now. Saw my sponsor this morning, and went to a meeting. Other than that, it's been a quiet sort of day. I'm still doing my step 5, but all being well, I should have that done soon, and be able to move on to step 6.
Sleep well folks, and have a good day tomorrow.
Love and Hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you. x x
Sleep well folks, and have a good day tomorrow.
Love and Hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you. x x
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
SJD, stay strong and allow yourself to feel however you feel about the family situations without allowing it to swallow you. You can do this.
Jeni I'm so psyched for you that tomorrow is your last day. How are you celebrating?
Saskia, glad you got to spend time with your favorite relatives.
Emily, sorry you have felt beat, but glad you are staying positive.
Hope everyone is doing well!
Jeni I'm so psyched for you that tomorrow is your last day. How are you celebrating?
Saskia, glad you got to spend time with your favorite relatives.
Emily, sorry you have felt beat, but glad you are staying positive.
Hope everyone is doing well!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
jeni, glad therapy is going well for you. your therapist sounds like my kind of gal. I always feel better when in the woods. might sound weird, but that's where I've always found god. even since I was a little kid.
jane, hang in there. you are doing so well and sounding SO strong!
Emily, glad you felt better today. I hope you continue to feel better. my mom used to say the same thing about god giving you no more than you can handle. you are a strong, kind woman.
sassy, glad you had a good time with your family!
OLL, hope you are doing well, good to see you!
Tanja, hola! loved your pic in your avatar. you are as gorgeous on the outside as you are in here!
well everyone, it's still crazy busy and i'm sorry for sounding like a total broken record on that. my partner is still having a lot of anxiety, and there's always something new coming from her family. a lot of it is the situations confronting them, but her brother in particular is a bit of a stinker. now his eldest son and his fiancée are acting out, and it's hard to tell which way is up. poor j is caught up in it, trying to glue the family together, and needless to say that doesn't help the old stress and anxiety. I try so hard to be a good partner but I find my patience isn't as saintly as I would like. I really care, but get fatigued with having their lives dominate a hunk of our preciously scarce free time together. okay, i'll hush now.
the awesome news is, I've got 5 months today! it makes me happy to be very close to the time I had before I slipped. but it's also scary because I've slipped right around 6 months a few times now, never gotten much past 6 months before. so things are very happy but a little scary on the sober front. does that make sense? some of you may be thinking, "so what is your plan then?" the truth is, I don't really have one. I plan to keep on sr better than I did before. still posting on the 24 hour thread. when things get tough again i'd like to keep posting here and "stay close" like many of you asked me to do before when I was starting to lose my sober resilience. so if it's okay with you all, that's what i'll do!
take care mayans, and have a lovely night/day. thank for being awesome!
p.s. congrats to all our friends who are subjects of the British throne. :-) a royal baby! hope the tea towels are for sale by the time I get there. heehee
jane, hang in there. you are doing so well and sounding SO strong!
Emily, glad you felt better today. I hope you continue to feel better. my mom used to say the same thing about god giving you no more than you can handle. you are a strong, kind woman.
sassy, glad you had a good time with your family!
OLL, hope you are doing well, good to see you!
Tanja, hola! loved your pic in your avatar. you are as gorgeous on the outside as you are in here!
well everyone, it's still crazy busy and i'm sorry for sounding like a total broken record on that. my partner is still having a lot of anxiety, and there's always something new coming from her family. a lot of it is the situations confronting them, but her brother in particular is a bit of a stinker. now his eldest son and his fiancée are acting out, and it's hard to tell which way is up. poor j is caught up in it, trying to glue the family together, and needless to say that doesn't help the old stress and anxiety. I try so hard to be a good partner but I find my patience isn't as saintly as I would like. I really care, but get fatigued with having their lives dominate a hunk of our preciously scarce free time together. okay, i'll hush now.
the awesome news is, I've got 5 months today! it makes me happy to be very close to the time I had before I slipped. but it's also scary because I've slipped right around 6 months a few times now, never gotten much past 6 months before. so things are very happy but a little scary on the sober front. does that make sense? some of you may be thinking, "so what is your plan then?" the truth is, I don't really have one. I plan to keep on sr better than I did before. still posting on the 24 hour thread. when things get tough again i'd like to keep posting here and "stay close" like many of you asked me to do before when I was starting to lose my sober resilience. so if it's okay with you all, that's what i'll do!
take care mayans, and have a lovely night/day. thank for being awesome!
p.s. congrats to all our friends who are subjects of the British throne. :-) a royal baby! hope the tea towels are for sale by the time I get there. heehee
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Wehav....we will have plenty of souvenirs available for you when you arrive. Tea towels, commemorative plates or cups, pens, whatever you fancy really. Yuk!
Congratulations on your 5 months!!
So happy for you, and yeah stay close. It stops the niggles getting a grip I find! Sounds like your partners family are an annoying lot, and I can see why you're finding it impacting on your relationship. I used to take on the role of trying to fix things with my family too and it caused us problems for a long time. H used to get so angry with their behaviour that in the end I stopped talking to him about it. He and my Dad have almost come to blows in the past. Sounds like she needs to recognise they are all grown up and let them get on with it, the way I learned to do. It isn't an easy thing to do though. Hope you can find your way through xxx
Em-you're sounding good. Finishing step 5 was a really significant time for me. Could be that that's helping you too xxx
OLL- good to hear from you, how are you doing? Is work still horrible?xxx
Love to you Sassy, thanks for your PM. So lovely xxx
Well it's my last day at work. I'm packing up my office to be decorated and then I'm coming home to sleep for a 100 years.....well to relax a little anyway
Lots of love to you all xxx
Congratulations on your 5 months!!
So happy for you, and yeah stay close. It stops the niggles getting a grip I find! Sounds like your partners family are an annoying lot, and I can see why you're finding it impacting on your relationship. I used to take on the role of trying to fix things with my family too and it caused us problems for a long time. H used to get so angry with their behaviour that in the end I stopped talking to him about it. He and my Dad have almost come to blows in the past. Sounds like she needs to recognise they are all grown up and let them get on with it, the way I learned to do. It isn't an easy thing to do though. Hope you can find your way through xxx
Em-you're sounding good. Finishing step 5 was a really significant time for me. Could be that that's helping you too xxx
OLL- good to hear from you, how are you doing? Is work still horrible?xxx
Love to you Sassy, thanks for your PM. So lovely xxx
Well it's my last day at work. I'm packing up my office to be decorated and then I'm coming home to sleep for a 100 years.....well to relax a little anyway
Lots of love to you all xxx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Southeast, USA
Posts: 631
Hey Everybody!
Just dropping by to say hi to everyone. Things are going very well in my world. I have a great summer with my wife and kids, we have travelled a good bit, and have had lots of time to relax and just get some good rest.
I've been reading many posts in various threads and I am so very thankful to all of you for your help and support in where I am today. I find I rarely think about drinking anymore. When I was young, I have mentioned before, it was never my DOC, so now that I have gone nearly 10 months it is starting to feel like I never drank before. I know I am very lucky in this. I just HATED alcohol when I was young, and I'm not sure why I ever became a real drinker anyway. I guess because I was getting older and it was the only thing that was "legal". But these times have passed now. Now when I think of alcohol I kind of think of it like when I was a kid--gross. I don't crave the taste at all and I know the buzz just made me feel worse. And I would not give up the amazing sleep that I get and the better outlook on life that I now have.
This has been one of the best years of my life. It feels so free to not be nervous anymore about constantly slipping and starting over. I promise to never be complacent, and I will always check in with all of you, but I really think I have worked hard and alcohol will not ever be a part of my life again. I could not fathom what would ever make me have a drink again, but I will always be wary of it, just like I am of cigarettes which has been 16 years now.
Thanks for everything, and I will pop in again soon. It seems like everyone is doing pretty well. I do miss some of our beginning classmates, and I do hope they are all OK. SR really is like a family, and I am proud to call all of you my brothers and sisters.
Big, big hugs,
Lee
Just dropping by to say hi to everyone. Things are going very well in my world. I have a great summer with my wife and kids, we have travelled a good bit, and have had lots of time to relax and just get some good rest.
I've been reading many posts in various threads and I am so very thankful to all of you for your help and support in where I am today. I find I rarely think about drinking anymore. When I was young, I have mentioned before, it was never my DOC, so now that I have gone nearly 10 months it is starting to feel like I never drank before. I know I am very lucky in this. I just HATED alcohol when I was young, and I'm not sure why I ever became a real drinker anyway. I guess because I was getting older and it was the only thing that was "legal". But these times have passed now. Now when I think of alcohol I kind of think of it like when I was a kid--gross. I don't crave the taste at all and I know the buzz just made me feel worse. And I would not give up the amazing sleep that I get and the better outlook on life that I now have.
This has been one of the best years of my life. It feels so free to not be nervous anymore about constantly slipping and starting over. I promise to never be complacent, and I will always check in with all of you, but I really think I have worked hard and alcohol will not ever be a part of my life again. I could not fathom what would ever make me have a drink again, but I will always be wary of it, just like I am of cigarettes which has been 16 years now.
Thanks for everything, and I will pop in again soon. It seems like everyone is doing pretty well. I do miss some of our beginning classmates, and I do hope they are all OK. SR really is like a family, and I am proud to call all of you my brothers and sisters.
Big, big hugs,
Lee
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Good Morning All,
Sas - I am glad you liked my picture. It's funny because another member of the One Year and Under thread said she thought I would have dark, curly hair! Thank you for the compliment. I have found that I really need to work on accepting compliments graciously. Most of the time I don't feel worthy of receiving them.
Emily - I am so happy to hear that you are feeling better. I've just started step 4 and it seems to be pretty slow going for me. I have noticed in my step work that my lack of assertiveness has played a role in many of my resentments. This is another area I need to work on.
Wehave2day - Congratulations on 5 months of sobriety
Your compliments really touched me! I hope that your partner's family situation settles down. Thank goodness you are there for her! My plans for my one year celebration are to pick up a coin every day that week! I also have a formal celebration planned for August 8th at my speakers group. I am anxious about speaking in front of a group of people, but I only have to say a few words. I hope you found a wonderful way to celebrate your 5 month anniversary.
Jeni - I am thrilled that your classes are over and you get to enjoy your summer without all that work stress. How long is your break? I hope a good long one
Lee - Glad to hear that things are going so well for you. I too think about early classmates and wonder how they are. The good news is that they know SR is here and support is available if they need it.
Tonight is babysitting my grand-nephew. I have asked my sister if she would babysit him next Tuesday as I would like to attend a certain meeting and pick up my one year chip.
Wishing everyone a wonderful Tuesday!
Sas - I am glad you liked my picture. It's funny because another member of the One Year and Under thread said she thought I would have dark, curly hair! Thank you for the compliment. I have found that I really need to work on accepting compliments graciously. Most of the time I don't feel worthy of receiving them.
Emily - I am so happy to hear that you are feeling better. I've just started step 4 and it seems to be pretty slow going for me. I have noticed in my step work that my lack of assertiveness has played a role in many of my resentments. This is another area I need to work on.
Wehave2day - Congratulations on 5 months of sobriety
Your compliments really touched me! I hope that your partner's family situation settles down. Thank goodness you are there for her! My plans for my one year celebration are to pick up a coin every day that week! I also have a formal celebration planned for August 8th at my speakers group. I am anxious about speaking in front of a group of people, but I only have to say a few words. I hope you found a wonderful way to celebrate your 5 month anniversary.Jeni - I am thrilled that your classes are over and you get to enjoy your summer without all that work stress. How long is your break? I hope a good long one
Lee - Glad to hear that things are going so well for you. I too think about early classmates and wonder how they are. The good news is that they know SR is here and support is available if they need it.
Tonight is babysitting my grand-nephew. I have asked my sister if she would babysit him next Tuesday as I would like to attend a certain meeting and pick up my one year chip.
Wishing everyone a wonderful Tuesday!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,293
WeHav, congratulations on achieving 5 months!!!
Lee, it's always good to hear from you. You sound wonderful and strong and I'm very happy for you and your family. Nice to have time to relax- not only have time but actually use that time for its real value.
Jeni, thinking of you now on vacation!
OLL, how are you doing? And how is work going (you don't have to answer that if you don't want to but remember that on SR we do get what I've decided to call "whine time", in honor of those of us who feel that we whine too much; and that's just about everyone!).
Em, I hope that today is another good day for you :-)
Tanja, I like your plan for your 1-year anniversary. I think it's a super good thing to think of it as a very special milestone. I think many of us have difficulty accepting compliments and feeling that we're not worthy. I think it's also common to feel resentment when we aren't assertive. I've suffered with both issues for many, many years. It's only been fairly recently that I've started becoming more assertive and feeling good about it. Too many times I got really angry after not asserting myself and then felt foolish. The hard part is finding the right balance so that we can express our needs without becoming aggressive. I believe that as we become more assertive, we are much easier for other people to be around. Once we can sense that happening it becomes easier to be assertive :-)
Happy Tuesday to all!
Lee, it's always good to hear from you. You sound wonderful and strong and I'm very happy for you and your family. Nice to have time to relax- not only have time but actually use that time for its real value.
Jeni, thinking of you now on vacation!
OLL, how are you doing? And how is work going (you don't have to answer that if you don't want to but remember that on SR we do get what I've decided to call "whine time", in honor of those of us who feel that we whine too much; and that's just about everyone!).
Em, I hope that today is another good day for you :-)
Tanja, I like your plan for your 1-year anniversary. I think it's a super good thing to think of it as a very special milestone. I think many of us have difficulty accepting compliments and feeling that we're not worthy. I think it's also common to feel resentment when we aren't assertive. I've suffered with both issues for many, many years. It's only been fairly recently that I've started becoming more assertive and feeling good about it. Too many times I got really angry after not asserting myself and then felt foolish. The hard part is finding the right balance so that we can express our needs without becoming aggressive. I believe that as we become more assertive, we are much easier for other people to be around. Once we can sense that happening it becomes easier to be assertive :-)
Happy Tuesday to all!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Aussie
Posts: 382
Mayans i'm really upset. My step grandfather who has been essentially my grandpa,has been in hospital for the past week and he had a bad turn yesterday and now he's on a ventilator. He's asked to turn the ventilator off tomorrow.
I can't go visit him because he doesn't want to see my side of the family because of demented family drama he caused.
I'm in my room and I can't go to class today because I'm not in any condition to. I don't know what to do right now.
I can't go visit him because he doesn't want to see my side of the family because of demented family drama he caused.
I'm in my room and I can't go to class today because I'm not in any condition to. I don't know what to do right now.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,689
I'm sorry this is so hard on you Jane - I dunno what else to say except to remind you that it's not your problem to fix here - it sounds like this involves a whole lot of other people besides yourself.
Can you talk to anyone else in your family about this?
take care of yourself
D
Can you talk to anyone else in your family about this?
take care of yourself
D
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Jane I'm so sorry about your Grandpa.
I think Dee has a good idea about talking to someone else in the family. Is it possible to talk to someone on the other side of the family.
Sometime things are just out of our control though. Big hug to you.
I think Dee has a good idea about talking to someone else in the family. Is it possible to talk to someone on the other side of the family.
Sometime things are just out of our control though. Big hug to you.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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Jane, yes, is there anyone else you can talk to in your family, someone who talks with him? if the drama isn't about you, can you talk to him? it's true what dee said, you aren't responsible for all the drama in your family and you also can't fix it all. sending positive thoughts your way...
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
rock, LOVE that pic, it's awesome!!!!!
is that you and me, kayaking into the sober sunset? :-) speaking of kayaking, I learned a new way to rescue myself over the weekend. lol.
the rainbow was a nice touch. feeling the looooove, thanks!
is that you and me, kayaking into the sober sunset? :-) speaking of kayaking, I learned a new way to rescue myself over the weekend. lol.
the rainbow was a nice touch. feeling the looooove, thanks!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Aussie
Posts: 382
Hey guys thank you for your support but it isn't needed anymore. I got a call 2hrs ago from mum and she just spoke to a nurse and he's fine on a ventilator but fine. My pops just being a hypochondriac ahole again.
I don't want to go into too much online but its been18months of this drama.
When I got the call I dried my tears and went to class. I'm so angry I got this upset. I should have known better.
I don't want to go into too much online but its been18months of this drama.
When I got the call I dried my tears and went to class. I'm so angry I got this upset. I should have known better.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Sorry you are being messed with like that Jane. Take care of yourself.
WeHav, yep it's us under a rainbow And I have the best rescue tip... Don't do anything to flip in the first place
You are doing awesome and I have full faith you are getting to one year and beyond this time.
I think Sassy is hitting 3 months tomorrow.
WeHav, yep it's us under a rainbow
And I have the best rescue tip... Don't do anything to flip in the first place You are doing awesome and I have full faith you are getting to one year and beyond this time.
I think Sassy is hitting 3 months tomorrow.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
jane, glad things aren't what you thought. you can't control how others act and you can't really control your emotions, but you can control what you do. it's not bad to get emotional, you did fine. sorry for such a yuck situation. you can get through this sober, you are so strong now.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
rock, hahaa on the rescue tip. this weekend's little tip wasn't my fault. I was volunteering as a safety paddler for a group of vets in canoes. two of the vets were having fun tipping each other, and I was shall we say getting my exercise by helping them get the water out and get back in. one of the guys saw that as some kind of bond and decided to include me and my kayak in the fun. first time I've ever been tipped as a safety person, but also the first time I did a boat over boat rescue in a kayak and got back in without going to shore. that's good to know! haha.
anyway, I will treasure our pic rock buddy. thank you! :-)
anyway, I will treasure our pic rock buddy. thank you! :-)
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