One Year and Over Club- Part 12
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,707
Thanks for the support guys, I leave on Sunday and to be honest am freaking out a bit over here. The unknown factor is getting to me and also sadness/guilt about leaving my boyfriend in the lurch without his girl OR his dog. He says he's fine and he supports my decision (he does) but I know he is putting up a positive front. Am terrified to say goodbye. I HATE goodbyes. I'm so glad I'm going to have my dog with me. Selfish I know but he's my buddy and it will be good to have him there for moral support! Even if he doesn't know he's doing it he has magic power to lift me out of the dumps. He keeps me from sinking into depression, because I will always have to get out to walk him, and that always makes me feel better. I found a nice house with a nice couple my age who love dogs, with a big backyard and a new little pug friend. Am still feeling very nervous and anxious and sad right now, I think the reality that I am leaving in four days has really hit me today.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I can imagine it's scary...but I'd try and not make too much of it - it's not forever - you'll be back 
Not trying to belittle your fears, but maybe think of it like going to Reporter Camp for the summer?
D
Not trying to belittle your fears, but maybe think of it like going to Reporter Camp for the summer?
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Doesn't sound like "goodbye" is the right word anyway, IP. More like "I'll miss you" or "See you later" or perhaps some combination of the two.
Not me, but somehow I ended up with extras! Some of my defects collided with a new employee's defects today. Looking back, I think I've made the mistake of expressing frustrations without offering clear suggestions on how he could improve. I can be a demanding SOB sometimes. And he's prone to personalizing everything, so it's not a good combo. Perhaps there's a chance for both of us to grow a bit. Like you and Cal, I will try to see this as an opportunity for change.... But for tonight, I am left with unresolved conflict. I am feeling the tension, and having a great deal of trouble letting go of it. Even that Sting song seems powerless against it. Oy.
Hi, OLL! Welcome aboard. Sounds to me like you already made the decision a year ago, and you like being sober, so no more deciding left to do! My most important defense against doubts is the same now as it was those first few weeks—gratitude. Sort of like this...
Yes, it really is, isn't?
I need to practice what I preach. I have to deal with some uncomfortable crap right now—those darn feelings, as Instant noted—but if being uncomfortable now and then is part of the package deal, then I should be grateful for those feelings.
I'm tryin.... but it ain't easy!
Originally Posted by instant 
Character defects!!! Who needs em!!
Originally Posted by OneLessLonely
Anyone have any advice on the over one year ride? I worked so hard to hit this point and now I don't know what to expect. I'm very scared of ever deciding to give it another go
Sounds to me like you already made the decision a year ago, and you like being sober, so no more deciding left to do! My most important defense against doubts is the same now as it was those first few weeks—gratitude. Sort of like this...
Originally Posted by bloss
I was feeling out of sorts the other day, until I remembered, I am still sober... and all is well.
I need to practice what I preach. I have to deal with some uncomfortable crap right now—those darn feelings, as Instant noted—but if being uncomfortable now and then is part of the package deal, then I should be grateful for those feelings.
I'm tryin.... but it ain't easy!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,707
Thanks, yeah I know it's only a flash in the pan and will be over before I know it. But it still sucks to be without my boyfriend for the summer. 
Oh well it's these experiences that make us stronger! And to be honest we could use the alone time.
yeah I know it's only a flash in the pan and will be over before I know it. But it still sucks to be without my boyfriend for the summer. 
Oh well it's these experiences that make us stronger! And to be honest we could use the alone time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Originally Posted by InParticular
Thanks, yeah I know it's only a flash in the pan and will be over before I know it. But it still sucks.
yeah I know it's only a flash in the pan and will be over before I know it. But it still sucks.Glad you're bringing your dog. Dogs love adventuring. He's gonna sniff the hell out of Alberta!
Originally Posted by ReadyAndAble
Perhaps there's a chance for both of us to grow a bit.
Nonetheless, this information reinforces a lesson I seem very slow to absorb:
It's not all about me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,474
Hey everyone..... OLL welcome aboard the Overs. I think you have it all under control, just your thoughts to live in the now seem wise. I stopped early on thinking about being sober for life. Now I am just sober. Makes it easier for me.
Thankyou all for such open sharing and introspection. Its really kind and thought provoking. I love how everyone is learning and growing from becoming self aware. We are all on a journey.
The last 3-4 weeks I have not been feeling myself, some really difficult memories have been resurfacing and it seems what I have been experiencing is flashbacks. Its horrible and has been really affecting me. I just feel completely exhausted, and afraid especially at night when I'm home alone. Therapy.....nobody said it was going to be easy....but I did not expect this. I feel really bad for my weeman because I am far too irritable, and at work too. But I am trying, and know that I will get through. Feels a really lonely place though.
Wanted to finish this post with a positive thought...sat and sat here not finding one......then remembered, I made time to play marbles with weeman this evening and then we read 2 books to each other. Thats good stuff right there.
I think you have it all under control, just your thoughts to live in the now seem wise. I stopped early on thinking about being sober for life. Now I am just sober. Makes it easier for me. Thankyou all for such open sharing and introspection. Its really kind and thought provoking. I love how everyone is learning and growing from becoming self aware. We are all on a journey.
The last 3-4 weeks I have not been feeling myself, some really difficult memories have been resurfacing and it seems what I have been experiencing is flashbacks. Its horrible and has been really affecting me. I just feel completely exhausted, and afraid especially at night when I'm home alone. Therapy.....nobody said it was going to be easy....but I did not expect this. I feel really bad for my weeman because I am far too irritable, and at work too. But I am trying, and know that I will get through. Feels a really lonely place though.
Wanted to finish this post with a positive thought...sat and sat here not finding one......then remembered, I made time to play marbles with weeman this evening and then we read 2 books to each other. Thats good stuff right there.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,846
OLL, congrats on one year and welcome to "the club"!
One of my biggest challenges in sobriety has been dealing with negative thoughts. Anytime they pop into my head, I stop and count my many blessings. I also think about how far I've come on my sober journey and try to be grateful that I stopped the madness before I did permanent damage to my body and mind. If any of that doesn't work, I pop in a Three Stooges DVD and I'm feeling better in no time
One of my biggest challenges in sobriety has been dealing with negative thoughts. Anytime they pop into my head, I stop and count my many blessings. I also think about how far I've come on my sober journey and try to be grateful that I stopped the madness before I did permanent damage to my body and mind. If any of that doesn't work, I pop in a Three Stooges DVD and I'm feeling better in no time
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
Thanks for the welcomes!
IP, your new job sounds exciting! I would certainly be feeling the same ways you are. Just because there are some negatives, does not mean it's the wrong decision. There would be negatives if you decided not to go, like missing out on the experience and future opportunities. So knowing I would have to deal with some negatives either way I decided would hopefully help me accept them and push forward. Good luck! Will you still be able to check into SR where you will be?
R&A sorry about your upsetting work situation. I hate when things are unresolved or not wrapped up in a bow by the end. But that's the perfectionism in me and I've learned perfectionism gets me nowhere good. Good for you for changing your focus to what you can do better in the future!
Manz, so sorry you're dealing with painful flashbacks. Has your therapist told you this could happen and some ways to cope with it until you see him/her next? I don't have much experience with very painful flashbacks, but hope they stop for you soon and that you can push forward in therapy.
FBL, negative thoughts are the worst! I often forget about gratitude when I'm in the throes of negativity, so thanks for the reminder!
Off to work. Can't wait for the weekend. Even though we're planning to paint the hallway/stairway this weekend, it'll be better than working! Have a good day everyone!
IP, your new job sounds exciting! I would certainly be feeling the same ways you are. Just because there are some negatives, does not mean it's the wrong decision. There would be negatives if you decided not to go, like missing out on the experience and future opportunities. So knowing I would have to deal with some negatives either way I decided would hopefully help me accept them and push forward. Good luck! Will you still be able to check into SR where you will be?
R&A sorry about your upsetting work situation. I hate when things are unresolved or not wrapped up in a bow by the end. But that's the perfectionism in me and I've learned perfectionism gets me nowhere good. Good for you for changing your focus to what you can do better in the future!
Manz, so sorry you're dealing with painful flashbacks. Has your therapist told you this could happen and some ways to cope with it until you see him/her next? I don't have much experience with very painful flashbacks, but hope they stop for you soon and that you can push forward in therapy.
FBL, negative thoughts are the worst! I often forget about gratitude when I'm in the throes of negativity, so thanks for the reminder!
Off to work. Can't wait for the weekend. Even though we're planning to paint the hallway/stairway this weekend, it'll be better than working! Have a good day everyone!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Thanks, guys. Appreciate the constructive wisdom.
And Manz, sorry to hear what you're going through. I think I too have been short on patience at work because of generalized stress about my dad's cancer and a few other things—which while not the sole issue with that employee, was still unfair. I plan to tell him so and apologize this morning. And then comes the really hard part: changing. Growing, examining, striving: it's a hard and sometimes lonely business, like you said. But if the Overs prove one thing, it's that change is absolutely possible!
Onward.
And Manz, sorry to hear what you're going through. I think I too have been short on patience at work because of generalized stress about my dad's cancer and a few other things—which while not the sole issue with that employee, was still unfair. I plan to tell him so and apologize this morning. And then comes the really hard part: changing. Growing, examining, striving: it's a hard and sometimes lonely business, like you said. But if the Overs prove one thing, it's that change is absolutely possible!
Onward.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
OLL- in answer to your Q
What to expect. my second year. The big deal of one year and having nothing to strive for time wise leftme uncertain for a while. It was like putting down crutches. Sobriety as a life choice and way of life gets consolidated. Taking more risks in connecting with others, and being able to use/monitor feelings. Getting used to the newness of this is ongoing. I have been more productive and now plan more being confident I can see things through. I have got involved in a couple of clubs related to my recreational interests. Getting around and out more, physically fitter and way more active. I am more secure in my enjoyment of life. I feel much safer, possibly secure, in the knowledge i am not a risk to myself
There are ongoing issues in dealing with "myself" and having the couage to grow, but compared to the horror of the trap i was in, its no big deal.
So in short. I came to view year one as early recovery. I came to view year 2 to as really getting going again.
What to expect. my second year. The big deal of one year and having nothing to strive for time wise leftme uncertain for a while. It was like putting down crutches. Sobriety as a life choice and way of life gets consolidated. Taking more risks in connecting with others, and being able to use/monitor feelings. Getting used to the newness of this is ongoing. I have been more productive and now plan more being confident I can see things through. I have got involved in a couple of clubs related to my recreational interests. Getting around and out more, physically fitter and way more active. I am more secure in my enjoyment of life. I feel much safer, possibly secure, in the knowledge i am not a risk to myself
There are ongoing issues in dealing with "myself" and having the couage to grow, but compared to the horror of the trap i was in, its no big deal.
So in short. I came to view year one as early recovery. I came to view year 2 to as really getting going again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,707
Great post Instant. So true. It really is amazing the amount of growth experienced into the second year. I am definitely becoming a more complete, interesting, rounded person, as I'm discovering aspects of myself I never had the time and brain-space and energy to explore before, like physical activity and the confidence in myself to accomplish things intellectually.
I did a lot of thinking on my walk with the dog this morning......
Even if I had somehow managed to get this far while drinking, finishing school and getting this job—which I wouldn't have—I would be drinking like crazy right now and completely missing the lesson which is that change is good and healthy and this is an amazing experience and opportunity, and I'm going to learn and have fun with it because I'm a good, smart person. Everything doesn't have to be negative, all the time. I gave my head a shake this morning and realized that this can be just that, a good experience. I always look for the downside. Maybe there just isn't one? That can be possible, can't it?
Also I've been stressing about my roommates, will they like me, etc.? Why wouldn't they? I'm a fun, funny, nice person. I'm at my most awkward when I'm self-conscious. So just stop being self-conscious and be my self. Also, this will be the first group of people I'll meet who will never know me drunk. How awesome.
OLL-I didn't say welcome. And you are right, there are negatives to everything, if that's what you want to look for.
About being away from my bf.....boo hoo, right? We're one province away, for the summer. It will make our relationship stronger and give us some healthy time to ourselves. A lot of couples would kill for that, ha ha.
So yeah, I've gotten over my apprehension and am just excited now!
I did a lot of thinking on my walk with the dog this morning......
Even if I had somehow managed to get this far while drinking, finishing school and getting this job—which I wouldn't have—I would be drinking like crazy right now and completely missing the lesson which is that change is good and healthy and this is an amazing experience and opportunity, and I'm going to learn and have fun with it because I'm a good, smart person. Everything doesn't have to be negative, all the time. I gave my head a shake this morning and realized that this can be just that, a good experience. I always look for the downside. Maybe there just isn't one? That can be possible, can't it?
Also I've been stressing about my roommates, will they like me, etc.? Why wouldn't they? I'm a fun, funny, nice person. I'm at my most awkward when I'm self-conscious. So just stop being self-conscious and be my self. Also, this will be the first group of people I'll meet who will never know me drunk. How awesome.
OLL-I didn't say welcome. And you are right, there are negatives to everything, if that's what you want to look for.
About being away from my bf.....boo hoo, right? We're one province away, for the summer. It will make our relationship stronger and give us some healthy time to ourselves. A lot of couples would kill for that, ha ha.
So yeah, I've gotten over my apprehension and am just excited now!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Wow, what awesome posts to read today! I totally relate to what instant and IP said about the second year. I feel like it practically took me the first year to just get used to not drinking anymore. It was on my mind a lot more, had tools to combat urges, checked in to SR a ton, etc. In my second year, I'm just getting more comfortable with ME. Instant said, "having the courage to grow". YES! That's how it feels. I'm getting a lot more confident and comfortable with who I am. I mean, I've always been pretty swell, ( 
)but now I can add "STRONG" to my list of attributes and I LOVE that. I've been thru a crapload of stuff for the last 8 months or so, and I've stayed sober through stuff I never dreamed I'd have to endure. I'm so glad I had a year under my belt at that point, or I might have no longer been able to post in this thread. Anyway..welcome OLL. It only gets better!
R&A..sorry to hear about that co-worker deal. Sounds like you're looking at it constructively tho, which is great. Onward, indeed.
IP...glad you're feeling better about reporter camp! (lol Dee...that cracked me up.) Go get 'em, girl! Enjoy your time, and even if it doesn't end up to be the best experience ever, camps always come to an end! Enjoy the good parts (smores), and leave the rest and chalk it up to an adventurous experience.
Sorry about the flashbacks, Manz. Stay plugged into that therapist, I'm thinkin she can give you some tools to deal with those. ? Hang in there, girl. You're doing hard work, proud of you.
A friend of mine from high school died suddenly this weekend and the funeral was yesterday. After the morning service, some of my friends and I went to the bar for a drink to toast to him. I had a coke, and got a little ribbing. (I don't really hang out with these folks much, so no one really knows I don't drink.) Then, we had the lunch and then BACK to the bar afterward. Obviously I didn't have to go, but I didn't want my sobriety to keep me from visiting with old friends. Only one person did the "what's the deal?" thing and all I said was that I stopped drinking about 2 years ago. They just went, 'wow, I'm actually kind of impressed!'. haha. I had my Sprite and cranberry juices, paid my 5 bucks and left when I was satisfied with my time with them. It felt fantastic to not have to worry about driving home, or to get home and drink 6 more beers cuz 2 just gets me going, etc. It's not always easy, but it's so worth it.
Heading up north today for the holiday weekend. Ya'll have a safe one!!
)but now I can add "STRONG" to my list of attributes and I LOVE that. I've been thru a crapload of stuff for the last 8 months or so, and I've stayed sober through stuff I never dreamed I'd have to endure. I'm so glad I had a year under my belt at that point, or I might have no longer been able to post in this thread. Anyway..welcome OLL. It only gets better!R&A..sorry to hear about that co-worker deal. Sounds like you're looking at it constructively tho, which is great.
Onward, indeed.IP...glad you're feeling better about reporter camp! (lol Dee...that cracked me up.) Go get 'em, girl! Enjoy your time, and even if it doesn't end up to be the best experience ever, camps always come to an end! Enjoy the good parts (smores), and leave the rest and chalk it up to an adventurous experience.
Sorry about the flashbacks, Manz. Stay plugged into that therapist, I'm thinkin she can give you some tools to deal with those. ? Hang in there, girl. You're doing hard work, proud of you.
A friend of mine from high school died suddenly this weekend and the funeral was yesterday. After the morning service, some of my friends and I went to the bar for a drink to toast to him. I had a coke, and got a little ribbing. (I don't really hang out with these folks much, so no one really knows I don't drink.) Then, we had the lunch and then BACK to the bar afterward. Obviously I didn't have to go, but I didn't want my sobriety to keep me from visiting with old friends. Only one person did the "what's the deal?" thing and all I said was that I stopped drinking about 2 years ago. They just went, 'wow, I'm actually kind of impressed!'. haha. I had my Sprite and cranberry juices, paid my 5 bucks and left when I was satisfied with my time with them. It felt fantastic to not have to worry about driving home, or to get home and drink 6 more beers cuz 2 just gets me going, etc. It's not always easy, but it's so worth it.
Heading up north today for the holiday weekend. Ya'll have a safe one!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,068
Evening Overs
Not much to share but have thoroughly enjoyed reading all your posts this evening.
I'm just glad to be sober and very content today.
Had my kids sports day today and just loved the fact that I was there body and soul to cheer them on.
Catch you all later
x
Not much to share but have thoroughly enjoyed reading all your posts this evening.
I'm just glad to be sober and very content today.
Had my kids sports day today and just loved the fact that I was there body and soul to cheer them on.
Catch you all later
x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,458
Hi all.
Came here and intended on being all witty, responding to posts and what not but now, I'm just left speechless.
Tough times are coming my way and my husbands way and I'm so grateful I'm sober to deal with it.
Last night I poured a chilled pellegrino into two wine glasses because I needed some sort of comfort and the chocolate and hugs from my hubby and son we're not doing it.
The wine glass didn't really do it either but it shut up the AV which I was grateful for.
It was nice not having to argue/talk/yell at something/someone else while trying to keep up a conversation with DH and yelling at DS to do his homework.
Today isn't as bad but I'm preparing to have to say goodbye to my Jeep that I've had since 1998.
Why is it that since getting sober I have to say goodbye to so many things.
My Cat of 18 years. My Jeep of 15.
Maybe it's a good thing? Let the old stuff out and make way for the new?
Well, whatever. I've rambled on long enough.
Came here and intended on being all witty, responding to posts and what not but now, I'm just left speechless.
Tough times are coming my way and my husbands way and I'm so grateful I'm sober to deal with it.
Last night I poured a chilled pellegrino into two wine glasses because I needed some sort of comfort and the chocolate and hugs from my hubby and son we're not doing it.
The wine glass didn't really do it either but it shut up the AV which I was grateful for.
It was nice not having to argue/talk/yell at something/someone else while trying to keep up a conversation with DH and yelling at DS to do his homework.
Today isn't as bad but I'm preparing to have to say goodbye to my Jeep that I've had since 1998.
Why is it that since getting sober I have to say goodbye to so many things.
My Cat of 18 years. My Jeep of 15.
Maybe it's a good thing? Let the old stuff out and make way for the new?
Well, whatever. I've rambled on long enough.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
I dtill wish ihad the Mitubishi magna station wagon I had in the 90's. I loved that car, but the streering column had issues and we parted. I still see them on the road from time to time, and have pangs of what if? If only? There are not to many around now.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
Thanks everyone for the insight into "beyond a year." I am looking forward to resolving some of the issues that led me to drink and the newer life I'd like to build, but just scared of the work that may be needed for both. My job/career frequently cycles into stressful domain and I just don't think it's what I wanna do with my life. Anyways really looking forward to relaxing tonight and enjoying the weekend. Memorial Day weekend was actually the first weekend I made it through sober. It's funny that from here on out my one-year-ago memories will all be sober.
Mirage I'm sorry for your loss. I am inspired by you for being able to be around alcohol infused situations willingly and for probably longer than was obligatory.
Munchkin I'm sorry about your jeep!! Owning one during the summer is on my bucket list. They look so fun.
Caledonia so happy you were able to be there for your kids sports too! They must have been happy.
IP glad to hear you're feeling better about the reporting trip!
Take care everyone!
Mirage I'm sorry for your loss. I am inspired by you for being able to be around alcohol infused situations willingly and for probably longer than was obligatory.
Munchkin I'm sorry about your jeep!! Owning one during the summer is on my bucket list. They look so fun.
Caledonia so happy you were able to be there for your kids sports too! They must have been happy.
IP glad to hear you're feeling better about the reporting trip!
Take care everyone!
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