Class of December 2012 - Part 7
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 649
Quick check in since the mobility at the computer seems to really be the smoking trigger.
I'm not sure if this is good or not, but I no longer have my main "egg" for income. Health-wise, it's a good move because it was so stressful causing me to practically chain smoke whilst working. Financially, I just have to put more effort in other activities.
Smoking and alcoholism are both severely addictive but I have to admit the drinking is much more painful when it comes to the symptoms associated with the withdrawals. Smoking will be overcome within time.
I'm determined to kick the butts this time around as well as cutting down on coffee. Meanwhile, I am focusing my attention around non-computer related activities as much as possible to keep myself busy.
TT - sorry you had a slip but if nothing else, it's a real eye opener of what we do NOT want to become again.
A big howdy to all the classmates here!
Have a great, sober day!
I'm not sure if this is good or not, but I no longer have my main "egg" for income. Health-wise, it's a good move because it was so stressful causing me to practically chain smoke whilst working. Financially, I just have to put more effort in other activities.
Smoking and alcoholism are both severely addictive but I have to admit the drinking is much more painful when it comes to the symptoms associated with the withdrawals. Smoking will be overcome within time.
I'm determined to kick the butts this time around as well as cutting down on coffee. Meanwhile, I am focusing my attention around non-computer related activities as much as possible to keep myself busy.
TT - sorry you had a slip but if nothing else, it's a real eye opener of what we do NOT want to become again.
A big howdy to all the classmates here!
Have a great, sober day!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Central New Jersey, USA
Posts: 1,345
Originally Posted by cat1961 
TT - sorry you had a slip but if nothing else, it's a real eye opener of what we do NOT want to become again.
ALiceW - wish I had good advice for you but I am so lucky that I have a very good marriage (Albeit not perfect - they never are) I do sympathize though because in the past I have gone through some of the stuff you are. The onyl thing I can say is as hard as it is sometimes - you have to communicate with your partner. If you don't things usually fester and get worse. Good Luck.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Olde England
Posts: 528
Hi All
Tough one Alice, I know what you mean, especially as alcoholism is a kind of iceberg issue (in that 90% of the issue is hidden underwater) I felt last time that I'd made this massive effort and that no-one was giving me the acknowledgement that my struggle deserved - not saying that this is the case with your situation but its odd when the fog clears and you start making clearer judgements about who surrounds you. I'm not really explaining myself very well here but it could well be that my marriage lasted through to this point as in my head my bad behaviour was offset by increased tolerance levels for Mrs Ns faults. I found myself so frustrated with her so much of the time but didn't want to open a relationship discussion can of worms as that would have lead to my having to confront my own problems. It's only after some serious attempts at sobriety that I'm realising how much of my frustration was drink fuelled as were many of the communication issues, I found her impossible to talk to when an important frank exchange of ideas was called for but in retrospect I didn't factor in the fact that she was already operating from a position of being pissed off with me for being drunk again. Over the last 20 days the house has returned to the same calmer, cleaner more harmonious place it was getting more and more to be during the 1 to 48 day stint before the Big Slip - I started to take that for granted as the AV got louder and louder, I threw it all away to get drunk for a month and now very much appreciating how much of the mess the family and house was in was down to me. Reading the "things that Normies wouldn't know" thread has been a big eye opener.
It might be Alice that your partner has retained his distance as its mirrored yours. your distance has been down to having another very serious and demanding (time and resources) committed relationship in your life with the booze. He wasn't perhaps aware of the depth of that commitment and so now it's out of your life he's not aware of the gulf that's left that's now free (and perhaps your expecting him) to fill but being unaware of the true size of the iceberg it's a tough call for him to know how and when to react?
Or it could be that the relationship has been one of convenience in that its allowed you and possibly him to be able to tick a social convention box by being in a relationship so you can band aid the drinking cos being a single drinker means in the eyes of society you may have a bigger problem than a drinker in a relationship?
Just some thoughts, feel free to bin if I've got the wrong end of the stick
For me the big hurdle will be the 60 to 120 days mark as I believe from others that its during this part that you either start working to properly create a new social circle and a sustainable sober life - or slip back into the booze after hitting the "this sober thing sucks, I'm miserable staying in all the time and all of my old friends have stopped talking to me but I can see from Facebook they're all out there having a blast still - surely I can go back out there for one or two social drinks now I've proved I don't have proper problem" wall.
Huge amounts of respect to Courage for going through what you went through during this period of your sobriety and sticking with it, I'm walking in your footsteps here!
Absolutely wiped out after a very outdoorsy weekend, my bike didn't want to play ball so headed up there with just the girls and their bike, some friends of mine took it in turns to take then both out for a backwood trail adventure, a few scrapes on the younger one but all back safe in one piece, their bike is carrying some fresh war wounds though!
Spent today on the airfield helping with the display team training so another day on the bike for the girls, they're all tucked up in bed and as soon as I've finished watching the MotoGP round 2 froM Texas (no spoilers please) I'll be heading straight up the stairs after them.
The sun showed its face this weekend for a change so I'm sat here with a red puffy face from wind and sunburn rather than booze - looking forward to being nice and brown in the morning rather than grey and still puffy!
Very proud of us all on this thread
Have a great week
Tough one Alice, I know what you mean, especially as alcoholism is a kind of iceberg issue (in that 90% of the issue is hidden underwater) I felt last time that I'd made this massive effort and that no-one was giving me the acknowledgement that my struggle deserved - not saying that this is the case with your situation but its odd when the fog clears and you start making clearer judgements about who surrounds you. I'm not really explaining myself very well here but it could well be that my marriage lasted through to this point as in my head my bad behaviour was offset by increased tolerance levels for Mrs Ns faults. I found myself so frustrated with her so much of the time but didn't want to open a relationship discussion can of worms as that would have lead to my having to confront my own problems. It's only after some serious attempts at sobriety that I'm realising how much of my frustration was drink fuelled as were many of the communication issues, I found her impossible to talk to when an important frank exchange of ideas was called for but in retrospect I didn't factor in the fact that she was already operating from a position of being pissed off with me for being drunk again. Over the last 20 days the house has returned to the same calmer, cleaner more harmonious place it was getting more and more to be during the 1 to 48 day stint before the Big Slip - I started to take that for granted as the AV got louder and louder, I threw it all away to get drunk for a month and now very much appreciating how much of the mess the family and house was in was down to me. Reading the "things that Normies wouldn't know" thread has been a big eye opener.
It might be Alice that your partner has retained his distance as its mirrored yours. your distance has been down to having another very serious and demanding (time and resources) committed relationship in your life with the booze. He wasn't perhaps aware of the depth of that commitment and so now it's out of your life he's not aware of the gulf that's left that's now free (and perhaps your expecting him) to fill but being unaware of the true size of the iceberg it's a tough call for him to know how and when to react?
Or it could be that the relationship has been one of convenience in that its allowed you and possibly him to be able to tick a social convention box by being in a relationship so you can band aid the drinking cos being a single drinker means in the eyes of society you may have a bigger problem than a drinker in a relationship?
Just some thoughts, feel free to bin if I've got the wrong end of the stick
For me the big hurdle will be the 60 to 120 days mark as I believe from others that its during this part that you either start working to properly create a new social circle and a sustainable sober life - or slip back into the booze after hitting the "this sober thing sucks, I'm miserable staying in all the time and all of my old friends have stopped talking to me but I can see from Facebook they're all out there having a blast still - surely I can go back out there for one or two social drinks now I've proved I don't have proper problem" wall.
Huge amounts of respect to Courage for going through what you went through during this period of your sobriety and sticking with it, I'm walking in your footsteps here!
Absolutely wiped out after a very outdoorsy weekend, my bike didn't want to play ball so headed up there with just the girls and their bike, some friends of mine took it in turns to take then both out for a backwood trail adventure, a few scrapes on the younger one but all back safe in one piece, their bike is carrying some fresh war wounds though!
Spent today on the airfield helping with the display team training so another day on the bike for the girls, they're all tucked up in bed and as soon as I've finished watching the MotoGP round 2 froM Texas (no spoilers please) I'll be heading straight up the stairs after them.
The sun showed its face this weekend for a change so I'm sat here with a red puffy face from wind and sunburn rather than booze - looking forward to being nice and brown in the morning rather than grey and still puffy!
Very proud of us all on this thread
Have a great week
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Wow! Some really great posts the last few days.
Cat -- I hope you don't think I'm making light of you quitting smoking. I really think it's outstanding! I admire you a ton -- I keep looking for ways to be nonsober without drinking, and taking up smoking again is one of many little ways I'm still acting out.
TTBABP -- glad to hear you're happy in your marriage. That's an important source of stability.
Alice -- I don't have much advice to offer. I'm married & have been for a long time. Our relationship has sustained a lot of damage/loss of trust, and neither one of us is perfect (far from it). But I'd rather keep trying be a better partner for him, than anything else. (Although sometimes, you couldn't tell it from the way I act.)
Napster, you sound like you're really well grounded and focused on staying sane and sober these days. Good on you!
Inc2, good to hear from you! How're you doing?
I haven't been posting much. I'm still spending too much time in my head. I have a conference out of town coming up at the end of next week -- 5 days on my own in San Francisco. Would sound like a joy to a normal person, but sounds like an excuse for a relapse to me. I know just how I'd do it, I'm determined not to, and I'm chasing my own tail thinking about it and trying not to think about it at the same time.
Taz, Tam, Gonzo, Marria, RAL -- hope you're all doing well, staying on the sober course!
Hi, Dee!
Cat -- I hope you don't think I'm making light of you quitting smoking. I really think it's outstanding! I admire you a ton -- I keep looking for ways to be nonsober without drinking, and taking up smoking again is one of many little ways I'm still acting out.
TTBABP -- glad to hear you're happy in your marriage. That's an important source of stability.
Alice -- I don't have much advice to offer. I'm married & have been for a long time. Our relationship has sustained a lot of damage/loss of trust, and neither one of us is perfect (far from it). But I'd rather keep trying be a better partner for him, than anything else. (Although sometimes, you couldn't tell it from the way I act.)
Napster, you sound like you're really well grounded and focused on staying sane and sober these days. Good on you!
Inc2, good to hear from you! How're you doing?
I haven't been posting much. I'm still spending too much time in my head. I have a conference out of town coming up at the end of next week -- 5 days on my own in San Francisco. Would sound like a joy to a normal person, but sounds like an excuse for a relapse to me. I know just how I'd do it, I'm determined not to, and I'm chasing my own tail thinking about it and trying not to think about it at the same time.
Taz, Tam, Gonzo, Marria, RAL -- hope you're all doing well, staying on the sober course!
Hi, Dee!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Hey everyone
Still missing you as without internet though at least we have power and water now
Just a quick checkin as at the library again. not drinking, I wonder how on earth I functioned before drinking a bottle of wine every night. I know there is no way on earth I could live the life here that I'm living if I'd been drinking. Maybe everything happens for a reason. Maybe I had to stop drinking in December and have a period of adjustment in order to start afresh in a new place here. It's a good feeling.
Having my internet connected on Wednesday though going back to England for a few days to sort things out. I look forward to getting back online and reading all your posts and hopefully being supporting to all my classmates soon.
Take care all.xx
Still missing you as without internet though at least we have power and water now
Just a quick checkin as at the library again. not drinking, I wonder how on earth I functioned before drinking a bottle of wine every night. I know there is no way on earth I could live the life here that I'm living if I'd been drinking. Maybe everything happens for a reason. Maybe I had to stop drinking in December and have a period of adjustment in order to start afresh in a new place here. It's a good feeling.
Having my internet connected on Wednesday though going back to England for a few days to sort things out. I look forward to getting back online and reading all your posts and hopefully being supporting to all my classmates soon.
Take care all.xx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Olde England
Posts: 528
Day 21 for me, managed to get a very large tender response out the door on time today, this sort of thing I would have avoided while drinking as the fear of doing a cr@p job on it would have meant I out it off and put it off until it was too late to do anything about it and would have made up a lame excuse for why not. The anxiety this caused would have led to a very large binge to drown out the "why are you letting yourself down" sober voice and the depression of missing the deadline and feeling like a total looser would have fuelled the a binge some more. Getting the bid out meant a huge amount of work and also putting that work up for public scrutiny and therefore criticism which I would have drank to avoid - a vicious cycle I've been living in for far too long as if you never step up you never learn and never develop and grow.
So here begins a new hardworking sober me, with the easy, fast reward of a £10 litre bottle of vodka never more than half an hour away in the nearest shop.
Time to get busy living!
So here begins a new hardworking sober me, with the easy, fast reward of a £10 litre bottle of vodka never more than half an hour away in the nearest shop.
Time to get busy living!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 320
Thanks all for the advice and kind wishes You guys are brilliant.
Napster, especially, your post really resonated with me in many ways.
This is absolutely true, I didn't realise before that one of the reasons I avoided bringing things up was because I didn't want my alcoholism thrown back at me... though knowing him I don't think he would have but I do project my insecurities onto other people when I'm feeling low. It's funny how hurtful we can be to ourselves.
And this comment:
I actually think you've hit the nail on the head there. My mouth literally dropped open a little when I read that because I hadn't even considered it, but it's very true, it really struck a chord with me. I have a lot of free time and nothing to keep me occupied so I am asking for more from him than I have at any time before. Thank you, I can't explain it properly but it's like a light bulb moment for me right now.
Cat - keep it up with the smokes. I was never a coffee drinker, but whenever I do have one I completely understand how people become hooked on the stuff. To avoid that I only ever have those little short black coffees, because they are awful haha!
TT - glad you're sounding OK. You're also right about the communication and festering crankiness. We are in a long distance relationship right now (after living together for 3 years) so I often don't talk about the things that are becoming an issue because I don't want to talk about those things over the phone, but then when we see each other I don't want to spoil our time together.
Courage - Thanks for your comments. I hope the San Francisco concerns aren't going around too much. I hate that onslaught of thoughts, it's so easy to become removed from yourself when you're stuck in your head. When I was talking to my shrink last time he told me, sort of as an aside while he was talking about something else, that my cravings are usually in the form of thoughts rather than physical reactions. I'd never looked at it that way before, that the act of thinking "should I have a drink?" etc is actually a craving. It's helped me to be removed from them a bit, and look at the thoughts more clinically if that makes sense? So they are cravings expressed as thoughts - not my real 'self' expressing a desire, just the cravings manifesting in a thought.
Hey RAL, it's really reassuring to see you posting for some reason. Hope you're well.
Napster - Congrats on the tender! I'm really in awe of how well you're doing right now after that shaky patch. Again I can identify with your thought pattern... I'm an expert level procrastinator, I really need to work on that! Good job again on the tender. I'd like to work in Business Development one day.
Dee - hugs and love as always
You guys are brilliant.Napster, especially, your post really resonated with me in many ways.
in my head my bad behaviour was offset by increased tolerance levels for Mrs Ns faults. I found myself so frustrated with her so much of the time but didn't want to open a relationship discussion can of worms as that would have lead to my having to confront my own problems
And this comment:
now it's out of your life he's not aware of the gulf that's left
Cat - keep it up with the smokes. I was never a coffee drinker, but whenever I do have one I completely understand how people become hooked on the stuff. To avoid that I only ever have those little short black coffees, because they are awful haha!
TT - glad you're sounding OK. You're also right about the communication and festering crankiness. We are in a long distance relationship right now (after living together for 3 years) so I often don't talk about the things that are becoming an issue because I don't want to talk about those things over the phone, but then when we see each other I don't want to spoil our time together.
Courage - Thanks for your comments. I hope the San Francisco concerns aren't going around too much. I hate that onslaught of thoughts, it's so easy to become removed from yourself when you're stuck in your head. When I was talking to my shrink last time he told me, sort of as an aside while he was talking about something else, that my cravings are usually in the form of thoughts rather than physical reactions. I'd never looked at it that way before, that the act of thinking "should I have a drink?" etc is actually a craving. It's helped me to be removed from them a bit, and look at the thoughts more clinically if that makes sense? So they are cravings expressed as thoughts - not my real 'self' expressing a desire, just the cravings manifesting in a thought.
Hey RAL, it's really reassuring to see you posting for some reason. Hope you're well.
Napster - Congrats on the tender! I'm really in awe of how well you're doing right now after that shaky patch. Again I can identify with your thought pattern... I'm an expert level procrastinator, I really need to work on that! Good job again on the tender. I'd like to work in Business Development one day.
Dee - hugs and love as always
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 41
Hi again,
Well... I'm sober, still attending to meetings and therapy which - as I think - is the most important thing.
I have a job and an apartment. I'm generally doing very well. I don't have anything like that to moan about. However I have to admit that I feel really down when I'm not making my mind busy. Mostly because of my relationship.
YET I put much effort to get better. I really want it. I just can't make it (for now). I guess that I just have to be more patient.
Thanks for reading. I'll still be hanging around here and there. Take care, all of you. Seeing you (still! ) here after months is consoling.
So... have a good day - unless you've made other plans.
Well... I'm sober, still attending to meetings and therapy which - as I think - is the most important thing.
I have a job and an apartment. I'm generally doing very well. I don't have anything like that to moan about. However I have to admit that I feel really down when I'm not making my mind busy. Mostly because of my relationship.
YET I put much effort to get better. I really want it. I just can't make it (for now). I guess that I just have to be more patient.
Thanks for reading. I'll still be hanging around here and there. Take care, all of you. Seeing you (still!
) here after months is consoling.So... have a good day - unless you've made other plans.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Olde England
Posts: 528
Right, smoked all my fags (cigarettes for you Stateside peeps, it's not a euphemism!) today, deliberately too many (a whole 5 in a day!! ;0) to remind me what a shite habit it is, time to ditch the tobacrutches and get my mountain bike out again!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 569
Afternoon all, had a great weekend, lots of exploring, caught some fish enjoyed life outside. did get some work at home done, lawn mowed etc.
Trying to catch up on what ya'll have been up to and it looks like lots!
2Inconsol- Good to see you!
Alice- Your posts always make me think and I can relate to so much, we do have a wonderful sounding board here with great insites from all over.
RAL- I am still incredibly jealous of your new home. I have a picture in my head thats probably not close to reality. Love small towns and always interesting getting to know the locals and them you!
Napster- Im still with you! Altho this weekend wasnt easy, usually have a beer after a fishing trip to celebrate, had Sweet Iced tea instead! this weekend hoping to get the bikes out for a ride to another new area, meet some new people. Hubby is in fishing mode so am not sure what we are doing. I may send him fishing and I head off on my own adventure, ya just never know
Courage, Dee, Gonzo hope your doing well and finding time for the fun stuff.
catch ya later
Trying to catch up on what ya'll have been up to and it looks like lots!
2Inconsol- Good to see you!
Alice- Your posts always make me think and I can relate to so much, we do have a wonderful sounding board here with great insites from all over.
RAL- I am still incredibly jealous of your new home. I have a picture in my head thats probably not close to reality. Love small towns and always interesting getting to know the locals and them you!
Napster- Im still with you! Altho this weekend wasnt easy, usually have a beer after a fishing trip to celebrate, had Sweet Iced tea instead! this weekend hoping to get the bikes out for a ride to another new area, meet some new people. Hubby is in fishing mode so am not sure what we are doing. I may send him fishing and I head off on my own adventure, ya just never know
Courage, Dee, Gonzo hope your doing well and finding time for the fun stuff.
catch ya later
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Central New Jersey, USA
Posts: 1,345
Looking forward to you posting more regularly again RAL - glad you got the chance to stop by today.
Rest of the gang, Courage, Napster, ALice, Tazzle, 2inconsolable, gonzo, cat, Dee and thoe we haven't seen in awhile be good, be sober.
Rest of the gang, Courage, Napster, ALice, Tazzle, 2inconsolable, gonzo, cat, Dee and thoe we haven't seen in awhile be good, be sober.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
Howdy! We had our system release. Um. It could have gone better.... 25 hours later I went to bed and dealt with the fallout today. So glad I'm sober because had I not been, I wouldn't have made it as long as I did with no sleep. Ate too much, but all legal food. At least that. Drank too much coffee too, I'm sure I was vibrating at one point. Lol and we get to do it all over again next weekend. Just left a Zumba class, I went with someone from work.
Alice, I got nothin for your relationship. Is he willing to get closer now? Is it something you want to salvage? Maybe to him, it has been this way always and then you went and got better on him?
Courage, hope you have a good trip!
Napster, I just love the slang. And congrats on 21 days (Should be 22 or 23 now right?)
Hi 2inconsol, glad you checked in.
Taz, sounds Like a good weekend!
TT, how are you doing?
Cat, good luck quitting cigs. That one is a toughy, but you will feel so much better.
Ready, how is the rural life treating you? I personally couldn't do it but it is my partners secret (not so much) dream. Her parents live in a rural area of Texas, though not as remote as what you describe.
Hi to anyone I missed, I missed a couple of days and I had to read through a few posts.
Lynn
Alice, I got nothin for your relationship. Is he willing to get closer now? Is it something you want to salvage? Maybe to him, it has been this way always and then you went and got better on him?
Courage, hope you have a good trip!
Napster, I just love the slang. And congrats on 21 days (Should be 22 or 23 now right?)
Hi 2inconsol, glad you checked in.
Taz, sounds Like a good weekend!
TT, how are you doing?
Cat, good luck quitting cigs. That one is a toughy, but you will feel so much better.
Ready, how is the rural life treating you? I personally couldn't do it but it is my partners secret (not so much) dream. Her parents live in a rural area of Texas, though not as remote as what you describe.
Hi to anyone I missed, I missed a couple of days and I had to read through a few posts.
Lynn
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
Originally Posted by tazzle
things that Normies wouldn't know" thread has been a big eye opener
where is this thread? I cant find it
Never mind,, found it
where is this thread? I cant find it
Never mind,, found it
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