Class Of November 2012 - Part 6
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
Hi FMFT
I'm coming up for 6 weeks. I have very fond memories of our little group. This time round I'm keeping busy, going to AA, doing volunteer work and working on my career/promotion, cooking, yoga and cinema. I should join another 'month' support thread, but it's not the same for me anymore, as they are all so busy (which is a great thing!) but I'm not allowing myself to get preoccupied with the internet.
I often think of you and everyone in out group.
Hugs
S x
I'm coming up for 6 weeks. I have very fond memories of our little group. This time round I'm keeping busy, going to AA, doing volunteer work and working on my career/promotion, cooking, yoga and cinema. I should join another 'month' support thread, but it's not the same for me anymore, as they are all so busy (which is a great thing!) but I'm not allowing myself to get preoccupied with the internet.
I often think of you and everyone in out group.
Hugs
S x
Recognizes the Beast
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: In the kitchen, cooking up a storm
Posts: 704
Always happy to hear from friends in this thread. FMFT congrats on 5 months, and Sazz great work on 6 weeks. I'm so impressed you guys have been able to get sober after a relapse, it took me years to get back on the horse after mine.
About 16.5 months here. Life is always interesting. I dunno, this is a tough one to talk about, but here is a good of place as any. I've started to feel distant from my wife and feel that I've outgrown here in many respects. Now that I'm sober I've realized that we have virtually nothing in common, have different values and aspirations in life. All of this has left me feeling me very confused. But sober.
About 16.5 months here. Life is always interesting. I dunno, this is a tough one to talk about, but here is a good of place as any. I've started to feel distant from my wife and feel that I've outgrown here in many respects. Now that I'm sober I've realized that we have virtually nothing in common, have different values and aspirations in life. All of this has left me feeling me very confused. But sober.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 1,372
Sazzle-well done on 6 weeks and for finding so many enjoyable activities. That's something I need to work on. I keep so busy with the kids, my work and my house but I'm feeling like I need a real hobby or activity for me. Just not sure what that is yet. It's been a long, cold winter and feeling a little stuck and bored at the moment. Hoping spring will bring me motivation to fix that!
Nomis - so glad to hear you are still going strong in your sobriety. 16 months is awesome. As for marriage, all I can say is it is very hard work. This year I will be married 20 years and we've had our share of ups and downs and periods of feeling disconnected. I think we change alot when we drink and we change alot when we get sober. Our spouses change too. It can be very confusing for them and for us. The issues you mention are tough ones and the answers don't come easily that's for sure. I've struggled with many of them myself. My best advice is to give it time, try to reconnect and give it all you've got.
Veryready - if you're checking in - I hope you are well. Been thinking of you.
Take care everyone!
Nomis - so glad to hear you are still going strong in your sobriety. 16 months is awesome. As for marriage, all I can say is it is very hard work. This year I will be married 20 years and we've had our share of ups and downs and periods of feeling disconnected. I think we change alot when we drink and we change alot when we get sober. Our spouses change too. It can be very confusing for them and for us. The issues you mention are tough ones and the answers don't come easily that's for sure. I've struggled with many of them myself. My best advice is to give it time, try to reconnect and give it all you've got.
Veryready - if you're checking in - I hope you are well. Been thinking of you.
Take care everyone!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
Hi Team!
I'm so sorry to hear you are having difficulties Nomis. I have a new friend who I introduced to AA and he has just gone past the 8 month mark. We caught up the other day (he was mentoring me and encouraging me to get a sponsor) and he said much the same as you just have about his relationship.
Today is Mother's Day in the UK and I'm cooking dinner for Mum, Dad and one of my sisters. Can't wait to see them and for them to see how well I look, how tidy my flat is and how cheerful I am. I know my family worry so much about me, as I do myself.
I've also just ordered a nutribullet from Amazon and it's time to start making smoothies and getting healthier again. They look amazing!
How are you all getting on?
S x
I'm so sorry to hear you are having difficulties Nomis. I have a new friend who I introduced to AA and he has just gone past the 8 month mark. We caught up the other day (he was mentoring me and encouraging me to get a sponsor) and he said much the same as you just have about his relationship.
Today is Mother's Day in the UK and I'm cooking dinner for Mum, Dad and one of my sisters. Can't wait to see them and for them to see how well I look, how tidy my flat is and how cheerful I am. I know my family worry so much about me, as I do myself.
I've also just ordered a nutribullet from Amazon and it's time to start making smoothies and getting healthier again. They look amazing!
How are you all getting on?
S x
Doing Business Since 11/3/2012
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,143
Hi Everyone. Just back from vacation. All is well here, but very jetlagged.
Good to see you all checking in. Nomis, sometimes I am not sure if I would still be married if it were not for the kids sake. Then other times I think its all good. You're right, it is very confusing. Hard to juggle our right to our own happiness and giving everyone else what they expect from us.
Good to see you all checking in. Nomis, sometimes I am not sure if I would still be married if it were not for the kids sake. Then other times I think its all good. You're right, it is very confusing. Hard to juggle our right to our own happiness and giving everyone else what they expect from us.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 102
Hey everyone ,
Thought about u all today. Things are going great here as well. 528 days sober! Honestly seems hard to believe. Really is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Today I was getting in some self pity because the girl is away and I was sorta sad about it, then the daily reflection showed me what good that does...lol. The program really is an amazing thing.
I hope everyone is getting to enjoy some nice weather, it's been one hell of a winter in my neck of the woods and it seems to finally have fully passed.
Till next time, Keep on keeping on everybody.
Thought about u all today. Things are going great here as well. 528 days sober! Honestly seems hard to believe. Really is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Today I was getting in some self pity because the girl is away and I was sorta sad about it, then the daily reflection showed me what good that does...lol. The program really is an amazing thing.
I hope everyone is getting to enjoy some nice weather, it's been one hell of a winter in my neck of the woods and it seems to finally have fully passed.
Till next time, Keep on keeping on everybody.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 1,372
Hey Nomis - things are good. Believe it or not but I'm sitting here on Easter morning awake before my kids...this is unheard of! Awake and feeling good even after being the bunny until the wee hours of the morning , guess this is what sobriety can do for you.
I'm coming up on 6 months next week. Still think about drinking, not in a way that I think I will actually drink, but the thoughts come and go. Sometimes in a nostalgic way, most times when I'm stressed and I just want to escape. My brain just goes there, but I'm recognizing it and snapping myself out of it because bottom line is I like my life and myself better when I'm not drinking. And I know nothing has changed, I don't even kid myself with thoughts of moderation, I know if I have one, it won't stop there and I just don't want to be stuck in that old life anymore. Life still has its issues, but I'm feeling like everytime I allow myself to feel something uncomfortable without numbing it, I find a little more peace inside myself.
And I'm still trying to find that hobby I've mentioned so many times. I'm keeping busy with my boys, always running with school, sports, their activites and working and keeping up with the house. But still feel bored sometimes. Right now the only hobby I've found is playing silly games on my Ipad. It's like my little escape and I like it, but its almost a little embarassing when my kids catch me playing HayDay when I'm supposed to be cooking dinner
Still hoping Spring will be bring me inspiration to maybe find a hobby thats a little more productive.
Well, enough about me. How about you?
And Happy Easter to all who celebrate it.
I'm coming up on 6 months next week. Still think about drinking, not in a way that I think I will actually drink, but the thoughts come and go. Sometimes in a nostalgic way, most times when I'm stressed and I just want to escape. My brain just goes there, but I'm recognizing it and snapping myself out of it because bottom line is I like my life and myself better when I'm not drinking. And I know nothing has changed, I don't even kid myself with thoughts of moderation, I know if I have one, it won't stop there and I just don't want to be stuck in that old life anymore. Life still has its issues, but I'm feeling like everytime I allow myself to feel something uncomfortable without numbing it, I find a little more peace inside myself.
And I'm still trying to find that hobby I've mentioned so many times. I'm keeping busy with my boys, always running with school, sports, their activites and working and keeping up with the house. But still feel bored sometimes. Right now the only hobby I've found is playing silly games on my Ipad. It's like my little escape and I like it, but its almost a little embarassing when my kids catch me playing HayDay when I'm supposed to be cooking dinner
Still hoping Spring will be bring me inspiration to maybe find a hobby thats a little more productive.Well, enough about me. How about you?
And Happy Easter to all who celebrate it.
Recognizes the Beast
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: In the kitchen, cooking up a storm
Posts: 704
Rock n roll, FTFM, six months is great. I think you hit the nail on the head with life is better without drinking. That has to be the bottom line.
So having said that, I remain very grateful for my sobriety. Despite all of the stress in my life I always try to keep that at the forefront of my mind.
I think I've decided I want a divorce. I know my wife is not happy, nor I am. However I haven't told her yet and will have to wait two months before I can. That's when the school year ends and she will travel back to her home country to visit her family. It will be a difficult few months until then.
I guess it comes down to me being selfish. My wife is an immigrant who will never work more than casual jobs, and she has already made clear that she will not do that. She's tried it a couple of times only to declare she would rather kill herself than do that again. So I will have to support her for the rest of my life. As well, she is 12 years older than me and past the age of child bearing. I'm not sure if I want kids, but I know its an impossibility if I stay in this marriage.
Of course, I knew these things when I married her 5 years ago, but now that I'm sober and healthy, I want something more. A more equal partnership, I guess.
It will be a messy divorce, that much I know. I'm expecting her to at least threaten suicide again and accuse me of wasting 5 years of her life. Which she wouldn't be wrong either. Sighhhhh, nobody said sobriety was easy.
So having said that, I remain very grateful for my sobriety. Despite all of the stress in my life I always try to keep that at the forefront of my mind.
I think I've decided I want a divorce. I know my wife is not happy, nor I am. However I haven't told her yet and will have to wait two months before I can. That's when the school year ends and she will travel back to her home country to visit her family. It will be a difficult few months until then.
I guess it comes down to me being selfish. My wife is an immigrant who will never work more than casual jobs, and she has already made clear that she will not do that. She's tried it a couple of times only to declare she would rather kill herself than do that again. So I will have to support her for the rest of my life. As well, she is 12 years older than me and past the age of child bearing. I'm not sure if I want kids, but I know its an impossibility if I stay in this marriage.
Of course, I knew these things when I married her 5 years ago, but now that I'm sober and healthy, I want something more. A more equal partnership, I guess.
It will be a messy divorce, that much I know. I'm expecting her to at least threaten suicide again and accuse me of wasting 5 years of her life. Which she wouldn't be wrong either. Sighhhhh, nobody said sobriety was easy.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 1,372
Nomis - Nope sobriety's not always easy and neither is life and the choices we have to make sometimes. But you deserve to be happy, that's not being selfish. I think one of the gifts of sobriety is that it opens our eyes to things we may have been hiding from and allows us to make the right choices for ourselves and our happiness. I'm sorry it will be messy, I guess divorces usually are, but you have to do what is right for you and your long term goals and well-being. I'll be thinking of you, let us know how things are going.
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