Class of March 2011 Part 18
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Well my folks weren't home to get the email, but my mom called me. I felt stupid acting like everything was fine and then letting her go home and open that email, so I told her. It was horrible and sad, she was in shock and her knees were weak, but by the end we agreed it could be worse, it happens a lot to people, and that it'll be ok. She even said 'boy, the guys'll be after you!' haha Thanks, Mom. She offered financial support if we need it, especially for medical things like braces for the boys. She can choose how she wants to break it to my dad. He's very sensitive and emotional since his stroke and adores these boys. This will break his heart. I'm sad for them, too.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
I'm relieved for you, Mirage. This is what family is for, and that includes us at SR. Support in times of need. Keep going strong, and take it a step at a time. You should be really happy about all the personal strides you've made over the last year. I know we may differ in our faith beliefs, but I would call this God's timing, even as much as it hurts. Peace.
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
Sounds like your mom is one awesome Lady mirage....apple doesnt fall far from the tree in this case. As others have said.....get your health in line before you start worrying about the other stuff.
As frances said the best pace is the one that makes you happy.
peace
Dave
As frances said the best pace is the one that makes you happy.
peace
Dave
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Very busy day today. I think I've got a whole lot more coming like this one, and its a good thing. LOTS of interesting opportunities opening up for my work.
I was invited to go see Springsteen at Wrigley Field in Chicago this weekend, and I have committed to go. The guy inviting me is a colleague for about 12 years, and we still work together on occasion. We'll eventually own an agency together as our respective businesses expand. That may come sooner than later, based on some occurrences last week and this week.
Anyway, I'm gonna go, as I haven't had a guy's trip for awhile. My buddy is not a big drinker, and knows I've quit, so I don't feel a big threat on that front. I'll keep my guard up just the same. Plus, I deserve it as I'm skipping a big event with my securities brokerage in Wash., DC all week next week, which included a photo op with George Bush. That trip was too long and too expensive.
I hope all have found peace for the day, and that tomorrow is blessed for each of us as well!
P.S. Dad and I exchanged mea culpa emails today.
I was invited to go see Springsteen at Wrigley Field in Chicago this weekend, and I have committed to go. The guy inviting me is a colleague for about 12 years, and we still work together on occasion. We'll eventually own an agency together as our respective businesses expand. That may come sooner than later, based on some occurrences last week and this week.
Anyway, I'm gonna go, as I haven't had a guy's trip for awhile. My buddy is not a big drinker, and knows I've quit, so I don't feel a big threat on that front. I'll keep my guard up just the same. Plus, I deserve it as I'm skipping a big event with my securities brokerage in Wash., DC all week next week, which included a photo op with George Bush. That trip was too long and too expensive.
I hope all have found peace for the day, and that tomorrow is blessed for each of us as well!
P.S. Dad and I exchanged mea culpa emails today.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Lofty, wishing you a blessing day full of productive action! Your post is full of live and purpose. I loved the P.S.
Up to run!
Realized I passed 18 months on the 1st.
Went to a lecture last night on climate change science with a leading scientist. I was incredibly impressed with his cool and composure. I took a lesson away about being calm and centered even when the stakes and emotions are running high.
Have a wonderful day everyone. Mirage, thinking of you especially in the center of a big Marcher Group Hug.
Up to run!
Realized I passed 18 months on the 1st.
Went to a lecture last night on climate change science with a leading scientist. I was incredibly impressed with his cool and composure. I took a lesson away about being calm and centered even when the stakes and emotions are running high.
Have a wonderful day everyone. Mirage, thinking of you especially in the center of a big Marcher Group Hug.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
CONGRATS to Frances for 18 MONTHS!!!! That is one awesome achievement! And that it passed without your notice is an even greater tribute to your new normal! Last night's event must have been a nice way to bring in the next six months, with goal-setting, and modeling of cool under pressure. My thoughts? Your speaker must have had clear values, and believed in the message he was delivering. That takes the nerves out of it. It's been said "when your values are clear, your decisions are easy".
Mirage! Be good to yourself today! One of the reasons I admire you is that your values have always shone thorugh, and they seem to be very clear to you. And, you are a very giving person, thinking altruistically for your son's good, before your very own. You're an awesome mom!Peace to all! Marchers march on!
P.S. My dream last night was that I was contacted by a friend on behalf of one of the "owners" of the Middle East, asking me to draw up plans to re-design the borders of the Middle East countries, as he wanted to expand his territory. I was like, "do you want to buy, or conquer?" Weird, huh?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Oh frances...way to go passing 18 months! That's terrific, super happy for you. 
Wow, sounds like a fun trip, Lofty! Glad to hear about the emails, too.
Update: D came over and we had a long talk last night. We're gonna slow down and breathe and not separate yet. He's going to sleep in the basement and he's going to see a therapist and we will see a marriage counselor together. I always said I would do everything possible to stay together for the kids before I divorced. I think I just forgot that when I was reeling from shock. So I think I owe it to them and us, to try to get back to when it was good. So much of our relationship is good, but we lost our way. We've grown more distant than I was admitting to myself. He said that when I was drinking every night, staying on the computer till 2 am, he'd convinced himself he'd lost me. He never said anything to me. We've grown apart, and to make it work, we'd have to find our way back to each other..to a time before emails and internet and smartphones, and taking trips alone and all that distracts us from each other.
I don't know if it'll work. Part of me thinks I'm just not what he wants anymore. But he says he wants to work on it, so I think I should try. We'll have to tell the kids something's up, but if it doesn't work out, they will have had a little heads up about it.
Wow, sounds like a fun trip, Lofty! Glad to hear about the emails, too.
Update: D came over and we had a long talk last night. We're gonna slow down and breathe and not separate yet. He's going to sleep in the basement and he's going to see a therapist and we will see a marriage counselor together. I always said I would do everything possible to stay together for the kids before I divorced. I think I just forgot that when I was reeling from shock. So I think I owe it to them and us, to try to get back to when it was good. So much of our relationship is good, but we lost our way. We've grown more distant than I was admitting to myself. He said that when I was drinking every night, staying on the computer till 2 am, he'd convinced himself he'd lost me. He never said anything to me. We've grown apart, and to make it work, we'd have to find our way back to each other..to a time before emails and internet and smartphones, and taking trips alone and all that distracts us from each other.
I don't know if it'll work. Part of me thinks I'm just not what he wants anymore. But he says he wants to work on it, so I think I should try. We'll have to tell the kids something's up, but if it doesn't work out, they will have had a little heads up about it.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Bravo, Mirage! Forgiveness of others and ourselves is what makes us human. I am really glad to learn that you are both giving it your all. My wife and I have been where the two of you are right now. It took a lot of counseling, and a long time to get over it, but we are now, at 18 yrs of marriage, very glad we made the effort. And, we are now the longest married of our generation in either of our families. Although we've thrown the D word around too much, we don't do that anymore, and we've both stopped trying to jockey for lead position, taking on a partnership instead.
I'm really happy for your decision...for your entire family.
I'm really happy for your decision...for your entire family.
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
mirage I am happy to hear that you are doing what feels right in your heart...in the end....whatever happens....you will know that you did everything that you could. You are an awesome lady!!!!!
Speaking of awesome ladies....frances....18 months......WOW You are incredible! I am so happy for you!!!!!!!
Marchers march
Peace
Dave
Speaking of awesome ladies....frances....18 months......WOW You are incredible! I am so happy for you!!!!!!!
Marchers march
Peace
Dave
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Mirage, thank you for sharing this update. I really appreciate it as I know we all do. You are a brave, smart, honest, caring, creative, funny woman. I'm in your corner, on your side, got your back.
I'm grateful to hear that you will be attending marriage counseling together and he'll be seeking therapy on his own too.
My only gentle thought to you is to take your time picking the right couples therapist who is a great fit for BOTH of you. The person you pick to help you needs to be great. I know you will, just a gentle reminder.
I can only imagine that this roller coaster over the past few days is exhausting. I'm thinking about you lady!
And WOOT WOOT thanks for the kudos and claps and happiness. Couldn't have done it without my SR Marchers crew. Thank you to each and every one of you.
I've gotten to this place where I feel completely in my bones that alcohol is just not right for me. I can accept it's an OK choice for other people, but not for me. I don't feel cheated. Quite the opposite, I'm grateful I stopped drinking when I did.
I keep thinking about the moderation-option crazywheel. If I could moderate, I wouldn't have to think about it. Since I think about it, I can't moderate. LOL, right? SO glad I didn't go down that path as a solution.
I'm grateful to hear that you will be attending marriage counseling together and he'll be seeking therapy on his own too.
My only gentle thought to you is to take your time picking the right couples therapist who is a great fit for BOTH of you. The person you pick to help you needs to be great. I know you will, just a gentle reminder.
I can only imagine that this roller coaster over the past few days is exhausting. I'm thinking about you lady!
And WOOT WOOT thanks for the kudos and claps and happiness. Couldn't have done it without my SR Marchers crew. Thank you to each and every one of you.
I've gotten to this place where I feel completely in my bones that alcohol is just not right for me. I can accept it's an OK choice for other people, but not for me. I don't feel cheated. Quite the opposite, I'm grateful I stopped drinking when I did.
I keep thinking about the moderation-option crazywheel. If I could moderate, I wouldn't have to think about it. Since I think about it, I can't moderate. LOL, right? SO glad I didn't go down that path as a solution.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
I'm with you, frances. Even with this recent blow, I didn't consider drinking. It would have only made things worse, and me sicker. I won't say it didn't pop into my head, but I never really considered it. I did really want a smoke, tho. That was closer. I'm so glad you're feeling so good about it. Thank you for the advice with the counselor. I will remember that.
Thank you all for being so nice about this. I hope I'm not being a fool. The idea of us getting past this, only to have it happen again, really scares me. I don't want to be stupid about this. I can only take it day to day. And god knows how I'm gonna get over the trust issue. He was pulling this off effortlessly because I trusted him so. Now every time he doesn't answer his phone I'll be worried. Yuck. I hate this. But we've been together 20 years and I feel like I have to try and not throw it away. Super scary.
Thank you all for being so nice about this. I hope I'm not being a fool. The idea of us getting past this, only to have it happen again, really scares me. I don't want to be stupid about this. I can only take it day to day. And god knows how I'm gonna get over the trust issue. He was pulling this off effortlessly because I trusted him so. Now every time he doesn't answer his phone I'll be worried. Yuck. I hate this. But we've been together 20 years and I feel like I have to try and not throw it away. Super scary.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Bridgeton
Posts: 718
Congratz to you Frances!! Way to go on the 1 & 1/2 mark! Mirage you are not being a fool if you follow your heart. And you are right to just take it a moment & situation at a time.
It is times like these we are tested...in our sobriety, in faith, in life....
And I know that feeling you get when we get sucked into a situation like this...you get that 'thought'...but with time, that thought passes and we are not tempted as we know where that will take us. Stay strong and be proud of staying strong.
It is times like these we are tested...in our sobriety, in faith, in life....
And I know that feeling you get when we get sucked into a situation like this...you get that 'thought'...but with time, that thought passes and we are not tempted as we know where that will take us. Stay strong and be proud of staying strong.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Good morning, Marchers.
I'm a little nervous about my Chicago trip. We're ticketed and booked, but I'm having drinking fears. I'm not craving a drink, but a blowout. Can I do that without a drink, and just with good music and a change of scenery? Maybe. One of those unhealthy little jingles keeps replaying in my mind. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. I'm feeling pretty dull here lately, and kinda down on myself as income is lagging a little. Plus, there's guilt for the trip (btw, my wife supports the getaway completely), as my wifes birthday is next weekend. I hope I'm not spending that money.
Anyway, I could use a little strength. We're scheduled to depart 10:30 tomorrow a.m.
I'm a little nervous about my Chicago trip. We're ticketed and booked, but I'm having drinking fears. I'm not craving a drink, but a blowout. Can I do that without a drink, and just with good music and a change of scenery? Maybe. One of those unhealthy little jingles keeps replaying in my mind. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. I'm feeling pretty dull here lately, and kinda down on myself as income is lagging a little. Plus, there's guilt for the trip (btw, my wife supports the getaway completely), as my wifes birthday is next weekend. I hope I'm not spending that money.
Anyway, I could use a little strength. We're scheduled to depart 10:30 tomorrow a.m.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,452
I'm glad you're doing something you feel comfortable with Mirage
It's entirely possible to have a live life to the full and have great time Lofty - we can even be around drinkers....we just can't drink - or we end up with a really bad time
Congratulations on 18 moths Frances - that's terrific
Hey Bryan Dave and Aussie - hope you guys and everyone else here has a great weekend
D
It's entirely possible to have a live life to the full and have great time Lofty - we can even be around drinkers....we just can't drink - or we end up with a really bad time
Congratulations on 18 moths Frances - that's terrific
Hey Bryan Dave and Aussie - hope you guys and everyone else here has a great weekend
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
You can SO do it without a drink, Lofty. You're gonna enjoy that concert so much more sober, believe me. Play it through, think about how crappy you're gonna feel physically and mentally if you party. Regarding the "all work and no play..", this IS play!! Play doesn't mean drinking, the play is the road trip and the concert and restaurants and the laughs! You'll be playin plenty hard, we don't need booze to whoop it up. Sending strength your way...I know you can do it and I know you'll feel great when you get home so you can celebrate your wife's birthday feeling positive and not down on yourself.
Morning frances and hi Dee
Morning frances and hi Dee
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 185
I read something recently, and it has been popping up repeatedly for me to ponder. It is so simple, and yet so profound:
"For ME. "I can't drink." wasn't the end. I got to "I don't drink"..."
The whole post is great, this is at the end, and I found it here: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post3562374
The bolded bit above, just a simple shift in thought, but a vital one, yet potentially a difficult one to make. While I have been stuck in, "I can't drink", I have caused myself a lot of grief and struggle, and often felt resentful and deprived. By changing my thought to, "I don't drink", I am empowered, it is an affirmative statement of a life choice I have made, one without explanation or excuse, just fact. I love it!
And, as the author wrote, I know, "..hanging out here was one thing that really helped me get there."
I KNOW I wouldn't have done it without your help, support and encouragement!
Rosie, and
I don't drink!
"For ME. "I can't drink." wasn't the end. I got to "I don't drink"..."
The whole post is great, this is at the end, and I found it here: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post3562374
The bolded bit above, just a simple shift in thought, but a vital one, yet potentially a difficult one to make. While I have been stuck in, "I can't drink", I have caused myself a lot of grief and struggle, and often felt resentful and deprived. By changing my thought to, "I don't drink", I am empowered, it is an affirmative statement of a life choice I have made, one without explanation or excuse, just fact. I love it!
And, as the author wrote, I know, "..hanging out here was one thing that really helped me get there."
I KNOW I wouldn't have done it without your help, support and encouragement!
Rosie, and
I don't drink!
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
Lofty...mirage pretty much nailed it. The fun aint in the drink. It is in journey and awareness.....taking in all of the adventure and cherishing it. Blow out.....dont do that...it makes a mess and smells pretty bad as well.
Peace Marchers
Dave
PS well put Rosie
Peace Marchers
Dave
PS well put Rosie
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