Class of March 2011 Part 18
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Thanks, Lofty. Whew, I'm glad you guys are agreeing.
You won't be like that, Lofty..cuz you can SEE it in him and will make sure it doesn't happen. You can always look on this positively in that this is one more way you DON'T want to act with your children. Another example of how not to be. You'll remember these times. It's like how my parents were always the "what we don't know, won't hurt us" kind of parents. So I snuck around doing what I wanted, and just never told them or came to them with anything that might be perceived as negative. So now that I'm a parent, I'm all about "you can tell me anything!" "always come to us if you have a problem", "we've heard it all, never be afraid to talk to us", etc. We learn from them positively and negatively. And so will my kids take the good they got from me, and learn from the bad. I mean, IF there were something "bad", which..I mean c'mon. I can't imagine what THAT might be.
I love that you can see what you don't want to become. That's so important. Some people don't, ya know.
You won't be like that, Lofty..cuz you can SEE it in him and will make sure it doesn't happen. You can always look on this positively in that this is one more way you DON'T want to act with your children. Another example of how not to be. You'll remember these times. It's like how my parents were always the "what we don't know, won't hurt us" kind of parents. So I snuck around doing what I wanted, and just never told them or came to them with anything that might be perceived as negative. So now that I'm a parent, I'm all about "you can tell me anything!" "always come to us if you have a problem", "we've heard it all, never be afraid to talk to us", etc. We learn from them positively and negatively. And so will my kids take the good they got from me, and learn from the bad. I mean, IF there were something "bad", which..I mean c'mon. I can't imagine what THAT might be.
I love that you can see what you don't want to become. That's so important. Some people don't, ya know.
orangutan
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,970
One again I am late into the conversation and you have all sorted everything out before I even post, not that I give good advice or anything, lol, just always come in at the back end.
Lofty glad you have your home back to yourselves again.
Mirage don't go.
Frances "My home is sacred,no one is allowed to bully tantrum me in my own home" I love these words and glad you stand by them!!!!
Anyone heard from Dave since the big storm?
Well my husband has been down with the flu for about 4 days now as is half the village and I am a bit sniffly this morning hope I can fight it off I am such a wimp when it comes to illness.
Lofty glad you have your home back to yourselves again.
Mirage don't go.
Frances "My home is sacred,no one is allowed to bully tantrum me in my own home" I love these words and glad you stand by them!!!!
Anyone heard from Dave since the big storm?
Well my husband has been down with the flu for about 4 days now as is half the village and I am a bit sniffly this morning hope I can fight it off I am such a wimp when it comes to illness.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I think you absolutely made the right choice mirage - it all sounds very dubious to me - the kind of plan that made PERFECT SENSE 
when I was drinking 
Lofty - as I grow older I realise I'm a lot like my dad and getting moreso - but not all parts of my dad are bad so that's ok
I'm very different in other ways tho - I think I'm a lot more self aware, and a lot less intractable for starters...I've also lived a life he wouldn't know thing one about
Just keep on being you Lofty - you're doing a great job
D
when I was drinking Lofty - as I grow older I realise I'm a lot like my dad and getting moreso - but not all parts of my dad are bad so that's ok
I'm very different in other ways tho - I think I'm a lot more self aware, and a lot less intractable for starters...I've also lived a life he wouldn't know thing one about
Just keep on being you Lofty - you're doing a great job
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Haha, thanks Dee..that's what I was thinkin. "That's an AWESOME idea!! ~hic~"
No, haven't heard from Dave. He didn't take a direct hit, tho he probably got a ton of rain. Check in, Dave! We're missing you!
Lol aussie..give it to me straight! Tell me how you really feel! Hope you don't get sick and that the hubby feels better soon.
I'm sorry you live on another planet, too. I wish we were all on the same time zone, in the same season, but SOME of us decided to live on Planet Australia. You're never late to the party, tho. I appreciate input from all of you. I just have to wait till you guys wake up and have your coffee.
MUAH to the aussies from the yanks!
No, haven't heard from Dave. He didn't take a direct hit, tho he probably got a ton of rain. Check in, Dave! We're missing you!
Lol aussie..give it to me straight! Tell me how you really feel!
Hope you don't get sick and that the hubby feels better soon. I'm sorry you live on another planet, too. I wish we were all on the same time zone, in the same season, but SOME of us decided to live on Planet Australia. You're never late to the party, tho. I appreciate input from all of you. I just have to wait till you guys wake up and have your coffee.
MUAH to the aussies from the yanks!
orangutan
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,970
Originally Posted by mirage 
I'm sorry you live on another planet, too.
Attachment 17280
Last edited by aussieblue; 12-28-2014 at 12:29 PM.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Hope you don't get the bug, Aussie. That would stink.
I m feeling better after completing a household project that's been out there for a while. I've had a garage door opener for the third bay door for months. I decided to get rr done after sitting on the couch for a few after dinner. Don't know what came over me, but I just finished. Haven't done a project like that in quite some time.
Thanksn again, all, for the support. I didn't realize it was gonna be a weekend like that. Of course I keep replaying it in my head. That will eventually go away.
Enjoy your week!
I m feeling better after completing a household project that's been out there for a while. I've had a garage door opener for the third bay door for months. I decided to get rr done after sitting on the couch for a few after dinner. Don't know what came over me, but I just finished. Haven't done a project like that in quite some time.
Thanksn again, all, for the support. I didn't realize it was gonna be a weekend like that. Of course I keep replaying it in my head. That will eventually go away.
Enjoy your week!
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Good morning, all. Awoke entirely befuddled by this weekends drama. I just don't get it. I'm like, f him, I don't need/want his approval. He's insane, and incredibly immature. So, how can I just avoid following in his footsteps? Why have I wasted so much time craving his approval? So many questions. My honesty with myself about him hasn't been like this since I was sober in 1983, and before I started drinking. I was at great odds with my father during both periods. Is this how it is when I'm sober? I won't let it make me drink. But I do now recall having thoughts of wtf and that relationship being part of that back in 1984 when I started.
I should probably see a shrink about this to help sort out all these feelings that avalanched upon me this weekend. I sure wasn't expecting this. But, hey, the nervous energy got the garage door opener up, and cleaned out/defrosted both freezers, so I guess some good has come of it, right?
I should probably see a shrink about this to help sort out all these feelings that avalanched upon me this weekend. I sure wasn't expecting this. But, hey, the nervous energy got the garage door opener up, and cleaned out/defrosted both freezers, so I guess some good has come of it, right?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Originally Posted by LoftyIdeals
My honesty with myself about him hasn't been like this since I was sober in 1983, and before I started drinking. I was at great odds with my father during both periods. Is this how it is when I'm sober? I won't let it make me drink. But I do now recall having thoughts of wtf and that relationship being part of that back in 1984 when I started.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Yes, Mirage, there is a direct link. My dad was a control nut growing up, so I vowed to be an out of control nut, which included reckless drinking and drugging. Of course, that backfired, so I retreated all the way, there is probably a middle ground for me to find. He is still a control nut, and all the wives of my generation can't believe my saint of a mom puts up with it/him for all these years. She has many codependent characteristics, but claims she loves him. She also lashes out in a passive-aggressive fashion, which includes contributing to conversations about him.
My wife also pointed out this morning his fierce competitiveness with his family members. He can't be outdone. I missed it, but he made a comment that "he couldn't believe his kids have newer cars than he has" that my wife picked up on. He'll do what he can to tear me down to his level; he's that competitive. I have to just dismiss him, if I'm to move past this. It's been an anchor far too long in my life.
Dee, I am really hoping this doesn't absorb my week. But if it does, it will be to a useful end. I have to move past this need of mine and stand on my own two feet. My dad has created a codependent playground for all his kids, as well as my mom, and I see two of my siblings playing there frequently. My other brother, who is also quite a distance from them, does not, and he has made a great success of his life. I think I've already realized this is a bigger part of me than I had previously acknowledged.
On to the weeks business!
Sorry to make this weekend all about me. Glad others are doing well. Continued prayers for Frances' husband, and for Dave. Check in Dave!
My wife also pointed out this morning his fierce competitiveness with his family members. He can't be outdone. I missed it, but he made a comment that "he couldn't believe his kids have newer cars than he has" that my wife picked up on. He'll do what he can to tear me down to his level; he's that competitive. I have to just dismiss him, if I'm to move past this. It's been an anchor far too long in my life.
Dee, I am really hoping this doesn't absorb my week. But if it does, it will be to a useful end. I have to move past this need of mine and stand on my own two feet. My dad has created a codependent playground for all his kids, as well as my mom, and I see two of my siblings playing there frequently. My other brother, who is also quite a distance from them, does not, and he has made a great success of his life. I think I've already realized this is a bigger part of me than I had previously acknowledged.
On to the weeks business!
Sorry to make this weekend all about me. Glad others are doing well. Continued prayers for Frances' husband, and for Dave. Check in Dave!
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
Good day my friends....I am embarrassed....I folded under this last week. I was over whelmed and just kinda lost it.....I am sorry.
I had my Nuc Card stress test done after the chest pains and It seems that all is well.....I really thought that I was dying....... So what did I do....drink....that was just about idiotic and I have no excuse. I am sorry that I let myself down and all of you.
Day 2
How did I let that happen?
Depression sucks and I let it get the best of me.
I am moving forward and I will not let myself get there again.
I am alive and safe
Thanks for all of your love
Peace
Dave
I had my Nuc Card stress test done after the chest pains and It seems that all is well.....I really thought that I was dying....... So what did I do....drink....that was just about idiotic and I have no excuse. I am sorry that I let myself down and all of you.
Day 2
How did I let that happen?
Depression sucks and I let it get the best of me.
I am moving forward and I will not let myself get there again.
I am alive and safe
Thanks for all of your love
Peace
Dave
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Peace to you, Dave. You owe us no apologies. We really care for you and want the best for you, but it's ultimately you who decides what that is.
If what you want is sobriety, we are here for you! If what you want is peace, health, or anything else, guess who is here for you? Us! It's great when you are part of this awesome conversation with us.
Glad you escaped the storm, and had a good heart check up. I hope that means your pains are abated, or at least that you can rest at ease.
Take care of yourself, and check in often!
If what you want is sobriety, we are here for you! If what you want is peace, health, or anything else, guess who is here for you? Us! It's great when you are part of this awesome conversation with us.
Glad you escaped the storm, and had a good heart check up. I hope that means your pains are abated, or at least that you can rest at ease.
Take care of yourself, and check in often!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Aww, we love ya, Dave. Glad your test scores came out ok. I wonder what that is/was? I'm sure you and the docs will get to the bottom of it. Don't apologize hon, we just want you to be happy and I think in our cases, that means sober. You can do this, figure out how. Amp it up, add some stuff you weren't doing. Don't go back to how things were. You don't need the booze, but your family and friends DO need YOU. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Bridgeton
Posts: 718
Hello All! Very interesting discussion on family. It is a very trying variable at times. I feel blessed to have the understanding of my folks through the last year & a half. I know I couldn't have made it without their support in my recovery--or my children for that matter.
But at times that family factor is quite a challenge, especially with my children. I hope & pray that they don't have to go down the path I went, but I am going thru that with my son right now. He has a problem & I find it hard to get through to him about the severity of the problems he is & may face in the future is he doesn't change. It is so hard to let go when it comes to family as the unconditional love factor is in play.
I am feeling out of it at work today. The long weekend was trying at times. I went to a neighbors BBQ on Sunday & had to leave quickly because of the insane drinking that was taking place. It gave me a headache to watch the bottle being passed, the watermelon being spiked and then when guns came out, I knew it was time to leave. Talk about insanity! Guys drinking then target shooting....it was a recipe for disaster. Luckily no one was hurt, but it was a reminder of the way things used to be with me.
But at times that family factor is quite a challenge, especially with my children. I hope & pray that they don't have to go down the path I went, but I am going thru that with my son right now. He has a problem & I find it hard to get through to him about the severity of the problems he is & may face in the future is he doesn't change. It is so hard to let go when it comes to family as the unconditional love factor is in play.
I am feeling out of it at work today. The long weekend was trying at times. I went to a neighbors BBQ on Sunday & had to leave quickly because of the insane drinking that was taking place. It gave me a headache to watch the bottle being passed, the watermelon being spiked and then when guns came out, I knew it was time to leave. Talk about insanity! Guys drinking then target shooting....it was a recipe for disaster. Luckily no one was hurt, but it was a reminder of the way things used to be with me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Bridgeton
Posts: 718
Hitting the wrong buttons today...just saw your post Dave...my thoughts of hope are with you my friend. I know how you feel and depression is the enemy. It can take you places you know you don't want to go and I try to fend it off daily. Not having health insurance I am left with praying to have it lifted from me on a daily basis. I used to take Cymbalta and that helped for years. Now, I have to look at it as a foe in my recovery and ask daily for help in fighting it. I often have to reflect on where I am today and what I had to go up against to get here...and I know I didn't get here all by myself. So I ask for my 'allies' to make me strong once again and help me defeat the foe of depression. It ain't easy, that's for sure. I'm glad you came back here Dave--that in itself shows strength & character. You can move forward from here, no doubt.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Hi Dave, relieved the test results are good, relieved you are back with us, and sending good best healthy happy wishes. We are on this journey together. We have bumps, we have bruises. We're here for you.
When you are feeling up to it, what happened right before you drank? I'm asking only because I know I am susceptible just as everyone else.
I know that I've been spared from drinking but I have miles to go on my other habits. My face is healing from a few blemishes. Not horrible, but a symptom "on the face of it" ha ha about my anxiety and self-esteem barometer.
Nice going Bryan getting out of that nonsense.
All's well here. Good 4 miles run, plus a 1-mile walk.
When you are feeling up to it, what happened right before you drank? I'm asking only because I know I am susceptible just as everyone else.
I know that I've been spared from drinking but I have miles to go on my other habits. My face is healing from a few blemishes. Not horrible, but a symptom "on the face of it" ha ha about my anxiety and self-esteem barometer.
Nice going Bryan getting out of that nonsense.
All's well here. Good 4 miles run, plus a 1-mile walk.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Hey. I'm gonna really need you guys for awhile. I found out this morning that my marriage is over. I'm not sure how much detail I'll be able to share. I'm still in shock. Someone called me and told me about this life D's been leading behind my back. I'm really scared. It's like out of a freaking Lifetime movie. I can't really believe it's happening. Everything I know of my life is over. My poor kids. It's not even like we fought or the kids saw us not getting along. We got along great. God, I'm just sick. I feel horrible, heart racing, adrenaline, etc. I'm scared.
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