Class of March 2011 Part 17
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Class of March 2011 Part 17
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Originally Posted by PeanutButterCup 
Good morning!
we do have one choice: we can live with it under the bondage of bitterness, or in the freedom of forgiveness.
Day 5 was yesterday ... here's to a great day 6!
we do have one choice: we can live with it under the bondage of bitterness, or in the freedom of forgiveness.
Day 5 was yesterday ... here's to a great day 6!
THIS. Thank you PBC for shining the light on this door and this truth.
YAY YOU for planning your meeting early and getting in a great workout. Nice cross-training on the Dodgeball!
Thinking more about Lofty's friend. We don't even have a word for who you are if your child dies. Not a widow or widower, not an orphan. ************}}}}}
I had a slide on vacation with messing with some blemishes due to a sunscreen breakout. Need to chuck that sunscreen and find another that won't break me out. I am dedicated to applying the energy needed to care for my skin properly and lovingly. Caring for my skin lovingly isn't a full-on automatic behavior yet, I need to do it consciously still. Wanted to tell you all this so I am accountable to the group. Also, telling you all helps me stay in the light and not the denial of shame.
Had dinner last night with 5 women running friends. They missed me and I felt their love. So much fun!
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Frances...my 15 yr old son has been picking at his acne, creating large sores. The whole family is trying to help him. I know it's nervous habit for him, as he says he can't help himself. Fortunately, his twin has her makeup business which includes some awesome cream to heal those sores. I think he's on the right track now. Habits are just hard things to break.
In the spirit of confession, I have to admit that my current neck pain has been causing me to take my muscle relaxers more frequently than I'd like; 3 or 4 times/week. I'm only taking one a day, less than prescribed, but they are making me sluggish and groggy overall, which means I need to keep my guard up against making them habit. I told my dr about them last week, and he rx'd an MRI, but I just don't want to spend thousands out of pocket. I asked about an x-ray, and he agreed, but then didn't write me an rx, so I'll have to go get it from his ofc. I also ordered a book on neck pain from Harvard medical school, so I can see it they have exercises. I swam yesterday and it didn't hurt, but I'm not sure it helped either.
I spoke with my friend yesterday, and offered to bring a dinner to his home. He was in strong condition, and didn't make his sons condition sound as dire as my pastor had described it to me. My friend is my pastors brother, and a member of our Wed. morning breakfast group. I'm not sure if it's denial, or what. He did describe some of the decisions the doctors have asked them to make about his care, and some of them seem ridiculous to ask a family member to have to consider. For instance, when they op'd on the lungs, staples or sutures? The family opted for staples, but when they subsequently intubated, the staples blew out, which sutures wouldn't have done. Couldn't the doctor have rendered that decision on their own? I feel so bad for the whole family. I think it will take a miracle for recovery, but I am more hopeful than I was before.
Ok...now I'm just procrastinating preparing for my behavioral-based interview, which is in a half-hour. I hate those things. I've always performed poorly in them. I've also had to administer them, and know how they are scored. They seem inhuman to me.
PBC...your witness sounds like a very big man, to be able to grow past all that he has been part of. I've re-read what I wrote about your segment, and question whether I should have said it. I'm sorry if I offended. My hope was to support your decision to quit, but I can now see that it could have caused offense, as well.
Had a great AA mtg last night. I'm glad I've got my two groups. They feed me in different ways. Many of last nights group also go to several other meetings together, and have bonded that way, as well as socially. I've avoided extending myself that much, for unknown reasons; perhaps comfort zone.
Have a great day all. Off to the races.
In the spirit of confession, I have to admit that my current neck pain has been causing me to take my muscle relaxers more frequently than I'd like; 3 or 4 times/week. I'm only taking one a day, less than prescribed, but they are making me sluggish and groggy overall, which means I need to keep my guard up against making them habit. I told my dr about them last week, and he rx'd an MRI, but I just don't want to spend thousands out of pocket. I asked about an x-ray, and he agreed, but then didn't write me an rx, so I'll have to go get it from his ofc. I also ordered a book on neck pain from Harvard medical school, so I can see it they have exercises. I swam yesterday and it didn't hurt, but I'm not sure it helped either.
I spoke with my friend yesterday, and offered to bring a dinner to his home. He was in strong condition, and didn't make his sons condition sound as dire as my pastor had described it to me. My friend is my pastors brother, and a member of our Wed. morning breakfast group. I'm not sure if it's denial, or what. He did describe some of the decisions the doctors have asked them to make about his care, and some of them seem ridiculous to ask a family member to have to consider. For instance, when they op'd on the lungs, staples or sutures? The family opted for staples, but when they subsequently intubated, the staples blew out, which sutures wouldn't have done. Couldn't the doctor have rendered that decision on their own? I feel so bad for the whole family. I think it will take a miracle for recovery, but I am more hopeful than I was before.
Ok...now I'm just procrastinating preparing for my behavioral-based interview, which is in a half-hour. I hate those things. I've always performed poorly in them. I've also had to administer them, and know how they are scored. They seem inhuman to me.
PBC...your witness sounds like a very big man, to be able to grow past all that he has been part of. I've re-read what I wrote about your segment, and question whether I should have said it. I'm sorry if I offended. My hope was to support your decision to quit, but I can now see that it could have caused offense, as well.
Had a great AA mtg last night. I'm glad I've got my two groups. They feed me in different ways. Many of last nights group also go to several other meetings together, and have bonded that way, as well as socially. I've avoided extending myself that much, for unknown reasons; perhaps comfort zone.
Have a great day all. Off to the races.
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Lofty, sending positive vibes your way for a GREAT interview. ~~~~~
For your son, a suggestion I have is the website acne dot org. There is a sub-forum on Skin Picking under the Emotional Impacts of Acne forum. INCREDIBLY HELPFUL. I only lurk there. The forum is populated with mostly teenagers who relate and support each other. There is another site completely focused on picking called Stop Picking On Me. I like acne dot org better because it is solutions based, imo. The Stop Picking site can be a trigger, imo. The way out of the self-harm cycle imo is awareness, knowledge, tools, and support.
Hoping your neck feels better SOON.
TO WORK WITH ME!
For your son, a suggestion I have is the website acne dot org. There is a sub-forum on Skin Picking under the Emotional Impacts of Acne forum. INCREDIBLY HELPFUL. I only lurk there. The forum is populated with mostly teenagers who relate and support each other. There is another site completely focused on picking called Stop Picking On Me. I like acne dot org better because it is solutions based, imo. The Stop Picking site can be a trigger, imo. The way out of the self-harm cycle imo is awareness, knowledge, tools, and support.
Hoping your neck feels better SOON.
TO WORK WITH ME!
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Oh Lofty..SO sorry about your friend's son. I can't imagine, it's any parent's worst nightmare. I'd forgotten about your neck pain. Good for you for keeping an eye on those pills. Good luck with your interview!!
Runnin out to pick up the number one son from the camp drop-off. My folks are coming. ugh. I know it's mean, but I'd rather they didn't. Oh well, gotta run. Love and hugs to all.
Runnin out to pick up the number one son from the camp drop-off. My folks are coming. ugh. I know it's mean, but I'd rather they didn't. Oh well, gotta run. Love and hugs to all.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Bridgeton
Posts: 718
Happy Monday--(ugh!)...the talk of 'sons' is a timely one for me today as my son turns 25 today. I look back & wish we could turn back time as we had such a great time when he was just a child. I get all wooshy inside when I think about it..and you know "Cats in the Cradle" starts playing in my head etc..Funny thing this life is...the cycles, the changing of the guard...it's a bumpy ride at times and holding on to something is very important as I am finding out. Sure will hit a meeting tonight...couldn't make my regular weekend meeting this past weekend...
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
Good day all!
Busy weekend doing a lot of nothing.Feeling good and looking forward to my swim this afternoon. I got a tear in my bryan....that song gets me every time.
Prayers lofty!
Gotta run....busy busy.
Peace
DAve
Busy weekend doing a lot of nothing.Feeling good and looking forward to my swim this afternoon. I got a tear in my bryan....that song gets me every time.
Prayers lofty!
Gotta run....busy busy.
Peace
DAve
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
Bryan, your post made me think of this scripture. The funny thing is that I knew the first part of it VERY well, but had obviously chosen to ignore the part about drinking:
Ephesians 5:15 Be very careful, then, how you live —not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
I've talked on that first part many, many times. I think what makes the days evil is that they just keep coming, like the waves of the ocean, relentlessly, with no regard to pain or pleasure or regret or human will. We get one chance at each one. Just one. Thank God we've had our eyes opened and have been given another one today to do better than yesterday. I really like the phrase "making the most of every opportunity." What does that mean for THIS moment? Contemplating His love? Our lives? Picking up the phone to touch a friend? Stepping outdoors to experience creation? Closing our eyes and simply being grateful? Singing loudly and without inhibition? Could be anything. But it's surely not hiding in the cold, murky depths of drinking as the world goes by without us.
Just some thoughts.
Ephesians 5:15 Be very careful, then, how you live —not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
I've talked on that first part many, many times. I think what makes the days evil is that they just keep coming, like the waves of the ocean, relentlessly, with no regard to pain or pleasure or regret or human will. We get one chance at each one. Just one. Thank God we've had our eyes opened and have been given another one today to do better than yesterday. I really like the phrase "making the most of every opportunity." What does that mean for THIS moment? Contemplating His love? Our lives? Picking up the phone to touch a friend? Stepping outdoors to experience creation? Closing our eyes and simply being grateful? Singing loudly and without inhibition? Could be anything. But it's surely not hiding in the cold, murky depths of drinking as the world goes by without us.
Just some thoughts.
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Good morning! Hope everyone is doing well today.
Had a good early run before the heat smacks us down.
Yesterday I successfully set myself three top priorities and met them.
Doing that again today!
Novel follows:
My younger sister is coming to visit next week and offered by email to hang out with me one night. My codie stuff was triggered by, "Really? You come for a week and I get one fricking night?" Then I decided to let her and me off the hook of judgement and blame. I assume she's staying with my older sister, with whom I am No Contact. It's convenient for her to stay there because there's more room and it's only 15 minutes from my parents instead of 40 minutes. I've never discussed the No Contact situation with my younger sister, because the past year has been consumed by her divorce. In the past, I would put my younger sister in the middle and she HATED that.
I'm sure she is still expecting me to ambush her and make her uncomfortable.
So, I am not putting her in the middle. I decided to accept her offer and enjoy the time we have together. It is what it is. She is doing the best she can. So much of my pain has come from unmet expectations of my needs.
There's a part of me that wishes my younger sis would "choose me" because I'm sane and my older sister is a bully addict manipulator. That's me judging. My truth today is that I am choosing my No Contact path because it is supporting MY Recovery. Other people get to do what they want.
I keep weighing whether I'm strong enough to resume communication with my older sister, for the sole reason of supporting my elderly parents in the choices that are inevitably coming. But when I do, my chest gets tight. So no, I'm not strong enough yet in my own Sober Recovery. But I'm certainly stronger than I was a year ago!
One thing I feel badly about is that I lost my older sister's kids as a casualty of going No Contact. But the truth was, I didn't have a relationship with them anyway, no matter how hard I tried. I believe this is because my older sister taught them that I wasn't worthy of respect. So, really, what did I lose? Nothing but pain.
I think about my friend's kids, and how close and dear I am to them. How much they love and trust me. In the past, I would have held back from that because I "should be focusing on repairing the relationship with my 'real' relatives."
It's not my fault that my "real" relatives are not in Recovery. Maybe someday they will be, but it's not my job to change or rescue or try to reach them.
Thanks for listening. I feel better getting this out.
Had a good early run before the heat smacks us down.
Yesterday I successfully set myself three top priorities and met them.
Doing that again today!
Novel follows:
My younger sister is coming to visit next week and offered by email to hang out with me one night. My codie stuff was triggered by, "Really? You come for a week and I get one fricking night?" Then I decided to let her and me off the hook of judgement and blame. I assume she's staying with my older sister, with whom I am No Contact. It's convenient for her to stay there because there's more room and it's only 15 minutes from my parents instead of 40 minutes. I've never discussed the No Contact situation with my younger sister, because the past year has been consumed by her divorce. In the past, I would put my younger sister in the middle and she HATED that.
I'm sure she is still expecting me to ambush her and make her uncomfortable.
So, I am not putting her in the middle. I decided to accept her offer and enjoy the time we have together. It is what it is. She is doing the best she can. So much of my pain has come from unmet expectations of my needs.
There's a part of me that wishes my younger sis would "choose me" because I'm sane and my older sister is a bully addict manipulator. That's me judging. My truth today is that I am choosing my No Contact path because it is supporting MY Recovery. Other people get to do what they want.
I keep weighing whether I'm strong enough to resume communication with my older sister, for the sole reason of supporting my elderly parents in the choices that are inevitably coming. But when I do, my chest gets tight. So no, I'm not strong enough yet in my own Sober Recovery. But I'm certainly stronger than I was a year ago!
One thing I feel badly about is that I lost my older sister's kids as a casualty of going No Contact. But the truth was, I didn't have a relationship with them anyway, no matter how hard I tried. I believe this is because my older sister taught them that I wasn't worthy of respect. So, really, what did I lose? Nothing but pain.
I think about my friend's kids, and how close and dear I am to them. How much they love and trust me. In the past, I would have held back from that because I "should be focusing on repairing the relationship with my 'real' relatives."
It's not my fault that my "real" relatives are not in Recovery. Maybe someday they will be, but it's not my job to change or rescue or try to reach them.
Thanks for listening. I feel better getting this out.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Bridgeton
Posts: 718
PBC-solid scripture --it surely holds a lot of truth. The waves of the days often knock us over & often make it hard to live in the moment. I always was in awe of those who can live 'one day at a time' when our past often creeps in & the future sometime lurks over our heads. I pray that I can learn to live life on life's terms better with each day and truly work to stay in the moment.
I have an alcoholic friend who still drinks way too often and he is in the midst of so much chaos from the way he has chosen to live his life. I asked him last week how he manages to stay sane amidst all the craziness in his life...& even he replied to me " I live just one day at a time"...it struck me as odd that he had this concept down (or does he?) when I find this concept such a daily challenge. Thanks for your post.
I have an alcoholic friend who still drinks way too often and he is in the midst of so much chaos from the way he has chosen to live his life. I asked him last week how he manages to stay sane amidst all the craziness in his life...& even he replied to me " I live just one day at a time"...it struck me as odd that he had this concept down (or does he?) when I find this concept such a daily challenge. Thanks for your post.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Thoughts and prayers for healing for you and your sisters, Frances!
Busy day today. Lots of PMS in the household yesterday. Hoping it blows over, but she certainly cut me to the roots.
But...still not drinking, smoking, or drugging. March on!
Busy day today. Lots of PMS in the household yesterday. Hoping it blows over, but she certainly cut me to the roots.
But...still not drinking, smoking, or drugging. March on!
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Great stuff, frances. It's good when you can step back from situations like that and pick it apart and YOU apart, and see things for what they really are. I probably need some of that right now, I'm struggling. Had some jarring news yesterday that's rocked my world a bit and I'm not handling it very well. A friend told me to look harder at myself and why it's bothering me so much, as he doesn't think it's that major, but I cry every time I think about it, (like now). I need time to pass, and I might be overly emotional right now because of the timing, I'm not sure. I'm sure unhappy, tho.
On that note, today is my one year sober birthday. I've been pretty excited about it, so D and I are going out for a nice dinner tonight to celebrate. I wish I could snap outta this feeling to enjoy it more, I was way happier about it a few days ago. Ah well, such is life. Have a great day, all!
On that note, today is my one year sober birthday.
I've been pretty excited about it, so D and I are going out for a nice dinner tonight to celebrate. I wish I could snap outta this feeling to enjoy it more, I was way happier about it a few days ago. Ah well, such is life. Have a great day, all!
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
Dang mirage....I better get in the car if we are doing dinner. One year is outstanding. When I look at you I see success. I see determination. I see a fury little guy that scares me a bit. You are loved and respected by family and friends. You are doing your best to make your life what you want it to be....if others dont approve....you cant control that. We love you and I say fooey on those that dont like the new you. I think that you are beautiful.
Have a great one year today and enjoy every minute of it.
Peace
Dave
You are loved and respected by family and friends. You are doing your best to make your life what you want it to be....if others dont approve....you cant control that. We love you and I say fooey on those that dont like the new you. I think that you are beautiful.Have a great one year today and enjoy every minute of it.
Peace
Dave
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Thanks guys Lol that may be exactly who it is, bryan!
Dave, I think you may have misunderstood. I meant that I got some news that's bothering me a lot and my friend suggested I look inward to figure out why it's bugging me so much. I've not had any issues with friends. Thank you, tho! I'll take any pep talk I can get!
Now get your a** into that car and get up here! Clock's a tickin!
Lol that may be exactly who it is, bryan!Dave, I think you may have misunderstood. I meant that I got some news that's bothering me a lot and my friend suggested I look inward to figure out why it's bugging me so much. I've not had any issues with friends. Thank you, tho! I'll take any pep talk I can get!
Now get your a** into that car and get up here! Clock's a tickin!
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIRAGE!!!!! AND MANY MORE!!!!!
Congrats on your first of what I know will be many sober-versaries. Sorry you are feeling jumbled. Like you said, such good advice, sometimes we have to take things apart and then put them back together in a way that's better for us. Thanks for your support about my family stuff. It's good to be understood.
Have a great dinner! And P.S., you can feel free to extend your birthday to a whole week or however long you want so you can celebrate it the way YOU want to.
Congrats on your first of what I know will be many sober-versaries. Sorry you are feeling jumbled. Like you said, such good advice, sometimes we have to take things apart and then put them back together in a way that's better for us. Thanks for your support about my family stuff. It's good to be understood.
Have a great dinner! And P.S., you can feel free to extend your birthday to a whole week or however long you want so you can celebrate it the way YOU want to.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Mirage is a year sober!!!!!!!!!
:day2
7
Happy Sober Birthday, Mirage!!!!!! I am so proud of you, and so proud to call you my friend. It's amazing that we've all been on this journey as long as we have.
Sorry about bummer news on your birthday. I hope you can work through it and find peace in your heart soon. I've had a rough coupla days in my marriage that literally came out of nowhere, so I'm lamenting with ya, babes.
I hope your dinner is fantastic, and that you are shown a lot of love for the improvements you've made in your life.
Peace, love and understanding ("PLU") to all!
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Haha, thanks frances! I think that's a great idea. Plus, I need to keep this birthday on my mind as my annual Indiana trip is this weekend. That's the weekend where I really struggled last year. I feel much better a year later, obviously, but it's still a little stressful. I may end up giving this trip up, down the road.
Thanks, Lofty! I appreciate that. Sorry you're having a rough go, too. Big hugs to you today.
Thanks, Lofty! I appreciate that. Sorry you're having a rough go, too. Big hugs to you today.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
Bryan, "one day at a time" never did anything for me, either. I need to see more meaning in my choices ... something eternal ideally. If I narrowed my gaze to just today, I'd question if there was any point in avoiding any hedonistic pleasure. I don't want to just get by ... I want to have purpose and legacy!
Frances, I love how you're able to step outside of a situation, analyze it honestly and intelligently, and insert yourself back into it in a better position. That is truly a gift! I pray that you have a really meaningful, fun, and memorable time with your little sis. I pray that BOTH of you are blessed immensely and that she sees that she is safe with you now. Love you!
Lofty, sorry for your drama-filled days ... those are no fun. Here's to peace in your home, my friend.
Dave, how are you doing? I see you comment on us, but what about you?
Mirage,
CONGRATULATIONS ON YEAR 1!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so HAPPY for you! Sorry for whatever's got you feeling uneasy, though ... you've got my number if you'd like to talk to someone outside the situation. I'm here, and I'm sober.
And speaking of sober, today is my first week (again).
Lofty, I did another segment this morning ... in fact, it was the SAME segment as last time, just on a different network. I think it went well. (except that I forgot to mention the mother ship's website again ... but there was a cool backdrop with the name on it!) And, the station manager pulled me aside before the segment and asked me to come on again next Friday at an on-location shoot they're doing in another city. It should be fun! It sounds like I'll be pretty much on the beach, sharing about what to pack in the cooler on a beach day.
I have my conference call in just a bit. Have a great night, everyone!
Frances, I love how you're able to step outside of a situation, analyze it honestly and intelligently, and insert yourself back into it in a better position. That is truly a gift! I pray that you have a really meaningful, fun, and memorable time with your little sis. I pray that BOTH of you are blessed immensely and that she sees that she is safe with you now. Love you!
Lofty, sorry for your drama-filled days ... those are no fun. Here's to peace in your home, my friend.
Dave, how are you doing? I see you comment on us, but what about you?
Mirage,
CONGRATULATIONS ON YEAR 1!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so HAPPY for you! Sorry for whatever's got you feeling uneasy, though ... you've got my number if you'd like to talk to someone outside the situation. I'm here, and I'm sober.
And speaking of sober, today is my first week (again).
Lofty, I did another segment this morning ... in fact, it was the SAME segment as last time, just on a different network. I think it went well. (except that I forgot to mention the mother ship's website again ... but there was a cool backdrop with the name on it!) And, the station manager pulled me aside before the segment and asked me to come on again next Friday at an on-location shoot they're doing in another city. It should be fun! It sounds like I'll be pretty much on the beach, sharing about what to pack in the cooler on a beach day.
I have my conference call in just a bit. Have a great night, everyone!
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