philb

My gosh---I feel like I've been away for five minutes and I missed a million posts! I'm so glad everyone is here and posting and is so supportive of one another. I'm only here for a moment....last few days of work before Christmas are incredibly stressful as we are heading into year end. I do have to say though Gerbosko CONGRATULATIONS!!! To everyone else I'll say hello simultaneously if I may. I read all of your posts and took meaning from everyone. Thanks to all of you. Those going through good times, my wish is that you stay there and those of you who might be going through some of life's struggles hang in there. We're all with you. Thank goodness for this place and all of you people.

I've been feeling a bit of depression. I think like everyone relatively new to sobriety, the pink cloud is vanishing. Its sort of akin to losing that feeling of self I so strongly sensed I was gaining and I thought to myself...oh no...I can't lose myself AGAIN. Thank God I have some tools now because I have learned to look at this as an "inner prison".....the only way out of it is to talk, get to a meeting, talk to family, friends, communicate. I have to experience what I'm feeling and if I'm going to survive it and not turn to a chemical or alcohol, I have to transform that experience and feeling into language and verbalize it. I've been doing that. Its helping me out of the "inner prison" and I feel more like the key is in my hands and I don't feel at all like I need to turn to a bottle. The only thing I can say to anyone who might get into a similar scenario is don't bottle it up....talk. Its hard, especially when we don't really know how as we've been turning to alcohol instead of communicating. Yet we have to learn. I do anyway. I'm trying. So I'll just keep going to meetings, keep talking and I think this will pass. Learning to talk is hard. But essential. Have a good night everyone

LittleSparrow

Gerbosko, congratulations!!! I knew you could do it. You're well on your way now.

Phil, good post. I think talking things out as a way to get your mind in order really helps. It's like you can release all the junk and then get the rest organized. It stops the feeling that things are out of control. For me, sometimes saying things out loud, especially to someone else, puts things into a better perspective. The small things might sound really silly when you say them to another person, and you realize that you are overreacting. Or the opposite is true, where you didn't realize that something was having such a huge effect on you and needs to be addressed. Going to therapy to talk things out was a huge help for me. Sometimes the sessions seemed pointless, but other times I had such huge breakthroughs that I could never be the same again (in a good way). I hope you feel better and get some good chances to talk things out.

Hope everyone is having a good week.

philb

Thanks Littlesparrow. You are so right, talking does put it all in perspective. Its just so weird "learning" to talk. Yet youre so right we do learn, through doing that (talking) when we are justifiable in our feelings and when we may be tending to overreact. Feedback from others is so important (your feedback was important :-) ) thanks!

Youre right. Therapy has been a lifesaver to me. At first I had absoultely no clue what to say and we had "stare sessions" lol....now she cant shut me up and I think she is probably wondering what in the world she has gotten herself into :-)....I'm kidding shes great! Thanks and have a good night!

Miela

Philb, LittleSparrow, great posts I can really relate as I have yet to master the art of effective communication!
Yes, that's me. I seem to blow the smallest things out of proportion and get so very stressed and anxious over trivial stuff that others just seem to take in their stride. On the other hand, I seem to trivialise certain issues in my life (e.g. the domestic violence and abuse that I live with), or issues with my health that I would make a big deal about if it was anybody else but me.

I really don't understand my head sometimes

tanja

Miela, you are amazing. You really need to be proud of yourself for being sober in the cultural environment that you are in and in a abusive relationship. My first marriage was abusive (pulled a shotgon on me, knocked a door on my head, etc.) and I am so grateful that I am alive and out of that relationship. It is hard to get out of an abusive relationship. I too tend to get stressed out over stupid things. I have found an affirmation for today that addresses those issues. "We know by now that our reactions to the events in our lives can cause us more grief than the events themselves. We've learned that on "those days," the real problem isn't our boss or the weather, but the way we react to whatever is going on. We certainly don't want to stop reacting entirely, for our reactions are part of our humanness. In fact, our reactions-be they appropriate or inappropriate-give us continuing opportunities to learn more about ourselves, to steadily increase our self-awareness. Suppose, for example, we're confronted with an unexpected financial burden and react as if it's the end of the world. This response tells us that we probably need to work on our fear of financial insecurity. Or let's say that we invariably react dramatically to minor adversities. Exploring the underlying causes of such behaviour, we may find an immature need for attention, or a tendency toward self-pity. Our reactions can also show us the progress we're making. When we react with pleasure rather than envy to a friend's good fortune, it's evident that we are becoming less self-centered. And when we turn to God rather than react with panic when facing uncertainty, we are aware of our deepeninhg faith. Thought for today: I can learn a lot about myself from my reactions".

nvrbeentospain

Miela, your work outings sound a little like my work outings. Lots of drunkenness seems to be the norm, which is hard. I think I'm the only non-drinker amongst the people I work with.

Do 50% of Americans not drink? I would say that most of the people I know drink unless they have some religious objections to drinking (mormons, muslims, some fundamentalist christians).

Gerbrosko, congrats on your test!

Hey, everyone else, too! Hope we're gearing up for a good holiday. I'm working the holidays, but whatever, I guess that means I can't drink. But I started working out again, which is good, and I'm feeling much happier after my vacation. I needed that.

Gerbosko

I am too, but I kept sober. Although we all know that guys are far more nicer than women.

(shhhh! I just wanted to get the women on here to roll their eyes and yell at me - I'm feeling left out LOL)

Seriously though honeypie, I think there is a great "social approvement" of how and where wine can be used. I just discovered a wine shop in downtown where I live and it had a banner like there was a huge celebration and party with part of the confetti coming out of the bottle. I never realized how attached people are to connecting alcohol with parties til I got sober. It's the ONLY way to market alcohol in my opinion because it's the only way it'd sell. People want to have a "good time" and when the brain is so attached to a poison, it tries so very hard to make connections that are not really there. A good time out with friends is having a good conversation, food, and laughter. Having a good time with friends is not talking drunk, stumbling, and acting like fool in front of others.

I never thought about stats on the percentage of people who don't drink. It's interesting when we have a culture that thinks drinking alcohol is perfectly normal and healthy.

The pink cloud is there, philb, but when you try and force it to be there, it won't show itself. I never really understood the pink cloud meaning, but it's from AA from what I've read. From what I think it is, it's feeling on top of the world because you are not burdened with alcoholism anymore.. a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

Facing a day sober is a "pink cloud", every minute that ticks away is another minute of life you're gaining back. Sadness still happens, stress still happens, s* happens.. It's part of life, but it's how you DEAL with it is what matters the most. Drinking yourself into oblivion isn't going to do nothing but destroy what you've became.

Everything can be changed and change takes time. However, I think some things (aka: domestic violence and abuse) needs to be addressed right away - but I'm not living in that situation so I'm not sure what the factors are. People that abuse others frustrate the hell out of me, I don't understand what that accomplishes or does - especially in a relationship where love and respect are suppose to come first.

tanja

It appears that 67% of americans drink and 29% do not drink. That doesn't quite equate. It's probably closer to 70% that drink and 30% do not. It would be interesting to find out what percentage of those that do not drink are recovering alcoholics. At any rate, drinking seems to be pretty prevalent and the holidays amplify that. New Years Eve seems to be just a reason to get sloshed. It's a shame that the genesis of New Year's are lost and drinking is the norm. The emphasis should be on all the joys, changes, blessings of the old year and all we have to look forward to in the New Year

philb

Thanks everyone for your posts and happy Wednesday...I hope everyone is going to get a nice long and deserved weekend this week. Those statistics are unusual. Maybe its just that I have been around other people that drink most of my lifetime. I've found that outside of AA nearly everyone drinks that I know...if not a glass of wine or cocktail afterwork...at least here and there. I think teetotalers are a fairly rare commmodity. However, that just might be in the highly alcoholized world that I grew up around and not be in line with the reality norm.

Miela I'm so sorry your relationship can veer into abuse. I'm certainly no psychologist or capable of giving psychological advice. I know in my own relationship, its not abusive....however we have a pattern that when a dispute arises we go around and around and around in circles....nothing gets accomplished except getting angrier. We're learning when that pattern emerges to "step away" for awhile. Separate, go for a walk individually, visit a friend, go to an AA meeting.....think...then revisit the issue with a clear head. Do you have an outlet when things are veering out of control. Can you get away? Go someplace else....at least temporarily? Stay well!

Gerboskso, those were excellent comments you made....if there was a psychology portion of your exam I bet you scored 100%! Take care everyone.

Tanja thanks too for your wondeful thoughts as always

Gerbosko

Thanks philb but it's just basic knowledge in my opinion. When we're sober the mind finally has the opportunity to think without anything alternating or disrupting it, it's a beautiful thing and you can see things much more clearly.

Gerbosko

Well folks, it's been a fun ride - I think once Dee logs on and see's my avatar, I'm going to get banned

Damn, just got 450 posts too .

Geralt

Going for 2 weeks of Christmas holidays to my family in Poland. Taking the train to Berlin, then 2-3 hours with a friend by car further east. Will get on-line there, have a good day all!

Dee74

enjoy the time Geralt - Merry Christmas

D

Animal454

I am checking in...Nothing "good" to report though...

I will really be happy to bring in the new year. This time of year is tough to say the least. Not just because of the Holidays. There are many other things that go hand and hand with this time of year..

Gimme strength....Could really use some sober mojo right about now..

philb

Wesołych Świąt Geralt...u know what I'm attempting to say....Merry Chirstmas!

tanja

Merry Christmas Geralt! We will miss you Animal, so sorry to hear that you are down. If I can help in any way, please PM me. We are all here to support one another. In terms of sober mojo, for alcoholics drink = pain, or drink = death. Survival is at stake. We cannot drink and get away with it without consequences. It's a shame that the holidays are so commercialized and everyone is supposed to be merry. Dysfunctional families are more the norm. Stay close to SR, make it through the holidays one day at a time and imagine the pride you will have in yourself. The exact opposite of what drinking will get you!

Dee74

I don't think there's ever a good time to quit, animal.

This will be my 5th sober Christmas - it's possible to make recovery and Christmas go hand in hand too

What are you doing for support? Do you think you could use a little more?

D

Gerbosko

@Geralt - Take care and have a good time, hope to see you posting soon .

Animal454 - I really enjoy your posts and your avatar seems really familiar but I can never place the person in it! I keep thinking of that movie The Clockwork Orange for some odd reason. If I can go through two extremely stressful periods and stay sober, so can you! The sober mind defeats the drunken mind .

@Dee74 - 5th sober xmas? That's GREAT . I hope you enjoy it.

bozboz

Merry Christmas, Geralt! I hope you have a safe and wonderful time.

Animal....dodn't beat yourself up buddy. Miss your face around here. Check your messages and CHECK IN MORE OFTEN. (That was not my yelling voice, tee hee hee). Sending you sober mojo, my friend.

Phil, I totally agree with you...miss a day and a half, and you feel like you've missed a million posts. I hope your mood starts to pick up.

Gerb-Congrats, you worked hard and it paid off. Glad you are doing so well.

Honeypie, Tanja, Melia, and all my lady friends, as always, I am wishing you the best.

Dee, congrats on your 5th Christmas sober. THAT is quite an accomplishment, and I would give you a giant hug if I could.

I myself do not have much to say, lots of shopping, and wrapping going on over here, and I dyed my hair brown, but that's about it. I lead a boring life.

Talk to you all soon.

Dee74

thanks guys - I hope we'll all have a good sober Christmas

D