Dee74

s'ok mirage...I wasn't offended

I'm good thanks!
D

yoli

Hey Mirage and PBC, I think there's a thread on the newcomers section about some people experiencing health problems when they first start recovery. I read the book "Under the Influence" (in one sitting). Apparently we are malnourished in that the liver will prioritize alcohol to metabolize before other foods. Also the alcohol is blocking our uptake of essential B vitamins. Try eating really healthy, getting enough sleep and taking your vitamins.

Dee I hope all is well with you.

So far, I've been experiencing positive results. My jeans are getting saggy on me. Calling me "saggy butt" at work. My stomach continues to flatten. Also the pores on my nose are shrinking. They used to be big enough to land a small aircraft or UFO inside! I had to use spackle to fill them in each day. TMI?

Becoming that is a very cool tattoo. I once had eyeliner tattooed on my eyes. OMG - felt like an attack of a million bees! Of course I had to finish. Can't go home with 1/4 of my eye done!

Bella and TOI - I know what you mean. Felt incredibly weak last week. Wanted to take a break from sobriety for one day and then get back. I wonder if these slips actually happen over a day, then you're fine. Or if they throw you in the dark abyss.

Well, feeling stronger yesterday and today. Day by day, by day, by day....

yoli

G'day Marchers!!!

Due to the awesome goodies under the hood of our bus, we will awaken in lovely, exciting Australia tomorrow!

Crikey!!! Are we going to have a blast there!!!

Our first day will be a day of physical and mental challenges. Here are your options: Boxing against the Gold Gym Kangaroos, moving humungous crocs at the Australian zoo from one enclosure to another like Steve-O, brushing the teeth of a wombat or giving a good bath, massage and applying sun block to a great white shark. Hopefully, you will not pick up any souvenirs on your body as we are distributing IMAX tapes of your challenges. It'll be sooooo much fun, you'll never forget it!!!!

Later, we'll enjoy a fantastic BBQ with native Australian foods. It's supposed to be a surprise, but Hugh Jackman, Russel Crowe and Nicole Kidman are planning to show up an put on a play for our enjoyment. They also want to sing around our bonfire. So be sure to throw a shrimp on the barby!!!

YAY!!!!!

ProfessorFudger

That is actually me!!!

ProfessorFudger

If a problem shared is a problem halved, then surely pure maths would lead to me suggesting using these forums, should leave us with hardly any problems at all. They will be halved so many times, I reckon we might end up with 0.025 of a problem.

ProfessorFudger

DAY 37 - Well what an eventful Easter weekend, on Friday I went shopping with the wife, something I never did, and oh my god, it was the 21st shop before she found a pair of shoes (yes I was counting). We then got a bit of shopping and had a nice day watching TV. Saturday was my step-sisters 15th birthday bash, and we went to the wife's parents house where they have a bar, duke box etc, there was 30 15 year olds drinking (5pm - 10pm), as well as the adult arriving for the later party (7pm - 2am), and I was the only one not to have a drink, although I downed so many cups of tea.

However I didn't feel the need to, and the congrats I had from so many people was great. I felt proud as punch. Oh my though the smell was awful, I didn't realise until now. I could also tell who was well past it (my wife for one).

This was a massive test for me, which went by very well indeed. Sunday wasn't to bad and played football with my son, and watched a bit of snooker on TV.

Monday was glorious outside and again played football with my lad, and then sunbathed for a while, finally played pool in a league on the evening and had an early night.

All in all a great moral boosting weekend, and proving once again the strength that lies within, and with my brothers wedding this weekend, I think I can confidently say it will be a good day.

PeanutButterCup

"Try eating really healthy, getting enough sleep and taking your vitamins." -- got it covered! Truthfully, it would be difficult to find anyone who eats healthier than I do, although I do forget my vitamin quite often. I'll take it now so that today is covered. As for sleep, I've been sleeping so well it's crazy! I went to bed at 9:00 last night (my 11 year-old likes to read together in my bed at night before we sleep) and woke up at 6:30. I feel GREAT today!

Yoli, congrats on the "saggy butt" jeans! Time to go shopping for some new clothes? How fun! I'm a little worried about the bus activities today, though ... sounds scary!

PF, are things crazy there with the big wedding coming up? Congrats on getting through the birthday bash unscathed ... NICE!

I hope everyone's day is full of purpose, productivity, and love!

ProfessorFudger

I dont see much of my brother, so don't know if its hectic, i think his missus is sorting all out, as they do, he just turns up, and we get a day out woop woop!!!!

Cant wait to see all the wreck heads looking like plums on the dance floor!!!

bevin

Hi guys...had a weird weekend. Actually, it started out pretty great. I dragged my parents out for a hike up a mountain - we had planned to do it last time I was here, but we were drinking every night so we never got around to it. It was amazing.

I spent the next day setting up a new computer for them - it was hell trying to find the driver for their ancient printer, but it's all set up now.

Last night, they invited our next door neighbour over...she's known me since before I started having these panic attacks. So I drank to make sure I wouldn't have one - evidently I can talk the talk, but when it comes right down to it I don't have the courage to face people sober yet. I ended up having a very weird conversation with my parents before she got there...they were talking about how they may not have been perfect parents, but at least they were never violent. The truth is that they actually were pretty violent. I was a few beer in by that time, so I reminded them of the time I grabbed a knife to defend myself because my Mom was trying to break the door down to get at me. The paint actually started cracking on the door frame, so I was pretty sure she would succeed eventually. Anyway, I wouldn't have actually done anything with the knife, but that resulted in my Mom threatening to send me to foster care.

Neither of them remember any of it - I mean, NOTHING. My Dad was out of the house at the time, but he doesn't remember the foster care discussion at all. If the door frame wasn't still screwed up and if my sister hadn't been there to see it, I might think I was hallucinating. It's really disturbing.

So I ended up drinking around 5 beer, which got me pretty hosed since I haven't been drinking for so long. I've discovered that my drunk personality is not a personality I like anymore. Actually, I was kind of annoyed with myself all night long. Today, I feel awful - I feel angry and I really don't want to talk to anyone.

This is not going to continue though - I'm going to get right back on the bus. I'm glad you guys are around...

Becoming - Like your tattoo. How long did that take? Ouch!

kimbie318 - Good job on the family function. I've made up my mind to avoid them completely for the next few years if I can. I'm moving halfway across the country, so I have an excuse!

LauraS - Congrats on 1 month!

TOI - Re: your sister recognizing your problems only when she doesn't have any...whoa - I have someone in my life who does exactly that, only I hadn't realized it until you spelled it out like that.

yoli - and anyone else considering the therapeutic benefits of slipping...well, I'll just tell you that I'm not really enjoying them right now. A good lesson, but I wanted today to be over the instant it started.

ProfFudger - That's you? Boy, do you ever look British. Glad your weekend went well.

Dee - Yip yip yip - uh huh uh huh. Love the avatar.

PBC - Hope the Dr. ordeal is over soon - what a bummer. Regarding your QOTD, I think that my fellow Marchers are teaching me to open up a little bit. I'm so used to having only myself to rely on - being able to share this with someone makes things more manageable I think.

LoftyIdeals

Hi Bevin,
Glad you got to climb with your folks. And, sorry about your decision to drink. I am also still just hanging onto the bumper of the bus, hoping to jump back on at my next stop. Which, I hope is tomorrow.

Parents are amazing in their memories...both good and bad. My folks were here the week prior to Easter, and told my kids some stories that I was holding close, much to my dismay, and, of course, had their historical apologists view of our family, which sometimes fleetingly resembles reality as I recall it. And, my parents memories are also often filled with denial of realities of their follies. My parents weren't big drinkers coming up, since all four of my grandparents were alcoholics of varying degrees. But, I couldn't help but notice that they were putting away more wine than I knew them to before. In fact, upon this visit, I noticed a slight slur in my mom's voice at times, just as I had the last time we visited. Believe me, I'm not one to talk about slurred speech.
I guess my point is that I have learned that I must trust my own memory of my life's events, not those around me, including my parents.

OK. Let's get back on the bus. For me, it won't be before tomorrow...yes, I am already drinking today. I'm also dealing with the grim reality of a divorce. It's the only answer short of us both quitting the drink and getting into counseling. I don't want it, but I understand the need for it. If anyone is prone to prayer, please feel free. I REALLY want to be sober, living in a sober household, and dealing rationally with the reality of the lives my wife and I have made together. All in all, its not that bad, but we continue to be our own worst enemies, and it's kind of like the whirlpool in the bathtub that forms when the final waters drain. I'm searching for the plug!

frances2011

More later, but pausing for a moment to send super-kind-compassionate energy to Bevin & Lofty. ******}}}

BellaTeal

So I go to my IOP last night. Turns out 2 people slipped up. One guy came to the program the same day as me back in mid Feb and had accumulated 64 days sober. Then he decided to go on a week long drug binge. He came back last night saying everything was ok; he didn't feel bad about the relapse and nothing negative really came from it. That scared the crap outta me for 2 reasons: I immediately think, "hey, maybe if I drink nothing bad will happen and I'll just come back and start over too." It also scared me because this guy seemed like he was doing pretty good-he was showing up every night, going to meetings and even went to a lot of family groups. When I was having trouble stringing a few days together, he'd text me and ask how I'm doing. No one else from that place gives me the time of day, let alone checks in with me. I didn't see this coming.

The other guy that slipped also seemed to be pretty committed to sobriety. He seemed happy, too. Always has a smile on his face and chats with everyone.

So there I was sitting in my chair listening to this, terrified for myself. If those 2 guys seemed to be happy, content and "getting it" and then they failed....what chance in hell do I have????

I'm also worrying about how I'm going to pay for all this therapy. An amount for how much I owe from the insurance company has not come in yet. I'm afraid it's going to be thousands of dollars since I've been going 3x a week since Feb 14th. When that amount comes in I won't be able to pay and then I won't be able to continue with treatment there and then I'll freak out and drink and...and...etc.

Then that little evil, sneaky voice whispers to me, "look at all this. What's the point of staying sober right now when you know you'll be drinking again eventually?" Luckily my involvement with AA, the IOP and (of course) SR makes it a little more difficult to pick up a drink.
So, as for the QOTD: you guys are a big reason why it's day 46 for me today
Sometimes I think I should be in a better place than I am and I think there's something wrong with me. Then I share about it here, and I find that a lot of you guys think and feel EXACTLY the way I do. I'm not the only one going through this and it's comforting. I love how I can come here at any time of the day or night and share with people who are trying to get sober around the same time I am. I can be open here.
I can tell you guys anything without fear. I can't do that in meetings and I can't do that in my IOP.

RebelAngel

Bevin, Lofty - sending so much love & support your way tonight. I'm SO sad for all your troubles. Families
PBC & Mirage - Wishing you a quick return to health
Bella - stay strong, read again how much we all regretted a relapse.
Yoli - great post but bit envious, WHY am I still fat????

OH God, Do I EVER get that 'wish it would all just STOP for a bit (for bit,read bottle), give me OBLIVION' but to answer QOTD, 'what have the Mighty Marchers ever done for me?' (paraphrase Monthy Python, clever huh????)

Short answer - kept me sober on good days, picked me up & dusted me off on bad ones and probably above all else accepted me as I am. Love you guys!

And agree, Dee, you have to read all this, poor lamb. You are great, a huge support & we don't thank you enough -

Wishing all a blessed & sober tomorrow (today? Still struggling with the time lines...)

TotallyOverIt

Why, why, why? I seem to have tried everything: analysing why I drink, not thinking about why I drink, being active, being lazy, filling my time, chilling out, being with people, being alone, being creative, posting on here, not posting on here, going to AA, not going to AA. When my bro-in-law died I thought that would shock me into sobriety, ditto when I moved towns, had a full medical etc etc

But only one thing works…not drinking. Buggar!

I am not even going to call this Day 1 because counting days doesn’t help me either. Bah humbug!

Lofty, maybe we need a trailer on the back of the bus, that bumper is not very safe to hang onto.

RebelAngel

Ok, dunno if you read the thread/questionaire re counting sober days/anniversaries etc, but I found it really helpful & thought-provoking. Johnbarleycorn started the thread & its currently p8 of newcomers.

I have STOPPED counting days. I've gone from a 7 night/week drunk, a sneaky, lying, overweight, bloated, guilt-ridden, despairing woman on the brink of well, I dunno... to an honest, still overweight but by less, HEY, I have ankles, hopeful, thoughtful woman since I registered here on Feb 21st.

Ok, just checked the sobertime calculator, thats 64 days & 20 hours ago, of which I have been less than 100% sober for around 90 hours, tops. And I'm pretty darned pleased with that given that the previous 64 days & 20 hours I could probably almost reverse the figures!

We can only do what we can. Here there is NO judge & jury you are a bunch of the best, kindest, wittiest people I ever hoped to 'meet'. Count days if it helps. If its doing your head in & threatening your continued efforts, forget it.

Back on the bus guys, no hangers on, remember your seats are reserved!

This is just MY opinion & should be taken as seriously as anything else I say - I mean it, but it doesn't mean its right...

Dee74

I kept going back to drinking...

I needed it to sleep, to wake up...to be social, to not be bored on my own...to not to be too sad, or to pick myself up out of melancholy...to fit in, and sometimes to set myself apart and get a break.

I'm sure you all have your own reasons to add there.

I really believe the only way out of the cycle is to break it.

We absolutely need to learn to deal with all these things without alcohol...thats scary and sometimes maybe a little painful...but it's the only way we can learn the skills we need and break the cycle.

It's a big job and I faltered a time or two as well...if you need support, ask for it...if you need professional or specialised help, get it....

but in the end it's down to the fact there is never any change without change.
We need to make different choices if we want to change our lives.

None of us is alone though.

We can do this
D

becoming

"We can only do what we can. Here there is NO judge & jury you are a bunch of the best, kindest, wittiest people I ever hoped to 'meet'. Count days if it helps. If its doing your head in & threatening your continued efforts, forget it.

Back on the bus guys, no hangers on, remember your seats are reserved!"

Well said Rebel, you rule!!

becoming

Hey Bevin! Don't be too hard on yourself, we all slip, I'm just happy you are back on the bus = ) Thanks about the tattoo, it took 3 hours so far, I still have like 2 hours left to go lol.

PeanutButterCup

RebelAngel is freaking AWESOME. 'Nuff said.

Bella wrote, "So there I was sitting in my chair listening to this, terrified for myself. If those 2 guys seemed to be happy, content and "getting it" and then they failed....what chance in hell do I have????"

Could it be that our sobriety isn't based upon how happy and content and adjusted that anyone may seem? I was pretty happy and content for the past decade, and yet I was a drunk. So what DOES contribute to my chance for success?

First of all, I don't think "chance" plays any part in it. It's much more about "choice".

So why choose sobriety? After distancing myself for these past weeks (47 days! Yes, I'm counting!), I can see the lies for what they are. Alcohol does NOT make me relax. It does NOT help me sleep. I do NOT need it to enjoy myself. I do NOT need it to unwind. I WON'T die if I am angry, or upset, or uncomfortable ... and drinking WON'T help those situations in any way. In fact, it will make it worse. The truth is, lots and lots of people all over the world have lived great lives without it ... normal human lives. And I can and WILL, too.

Will I be tempted? Yes. No doubt. But people are tempted in all kinds of ways every second of every day ... just because I want it doesn't mean I have to give in to it. Not even when I'm sad or upset. I can be okay with feeling that way. It's normal. It's human.

I think the tools we have and how we choose to use them make a big difference. The night I was most tempted, I sent out an SOS on here, and you all responded. You gave me strength, you reminded me of why I was doing this, you were passionate in talking me down. I KNOW I do better in social settings, and I KNOW I need you all. I don't feel that weakens me in the least ... in fact, I feel empowered to know this about myself and be proactive about getting the help I need. I'm not going to sit around and hope someone comes to my rescue or that I get some supernatural surge of willpower. I'm going to scream for help! That's a tool that I choose to use. You all really mean SO much to me ... I can't say it enough.

Another tool we have is education. I've learned so much here! I see (and ACCEPT) now that I am not like other people ... I can't "just have a drink" for any amount of time. It WILL start a launch sequence. I've seen people post about falling off the wagon after years of sobriety, so I know this is something that can happen and I'm not going to delude myself into thinking I'm in any way "above" it happening to me. I've learned here to think the situation through to where it will honestly lead, which is me missing out on much of my life and my family's lives as I not-so-slowly poison my body, my skin shrivels up, my liver dies, my anxiety spikes, my girls grow up without me, my weight goes up, and probably eventually I miss enough work to lose my job, my respect for myself, and possibly ruin my marriage and other relationships. I do NOT want to go there.

Nope. It's not fair. I can never "just have a drink" like so many others around me can. It's also not fair that some people are have cancer, or some people are blind, or some children are abused, or some people are born into countries where they'll probably never eat regularly. This is my thing, and quite honestly, it could be worse.

So, I guess my answer is that we ALL have quite a GOOD chance in hell, and on earth, for this sobriety thing. We have all the tools and capabilities we need to succeed. And we have each other, which is pretty darn powerful.

aussieblue

PBC thanks for that post I really needed to hear that.