Class of March 2011 Pt 4
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 185
been feeling like crap for days
No temptation to drink, actually feel almost nauseous thinking about it. Also those reminders of past shameful situations rolling through my brain every now and then help a LOT! I am working on letting go of the shame, don't want to live there, but also never want to put myself in that position again - and that is exactly what I will do if I drink alcohol.
Cut my anxiety meds nearly in half. Actually literally cut the pills (allowed), and just take half pill as needed instead of whole. Been working out to about 2 pills a day instead of 3, so that is an improvement, as dosage is highest allowable. Must slowly wean anyway or risk seizures, etc. Have been having a lot of positional vertigo - dizzy upon standing or sudden movements, which I think is related to this med, so it needs to be weaned or at least lowered. This med is for general anxiety disorder, which has decreased a great deal since alcohol is gone, but doesn't seem to help the social anxiety at all, which is why I would have self-medicated with alcohol in the past - THAT helped! Until it didn't.
Pre-event social anxiety kicked in a few days ago. Always SO excited when a plan is made, then, few days before event, I start shutting down. I am not worried about drinking, or not being able to drink (except to ease the social part would be nice), and it is only family, DH's, and we love each other, plus they are conflict avoiders (denial rampant), which usually makes for peaceful, pleasant, sometimes somewhat awkward gatherings, as whole subjects are banned.
Have informed DH that I may not go to Easter dinner tomorrow, which I am disappointed about, but the anxiety is too much. At least this time he is not mad, at least not yet, probably because of concurrent fibro flare.
On top of that, starting about the same time, hormonal induced fibro flare, not sure how many more days of it, so pain is way up, fatigue way up, migraines, mental fog, etc. Just seems like too much to try and be sociable on top of that. Drive 1.5 hrs each direction will be miserable for my body, being trapped in car with my guys will be miserable for my brain.
His family does NOT get it, and one is a doctor, but they are used to me bowing out at last minute and will not be surprised, just disappointed (or maybe relieved?!). May call one for a pep talk to come, get reassured I can nap or duck away to guest room if needed, and try to go. Wish it was closer, could just take separate vehicle and leave if needed.
Sorry for vent.
Have read posts and prayed for those needing it.
For those who celebrate Easter, praying yours is blessed!
Rosie
Cut my anxiety meds nearly in half. Actually literally cut the pills (allowed), and just take half pill as needed instead of whole. Been working out to about 2 pills a day instead of 3, so that is an improvement, as dosage is highest allowable. Must slowly wean anyway or risk seizures, etc. Have been having a lot of positional vertigo - dizzy upon standing or sudden movements, which I think is related to this med, so it needs to be weaned or at least lowered. This med is for general anxiety disorder, which has decreased a great deal since alcohol is gone, but doesn't seem to help the social anxiety at all, which is why I would have self-medicated with alcohol in the past - THAT helped! Until it didn't.
Pre-event social anxiety kicked in a few days ago. Always SO excited when a plan is made, then, few days before event, I start shutting down. I am not worried about drinking, or not being able to drink (except to ease the social part would be nice), and it is only family, DH's, and we love each other, plus they are conflict avoiders (denial rampant), which usually makes for peaceful, pleasant, sometimes somewhat awkward gatherings, as whole subjects are banned.
Have informed DH that I may not go to Easter dinner tomorrow, which I am disappointed about, but the anxiety is too much. At least this time he is not mad, at least not yet, probably because of concurrent fibro flare.
On top of that, starting about the same time, hormonal induced fibro flare, not sure how many more days of it, so pain is way up, fatigue way up, migraines, mental fog, etc. Just seems like too much to try and be sociable on top of that. Drive 1.5 hrs each direction will be miserable for my body, being trapped in car with my guys will be miserable for my brain.
His family does NOT get it, and one is a doctor, but they are used to me bowing out at last minute and will not be surprised, just disappointed (or maybe relieved?!). May call one for a pep talk to come, get reassured I can nap or duck away to guest room if needed, and try to go. Wish it was closer, could just take separate vehicle and leave if needed.
Sorry for vent.
Have read posts and prayed for those needing it.
For those who celebrate Easter, praying yours is blessed!
Rosie
Last edited by RosieTheRiveter; 04-23-2011 at 09:49 AM. Reason: spelling
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 234
Hi everyone - You are all in my thoughts! Mirage - I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Aussie - I would drink when I had to fall asleep by myself too, can totally relate to that. TOI - Keep you head up, it is nearly impossible to get it right the first or first few times. Thanks for being here, we need you! Nancy - I am here for you. Hope you are feeling better soon.
So I started a new tattoo today. Still have about 2 more hours to finish up some colors and what not, but I am really happy thus far = ) Its a tribute to my dad and sister.
Have a great weekend everyone!
So I started a new tattoo today. Still have about 2 more hours to finish up some colors and what not, but I am really happy thus far = ) Its a tribute to my dad and sister.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 234
Thanks aussie my friend = ) cant wait to post pics when it is finished. I sat for like 3 and 1/2 hours today. needless to say by arm is a little sensitive/sore right now lol. oh well, the pain is totally worth it! talk to you soon. :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 234
Thanks Nancy! This was the first one I got without drinking multiple margaritas afterward lol. I never drank them much except when i was on vacation and after getting tattooed for some reason. Nancy please try not to be too hard on yourself. You are making tremendous strides toward being a better you. You have so much to be proud of and feel about! Please be patient with and kind to yourself, you deserve it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Sydney
Posts: 21
Becoming:- That tattoo is awesome! Love it.
Today I must say I'm pretty proud of myself. Went to a big family function for easter and whilst everyone was drinking, some were even pretty messed up I didn't drink or even feel tempted to drink! They looked and acted so stupid as well, lol. I feel kind of smug that I will wake up feeling great and they will wake up with a hangover. No one questioned why I wasn't drinking, I think they were too busy drinking themselves!
OMG tomorrow is day 35 (5 weeks!). I actually am believing I can do this, I can beat this and get my life back.
Today I must say I'm pretty proud of myself. Went to a big family function for easter and whilst everyone was drinking, some were even pretty messed up I didn't drink or even feel tempted to drink! They looked and acted so stupid as well, lol. I feel kind of smug that I will wake up feeling great and they will wake up with a hangover. No one questioned why I wasn't drinking, I think they were too busy drinking themselves!
OMG tomorrow is day 35 (5 weeks!). I actually am believing I can do this, I can beat this and get my life back.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 234
Thanks Kimbie! that is awesome that you survived Easter with drinking relatives!! I have been feeling really good in the instances where i have resisted drinking while others were as well. I totally know what you mean about feeling smug bc you will not be a sucker with a hangover tomorrow lol. So glad you are feeling strong in your sobriety = ) All my best to you!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere west of the Mississippi
Posts: 224
Nice tat, becoming! I have to say, you are all doing well with these holiday temptations. Way to go!
Yesterday my husband cooked up some nice steaks and artichokes for us and we sat down in our new dining room (we just did some remodeling) and both were lamenting the lack of a nice red wine to go with it. Oh well. We talked about that and how hard it is to accept that wine will never be on the menu again, at least not for me. It's very hard for me to remember that, even though I probably could manage a glass or two on most nights, it always escalates and I always end up in the same place.
I feel bad about my husband not being able to have what he wants, but right now I know I am too fragile to have it in the house. If there were a nice red at the table last night, I would have been so tempted.
However--- drum roll please--- Today is my 1 month anniversary! I shall soon have another 30 day chip to go with the one I collected long ago. This time I'm going to collect 'em all
Yesterday my husband cooked up some nice steaks and artichokes for us and we sat down in our new dining room (we just did some remodeling) and both were lamenting the lack of a nice red wine to go with it. Oh well. We talked about that and how hard it is to accept that wine will never be on the menu again, at least not for me. It's very hard for me to remember that, even though I probably could manage a glass or two on most nights, it always escalates and I always end up in the same place.
I feel bad about my husband not being able to have what he wants, but right now I know I am too fragile to have it in the house. If there were a nice red at the table last night, I would have been so tempted.
However--- drum roll please--- Today is my 1 month anniversary! I shall soon have another 30 day chip to go with the one I collected long ago. This time I'm going to collect 'em all
is really trying!
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: On the road to serenity via soberville
Posts: 236
To all the Mighty Marchers, sick, well, struggling, winging it, those with family or none, tattooed, pierced & undecorated, up to your eyes in home improvements or looking round singing 'where do I begin' under your breath, bursting with energy, wondering how you'll make it to tomorrow, Day 1, Day 30, Day 2000...
xx
xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: the stable bit of the shakey isles
Posts: 441
My sister keeps sending me texts asking how my "goal-setting" is going. This after me saying I was trying to sort my life out this weekend. I was referring to stopping my self-destructive behaviour, not becoming a mllionaire before I am 45.
She is the only person I talk to regularly about my drinking and just when I think she has got it, she comes back with "you don't need to stop forever".
Conv A goes:
S: I can't remember, are you drinking now or not?
TOI: I am still working on not drinking but I keep screwing up
S: So are we having wine?
Conv B goes:
TOI: I need to stop if I am ever going to get out of this stupid job/life. When I am sober I am not as depressed or anxious and I actually do stuff
S: That's great but you only need to stop for a while.
She has compared my drinking habits to her husbands many times as he was an A-personality, athletic, alcoholic drinker but she still doesn't get it. Note the was in the previous sentence? He had a heart attack at 49. (So I have to take a lot of my sisters comments as denial on her part and also I can't scream at her as I would like to)
She is the only person I talk to regularly about my drinking and just when I think she has got it, she comes back with "you don't need to stop forever".
Conv A goes:
S: I can't remember, are you drinking now or not?
TOI: I am still working on not drinking but I keep screwing up
S: So are we having wine?
Conv B goes:
TOI: I need to stop if I am ever going to get out of this stupid job/life. When I am sober I am not as depressed or anxious and I actually do stuff
S: That's great but you only need to stop for a while.
She has compared my drinking habits to her husbands many times as he was an A-personality, athletic, alcoholic drinker but she still doesn't get it. Note the was in the previous sentence? He had a heart attack at 49. (So I have to take a lot of my sisters comments as denial on her part and also I can't scream at her as I would like to)
is really trying!
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: On the road to serenity via soberville
Posts: 236
My sister keeps sending me texts asking how my "goal-setting" is going. This after me saying I was trying to sort my life out this weekend. I was referring to stopping my self-destructive behaviour, not becoming a mllionaire before I am 45.
Thanks TOI, best laugh I've had for a bit. Your biting wit is what keeps me coming back...
(amongst other things x)
Thanks TOI, best laugh I've had for a bit. Your biting wit is what keeps me coming back...
(amongst other things x)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Hey all..I'm back from the internetless abyss. (Thank god.) No, it was good..crap weather, tho..and a tad on the boring side. Perfect opportunity to drink with the others, but didn't. A bit rough, tho. Started to get down. (Not "dancing 'get down'", just down.) 
Tho they do sell some awesome fudge up there...got chocolate, cherry, and chocolate/cherry, you know..in case I didn't want chocolate or cherry.
Mirage:
Anyway...really good to get back here to you guys. I could have used it this weekend. I'm best in my comfort zone (home), it seems. Few things..
Becoming..love the artwork!! I think it looks awesome.
Laura...SO sorry about your dog. Hope things look up soon.
Nancy..thinking of you and hope you're feeling better. ((hugs))
Bevin..your comment to Nancy about not always having to put on a happy face made me tear up and I think I needed it. Thank you!
Rosie..I hope today went well, whatever you decided to do. Sorry you're not feeling good physically. I agree..I hope you did whatever you feel was best for you. It's a shame we have to worry about what others will think, isn't it?
Rebel..what a great shout out to all the Marchers. I think you covered everybody! haha.
Kimbie..glad you're doing so well! Way to go!
Dee..happy Easter to you, too! Hope all is well with you. We always have issues and you always support..I know little about how YOU are, so I hope you're in a good place, too.
Hope I didn't miss anybody, tho I'm sure I did. A lot to catch up on. Again..so glad to be home and able to reach you all. You all help me stay on track and it's so good to have a place to come to just talk about stuff.
Tho they do sell some awesome fudge up there...got chocolate, cherry, and chocolate/cherry, you know..in case I didn't want chocolate or cherry. Mirage:
Anyway...really good to get back here to you guys. I could have used it this weekend. I'm best in my comfort zone (home), it seems. Few things..
Becoming..love the artwork!! I think it looks awesome.
Laura...SO sorry about your dog. Hope things look up soon.
Nancy..thinking of you and hope you're feeling better. ((hugs))
Bevin..your comment to Nancy about not always having to put on a happy face made me tear up and I think I needed it. Thank you!
Rosie..I hope today went well, whatever you decided to do. Sorry you're not feeling good physically. I agree..I hope you did whatever you feel was best for you. It's a shame we have to worry about what others will think, isn't it?
Rebel..what a great shout out to all the Marchers. I think you covered everybody! haha.
Kimbie..glad you're doing so well! Way to go!
Dee..happy Easter to you, too! Hope all is well with you. We always have issues and you always support..I know little about how YOU are, so I hope you're in a good place, too.
Hope I didn't miss anybody, tho I'm sure I did. A lot to catch up on. Again..so glad to be home and able to reach you all. You all help me stay on track and it's so good to have a place to come to just talk about stuff.
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