Class of March 2011 Pt 4
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Class of March 2011 Pt 4
is really trying!
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: On the road to serenity via soberville
Posts: 236
So in less than 2 months lads & lasses we have made it to Part 4. Congrats to the verbosity of all the Mighty Marchers.
Have little to say, am feeling v like Bella, just blah & striving for a better feeling than 'sober'. Trying to accept that this is life - without artificial additives, stimulants or relaxants. Getting back into meditating daily as used to give me great peace in the days before was always too drunk/hungover/plain exhausted to get up early & make the effort.
Loving, peaceful, sober day to all x
Have little to say, am feeling v like Bella, just blah & striving for a better feeling than 'sober'. Trying to accept that this is life - without artificial additives, stimulants or relaxants. Getting back into meditating daily as used to give me great peace in the days before was always too drunk/hungover/plain exhausted to get up early & make the effort.
Loving, peaceful, sober day to all x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Good morning Marchers--Really appreciating this place and all of you! Day 52.
Husband is away and I had triggers to drink last night, but I said, "Hello Triggers. I see you." And then I drank fizzy seltzer instead.
I wish I could have a glass of white wine but I don't stop at one, don't want to stop at one. So instead I filled my tall glass with fizzy seltzer.
My friend who left her husband did not call me yesterday. She asked that I let her call me instead of me checking in on her. I have a pattern of trying to fix things, so I'm choosing to send positive energy to her and trust that she will call me when she can. This feels healthy even if it doesn't feel normal.
Blessing: I was sneaky about needing wine when staying at non-drinkers houses. That's not normal and it made me anxious. Now I won't have to worry about that anymore. That feels warm and fuzzy to me to have that worry gone.
How about a QOTD? Anyone got a good one?
Husband is away and I had triggers to drink last night, but I said, "Hello Triggers. I see you." And then I drank fizzy seltzer instead.
I wish I could have a glass of white wine but I don't stop at one, don't want to stop at one. So instead I filled my tall glass with fizzy seltzer.
My friend who left her husband did not call me yesterday. She asked that I let her call me instead of me checking in on her. I have a pattern of trying to fix things, so I'm choosing to send positive energy to her and trust that she will call me when she can. This feels healthy even if it doesn't feel normal.
Blessing: I was sneaky about needing wine when staying at non-drinkers houses. That's not normal and it made me anxious. Now I won't have to worry about that anymore.
That feels warm and fuzzy to me to have that worry gone. How about a QOTD? Anyone got a good one?
The Winner Takes It All!!!!!
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: United Kingdom (HULL)
Posts: 230
Well trying not to put it down in days now, and will just post monthly anniversaries. Got a party on Saturday to go to, am taking my Arsenal mug with me, as it is my drinking mug (tea). Also got my brothers wedding next week too, and it's easter bank holiday weekend, so will be a good few eventful weeks. I think people will be very surprised to see me so well, and NOT drinking, I cant wait to show a few people I can do it, and how easy it has been to do so.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
"but I said, "Hello Triggers. I see you." And then I drank fizzy seltzer instead." <--- this is VERY cool. It rocks, even!
Good morning, Marchers! We finally have some sunshine and a little bit warmer temps, which makes me happy.
How about this for a QOTD: Do you celebrate Easter/Passover? If so, what about the holiday is meaningful to you? What non-alcoholic ways have you celebrated? Anything you'd recommend?
Good morning, Marchers! We finally have some sunshine and a little bit warmer temps, which makes me happy.
How about this for a QOTD: Do you celebrate Easter/Passover? If so, what about the holiday is meaningful to you? What non-alcoholic ways have you celebrated? Anything you'd recommend?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
I was gonna suggest an Easter question, too! Usually we go to my mil's (mother in law) for dinner, but she didn't really want to do it this year, so we're going up north with my bro and sil. They have a house up there that they'll retire to in about 10 yrs or so..it's beautiful..right on the bay. We don't really celebrate Easter, tho we'll probably dye eggs and hide them for the kids. Oh, and holidays were never big drinking issues for me. Most of our family doesn't drink, and I preferred to keep that stuff to myself. This will be a bit diff as my husband and brother will be drinking beers probably both nights we're up north.
frances...lol..you're so NICE to your triggers! So polite! haha. Most people tell em to f off, but you address them with a lovely greeting and move along. Made me giggle. Great job!
PF..you sound really strong! Enjoy your weekends!
PBC...way to go on 6 weeks!!
Rebel..hang in there..you're doin great not drinking considering you're not feeling great about it at the moment. Very proud of you and I hope more happiness comes your way!!
Weird morning. Read on facebook that one of my fb friends died. I had never met her..I met her a couple years ago on line, chatting in a room about a tv show. A handful of us sorta became friendly and friended each other on fb. We would frequently comment to each other..she seemed like a really nice gal. Only 47 yrs. old. I'm just really shocked..I don't know what happened and it saddens me a lot even though I never knew her really well or met her. I'll miss her posts about what she's cooking for dinner and about knitting while her pets lay at her feet.
frances...lol..you're so NICE to your triggers! So polite! haha. Most people tell em to f off, but you address them with a lovely greeting and move along. Made me giggle.
Great job!PF..you sound really strong! Enjoy your weekends!
PBC...way to go on 6 weeks!!
Rebel..hang in there..you're doin great not drinking considering you're not feeling great about it at the moment. Very proud of you and I hope more happiness comes your way!!
Weird morning. Read on facebook that one of my fb friends died. I had never met her..I met her a couple years ago on line, chatting in a room about a tv show. A handful of us sorta became friendly and friended each other on fb. We would frequently comment to each other..she seemed like a really nice gal. Only 47 yrs. old. I'm just really shocked..I don't know what happened and it saddens me a lot even though I never knew her really well or met her. I'll miss her posts about what she's cooking for dinner and about knitting while her pets lay at her feet.
The Winner Takes It All!!!!!
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: United Kingdom (HULL)
Posts: 230
Originally Posted by mirage 
PF..you sound really strong! Enjoy your weekends!
We had a new guy in our session yesterday, he was a proud 50+ year old successful businessman who had relapsed. He said he just took all the families woes on his shoulders, and broke under pressure.
The story was familiar, so I used the analogy, that he was a carbage truck picking up peoples rubbish time and again, but who was picking up his rubbish. People need to release emotions or they will pop like a shaken up champagne bottle. Even the stongest of stong need an arm round them at times. Never underestimate the power of talking to someone, even if its to rant, moan, cry, shout. When your garbage is gone, your ready for a new day.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 72
Hey everybody!!!
It's a bright sunny day here in Colorado and I'm feeling... kind of blah, but overall life is good.
PBC- great job on 6 weeks!!
PF- I agree, good analogy. I think I have a lot of work to do with myself emotionally, and it's kind of interesting to realize how much I've been putting off by drinking. Garbage, for sure.
mirage- I have a number of friends I haven't met in real life, but that doesn't make them any less real. I'm sorry you lost your FB friend!
Rebel, keep on with the meditation, I am sure it helps but I do SO hear you on just having to deal with life as it comes. I wasn't even a daily drinker any more, but sometimes it feels like I must've just stored up all my stress and blown it out when I'd drink on the weekends, and now it has nowhere to go.
QOTD- We are going to have our third annual Easter egg hunt for our kids and my nephews. My husband's brothers will be coming down as well, but I think my mother-in-law is going to be out of state this year. We'll have enough food to feed an army, and if it's anything like last Thanksgiving we'll have enough alcohol to drown an army as well. I'm going to make sure to have plenty of tonic on hand, as well as a bottle of high-quality grape juice to put in my wine glass at dinner.
I'm actually somewhat nervous about seeing my brother. I haven't seen him or really talked to him since the night we went out together almost 7 weeks ago- which was the last time I drank. I keep thinking back, desperately trying to figure out what might have happened that night, and I just get nothing except more questions. I hope it's not awkward. I hope he doesn't get drunk and decide to tell some "hilarious" story about what I did that night. Of course I'm sure the anxiety is unfounded, but that doesn't make it go away.
Now that I'm getting further into sobriety, I'm starting to think about drinking differently. Instead of thinking "I wish I could have a glass of wine on Saturday" I find myself thinking "well, I've made it this far, is it really worth it to have to start over? for what?" I'm starting to be somwhat mortified at how much of my life and time I have wasted being wasted, and instead of just wanting to avoid blackouts I'm starting to want to just live my life- all of it, the good and the bad. What did drinking ever get me, except hangovers and stupid decisions and, eventually, blackouts, anxiety, shame... I'm kind of disgusted with myself for letting myself be that person.
Well. That's my ray of sunshine for the day (lol- sorry, didn't really mean to go off on a dark tangent). Have a great afternoon, all!!
~Pam
It's a bright sunny day here in Colorado and I'm feeling... kind of blah, but overall life is good.
PBC- great job on 6 weeks!!
PF- I agree, good analogy. I think I have a lot of work to do with myself emotionally, and it's kind of interesting to realize how much I've been putting off by drinking. Garbage, for sure.
mirage- I have a number of friends I haven't met in real life, but that doesn't make them any less real. I'm sorry you lost your FB friend!
Rebel, keep on with the meditation, I am sure it helps but I do SO hear you on just having to deal with life as it comes. I wasn't even a daily drinker any more, but sometimes it feels like I must've just stored up all my stress and blown it out when I'd drink on the weekends, and now it has nowhere to go.
QOTD- We are going to have our third annual Easter egg hunt for our kids and my nephews. My husband's brothers will be coming down as well, but I think my mother-in-law is going to be out of state this year. We'll have enough food to feed an army, and if it's anything like last Thanksgiving we'll have enough alcohol to drown an army as well. I'm going to make sure to have plenty of tonic on hand, as well as a bottle of high-quality grape juice to put in my wine glass at dinner.
I'm actually somewhat nervous about seeing my brother. I haven't seen him or really talked to him since the night we went out together almost 7 weeks ago- which was the last time I drank. I keep thinking back, desperately trying to figure out what might have happened that night, and I just get nothing except more questions. I hope it's not awkward. I hope he doesn't get drunk and decide to tell some "hilarious" story about what I did that night. Of course I'm sure the anxiety is unfounded, but that doesn't make it go away.
Now that I'm getting further into sobriety, I'm starting to think about drinking differently. Instead of thinking "I wish I could have a glass of wine on Saturday" I find myself thinking "well, I've made it this far, is it really worth it to have to start over? for what?" I'm starting to be somwhat mortified at how much of my life and time I have wasted being wasted, and instead of just wanting to avoid blackouts I'm starting to want to just live my life- all of it, the good and the bad. What did drinking ever get me, except hangovers and stupid decisions and, eventually, blackouts, anxiety, shame... I'm kind of disgusted with myself for letting myself be that person.
Well. That's my ray of sunshine for the day (lol- sorry, didn't really mean to go off on a dark tangent). Have a great afternoon, all!!
~Pam
I'm trying to try.
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: CT
Posts: 113
Thanks guys
Rosie you wrote,
"I am still very new, and do not know much about this process, but I hope you will explore the reason you are still holding on, what you are holding on to, either with us or your sponsor, maybe at your next meeting or with someone you trust.
Maybe if you tell us or that person you choose the details about the sneakiness you mention, the incomplete honesty, you can get at the root. Could it have to do with not wanting this to be real?"
I'm not drinking, but I'm still acting like I am. I get money from my father for gas and just pocket it instead. I found 2 bottles of wine and a bottle of cognac in the house and instead of dumping them out, I hid them from view and check on them to make sure they're still there. Things like that.
Not wanting it to be real...that's part of it, I'm sure. It's probably the reason I'm still stuck in a bit of denial: thinking I didn't drink enough to be an alcoholic, didn't drink long enough, am not old enough, it's just a phase, etc. Yes, yes, total bs, I know.
I'm pretty sure I know why I'm holding back, too. It's because I don't really, really 100 percent want to stop. Never drinking again? Scary. Every day I wake up and think, "this sobriety thing won't last much longer".
I hear people in meetings share about how they weren't sure about stopping when they first came in, but they kept at it anyway and stayed sober. So there is hope I guess.
It's crazy. I was so gung-ho about sobriety 35 days ago. What the f happened?
Rosie you wrote,
"I am still very new, and do not know much about this process, but I hope you will explore the reason you are still holding on, what you are holding on to, either with us or your sponsor, maybe at your next meeting or with someone you trust.
Maybe if you tell us or that person you choose the details about the sneakiness you mention, the incomplete honesty, you can get at the root. Could it have to do with not wanting this to be real?"
I'm not drinking, but I'm still acting like I am. I get money from my father for gas and just pocket it instead. I found 2 bottles of wine and a bottle of cognac in the house and instead of dumping them out, I hid them from view and check on them to make sure they're still there. Things like that.
Not wanting it to be real...that's part of it, I'm sure. It's probably the reason I'm still stuck in a bit of denial: thinking I didn't drink enough to be an alcoholic, didn't drink long enough, am not old enough, it's just a phase, etc. Yes, yes, total bs, I know.
I'm pretty sure I know why I'm holding back, too. It's because I don't really, really 100 percent want to stop. Never drinking again? Scary. Every day I wake up and think, "this sobriety thing won't last much longer".
I hear people in meetings share about how they weren't sure about stopping when they first came in, but they kept at it anyway and stayed sober. So there is hope I guess.
It's crazy. I was so gung-ho about sobriety 35 days ago. What the f happened?
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Change needs changes Bella.
I hedged my bets for a long time...nothing good ever came of that.
Decide what you want - and follow through - you know whats good behaviour and what needs to be changed
Face that fear - you're not alone on this journey - don't flip flop like I did for 20 years
I'm sorry for your loss mirage....and congrats on 6 weeks PBC!
For those celebrating Easter with get togethers, family dinners etc this may be helpful - it's written for Thanksgiving but it's really much the same deal
Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide
D
I hedged my bets for a long time...nothing good ever came of that.
Decide what you want - and follow through - you know whats good behaviour and what needs to be changed
Face that fear - you're not alone on this journey - don't flip flop like I did for 20 years
I'm sorry for your loss mirage....and congrats on 6 weeks PBC!
For those celebrating Easter with get togethers, family dinners etc this may be helpful - it's written for Thanksgiving but it's really much the same deal
Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide
D
orangutan
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,970
Frances day 52 
thats great. The thought of being on my own worries me too I get very nervous on my own for the night and used to drink myself to sleep if my husband went away.
Professor your doing great too your attitude is very positive I know your going to go the distance.
PBC "hello triggers" :rotfxko
QOTD- we dont celebrate Easter we are not into religion ,its just another day for us, we never had children either so we dont even bother with easter eggs or anything.
To all who do celebrate Have a very Happy and SOBER Easter!!!
Mirage I have a few people I talk to on line and think of as friends even though I have never met them and I would feel their deaths as I would a person I had met . Sorry for your loss.
Elfgirl the thought of having to start counting from day one again helps me keep going also. I think a lot about having a bottle of wine with my husband and then I think about having to come here and admitt to it because I would have too admitt it to you guys this is one place I can be honest about my drinking and not feel embarressed or ashamed .
Bella I think you and me are at the same place right now . Hang in there.
Dee thanks for the guide I think this could be usfull for other times as well.
Day 39
thats great. The thought of being on my own worries me too I get very nervous on my own for the night and used to drink myself to sleep if my husband went away.Professor your doing great too your attitude is very positive I know your going to go the distance.
PBC "hello triggers" :rotfxko
QOTD- we dont celebrate Easter we are not into religion ,its just another day for us, we never had children either so we dont even bother with easter eggs or anything.
To all who do celebrate Have a very Happy and SOBER Easter!!!
Mirage I have a few people I talk to on line and think of as friends even though I have never met them and I would feel their deaths as I would a person I had met . Sorry for your loss.
Elfgirl the thought of having to start counting from day one again helps me keep going also. I think a lot about having a bottle of wine with my husband and then I think about having to come here and admitt to it because I would have too admitt it to you guys this is one place I can be honest about my drinking and not feel embarressed or ashamed .
Bella I think you and me are at the same place right now . Hang in there.
Dee thanks for the guide I think this could be usfull for other times as well.
Day 39
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Sydney
Posts: 21
PeanutButterCup:- You were spot on with the PMS 
I can't believe I didn't think of that to begin with. DUH! lol Sometimes it sucks being a girl!
Thanks for the congrats! I actually can't believe I've made it this far. I'm off work now for a week so I know I will have to keep myself super busy as in the past my drinking usually got really bad during time of work. However it does mean I'll be able to post here more!
I can't believe I didn't think of that to begin with. DUH! lol Sometimes it sucks being a girl!Thanks for the congrats!
I actually can't believe I've made it this far. I'm off work now for a week so I know I will have to keep myself super busy as in the past my drinking usually got really bad during time of work. However it does mean I'll be able to post here more!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Sydney
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by PeanutButterCup
"but I said, "Hello Triggers. I see you." And then I drank fizzy seltzer instead." <--- this is VERY cool. It rocks, even!
Good morning, Marchers! We finally have some sunshine and a little bit warmer temps, which makes me happy.
How about this for a QOTD: Do you celebrate Easter/Passover? If so, what about the holiday is meaningful to you? What non-alcoholic ways have you celebrated? Anything you'd recommend?
Good morning, Marchers! We finally have some sunshine and a little bit warmer temps, which makes me happy.
How about this for a QOTD: Do you celebrate Easter/Passover? If so, what about the holiday is meaningful to you? What non-alcoholic ways have you celebrated? Anything you'd recommend?
It's funny you say it's getting warmer where you are as it's heading into winter here and I love it! I'm def a winter girl, I actually wish it snowed here, lol!
Contrats on 6 weeks!!!
That is awesome, hopefully I won't be too far behind you!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: The Great White North, eh? Beauty.
Posts: 159
Hi everyone - had an interesting day. I had a phone therapy session this afternoon...it was going to be my last one for a while since the moving expenses have drained my bank account. Partway through the session she offered to do sessions pro bono until the money situation stabilizes, which is an incredibly nice thing to do. It actually freaked me out though, and I came to the sudden realization that I don't believe I'm a likeable person, which is why I hate it when people do nice things for me. Actually, what I meant to say was that I don't believe I'm a likeable person when I'm sober. I really relied on that 'drunk mask' to make myself presentable to the world...or at least presentable in my eyes. It wasn't a nice thing to realize about myself, but I guess it's a big part of why it took so long to quit.
For everyone who has the blahs...I do understand the blahs and I don't think I'm quite out of them yet, but it is getting better. I think it's just because I know that if I stay sober there will be space in my life for interesting and fulfilling things - before there was only space for drinking. Right now there is just space. It's only been a month and a half, and I feel like I really am starting from the ground up in terms of defining who I am and what I really want from life. Also, it's one thing to talk about changing, but actually taking the steps to do it is huge. It's frightening, but even more frightening is the locked room that is alcoholism.
PBC - Congrats on 6 weeks! Regarding the questions of the day - I'm not really doing the Easter thing, but I am making a curry with eggs. Does that count?
frances - Thumbs up on the fizzy drinks - I've been drinking club soda and cranberry juice lately. Yum.
ProfFudger - Good luck with the family stuff. By the way, who is that in your avatar? I feel like I know the guy from somewhere.
mirage - I'm sorry about your friend. Being on SR has really made me realize that you don't have to meet someone face to face to care about them.
elfgirl - I'm with you on the mortification front. I'm trying not to dwell on the past and how much time I've wasted - the stupid things I've done - yadda yada. Sometimes I can't help myself though.
Actually, I'm going to set myself a goal for this weekend: no thinking about the past whether it's good, neutral or otherwise. I've been wading around in the muck of my own mind too much lately.
Off to have some more cranberry juice!
For everyone who has the blahs...I do understand the blahs and I don't think I'm quite out of them yet, but it is getting better. I think it's just because I know that if I stay sober there will be space in my life for interesting and fulfilling things - before there was only space for drinking. Right now there is just space. It's only been a month and a half, and I feel like I really am starting from the ground up in terms of defining who I am and what I really want from life. Also, it's one thing to talk about changing, but actually taking the steps to do it is huge. It's frightening, but even more frightening is the locked room that is alcoholism.
PBC - Congrats on 6 weeks! Regarding the questions of the day - I'm not really doing the Easter thing, but I am making a curry with eggs. Does that count?
frances - Thumbs up on the fizzy drinks - I've been drinking club soda and cranberry juice lately. Yum.
ProfFudger - Good luck with the family stuff. By the way, who is that in your avatar? I feel like I know the guy from somewhere.
mirage - I'm sorry about your friend. Being on SR has really made me realize that you don't have to meet someone face to face to care about them.
elfgirl - I'm with you on the mortification front. I'm trying not to dwell on the past and how much time I've wasted - the stupid things I've done - yadda yada. Sometimes I can't help myself though.
Actually, I'm going to set myself a goal for this weekend: no thinking about the past whether it's good, neutral or otherwise. I've been wading around in the muck of my own mind too much lately.
Off to have some more cranberry juice!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: the stable bit of the shakey isles
Posts: 441
Thanks for all the PMs. Figure I would answer in one go. I am on my second “Day 1” in April. I have been lurking while trying to get my head around why suddenly sobriety seemed impossible.
I have worked out what was missing…I have no idea how to sit still without a drink. I can meditate and that is OK for that time, but sitting and reading or drawing or on computer or watching a movie and I struggle. And these are my interests. (As I am typing this I am also refining recipe and making watercress yoghurt soup…I think I am a tad ADD!)
I did the “keep busy” thing for the first couple of weeks but then I got frustrated as I did not seem to be doing any more of my favourite things than when I was chugging a couple of bottles of wine a day. And I was over-exercising which is not helpful.
I have worked out what was missing…I have no idea how to sit still without a drink. I can meditate and that is OK for that time, but sitting and reading or drawing or on computer or watching a movie and I struggle. And these are my interests. (As I am typing this I am also refining recipe and making watercress yoghurt soup…I think I am a tad ADD!)
I did the “keep busy” thing for the first couple of weeks but then I got frustrated as I did not seem to be doing any more of my favourite things than when I was chugging a couple of bottles of wine a day. And I was over-exercising which is not helpful.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 2 (0 members and 2 guests)
