Class Of December 2010 part 4
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: The "beltway"
Posts: 785
Hi everyone, Bama and failedtaper welcome!
Another late ride home so I am pooped, there was a Happy Hour. No issues for me, some joking and rolled eyes but no pressure at all.
BF, Hooped I'll give you both some extra positive thoughts tonight. Wait, no everybody is gonna get some pos thoughts tonight.
The situation in Japan seems almost beyond belief, the earth is so powerful, we can never take it for granted.
In my little corner of the planet, I struggle with those same patterns you all are discussing, the same time of day, activity, weather, event...all tied to having a drink. But I know, I will not limit myself. I can't. I even felt that tonight, if I had a beer at this HH I would start plotting the way to have more, keep it under the radar but have more than all of the other people there.
Kinda like the hot wings, six of 'em, nobody was eating them so I cleared the plate.
Another late ride home so I am pooped, there was a Happy Hour. No issues for me, some joking and rolled eyes but no pressure at all.
BF, Hooped I'll give you both some extra positive thoughts tonight. Wait, no everybody is gonna get some pos thoughts tonight.
The situation in Japan seems almost beyond belief, the earth is so powerful, we can never take it for granted.
In my little corner of the planet, I struggle with those same patterns you all are discussing, the same time of day, activity, weather, event...all tied to having a drink. But I know, I will not limit myself. I can't. I even felt that tonight, if I had a beer at this HH I would start plotting the way to have more, keep it under the radar but have more than all of the other people there.
Kinda like the hot wings, six of 'em, nobody was eating them so I cleared the plate.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 581
Happy evening all; I am back home and am looking forward to a few days without the kiddo for some "me" time. Am sober and tired after a long day.
Japan's woes are heartbreaking. Libya continues civil war. Bad news, it seems everywhere. I like our little corner of the world here in Decemberland. Kinda like Whoville. (Remember the image of all the Who's with their hands clasped, singing their infamous song around the Christmas tree) that's us! We stay strong together.
Good for all of you for staying sober through travels, happy hours, relapses, triggers...just so amazing how great everyone is doing!
I need to find this kind of support and fellowship in my non-virtual life. Need to start AA group hunting for the "right" group. You guys rock!!
Japan's woes are heartbreaking. Libya continues civil war. Bad news, it seems everywhere. I like our little corner of the world here in Decemberland. Kinda like Whoville. (Remember the image of all the Who's with their hands clasped, singing their infamous song around the Christmas tree) that's us! We stay strong together.
Good for all of you for staying sober through travels, happy hours, relapses, triggers...just so amazing how great everyone is doing!
I need to find this kind of support and fellowship in my non-virtual life. Need to start AA group hunting for the "right" group. You guys rock!!
perpetual optimist
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 2,959
Tired from training all day gang.........9pm and I just finished dinner. That won't all go to my hips eating so late....no way...........lol
Too tired to type.........will hit ya in the morning.
Nite nite
Too tired to type.........will hit ya in the morning.
Nite nite
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hi, everyone!
Welcome to our little sober shack, bama and failedtaper. Tonight we have a view out the west window of Muir Woods, thanks to MJ!
Isn't that just one of the most beautiful places on earth, MJ? Incredible. Maybe even more so in the rain. (Was there fog too? Better still...) Good to be reminded of all the enduring beauty in the world, especially when the news is filled with tragedy. Thank you for that mental image—I totally needed it.
VC, way to go! You sure don't waste time.
Better, I hope it's not too busy at work for you to enjoy that feast.
Soph, I just got my little one back after a full week at her mom's. I'm really glad to have her —she's normally gone just a few days at a time—but I gotta admit it was nice having the extra time to myself!
BF, seems like your sister hit the nail on the head for me: I'm actually happier sober. Not happy all the time, but definitely happier. That's key.
MG, I do not miss the plotting! Always scheming for the drinks ahead, calculating the timing of them... and to think I actually told myself that I drank to relax and unwind, lol!
Hooped, you sound great. This really caught my eye:
Boy, do I know that feeling. Looking back, it's so clear to me that my long-term goals never extended beyond the last drink of the night!
Welcome to our little sober shack, bama and failedtaper. Tonight we have a view out the west window of Muir Woods, thanks to MJ!
Isn't that just one of the most beautiful places on earth, MJ? Incredible. Maybe even more so in the rain. (Was there fog too? Better still...) Good to be reminded of all the enduring beauty in the world, especially when the news is filled with tragedy. Thank you for that mental image—I totally needed it.
VC, way to go! You sure don't waste time.
Better, I hope it's not too busy at work for you to enjoy that feast.
Soph, I just got my little one back after a full week at her mom's. I'm really glad to have her —she's normally gone just a few days at a time—but I gotta admit it was nice having the extra time to myself!
BF, seems like your sister hit the nail on the head for me: I'm actually happier sober. Not happy all the time, but definitely happier. That's key.
MG, I do not miss the plotting! Always scheming for the drinks ahead, calculating the timing of them... and to think I actually told myself that I drank to relax and unwind, lol!
Hooped, you sound great. This really caught my eye:
As long as the fridge was packed with booze I didn't really care much about my lifes direction.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 788
Yes, Muir Woods is one of the most magical places, I think. And all of this area used to look like that...the majestic trees... And I am having such a great time being on vacation with my kids. You guys have such wonderful advice, so I hope you don't mind if I ask for some wisdom: I am finding myself obsessing about my husband's drinking. Now that I'm sober, it really rubs me the wrong way. I don't know if he has a problem...he's likely borderline....drinks a bit too much, but never harms anyone. I am just so sick of booze being an issue for me. I know I need to let him be, and savor how I'm doing. It's a bummer. But maybe I just always need something to worry over. Thoughts?
So proud of us all. Found a good tea for these chilly San Francisco nights: good earth spice tea. night! Mj
So proud of us all. Found a good tea for these chilly San Francisco nights: good earth spice tea. night! Mj
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Other drunks
Originally Posted by Maryjan 
Yes, Muir Woods is one of the most magical places, I think. And all of this area used to look like that...the majestic trees... And I am having such a great time being on vacation with my kids. You guys have such wonderful advice, so I hope you don't mind if I ask for some wisdom: I am finding myself obsessing about my husband's drinking. Now that I'm sober, it really rubs me the wrong way. I don't know if he has a problem...he's likely borderline....drinks a bit too much, but never harms anyone. I am just so sick of booze being an issue for me. I know I need to let him be, and savor how I'm doing. It's a bummer. But maybe I just always need something to worry over. Thoughts?
So proud of us all. Found a good tea for these chilly San Francisco nights: good earth spice tea. night! Mj
So proud of us all. Found a good tea for these chilly San Francisco nights: good earth spice tea. night! Mj
I noticed when I first quit drinking 20+ years ago, one of the ways I dealt with my sobriety was to demonize all other drinkers. I literally could not STAND to be around someone after I could see their personality/behavior shift when the ETOH hit their bloodstream. I'm not saying you are doing that with your husband, or even that it's not a good thing to do that, but that was me, then.
My husband didn't seem to view "drunks" the way I did, but for me it was a survival technique. Maybe putting "drunks" and "me" into two different categories.
The disdain faded over time, and I still don't like being around people in "altered states," mostly because I no longer think that is necessary or desirable to be in that condition. I think of how I must have looked and sounded when I was drinking, not realizing I looked like "a drunk" to other people.
Just some thoughts. I hope that your husband, by seeing how much positive there is in you since you stopped drinking, will consider his own alcohol as maybe not such a good idea.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 1,149
Hi MJ
Since I quit, Mrs. Hooped has brought beer into the house 4 or 5 times. I found it very hard to take.. it kinda got my lower lip quivering if you know what I mean.
I dont need the temptation nor the stress.
Eventually.. I'm sure I could handle it but for the time being I don't want to be around alcohol or anybody that's drinking it at all. Especially at home. Too easy to just say 'to Hell with it' and join in.
I explained all that to Mrs. Hooped and she's been pretty darn good about it lately.
I realize we can only do this for ourselves... but after all... if your partner doesn't have a problem then it really shouldnt be a big deal for them not to drink for a while to support you...right?
Since I quit, Mrs. Hooped has brought beer into the house 4 or 5 times. I found it very hard to take.. it kinda got my lower lip quivering if you know what I mean.
I dont need the temptation nor the stress.
Eventually.. I'm sure I could handle it but for the time being I don't want to be around alcohol or anybody that's drinking it at all. Especially at home. Too easy to just say 'to Hell with it' and join in.
I explained all that to Mrs. Hooped and she's been pretty darn good about it lately.
I realize we can only do this for ourselves... but after all... if your partner doesn't have a problem then it really shouldnt be a big deal for them not to drink for a while to support you...right?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 581
Hey VC I knew I could count on you for the visual. I just knew it! Thanks!!
MJ I have been to Muir woods!! When I took my kiddo to that area back in 2005. Beautiful and wonderful and I wanted to move there, the people all seemed so healthy and laid back! Lots of vineyards though in that area, though, makes it tough :-(
I don't know what to say about your hubby but i bet some AA members can help, once you get back into meetings and stuff. And I agree with failedtaper, maybe your hubby might see your positive changes. I hope?!?!
Hope everyone has a great day.
little stooge humor here. nyuk nyuk nyuk. (Yes I am sober.)
MJ I have been to Muir woods!! When I took my kiddo to that area back in 2005. Beautiful and wonderful and I wanted to move there, the people all seemed so healthy and laid back! Lots of vineyards though in that area, though, makes it tough :-(
I don't know what to say about your hubby but i bet some AA members can help, once you get back into meetings and stuff. And I agree with failedtaper, maybe your hubby might see your positive changes. I hope?!?!
Hope everyone has a great day.
little stooge humor here. nyuk nyuk nyuk. (Yes I am sober.)
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,566
I've never been to Muir Woods lol
MJ I think a lot of us become really sensitive to others drinking when we quit. I think it's ever more so when it's a partner.
I don't know the dynamics of your relationship, but if you think this issue is more about you than it is about him...if it was me? I'd leave it.
I barely notice others drinking now and never feel resentful or obsessive about it...it does get a lot easier.
D
MJ I think a lot of us become really sensitive to others drinking when we quit. I think it's ever more so when it's a partner.
I don't know the dynamics of your relationship, but if you think this issue is more about you than it is about him...if it was me? I'd leave it.
I barely notice others drinking now and never feel resentful or obsessive about it...it does get a lot easier.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 788
Thanks, all. I am actually SURE it's about me. As the daughter of an alcoholic, it's my obsession. Asking higher power to take the obsession away! My husband is an amazing, thoughtful person...if it's a problem for him, he will handle it, I know. But it is hard on me, and I should tell him so. Again, thank you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: The "beltway"
Posts: 785
MJ that's a real challenging situation, allowing your husband to make his choices while trying to protect your own choice to be sober. I remember you talking about this earlier in our time together, at the time I thought your husband was not being sensitive but now I think I am getting a broader picture. I just don't know if we can force others to adopt our choices.
I'll go for a week of fishing in May with my brother..a heavy drinker...that will be tough to watch, probably tougher this year as I will not join. But I just don't know if I can say something to him..cowardice; complacency; conflict avoidance...who knows why.
Ok, swear I also have NOT been drinking.
Everyone, have a great night!
I'll go for a week of fishing in May with my brother..a heavy drinker...that will be tough to watch, probably tougher this year as I will not join. But I just don't know if I can say something to him..cowardice; complacency; conflict avoidance...who knows why.
Ok, swear I also have NOT been drinking.
Everyone, have a great night!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
That's a tough one, MG. But maybe he'll be watching you, too, and maybe the fact you won't be drinking will say it all. The fact you're not drinking—and that you're doing so well in every other way.
MJ, sounds to me like you have a great perspective on the situation.
Better and Dee and everyone else: behold the majesty of the ancient redwoods of Muir!
MJ, sounds to me like you have a great perspective on the situation.
Better and Dee and everyone else: behold the majesty of the ancient redwoods of Muir!
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