Shoei

Hi all,

A very uneventful day, a groundhog day but with no dramas which is just the way I like it. Beth, yes you were right about the time zone although my time zone changes when I am working two or three times a day. The 18 hours ahead is close enough. So I will do it all again tomorrow. Hope you are all having a good day/night.

Jasper.

(Day 96 or 13 weeks 5 days.)

lyddie

I wonder about them too. I too want to think that they are ok. I first posted in 2008 but it took me almost two years before I started posting regularly and made a real commitment to staying sober.

alexvt

Hey all, its already been a long day here. Yesterday I cleaned my room and nursery. I mean I cleaned, clutter free and even vacuumed and steam clean carpets! It was a lot of work. I only found 1 wine cork and 1 top of vodka in process. Not too bad.

So I was thinking as much as I hate it here do you think I should stay? A six year plan for me to finish school to become a RN. I mean if I move I will have to be responsible for so much plus try to go to school. I talked to X and I think he is ok with it. I know its not instant gratification but I think it is the responsible thing to do. I even told him he could date just don't bring them home. I really don't care if he dates.
I mean right now although he makes great money we are finacially living beyond are means. So unless he gets another show (which he might) were playing the catch up game and I won't be able to move anytime soon.
So my questions is instead of me having to struggle and move to Atl, should I just resign to a 6 year plan and finish college, take care of DD without the added stress of working? Would that be bad for daughter? I mean her spending the next 6 years with her dad and then me moving her away from him?

I guess this is a question I think TJ could help me with but any insight would be appreciated.

Thanks guys! Have a great day!

Day 28

traderjane

Hey Beth, my situation is that I am STUCK with my ex husband in the same city for the rest of the time the kids are kids. We have joint custody and though they spend most of the time with me, he does see them regularly and I love that my kids know both of their parents.

I'm not sure what your situation is legally (re: custody) or even morally (do you want to both be in her life on a daily basis?) I am reliant my ex for financial support as well, so we are tied to each other for better or for worse until the kids grow up. Like it or not, that's what having kids does.

So not knowing more specifically, I would say not a bad idea to stay in the same city with him and sharing parenting. He sounds like a decent enough guy, although I would find it weird sharing a house with someone that I wasn't "with" anymore.

Does that help? Please offer more questions if I was not helpful. Nursing sounds like a great option. My Mom was a nurse all of my life and she is such a wonderful, caring person. I have a lot of respect for nursing as a profession.

I, too, wonder what happened to some of our original members. Maybe we'll hear from them soon!

I had a real breakthrough kind of day. This is going to sound silly, but I have been practicing yoga for about 3 years now and have always been afraid to do a headstand. Today in class, the teacher asked if there was something we wanted to work on that was bugging us. I said headstand, but was secretly terrified of trying to do it.

So I practiced in class and felt as though I was almost there. When I got home, I practiced some more and .... I DID IT!!! It was a LOT easier than I thought. I have been practicing again and again and I'm soooooo excited. I was afraid to do it, but now I'm not afraid anymore. Big day for me. I know it sounds like small stuff, but it was so exciting for me!!!

I'm off to another Back to School night tonight (my third and last one). So will check on the thread a little later!

alexvt

Thanks TJ, he is a nice guy and he would let me move to ATL. I mean she could visit and talk to him whenever he wanted plus my door would always be open to him in ATL. So I would never not want her to have, see or talk to her father. He will always be her father and I will do whatever for her to be in contact if I move. It just here in LA i have no family, friends support and even though he is in the next room he interacts with her maybe 1 whole hr a day. I need my friends and family in GA. My mom, sister,bff's, job opportunities are all there. Here its just me. I do 98% of everything that has to do with her. It just sucks because i would have so much support in GA. Here i am lonely. I feel too old to make new friends. I already have my friends for life. Plus a lot of people bond over alcohol. That's reality.
X and I get along ok and we have 2 kitchens, 2 entrances I mean if I really wanted I wouldn't have to see him all day. I too am financially dependent on him. Although I would get a decent amount in child support it would not be enough to live on. Would still need a part time job if i moved.
I am sorry I am just venting here.

Anyway, my mom is a nurse too TJ. She is a wonderful human being. I miss her even though we talk almost everyday on phone.

One more thing my X is a loner type. I don't think he is cut out for a non controlled environment, too much chaos here. He is pretty self centered in an only child kind of way. I think he would have no problem with DD and I moving far away. Although he loves her, I think he likes his independence more.

Ok enough of that drama.

A headstand huh? WOW how cool is that! Good for you!! Also Day 5! Whoo Hoo!

alexvt

One more thing, sorry for how bad my grammar is. I swear I use to be able to write well.
Good thing I am going back to school, I really need it.

traderjane

Yeah, that makes things a little tougher. I think it's a good idea to be close to where you are going to get the most support. I did not have my parents near me all the years I had young children and it was rough at times, since my ex worked all the time. Very lonely and tough. I can relate. I, too, wished I was close to my parents and extended family all those years I was raising my kids. Now my parents moved near me and my kids are older, but it still helps having them around.

The living situation sounds fairly good, so that's cool. He'll only support you financially if you're there? And only child support if you move, is that right?

Thanks about the headstand It made my day!!!

alexvt

I think if he could afford to pay for 2 living expenses he would. It's just right now he can't.He is up for another show and if it gets picked up he will have 2 tv shows which would double his income. I could afford to live comfortably without working if that happens. I guess its all just up in the air and I hate having no control over the situation right now. There really is no option but to stay until I can afford to leave. I should just stay here and live fairly stress free, go to school and take care of DD.

P.S. He sleeps on couch and has ever since I got pregnant. I have my room all to self with attached kitchen and nursery. Also my own bathroom and separate walk in closet So I am good on privacy.

Thank You for trying to help me TJ I appreciate it.

alexvt

Sorry Jasper,Lyddie,HFA, and Dee for that self indulgent rant.

TJ, really thanks again for the response and advice.

Dee74

rants are better let out than held in, Beth

D

traderjane

Yes, I would say you thought it through for now... and can re-visit the decision to move later. It really doesn't sound like a bad living situation, though I do know how hard it is being away from your loved ones. Make the best of things, as you are, and it will work out.

Had my third Back to School night tonight. What a long day. I'm so wiped out!!! I hope to sleep well. What day am I on again ?

traderjane

Good morning everyone. It's the first day of fall, right? There was a crispness in the air this morning and all my kids got up energized. My little dog was so cute and happy this morning prancing and running around with the change of seasons. He's so adorable.

I'm on Day 6 I think. I feel great. I am headed into work. It has become much easier to ignore alcohol at home now that I'm out of the routine, and I'm sure it will only become even more easy with more practice.

What I do worry about are the social events. I don't have as much practice saying no to alcohol in those situations. I will turn to you guys for support when things come up that could be a problem for me.

I hope everyone enjoys the day!

lyddie

TJ - You are right. It is the first day of fall. I miss upstate NY and NE where I grew up in the fall. This season can be a challenge as fall creeps towards the holidays - let's all be mindful and stay strong.

alexvt

I miss the fall also. Atlanta has Beautiful Autumns. I think its still in the 90's there though so not missing that. I am still not sure how I would do in Social setting. I have been a hermit to avoid them.
Do any of us go to AA meetings? I don't, just wondering if anybody in June does.

DAY 29

alexvt

Today was a Crappy day. Hope tomorrow is better. I did not drink but wish I could. Glad I can't.

Good night Ya'll hope you had a better day than me

lyddie

Beth - Nope, I am not an AA person. I got annoyed with the program years ago when I first was wondering if I had "a problem". I know people including two family members who feel that their life was saved by AA. But I just don't like following rules or working set programs. If there were more speaker meetings here, I would probably go but most meetings are participatory.

I have been thinking about getting a copy of the Big Book to reread.

Long day at work for me.

Day 81 is now over!

traderjane

Sorry about the crappy day, Beth, but glad you did not drink. Congrats on Day 81 Lyddie - WOW!!!

I had an awesome day at work. Very satisfying. I went to this staff meeting and felt really proud because they were dishing out assignments and I got a few good new projects. I love work when I'm busy and have some good projects. I need the money, too.

Went for a run when I came home, so that felt great. My daughter did not feel well and I was dealing with my son's teacher (some crappy stuff) so the night was not as uplifting, but no thoughts of drinking.

re: AA -- I have been to a few meetings. I usually get something out of them, but honestly I feel like they are punishment for being an alcoholic more than anything else. I don't know why I feel that way, but I always feel depressed going to a meeting like, "Okay..... I'm an alcoholic so this is how I have to spend my nights from now on...." I started realizing that spending my evenings in yoga or at the gym was much more uplifting and life affirming to me than sitting in a chair and talking about alcohol. Besides, I have you guys to chat with about alcohol No, it's not for me. But glad it works for so many!

Ugh..... Beth, that friend of mine just texted me to see if I want to get together again. I mean he's a nice guy, but.... ugh. Didn't we get everything out of the relationship that we were already going to? I can't see where it's going. As I said before, I'm not really ready to get involved with anyone right now. Advice???

Dee74

Your last sentence says it all TJ - I think part of successful sobriety is getting to know ourselves...you need to spend some time with you.

Sorry for your bad day Beth. Here's hoping tomorrow will be better.
You'll be glad you didn't drink.

Congrats to you Lyddie

D

traderjane

Thanks, Dee!!! That was helpful.

alexvt

Hey TJ, so about that guy if you feel too bad to tell him the truth, cause you don't want to hurt his feelings. Tell him you being in recovery really isn't conducive to starting new relationships. That right now your priority is getting yourself better. Tell him, maybe in the future, but right now you just can't risk your sobriety.

Congrats on Day 6 TJ, and Lyddie 81 days is wonderful.