bdiddy5522

I wish I could say I feel your pain TJ, but us men get off lucky when it comes to the pain you women have to endure with childbirth, monthly "issues" etc.

If I may say, and if I am out of line please dismiss it. But it appears that your monthly "woman issues" are just an excuse to drink. There are always going to be things in life that seem as though a drink would make them better. Whether it be a bad day at work, an issue with the kids, someone who cut you off in traffic, etc. For an alcoholic, all of these things make us feel drinking is the only solution. Until we learn how else to deal with these issues without alcohol, we really don't have a chance. I know that was how I was for a long time until I found a better way. There is a saying that goes:"if all we have in our toolbox is a hammer, everything looks like a nail". Maybe add some more tools to your toolbox?

It is kind of like having a basement that keeps flooding. Whether the water is coming from a sewer that backed up, a sump pump that quit working, or rain water coming down the walls from outside. Sure we can keep cleaning up the water once it gets in, but at some point it may make sense to actually solve the root problem of the flooding. This is kind of like drinking. Sure we can drink anytime something bad happens and it may work for a bit, but at some point we may want to get rid of the alcohol (the water) all together.

I really hope your take your doctors advise and solve your menstrual issues. But until the alcohol problem is solved, there will just be another reason to drink.

I don't meat to lecture, but I know you have been struggling for a long time and I am just trying to help you actually solve the issues. Not just cover it up. Hope this helps, and if it does, GREAT. If not, pretend you didn't read it. Just trying to help.

traderjane

Thanks for your advice, Bdiddy. I realize it's just another excuse to drink.. but it is a trigger. For a long while I refused to try to feel better during this time of the month, perhaps thinking it was okay to have "natural suffering." I now realize that was silly. I need to listen to the doctor and take Aleeve like he said, on the days leading up to time of month, not just after it happens, and the hormone pills have a huge positive effect. I know that from experience. This is just another example of me trying to simplify things by ignoring them and suffering through them, when in fact if I was proactive about it I could avoid this trigger. I also had some silly notion that I had to ride the waves of my hormones and experience them fully without tampering with nature. Probably not the best thing to do if you are triggered by them to drink. I feel so much better today after taking the Aleeve. I don't need to suffer through this.

When I gave birth, I was the same way. First child and I insisted on no drugs, no epidural, nothing. Totally natural. I experienced giving birth full force the way nature intended it and I wanted it that way. Second time around, I asked for the epidural and it was a much more pleasant experience. Third time around, I asked for the epidural but it was too late. Another totally natural child birth experience.

Re: drinking, I believe I am getting where I need to be and maybe not in the most efficient manner, but I believe that I have learned something from every drinking episode I have had, even the last couple. Perhaps the missing link has been found, perhaps not. This does not mean I need to keep repeating the experiment, but rather learn from them and move on. I have a hard time saying that I want to give up alcohol forever and ever for the rest of my life. Though in reality, I want to feel as good as I do sober for the rest of my life. I know there's a conflict there and I'm working on it.

Beth, thanks for your kind words. You have helped me a lot here and I DO appreciate it!!!

I am going to see Eat, Pray, Love tonight with a friend. Will let you know if it's good. Looks like a chick flick and I'm going with girlfriends, so should be fun.

Later everyone!

alexvt

Had a great time at the zoo yesterday. It's always good to get out in the sunshine. Today is one of those days. I am a little grumpy. I think its because I am tired. DD has gotten up at 4am for the last 2 days and since I usually don't fall asleep till 1am it's finally catching up with me.
I told X he needs to take her for the whole day and give me a break. He is working on a new TV show (his studio is in the house) so he said Saturday. So I am going to sleep in and enjoy some me time. I think everyone needs some alone time. I haven't had any in about 2 months.

Anyway I am not complaining cause I would really be a miserable human being if I felt this way with a hangover. Would not be a pretty site.

So I am still happy underneath it all.

Day 24

alexvt

My pleasure TJ . By helping you It is helping me. Have a great time at the movie. Talk soon.

P.S. You could have a 100 day ones and I still would treat you the same. Of course I hope that doesn't happen. I want you to feel the full effects of sobriety. It does get better with every day sober. I will be here as long as it takes.

traderjane

Beth, thank you again.... I want to feel the full effects of sobriety, too. Have not gotten beyond the 14 day mark yet, but I can tell you that I felt very good when I did get up there. Even before that.

I think you definitely need some alone time. We all do. Kids are wonderful but so overwhelming and draining. I did not get enough alone time when my kids were little (it was partly my fault for not asking for it) and really neglected myself. It all came back to bite me later on when my marriage fell apart. But that's water under the bridge. Here I am now trying to pick up the pieces of it all.

So I took my daughter to the mall and got her 3 pairs of shoes (rain boots, running shoes and fall boots.) She was thrilled. She is so much like me it's not even funny. We like the same things (gadgets, movies, music, shopping, SHOES, etc.) I got some rain boots while we were there -- really cool black ones. Everyone needs a good pair of rain boots, at least where I live

I got a text message from my friend that the movie was starting at 7:45 instead of 8:15, so I decided to bag it. I wasn't going to rush my way over there only to get to the movie 10 minutes late. She was going with a few other friends, so I did not leave her in the dust at all. I'll see it another time. In fact, my daughter was disappointed that I was going to see the movie without her, so maybe it's all for the best.

I am home alone with my puppy now (ex just took the kids). Will have to take another Aleeve as I feel the cramps kicking in. I'm either going to watch a movie or an episode or two of Project Runway. Just love that show.

Have a good night all!

traderjane

I just re-read my last couple of posts and I'm reminded of something that both my Mom and my therapist told me. They both told me that I'm a tough person and can take a lot. My Mom watched me give birth with no drugs/epidural and has seen me deal with a lot of things. My therapist told me that I put up with a lot without complaining. This isn't entirely a positive thing. It works against me at times. Such as putting up with the menstrual cramps just because I can. Putting up with hangovers because I can. I really need to stop trying to be so tough and stubborn. I have nothing to prove to anyone.

Caroline Knapp's book touched on this subject and it hit a nerve with me.

alexvt

TJ "If I Die Before I Wake" by Barb Rogers is also a GREAT book.

traderjane

I'll look it up. Thanks Beth. I have a big stack of "recovery books" that I read from time to time and when I feel like it. I also have a hypnosis CD series about quitting alcohol. LOL, it didn't really work but it occurred to me that I every time I tried using it I was hungover. I don't think that is how it's supposed to be used.

I'm very glad it's Friday. Love the weekends. I have to go into work today for a bit. My financial situation sucks at the moment and I need to brainstorm ways to get in a better place money wise. My 3 kids are very expensive. So I'm in brainstorming mode at the moment.

Well, everything is better when I'm not drinking, so I will figure things out. I have to.

Have a good day, all!

lyddie

Sorry I haven't participated lately - just been muddling through work and life. So much to do, so little time and really all I want is some time away. Preferably at one of those expensive spas with exercise classes, healthy food and massages. But I am saving vacation time and money to be able to take a trip to Asia next year so no extra money and time for small indulgences.

Take care all and stay strong.

alexvt

That sounds like a great trip Lyddie.
Tj, thats funny, hungover and trying to be hypnotized in to not drinking. I think that would give me a panic attack. lol!

I am still tired today, I have got to get to bed earlier. If I could be asleep by 11 that would save me. I just worked late hrs my whole working life and can't seem to break the habit.

Have a great Ya'll

Day 25

traderjane

Hi everyone, I'm good tonight. Just wanted to check in. My daughter and I are off to the gym. That should make for a nice night.

Had a pretty relaxed day at work, which is good and bad. Good for the relaxation, bad because I need $$$ which means more work and hours. Well, I'm not going to stress over it today and I will just try to enjoy the day.

Drinking is really not on my radar tonight, so it's safe to say I've made in through another sober day.

My little drinking session was fairly easy to recover from physically, but I credit this to the many sober days I had leading up to it. I don't think I would have bounced back so quickly if I had been drinking a lot more.

No sober days are wasted!!!

Have a fun Friday night everyone!

alexvt

Good for you TJ, and your right you've had a lot of sober days. Don't stress the small stuff and have a great night.

ANEWAUGUST

TJ-I just happened to read this thread today.

Keep stringing those sober days together, like pearls. Soon you will have a beautiful strand of sober days strung together.

traderjane

Very quiet here and I hope that means all are out enjoying the day. It's an absolutely stunning day weather wise on the East Coast of the USA. Possibly the nicest day all year.

Glad to be sober -- on Day 3, but not really feeling any effects of the binge the other night.

Trying to be productive, but not getting a lot done so far. If my kids remain calm as they are now it will be a lot nicer of a night for me

I went to a yoga class this morning which was nice. But now it's back to my cleaning and doing stuff at home.... trying to figure out what to make for dinner tonight. Or take out - LOL. I hope everyone is good tonight.

traderjane

p.s. That was a really boring post!!! I'm actually not feeling as boring as that inside right now. Doing a lot of thinking and introspection about an ex-boyfriend. I don't think about alcohol all the time, but I *do* think of him all the time.

alexvt

Hey all sorry I had a bad start to the morning. (not drinking) I was suppose to have the day off from watching DD and X was going to watch her while I had a whatever day. Well it didn't go well. Made me so angry. Don't feel like rehashing it., lets just say he slepped through most of the morning, (which he never does, just so happened to on the 1 day I ask for the whole day off). I was going to take her with me to Sam's since he couldn't get it together, but then she started throwing a tantrum, and I finally gave her to him and left. I had to get outta of there before I completely lost it. Went for a ride on highway with thoughts of never looking back. Heard that song "1 bourbon 1 scotch and 1 beer' can't remember who its from. Made me laugh not want a drink. Which is pretty cool. I drove with all windows and sunroof down listening to music as loud as the radio would go. Really made me miss ATL. I finally ended up at the grocery store talking to my Bff in ATL. Was able to put things in perspective and calm down. Got some groceries and came home. DD and I are watching cartoons now.

I really wish I could go home!!! Never rely on another person or you may find yourself stuck like me. Ugh! Love my DD though so It was all worth it. Now I am ready to roll!! (DD just wrapped her little arms around me and gave me a big hug). Now I am all teary eyed. That just made my life.

Ok I am rambling now..Anyway crises averted without alcohol. Just had to vent.

Tj keep posting no matter what you have to say, it helps. Sorry about your xbf but honestly right now I am so over men. (No offense Dee,Jasper and HFA). lol

Hope your all having a great sober day.

Dee74

My partner says that many times a day Beth LOL.
not to do with me of course

D

traderjane

Beth, so sorry about your day. I have had my share of days like that. I know the feeling of wanting to run away from it all (of course I never could...)

Good for you for keeping it together and not resorting to alcohol in any way.

Which cartoons are you watching? I miss those days. My kids only watch Sponge Bob, Phineas and Ferb and older kid stuff. I miss Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Dora the Explorer

Re: the ex-boyfriend, I know. It has been 3 years and I am technically over him. But there are lingering unresolved feelings. I am thinking that the only way I can TRULY get over him is if I continue to stay sober and deal with my feelings instead of masking them. I believe that drinking has cause me to not heal from what happened as well as I should have. If that makes sense.

I'm not totally down on men, but I need some time to heal before getting involved with anyone again. It's a bit painful at times, but I need to experience it... without the numbing effects of alcohol.

We will both sleep well tonight (I hope) -- I know I will. I always do when I'm sober. Hope the rest of the group is doing well!

alexvt

Hey TJ, and Dee, thanks for the quick reply it made me not feel all alone. I really appreciate it. Dee you make me laugh. It's so important to keep in contact with people who really care about your sobriety. So thanks again.

Tj, we watch Yo Gabba Gabba, The Backyardigans, I have like 33 of each on DVR. I actually like Phineas and Ferb. lol It's a little too grown up for her. The Mickey Mouse club is too young. Funny huh?

You know what TJ we need to get you past 14 days. Things def get clearer the more your sober. So thats our goal for you just to get you to day 14 then you can do whatever. I think we can do it. You up for the challenge? I guess the right thing to do is one day at a time but I really want you to get to day 14!! Helping you will help me stay sober for 14 days more. What do you think?

Anyway I think I am rambling again. Ya'll have a good night! Keep up the good work!

DAY 26

traderjane

Phineas and Ferb is actually hysterical. I like it myself!

I love Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for unknown reasons Brings me back to the innocent days when my kids were young. I never liked Backyardigans because the characters always break out in song for no apparent reason. LOL. Yo Gabba Gabba is too new for us. We still have millions of Blue Clues, Teletubbies and Dora the Explorer tapes/DVDs.

Yes, I'm up for the challenge. Made it through Day 3 so tomorrow is Day 4. I'm going to have to take it one day at a time because there are some things coming up that I'm worried about. Will deal with them as they approach. THANK YOU SO MUCH for caring. I would love to feel a Day 15!!!