Codependency and Beyond Part 5
Leap of Faith Survivor
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Oh ((HG))....yikes...
one of the things I can suggest you do because you live in an apartment is to get some steel wool and stuff it around all the pipes that come into your apartment from another(kitchen and bathroom) and also put weatherstripping at the bottom of your entry door, otherwise they walk right in at night...also you could use weatherstripping or white ducktape for the bigger cracks between the floor and cupboards or any other cracks where they can get in...go get em girl!
one of the things I can suggest you do because you live in an apartment is to get some steel wool and stuff it around all the pipes that come into your apartment from another(kitchen and bathroom) and also put weatherstripping at the bottom of your entry door, otherwise they walk right in at night...also you could use weatherstripping or white ducktape for the bigger cracks between the floor and cupboards or any other cracks where they can get in...go get em girl!
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
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((HG)) - oh yeah, the roaches have about taken over Atlanta. The guy who fixed our dishwasher said even the million-dollar houses had them last summer because of the draught!
I was posting here this morning when I fell asleep...woke up with Mots sprawled across the laptop
When I was growing up, mom and dad both worked and I had a couple of hours after school before they came home (only child), so I got used to my solitary time. When I moved out, I had a roommate, but after 6 months, got my own place. Other than, maybe a year, I've always lived on my own, and I really miss it...I think. Now, I've gotten used to having someone around. I know that whenever I DO move out, I'll have Brit at my place a LOT!!
I still can't seem to get very enthused about work. I was talking to M, one of my managers last night, and she said everyone on our shift is burned out, so guess it's not just me. We get dumped on a lot.
Back to sleep, then back to work.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I was posting here this morning when I fell asleep...woke up with Mots sprawled across the laptop
When I was growing up, mom and dad both worked and I had a couple of hours after school before they came home (only child), so I got used to my solitary time. When I moved out, I had a roommate, but after 6 months, got my own place. Other than, maybe a year, I've always lived on my own, and I really miss it...I think. Now, I've gotten used to having someone around. I know that whenever I DO move out, I'll have Brit at my place a LOT!!
I still can't seem to get very enthused about work. I was talking to M, one of my managers last night, and she said everyone on our shift is burned out, so guess it's not just me. We get dumped on a lot.
Back to sleep, then back to work.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
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I apologize ahead of time, because I feel like I'm whining
I'm back into my funk of a mood. Started off before I left the house yesterday, stepmom on the couch, "dozing". I complained about her not doing something she's said she would and her speech was slurred, so I just said "forget it" and walked out.
Get to work, my boss D, was there and had a pow-wow with us. Instead of getting angry and defensive (with good reason, because he was wrong), I took what he said personal but didn't say anything. I just felt like "great, I'll never do anything right".
My mgr put me in a section where no customers want to sit, and has done this the past several weekends, but swears she hasn't. We just have too many servers, not enough customers. Another server got smart with me, said something, ending "'cause I don't want to hear your mouth any more". I'm her supervisor, and she was out of line. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball. I just told her "never mind"..when she looked at me and said "what's wrong with YOU?" I just told her "I'm just down...leave me alone".
I never could get back up. Now my stepmom is already on my last nerve. Dad is on his way back from TX. I'm about to go back to sleep, have a few hours to go before getting up for work.
My first counseling appt. is Wed., and I can't wait. I just wish it was for more than 45 min. I don't even know how to label this crap...it feels like codie stuff and depression all wrapped up in one.
Sorry, ya'll. I even talked to my aunt and mom's best friend yesterday on the way to work, but at that time, I was okay. Maybe I've just had it with the job? I am doing a few things next week to see if I can get another lawyer to work on getting the felony off my record so I can try for a better job.
In the meantime, I just keep praying and putting one foot in front of the other and taking really deep breaths.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm back into my funk of a mood. Started off before I left the house yesterday, stepmom on the couch, "dozing". I complained about her not doing something she's said she would and her speech was slurred, so I just said "forget it" and walked out.
Get to work, my boss D, was there and had a pow-wow with us. Instead of getting angry and defensive (with good reason, because he was wrong), I took what he said personal but didn't say anything. I just felt like "great, I'll never do anything right".
My mgr put me in a section where no customers want to sit, and has done this the past several weekends, but swears she hasn't. We just have too many servers, not enough customers. Another server got smart with me, said something, ending "'cause I don't want to hear your mouth any more". I'm her supervisor, and she was out of line. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball. I just told her "never mind"..when she looked at me and said "what's wrong with YOU?" I just told her "I'm just down...leave me alone".
I never could get back up. Now my stepmom is already on my last nerve. Dad is on his way back from TX. I'm about to go back to sleep, have a few hours to go before getting up for work.
My first counseling appt. is Wed., and I can't wait. I just wish it was for more than 45 min. I don't even know how to label this crap...it feels like codie stuff and depression all wrapped up in one.
Sorry, ya'll. I even talked to my aunt and mom's best friend yesterday on the way to work, but at that time, I was okay. Maybe I've just had it with the job? I am doing a few things next week to see if I can get another lawyer to work on getting the felony off my record so I can try for a better job.
In the meantime, I just keep praying and putting one foot in front of the other and taking really deep breaths.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Location: BC Canada
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Originally Posted by grateful2b 
(((BigDreams))), I am so glad you have had a break from things for a bit and what a lovely break!
If I have learned nothing else, I have learned to live in the moment, because that is truly all there is...
I found out last night that my daughter has been sober 9 days and is doing research on rehabs and has narrowed the search to three..
There was a time when I thought when this moment came that I would be relieved and excited....I am neither...but I am hopeful for her...
What she does from here on out has nothing to do with me, it is not about me; how she proceeds and what the outcome will be, will be all hers...her successes and her failures.....
It is critical for me to understand that, for me to truly let her rise or fall and be fully responsible for the outcome...
It is critical for her to understand that I believe that..in order for her to get on with and take full responsibility for her life..
Prayers for all our children
If I have learned nothing else, I have learned to live in the moment, because that is truly all there is...
I found out last night that my daughter has been sober 9 days and is doing research on rehabs and has narrowed the search to three..
There was a time when I thought when this moment came that I would be relieved and excited....I am neither...but I am hopeful for her...
What she does from here on out has nothing to do with me, it is not about me; how she proceeds and what the outcome will be, will be all hers...her successes and her failures.....
It is critical for me to understand that, for me to truly let her rise or fall and be fully responsible for the outcome...
It is critical for her to understand that I believe that..in order for her to get on with and take full responsibility for her life..
Prayers for all our children
Leap of Faith Survivor
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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Oh Amy, I am so sorry
and I think you are right that it is a combination of depression and codie stuff, but also the reality of working in an environment that does not respect or support its employees...
You have been through so much and you just seem to somehow keep digging deeper for what you need to move through the stresses in your life right now...I admire you so much for that Amy, although you are probably tired of trying to be so strong...
I know for me as a codie and someone withBP2 and PTSD, if I do not stay in the moment, in situations with people, it can get away from me, and if I am having not so good a day, and do not stand up for myself, it can snowball, and before long I can find myself feeling depressed, and then I need to try and get back to square one and the truth, not what my stress, fears and someone else's beliefs are telling me..in order to regain my balance and serenity..
When we add depression into the mix, it just can be so challenging and somedays we are stronger than others...
I am so excited for you that you are starting therapy on wed, Amy!
big, big hugs...
and I think you are right that it is a combination of depression and codie stuff, but also the reality of working in an environment that does not respect or support its employees...
You have been through so much and you just seem to somehow keep digging deeper for what you need to move through the stresses in your life right now...I admire you so much for that Amy, although you are probably tired of trying to be so strong...
I know for me as a codie and someone withBP2 and PTSD, if I do not stay in the moment, in situations with people, it can get away from me, and if I am having not so good a day, and do not stand up for myself, it can snowball, and before long I can find myself feeling depressed, and then I need to try and get back to square one and the truth, not what my stress, fears and someone else's beliefs are telling me..in order to regain my balance and serenity..
When we add depression into the mix, it just can be so challenging and somedays we are stronger than others...
I am so excited for you that you are starting therapy on wed, Amy!
big, big hugs...
Leap of Faith Survivor
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You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
May 31
What If?
I was talking with a friend one day about something I planned to do. Actually, I was worrying about how one particular person might react to what I intended to do.
"What if he doesn't handle it very well?" I asked.
"Then," my friend replied, "you're going to have to handle it well."
"What if's" can make us crazy. They put control over our life in someone else's hands. "What if's" are a sign that we have reverted to thinking that people have to react in a particular way for us to continue on our course.
"What if's" are also a cue that we may be wondering whether we can trust ourselves and our Higher Power to do what's best for us. These are shreds of codependent ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving, and they signal fear.
The reactions, feelings, likes and dislikes of others don't have to control our behaviours, feelings, and direction. We don't need to control how others react to our choices. We can trust ourselves, with help from a Higher Power, to handle any outcome - even the most uncomfortable. And, my friend, we can even trust ourselves to handle it well.
Today, I will not worry about other people's reactions, or events outside of my control. Instead, I will focus on my reactions. I will handle my life well today and trust that, tomorrow, I can do the same.
May 31
What If?
I was talking with a friend one day about something I planned to do. Actually, I was worrying about how one particular person might react to what I intended to do.
"What if he doesn't handle it very well?" I asked.
"Then," my friend replied, "you're going to have to handle it well."
"What if's" can make us crazy. They put control over our life in someone else's hands. "What if's" are a sign that we have reverted to thinking that people have to react in a particular way for us to continue on our course.
"What if's" are also a cue that we may be wondering whether we can trust ourselves and our Higher Power to do what's best for us. These are shreds of codependent ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving, and they signal fear.
The reactions, feelings, likes and dislikes of others don't have to control our behaviours, feelings, and direction. We don't need to control how others react to our choices. We can trust ourselves, with help from a Higher Power, to handle any outcome - even the most uncomfortable. And, my friend, we can even trust ourselves to handle it well.
Today, I will not worry about other people's reactions, or events outside of my control. Instead, I will focus on my reactions. I will handle my life well today and trust that, tomorrow, I can do the same.
Last edited by grateful2b; 05-31-2009 at 09:51 AM.
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(((Amy))) I hope things will get better and I'm praying for a new job opportunity to open up for you. It's been a while since I've done that sort of job, but I remember it well. It's hard work in the best of situations.
Wow, Grateful, that reading really hit home with some of my past/current behavior and decisions. The "what if's" have really been my version of awfulizing for a long time! Thank you!!!
Hugs, HG
Wow, Grateful, that reading really hit home with some of my past/current behavior and decisions. The "what if's" have really been my version of awfulizing for a long time! Thank you!!!
Hugs, HG
Leap of Faith Survivor
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You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
June 1
Directness
We feel safe around direct, honest people. They speak their minds, and we know where we stand firm with them.
Indirect people, people who are afraid to say who they are, what they want, and what they're feeling, cannot be trusted. They will somehow act out their truth even though they do not speak it. And it may catch everyone by surprise.
Directness saves times and energy. It removes us as victims. It dispenses with martyrdom and games. It helps us own our power. It creates respectful relationships.
It feels safe to be around direct, honest people. Be one.
Today, I will own my power to be direct. I do not have to be passive nor do I need to be aggressive. I will become comfortable with my own truth, so those around me can become comfortable with me.
June 1
Directness
We feel safe around direct, honest people. They speak their minds, and we know where we stand firm with them.
Indirect people, people who are afraid to say who they are, what they want, and what they're feeling, cannot be trusted. They will somehow act out their truth even though they do not speak it. And it may catch everyone by surprise.
Directness saves times and energy. It removes us as victims. It dispenses with martyrdom and games. It helps us own our power. It creates respectful relationships.
It feels safe to be around direct, honest people. Be one.
Today, I will own my power to be direct. I do not have to be passive nor do I need to be aggressive. I will become comfortable with my own truth, so those around me can become comfortable with me.
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Oh I love this reading, Grateful!
I do not like to be around people who are not direct and honest. I love to know where I stand with someone, so I can avoid people who are playing games. Learning this, has been another gift of recovery.
I do not like to be around people who are not direct and honest. I love to know where I stand with someone, so I can avoid people who are playing games. Learning this, has been another gift of recovery.
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I really want to be a more direct person, I quite often hesitate to say what I really think or feel, I guess because I am afraid of rejection or making someone angry. I seem to keep my thoughts to myself, unless if I get angry enough then it might all come out and I know thats not good. Something I need to work on....
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It was by all the reading on the F&F forum, that I learned how I was NOT being direct, and expected people to know what I wanted, so I started working on that. Now, I'm much better, but it drives me crazy when someone ELSE hints at stuff
Okay, I've decided I'm just going to have a nervous breakdown and get it over with. Yesterday, was my "anger" day. For some reason, it seemed I was the only one who could get things done at work, and I was pulled in 50 different directions. Stomped my feet and threw a 2-year-old tantrum in the back, again. My district manager popped in, said something asinine (I think that stuff must be in a manual for general and district managers) and I just ignored him.
Get home, stepmom is passed out, but arousable on the couch. The 2nd time I woke her up, she has an unlit cigaretted in her mouth and I told her to put the damn thing up and go to bed, so she lights it up. I went ballistic, cussed her out, slammed doors, and told her she was going to start the house on fire and burn us up and didnt even give a f---.
Apparently, she has told dad that she's moving out after her court date. She and Brit could go stay with her sister and BIL but they would NOT take her 2000+ square foot of "stuff". She and dad start arguing, she tells Brit "we're being kicked out", which you can imgaine what that does to Brit. Again, I end up in the middle of THAT argument. I calmed it down, put it BACK on stepmom then went to talk to Brit.
I'm calling the prepaid legal services, this week, to see if THEY can get the felony off my record, as I've had it with my lawyer doing nothing. I've got to get my own place. I told Brit when I do, she can stay with me as much as she wants to, in fact she can LIVE with me. Thank God, she and I just keep getting closer and closer.
I'd go check in a motel, today, if I could take Mots with me. I know that sounds stupid, but something about having this yellow cat all snuggled up next to me, acting like I'm the most important thing in the world gives me a great deal of comfort.
I'm heading off to work. Counting down the days to counseling. I really hate that I keep coming on here, all doom and gloom. I just don't have anywhere else to go, right now, so I really, really appreciate you all putting up with me.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Okay, I've decided I'm just going to have a nervous breakdown and get it over with. Yesterday, was my "anger" day. For some reason, it seemed I was the only one who could get things done at work, and I was pulled in 50 different directions. Stomped my feet and threw a 2-year-old tantrum in the back, again. My district manager popped in, said something asinine (I think that stuff must be in a manual for general and district managers) and I just ignored him.
Get home, stepmom is passed out, but arousable on the couch. The 2nd time I woke her up, she has an unlit cigaretted in her mouth and I told her to put the damn thing up and go to bed, so she lights it up. I went ballistic, cussed her out, slammed doors, and told her she was going to start the house on fire and burn us up and didnt even give a f---.
Apparently, she has told dad that she's moving out after her court date. She and Brit could go stay with her sister and BIL but they would NOT take her 2000+ square foot of "stuff". She and dad start arguing, she tells Brit "we're being kicked out", which you can imgaine what that does to Brit. Again, I end up in the middle of THAT argument. I calmed it down, put it BACK on stepmom then went to talk to Brit.
I'm calling the prepaid legal services, this week, to see if THEY can get the felony off my record, as I've had it with my lawyer doing nothing. I've got to get my own place. I told Brit when I do, she can stay with me as much as she wants to, in fact she can LIVE with me. Thank God, she and I just keep getting closer and closer.
I'd go check in a motel, today, if I could take Mots with me. I know that sounds stupid, but something about having this yellow cat all snuggled up next to me, acting like I'm the most important thing in the world gives me a great deal of comfort.
I'm heading off to work. Counting down the days to counseling. I really hate that I keep coming on here, all doom and gloom. I just don't have anywhere else to go, right now, so I really, really appreciate you all putting up with me.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Amy, you're moving in the right direction. If the lawyer isn't doing the work, then finding another route to get it done is super. Lots of prayers that you can get your record taken care of and move out.
Leap of Faith Survivor
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((Amy)), not all doom and gloom....real life stuff is all, and we are here for you..
"That would be the ticket if you could manage to have that removed from your record, Amy...
Choosing to see you moved out, and into your own place!...holding you there in the light...
"That would be the ticket if you could manage to have that removed from your record, Amy...
Choosing to see you moved out, and into your own place!...holding you there in the light...
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
I learn SO much from your posts Amy, please never stop sharing your days with me.
As for today's reading, I am known for my honesty, at the expense sometimes of tact unfortunately. this thing between my {husband} and I is all the more difficult because I am faking it. I think I actually believed maybe the problem was all with me, and my recovery would help, so I was "faking it til I made it".
It would be hard to be real honest right now, so I just bide my time, try and keep peace for me and be peaceful to those in my life. Things will change when they change.
As for today's reading, I am known for my honesty, at the expense sometimes of tact unfortunately. this thing between my {husband} and I is all the more difficult because I am faking it. I think I actually believed maybe the problem was all with me, and my recovery would help, so I was "faking it til I made it".
It would be hard to be real honest right now, so I just bide my time, try and keep peace for me and be peaceful to those in my life. Things will change when they change.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 346
I found out last night that my daughter has been sober 9 days and is doing research on rehabs and has narrowed the search to three..
There was a time when I thought when this moment came that I would be relieved and excited....I am neither...but I am hopeful for her...
Grateful...what an interesting thought. I pondered over this a long time. I wondered how you could not be relived and excited that your daughter was getting help.
What does this mean exactly? Does it mean that when you detach with the codependant that you cease to "feel" for them? I understand that our happiness should not and can not lie with someone else's accomplishments...but I guess I'm not at the point yet where I wouldn't be relieved if my son got his life back in order. At what point does a parent detach enough to be content no matter what their codie does?
New territory for me. Thanks for the thought provoking post.
Hugs
Big:ghug3
There was a time when I thought when this moment came that I would be relieved and excited....I am neither...but I am hopeful for her...
Grateful...what an interesting thought. I pondered over this a long time. I wondered how you could not be relived and excited that your daughter was getting help.
What does this mean exactly? Does it mean that when you detach with the codependant that you cease to "feel" for them? I understand that our happiness should not and can not lie with someone else's accomplishments...but I guess I'm not at the point yet where I wouldn't be relieved if my son got his life back in order. At what point does a parent detach enough to be content no matter what their codie does?
New territory for me. Thanks for the thought provoking post.
Hugs
Big:ghug3
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