Codependency and Beyond Part 5
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
Great to be back with you guys, had a good visit with my Daughter. There were tense moments, but managed to stay in my own hoola-hoop. Sometimes it felt like a bomb might blow up anytime. what I mean is a major argument and hurt feelings between my H and daughter. That has happened many times in the past and it is so disheartening when that happens. My H has a problem with saying the wrong things and he can be hurtful. He did say things but just to me, but I kept my mouth shut to not make things worse. To be honest with you guys, sometimes I wonder why I put up with my H. He can be so negative and he complains alot. He has been sober for years, but doesn't work the program....sometimes he is just an idiot..Oh I guess I am venting here....besides all that I had a good weekend...lol
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((SG)) - I'm glad you had a good weekend, overall. Your H sounds a lot like my dad, and my dad has never drank more than a beer, occasionally! Dad says he has "the right to voice his opinion", no matter who he hurts. Since he will be 70 this year, I've given up trying to change him (that and a lot of codie work)...I just let him see how I do things.
((Lisa)) - codie boot camp...I love it!! The bad part is, I used to be able to just quit and get another job, too. That was back when I was a nurse, though. Things are a lot different, economy sucks, so it's not that easy. I just keep reminding myself that I am where I'm supposed to be, I am learning a valuable lesson and to "rise above" the BS. AND when all else fails, eat chocolate
One of our restaurant's specialties is milkshakes, so I was dipping into the candies that go into the milkshakes last night!
((Kendra)) - I don't care whether a break-up is my choice, his choice, or just a matter of growing apart, they all hurt (been through them all). The last thing I wanted to do was pick myself up and take care of me, but it WAS what helped me move forward. There were some early days when I did good to just get dressed and go to work..and that was okay. After I put a few days together, it got just a tiny bit easier. I didn't have SR, back then, but I'm sure it would have helped. Feel what you feel, and walk through it...we're here to walk with you.
((Tena)) ((Anna)) ((Grateful)) ((everyone else..you KNOW I'm old, blonde and forgetful ))
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
((Lisa)) - codie boot camp...I love it!! The bad part is, I used to be able to just quit and get another job, too. That was back when I was a nurse, though. Things are a lot different, economy sucks, so it's not that easy. I just keep reminding myself that I am where I'm supposed to be, I am learning a valuable lesson and to "rise above" the BS. AND when all else fails, eat chocolate
One of our restaurant's specialties is milkshakes, so I was dipping into the candies that go into the milkshakes last night!((Kendra)) - I don't care whether a break-up is my choice, his choice, or just a matter of growing apart, they all hurt (been through them all). The last thing I wanted to do was pick myself up and take care of me, but it WAS what helped me move forward. There were some early days when I did good to just get dressed and go to work..and that was okay. After I put a few days together, it got just a tiny bit easier. I didn't have SR, back then, but I'm sure it would have helped. Feel what you feel, and walk through it...we're here to walk with you.
((Tena)) ((Anna)) ((Grateful)) ((everyone else..you KNOW I'm old, blonde and forgetful
))Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Okay, another busy day....hopefully I will get back on track tomorrow with a much earlier posting..
(((Kendra))) I know you are having a difficult time right now...stick close to the thread and talk as much as you need to, okay...we are here for you...
Take really good care of yourself right now and get plenty of rest, lots of water and some stress vitamins...all the emotions you are going through can be very draining....and pm me anytime if you want to talk...you'll get through this...:ghug3 Grateful
SG
I am really glad for you...that it went well and you got to enjoy your visit with your daughter..and all from the safety of your own Hula Hoop....*****!
Amy, sorry to hear about the drug situation at work...
Hugs to everyone!
(((Kendra))) I know you are having a difficult time right now...stick close to the thread and talk as much as you need to, okay...we are here for you...
Take really good care of yourself right now and get plenty of rest, lots of water and some stress vitamins...all the emotions you are going through can be very draining....and pm me anytime if you want to talk...you'll get through this...:ghug3 Grateful
SG
I am really glad for you...that it went well and you got to enjoy your visit with your daughter..and all from the safety of your own Hula Hoop....*****!Amy, sorry to hear about the drug situation at work...
Hugs to everyone!
Last edited by grateful2b; 06-30-2009 at 02:17 PM.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Help!! Hahah. O.k., so the baby is home (maybe calling her that is a bad thing HA). She arrived Friday night. Saturday she talked to a waitress at a bar who said they might hire her. She has been chasing boys and playing video games since. . .
I cant do anything about the rent here, so I let that go *poof* there it goes.
She and I share a cell plan and car insurance. She wont be able to afford her portion this month, sooooo, I guess I need to find a way to split our coverages bleh.
Next issue (yup, its a me me me moment, sorry) This is just a rant, skip if your short on time=) My dad just bought my sister and my almost 2 year old nephew a house (he only has we 2 girls and is a millionaire many times over). he paid about $360k cash and put it in her name. It is suppose to be a loan, but neither have discussed any payment arrangements. I am ok with all of this.
After the offer was made, my sister refused to move in without new carpet, paint, tiles, hardwood floors. Her reasoning is that it was all too yukky for the baby to live in. I am at this point fighting a bit of envy, because as YOU all know, not everybody can afford to redecorate a house before moving in, but she is clueless. Somehow, while unemployed, she has been shopping for new beds sets, bath sets, furniture (used from craigslist), etc etc. Now she is pricing cable and internet to have installed, while she pays the sitter to watch my nephew.
I know, NONE of this has anything to do with me. I'm fighting a touch of jealousy. She is 10 years younger and has always been "the baby". Anyway, I think I am better just for ranting to you girls because as I typed I KNEW none of this belongs in mah hoop!
I cant do anything about the rent here, so I let that go *poof* there it goes.
She and I share a cell plan and car insurance. She wont be able to afford her portion this month, sooooo, I guess I need to find a way to split our coverages bleh.
Next issue (yup, its a me me me moment, sorry) This is just a rant, skip if your short on time=) My dad just bought my sister and my almost 2 year old nephew a house (he only has we 2 girls and is a millionaire many times over). he paid about $360k cash and put it in her name. It is suppose to be a loan, but neither have discussed any payment arrangements. I am ok with all of this.
After the offer was made, my sister refused to move in without new carpet, paint, tiles, hardwood floors. Her reasoning is that it was all too yukky for the baby to live in. I am at this point fighting a bit of envy, because as YOU all know, not everybody can afford to redecorate a house before moving in, but she is clueless. Somehow, while unemployed, she has been shopping for new beds sets, bath sets, furniture (used from craigslist), etc etc. Now she is pricing cable and internet to have installed, while she pays the sitter to watch my nephew.
I know, NONE of this has anything to do with me. I'm fighting a touch of jealousy. She is 10 years younger and has always been "the baby". Anyway, I think I am better just for ranting to you girls because as I typed I KNEW none of this belongs in mah hoop!
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
aww, thank you, Amy, for looking out for me
Yesterday and today have been busier than I am used to but a really 'good' busy...
Lisa, I think it is natural to feel a little envy...gee whiz...a 360k house and you are having to be concerned with rent and insurance payments...I know I would feel envious...sheesh....and you know... its not the emotion... but what you do with it that counts....
Yesterday and today have been busier than I am used to but a really 'good' busy...
Lisa, I think it is natural to feel a little envy...gee whiz...a 360k house and you are having to be concerned with rent and insurance payments...I know I would feel envious...sheesh....and you know... its not the emotion... but what you do with it that counts....
Last edited by grateful2b; 06-30-2009 at 02:26 PM.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie copyright 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
June 30
Accepting Change
One day my mother and I were working together in the garden. We were transplanting some plants for the third time. Grown from seed in a small container, the plants had been transferred to a large container, then transplanted into the garden. Now, because I was moving, we were transplanting them again.
Inexperienced as a gardener, I turned to my green-thumbed mother. "Isn't this bad for them?" I asked, as we dug them up and shook the dirt from their roots. "Won't it hurt these plants being uprooted and transplanted so many times?"
"Oh, no," my mother replied. "Transplanting doesn't hurt them. In fact, Its good for the ones that survive. That's how their roots grow strong. Their roots grow deep, and they'll make strong plants"
Often, I've felt like those small plants - uprooted and turned upside down. Sometimes, I've endured the change willingly, sometimes reluctantly, but usually my reaction has been a combination.
Won't this be hard on me? I ask. Wouldn't it be better if things remained the same? That's when I remember my mother's words: That's how the roots grow deep and strong.
Today, God, help me remember that during times of transition, my faith and my self are being strengthened.
June 30
Accepting Change
One day my mother and I were working together in the garden. We were transplanting some plants for the third time. Grown from seed in a small container, the plants had been transferred to a large container, then transplanted into the garden. Now, because I was moving, we were transplanting them again.
Inexperienced as a gardener, I turned to my green-thumbed mother. "Isn't this bad for them?" I asked, as we dug them up and shook the dirt from their roots. "Won't it hurt these plants being uprooted and transplanted so many times?"
"Oh, no," my mother replied. "Transplanting doesn't hurt them. In fact, Its good for the ones that survive. That's how their roots grow strong. Their roots grow deep, and they'll make strong plants"
Often, I've felt like those small plants - uprooted and turned upside down. Sometimes, I've endured the change willingly, sometimes reluctantly, but usually my reaction has been a combination.
Won't this be hard on me? I ask. Wouldn't it be better if things remained the same? That's when I remember my mother's words: That's how the roots grow deep and strong.
Today, God, help me remember that during times of transition, my faith and my self are being strengthened.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
!!! haha, I guess I better finish reading my codie book, I figure you guys would tell me it was none of my business<3 So what I do with the emotion, hmmm, well thus far I am just happy for her, and curious as to when the bubble will burst and she will realize stuff costs money
btw, just to be fair, my sister had the same job for ten years, and has been paying her own rent and taking care of her baby by herself. I was a single mom and know how hard that is. Shes not a moocher, which I guess is why this is kind of tripping me out. I think as long as dads wallet is open, she just wants to get as much stuff as she can?
btw, just to be fair, my sister had the same job for ten years, and has been paying her own rent and taking care of her baby by herself. I was a single mom and know how hard that is. Shes not a moocher, which I guess is why this is kind of tripping me out. I think as long as dads wallet is open, she just wants to get as much stuff as she can?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Livingroom
Posts: 323
Lisa, I always had a hard time with working my butt off just to make ends meet... while others just have it given to them...... But on the other side of that... I have met some real brat adults who was given everything and they think life owes them something and never seem to be happy....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Livingroom
Posts: 323
Lisa, I always had a hard time with working my butt off just to make ends meet... while others just have it given to them...... But on the other side of that... I have met some real brat adults who was given everything and they think life owes them something and never seem to be happy....
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie copyright 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
July 1
Receiving
Here is an exercise:
Today, let someone give to you. Let someone do something nice for you. Let someone give you a compliment or tell you something good about yourself. Let someone help you.
Then, stand there and take it. Take it in. Feel it. Know that you are worthy and deserving. Do not apologize. Do not say, "You shouldn't have." Do not feel guilty, afraid, ashamed, and panicky. Do not immediately try to give something back.
Just say: "Thank you"
Today, I will let myself receive one thing from someone else, and I will let myself be comfortable with that.
July 1
Receiving
Here is an exercise:
Today, let someone give to you. Let someone do something nice for you. Let someone give you a compliment or tell you something good about yourself. Let someone help you.
Then, stand there and take it. Take it in. Feel it. Know that you are worthy and deserving. Do not apologize. Do not say, "You shouldn't have." Do not feel guilty, afraid, ashamed, and panicky. Do not immediately try to give something back.
Just say: "Thank you"
Today, I will let myself receive one thing from someone else, and I will let myself be comfortable with that.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
((Live))I feel the same way, I don't want anymore drama in my life either, if others want to live that way that's their choice and I don't have to be part of it. I just crave for peacefullness.
((Amy)) I am glad for you that you are able to accept your Dad the way he is, you must have learned not to take what he says personally.
((Codie & Grateful)) thanks
((Lisa)) I'm sure I would feel the same way as you, we are allowed to have our feelings..
((Amy)) I am glad for you that you are able to accept your Dad the way he is, you must have learned not to take what he says personally.
((Codie & Grateful)) thanks
((Lisa)) I'm sure I would feel the same way as you, we are allowed to have our feelings..
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I have decided to take the day off, and spend it cleaning my room. I figure if I can make my room into a nice little haven for me and the cats, it will make me feel a lot less stressed (right now it's a mess!!!)
I WAS doing really well...now Mots and Elvis have decided it's nap time and one is all curled up next to me, the other ON me. I suppose a little break wouldn't hurt. I'll use the time to check out the want ads again.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I WAS doing really well...now Mots and Elvis have decided it's nap time and one is all curled up next to me, the other ON me. I suppose a little break wouldn't hurt. I'll use the time to check out the want ads again.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 29
what do you want from him? do you want him to change? does SABF= substance abuser bf? anyhow, having dated for way too long, i have realized that ppl don;t change that much, so you have to take them as they are. if you don;t like who he is or what he is doing or that this is repeated behavior where you are disrespected all the time....you may have to cut your losses.
if he is loaded or drunk or whatever, obviously now is not the time to talk. unpulug the phone, and have a nice quiet evening to yourself. talk when he is reasonable and rational and sober. if you explain your position/why he is hurting you/etc. and ask him not to lie to you,...and he continues the behavior, i would leave. but, that is me. i need to be in a relationship based on mutual respect and trust. if those are not present, then i am just in a hurtful situation, which is not acceptable.
good luck love!
if he is loaded or drunk or whatever, obviously now is not the time to talk. unpulug the phone, and have a nice quiet evening to yourself. talk when he is reasonable and rational and sober. if you explain your position/why he is hurting you/etc. and ask him not to lie to you,...and he continues the behavior, i would leave. but, that is me. i need to be in a relationship based on mutual respect and trust. if those are not present, then i am just in a hurtful situation, which is not acceptable.
good luck love!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Here's another Ralph Marston I thought you all might enjoy:
THE DAILY MOTIVATOR
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Now you must
+++++++++++++++++++
Stop telling yourself why you cannot do it and start
reminding yourself why you must. When you have a strong
enough reason why, you'll get it done.
It can be all too easy to come up with excuses. And it can
be all too easy to let those excuses stop you in your
tracks.
Yet you can also very easily let go of those excuses. Though
they may sound impressive, they are no longer valid for you.
Because as of now, you have chosen to move forward. As of
this moment, you have reconnected with your purpose and
you're clear about why you must.
Effort, as difficult as it may be, is a joy when there's a
good, solid, meaningful reason behind it. On this very day,
you can experience that joy.
Get up, get going, and thoroughly enjoy the process of
achievement. Remember why you must, and get it done.
Ralph Marston
THE DAILY MOTIVATOR
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Now you must
+++++++++++++++++++
Stop telling yourself why you cannot do it and start
reminding yourself why you must. When you have a strong
enough reason why, you'll get it done.
It can be all too easy to come up with excuses. And it can
be all too easy to let those excuses stop you in your
tracks.
Yet you can also very easily let go of those excuses. Though
they may sound impressive, they are no longer valid for you.
Because as of now, you have chosen to move forward. As of
this moment, you have reconnected with your purpose and
you're clear about why you must.
Effort, as difficult as it may be, is a joy when there's a
good, solid, meaningful reason behind it. On this very day,
you can experience that joy.
Get up, get going, and thoroughly enjoy the process of
achievement. Remember why you must, and get it done.
Ralph Marston
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I just got an intersting call from work. It seems that one of the girls who has caused me problems is also causing THEM problems. One mg has told me it was only a matter of time until they had enough justified reasons to fire her.
Now they want me to cover the one shift when she closes. I told him "sorry, can't do it as I have another job". I am not going to rescue them, any more, when shifts aren't covered because they've scheduled people who don't want to work - especially people who have been giving me fits and they don't back me up as a supervisor in conflicts with these people.
It felt good to know I didn't have to worry about who's going to cover the shift...not my problem!
I looked at the calendar last night, and realized I could take off today, too I am still working on my room. Didn't get as much done, yesterday, as I wanted because Elvis and Mots decided to stick like glue to me, and I couldn't move without at least one cat fussing at me. Hopefully, today I'll make more progress.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Now they want me to cover the one shift when she closes. I told him "sorry, can't do it as I have another job". I am not going to rescue them, any more, when shifts aren't covered because they've scheduled people who don't want to work - especially people who have been giving me fits and they don't back me up as a supervisor in conflicts with these people.
It felt good to know I didn't have to worry about who's going to cover the shift...not my problem!
I looked at the calendar last night, and realized I could take off today, too
I am still working on my room. Didn't get as much done, yesterday, as I wanted because Elvis and Mots decided to stick like glue to me, and I couldn't move without at least one cat fussing at me. Hopefully, today I'll make more progress.Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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